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If I'm not feeling well, and clearly not up to a session, my T will sometimes say we can cut this short if you dont feel up to it, and he wont charge me. Not like he is kicking me out, but just that I'm not going to benefit from it,
however, I could just sit there with him and benefit from it without saying anything, but thats a little weird. He will usually invite me back a couple days later when I'm up to it.
I wouldn't feel like you are getting kicked out.
however, I could just sit there with him and benefit from it without saying anything, but thats a little weird. He will usually invite me back a couple days later when I'm up to it.
I wouldn't feel like you are getting kicked out.
so sorry echo, that it went just like that... short ...and quiet on top of that.
I don't know if he is a good or bad therapist, but I suppose it would be much easier if you could stick to ONE therapy and didn't have to look for another therapy to deal with THAT therapy. I really hope that the other therapist that you are seeing will help you out because I remember quite well what is it like to love somebody hopelessly.
I think I would feel like I'm being kicked out, however maybe he thought you are feeling really uncomfortable being there, maybe he thought you actually don't feel like being there today. So it does not necessary mean he wanted to kick you out. What do you think his reaction would be if you said "please don't kick me out"? Unfortunately they don't always see... or maybe they rearly see what we need if we don't say it out loud.
I don't know how good my T is (he definitely didn't impress me today and I need to have another talk about it), but he doesn't mind me being silent. We spent one session hardly saying anything, he just let me stare at him. I sometimes have shitty sessions when I do not quite know what to talk about (although there is plenty of things I want and need to tell him) and he doesn't try to drag anything out of me. Just being there with him means so much, and I do defenitely benefit from it. I does give less fuel than the productive session, but it gives some.
I don't know if he is a good or bad therapist, but I suppose it would be much easier if you could stick to ONE therapy and didn't have to look for another therapy to deal with THAT therapy. I really hope that the other therapist that you are seeing will help you out because I remember quite well what is it like to love somebody hopelessly.
I think I would feel like I'm being kicked out, however maybe he thought you are feeling really uncomfortable being there, maybe he thought you actually don't feel like being there today. So it does not necessary mean he wanted to kick you out. What do you think his reaction would be if you said "please don't kick me out"? Unfortunately they don't always see... or maybe they rearly see what we need if we don't say it out loud.
I don't know how good my T is (he definitely didn't impress me today and I need to have another talk about it), but he doesn't mind me being silent. We spent one session hardly saying anything, he just let me stare at him. I sometimes have shitty sessions when I do not quite know what to talk about (although there is plenty of things I want and need to tell him) and he doesn't try to drag anything out of me. Just being there with him means so much, and I do defenitely benefit from it. I does give less fuel than the productive session, but it gives some.
Echo, My heart aches for you. It must feel terrible after the build up of waiting weeks to see him and you have so much you want to say only to get there and be unable to get it out. The fact that you have to wait a month until your next appointment makes it even more difficult. For what it's worth, I agree that he was most likely not kicking you out, but was assuming instead that you might not be up for it today. My therapist raised the option of ending a session early once, but she did make it clear that it was my choice. It would be so nice if they could know exactly what we want and/or need - if they could only read our minds. Unfortunately, they only know if we tell them. I HATE that! 
I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad and lonely - so difficult to sit with that. I'm not sure if you are thinking about talking to him about your feelings toward him, but could you call him and ask for an earlier session?
I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad and lonely - so difficult to sit with that. I'm not sure if you are thinking about talking to him about your feelings toward him, but could you call him and ask for an earlier session?
Hi Echo,
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, I can certainly understand your frustration and I know how painful these feelings can be to deal with. It's only happened to me once that a T ended a session early. It was a T I saw for around five sessions when I was trying to run away from my present T.
I definitely don't think he was trying to get rid of you. I think that for some Ts its about not pathologizing, so if on a given day you don't have much to talk about, then their reaction is essentially why continue to hang out? I think where you're having difficulty is that your T is not picking up on the fact that you're not talking isn't for lack of things to speak about, but you're fear of speaking.
My T has a philosophy of being very open to his patients and where they're at. We were recently talking about his ability to just be with someone where they're at and how important it was to me because he let me figure out who I was and didn't think he had all the answers. We were very much in tune and he musingly told me that he had one patient that didn't speak for a year!
I was like, a year? And he shook his head, grinned and said "a whole damn year, she'd come in, we'd say hi, how are you and she'd sit