hi. i dont post very often but am not really new. haven't been on in awhile tho.

and, YES!!!! I have the exact same issues with my therapist! I am SOOOOOOOO afraid he wishes I would go away and leave him alone! but I keep going back and back. I dnt even know why. I dont know if any progress is being made or not. I am scared to tell him about it to. it's like I have all these feelings but I cant really identify them and so I just go blank.

Anybody have any advice?????

hi teta and welcome!
i really hate to admit it but there were lots of times when i felt 'afraid' too, when my T reminded me of someone from the past and it was so hard to shake off that feeling. normally what helped me was when i talked about those feelings with her. you said you talked about it twice and it helped, maybe you have to keep doing it? i've talked about it over and over and actually it's just as important (if not more) than talking about your past, because how you feel in the present is what helps you move forward. hope that makes sense.

you said you lie on the couch - does that mean you don't sit face to face? wow, i would find that so scary, not seeing his reaction. sorry, i don't mean to make it harder for you by mentioning this...

hi jane, nice to meet you too. sorry to hear its so hard. maybe the progress is slow but it is there, otherwise you wouldn't keep going back...? once when i told my T that i don't think she cares and doesn't want me around, she said that she thinks that I do know that she cares and is helping me, she said that i 'feel' it, otherwise I wouldn't have kept coming for so long... even though it was hard, subconciously i knew it was helping me.

Teta
I actually went to my T and told him how I get so scared/anxious about my sessions with him yesterday. He didn't seem surprised and he gave me (futher) instructions on NOT SECOND GUESSING MYSELF. He said to keep working on the exercises he has given me like the counter thinking exercises. He said that I know the stuff intellectually, and that with more work and "practice," my automatic thoughts will eventually line up with what my brain already KNOWS, just doesn't necessarily FEEL yet.

Puppet,
Thanks so much for the comments. And, yes. I DO know the therapy is working. I guess I just want a quick fix, or better yet, a MIRACLE CURE!! It's not like going to the doctor to get a week's worth of antibiotics and then you're done with it---UNFORTUNATELY. Sometimes it just gets SO EXHAUSTING. But I have actually come a long way. Thanks for the encouragement!

Sometimes I feel like you Teta, and get worried my T will fall out of his chair into a coma from boredom, but so far he has stayed conscious with me (although sometimes his eyes do look a little glazed )

Teta Katerina welcome to the forum!

Funnily enough while you were posting your thread, I was having big problems in my last session with new T about exactly that, the beginning of sessions. My T isn’t exactly falling over himself with friendly smiles and welcoming words - he seems to have a set phrase - hello come on inside - or something like that duh I can’t actually remember! But then I knock on his door and he comes out to let me in, so it’s a bit different from your situation.

In previous therapy I’ve often found myself wishing that the T would be more welcoming, would at least give me a warm smile to make me feel that he/she actually is pleased to see me, instead of making me feel as if I’m something that has just crawled out from under a stone. So I think I get why you feel that his apparent coldness indicates that he is somehow disgusted by you. It must be SO hard not to be able to see his face while you are talking. Are you able (or would you want to even) ask him to sit face to face? Or is he strictly a ‘lying on the couch’ psychoanalyst?

I’ve had one experience (unfortunately pretty horrendous) with a psychoanalyst who insisted I lie on the couch or she wouldn’t deal with me. I found it too difficult and didn’t stick around for very long, so I admire you for being able to do that.

How do you feel about your therapy as a whole? Do you think he is helping you or that you could get somewhere? If you’ve had at least one good session, that sounds pretty promising. I think you’ll find that the general ‘advice’ on here is usually to keep being as open and honest as you are able, that’s the way to get more out of therapy. Unfortunately that seems to involve taking big risks - damn why isn’t therapy a nice comforting pleasant experience .

Good luck with talking to him about this all Teta - let us know how you get on.

LL

Hi Teta- and welcome to the forum. I`m a newbie myself (at least i still feel like one) here. I`m not a very well- english speaker either- but this forum is for people like us as well

I`m glad you posted- i understand and relate to you frustration over the setting and "cold" method. It took me a long time to get safe enough to lie down on my Psychotherapist`s couch (it IS a voulnerable and scary thing not being able to "controll" the situation- and it demands a sertain self-security and trust in the relation to manage that part i think- so all creds to you for doing that! I still need to sit up sometimes- need to se my T`s face to feel safe enough..)

The "hello- and good bye"- part in Therapy is the weirdest thing.. Somehow unatural- my T is also pretty neutral in his voice when welcoming me- and when i am about to leave- i always have to say the "good bye" first- actually i dont know if he would have said a word, unless i spoke first...hm.. have to try that out sometime..

I dont think (retty sure actually) you have any reason to think (but i know its very common) your T wants you "out" of there- its really just the nature of the psychotherapy-method to talk like that.. Its so confusing and yes- scary as you said, the start- and end "smalltalk" - especially after having just opened up and talked about such deep and private stuff and shared those intimate things with your T- and then all of a sudden that "cold" neutral "good bye"-tone.. Yeah. I always feel strucked by this "brutality" of the therapy. But i hope you know its not gonna feel like this forever! Like everything, you get used to it and the burdening thoughts (like your self-critisism) will disappear and you`ll learn to understand that the so called "cold tone" got nothing to do with you..
Keep talking about it with your T Teta- as you said you felt better while doing the two times, tell your T the same as you wrote in here! If your T is a good T he will (not change the way he says good-bye) welcome your fear and help you to feel safer and less self-critical and self-judging.

I dont have much time now, i just wanted to let you know this is a common and normal reaction and you are NOT alone having these fears..

Good luck next time- let us know how you do
All the best to you!

Teta I would be terrified too if T spoke in such a cold dismissing tone to me - it’s not a little thing at all - in the sense that in fact it’s the ‘little’ things that have the greatest impact on us. I am still stuck on a comment my new T made a couple of sessions ago - that’s sitting at the back of my head making me feel very wary and very distrustful, and it was just a throwaway comment, something he said almost in passing.

But I really relate to your T’s initial greeting being so offputting - I’ve just spent hours (days!) agonizing over the way my T starts the session - it’s really bringing up all sorts of bad things for me - and it sounds like the way your T speaks to you at the beginning and end of sessions is having the same sort of effect.

I hope you can get some comfort or reassurance in your next session. I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes.

LL

Teta

I agree I would find it hard if my T spoke to me in a cold or dismissing tone...think it would trigger me and I'd want to leave. No - I know I'd want to leave.

frog

Yep, that would knock my confidence too - does it scare you a bit when he speaks in that tone?? Therapists are meant to be encouraging - not the opposite!... but it sounds like he does it to everybody, if that's any consolation!! I think it's difficult to compare how our different Ts are, they all have their own models, boundaries and ways and would probably be able to argue each convincingly. My T is probably at the other end of the scale, she always welcomes me with a smile that helps to put me at ease, but knows I am easily frightened off She will also give me a hug at the end of our session, that gives me a bit of inner strength to carry on knowing that someone knows my struggles. But that's just what I am used to and works for me....frog, your therapist would probably be horrified!!! Like LL I look forward to hearing how it goes,

starfish

Teta I’m so glad you had a good session and that (for the moment anyway ) you aren’t so afraid of him.

I’m curious still about this lying on the couch aspect of therapy. Does your T not work with transference? (I am just guessing here, I assumed that all psychoanalysts worked with transference, but I don’t really know.) If he does, are you able to explain how it’s better not seeing his face? I’m asking because my new T has indicated that he’d actually prefer me to lie on the couch (something I am in NO way willing to do) but I was interested in finding out what the advantages of it might be?

Don’t answer if this is too pushy, I’m always asking nosey questions so don’t feel obligated to answer.

LL

Hi Teta! Just wanted to say welcome to the forums! Good to have you here!

Peace,
SG

Hello again Teta thanks for answering. Lol sorry you had to struggle to read that other thread - mostly I was doing a lot of venting on it and being extremely confused.

I’m not really sure why I don’t like the idea of lying on a psychoanalyst’s couch - lots of vague reasons such as - it’s far too vulnerable a position to be in, it reinforces the imbalance of power in the relationship, it makes me feel watched and monitored without my being able to see the watcher, and most of all I think there’s a very scary sexual element to it (note this is all my fears and worries about it.)

I did see a psychoanalyst once before and she forced me to use the couch or she wouldn’t see me (and she wasn’t my choice of therapist either, this was through a hospital dictate.) The whole experience was so damaging that it really influenced me for years - this is the first time I’ve chosen to see a therapist who is analytic and it’s all VERY different from the kind of therapy I’ve been used to. Which is why I keep asking so many questions

So it’s really good to hear about your views and experiences of your therapy. Hope you post more soon.

LL

Hi

I think I'd find it almost impossible to lie on a couch with a stranger nearby if I was just starting out in T. I know that the stranger would be a trained and recognised person...but it would be way to triggering for me. It took me years to gain trust, I think like LL I would feel very vulnerable - physically and emotionally.

Now it might be ok, I have that trust with my T, but would much rather be upright and both coming from the same place ie both on chairs. Also would be at high risk of falling asleep when I dissociated if I lay down Anybody here with CSA issues have therapy lying on a couch?

Can you sit up on the couch if you want to? I know frog, you said that you sometimes need to sit up? Is that ok - for you/for him? Just curious Would he ever ask you to lie back down for example??

Interesting thread, thanks teta,

starfish

For me this topics has actually been a major thing in thrapy. I think i can recall the first sesssion and me saying to my T: "I DONT WANNA LIE DOWN TALKING TO A ROOF- I WANNA TALK TO A FACE!"
He respected my wish and we explored it for a while (why the fear of lying down stuff) and suddently one day/session i came into the office sat in the chair as usual and said- "i wanna try it. I wanna lie down on that thing!"

My T was very surprised (en glad i think!)and started to fix the divan (moving the pillows and some books and so on). so, i lyied down and i felt overwhelmed and scared. Yet- from that session i sometimes chose to lye down instead of sit up. For me its totally up to me to decide, my T never gives me any hints wether i should lie down or not. Starfish: I never sit up on the couch- and you know- its more like a divan (bed). I know my T wouldn`t mind, but thats just unatural. I sit in the chair or i lie down. (haha- 2, 3 times i`ve been sitting on the floor as well! ) No, he never tells me to lie back down or any sorts of instructions. Its all up to me. (wich has frustratied me A LOT btw!)

Its really like Teta says- by lying down i more easaly focus on my self, manage to get deeper in my toughts and my assosiations "flows" better. Yes- i NEED to sit up sometimes because I need to SEE my T`s face soemtimes. Especially if theres going to be a vacation or just a long time until the next appt.

For me its always a choice between to goods: I "work" better as i lie down, but on the other hand i cant seem to "get enough" watching my T`s face. Even though it makes me more uptite and nervous... Hm..just that i would give anything to see my T`s smiles sometimes..

Hi, Teta Katarena, and welcome...that's a pretty name. I too have struggled with fear of my T, but it has lessened somewhat, since he started to smile a bit more at me, and feel kinder. Now, though I always wonder "is that smile genuine?" since I told him I like his smile. I can't really add much else to this discussion, as I am sitting always in my own uncomfortable chair during T(would much prefer to sit on the floor, too, if it was in an office) but I can't because we are on computer always, ugh. I think I would probably croak if I ever saw my T in person, the fear or shyness or whatever it is, would be back tenfold. Wow, I think you are very brave to stick with it! good for you! All the best to you and nice to have you here!

BB

Hi, Teta...that is funny about how you did get such a pretty name! (You do not sound very cranky, here at least!)

How is it going...have you had another session yet? Yes my situation is a bit odd, I guess. I am not sure about it...sometimes I think I was just supposed to be in short-term counseling with him, a few phone sessions, or something, for a few months, maybe, or a year at most. Now he says a longer term course can be beneficial for me. I'm not sure if that is usual over the computer, or if they normally refer the client elsewhere if that happens. But I am glad he will still work with me! Right now I think I am headed for a break.

How are things going with you?

BB

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Sorry Teta...your thread was the only place I could do it! Hugs for you too! (((((Teta)))))

BB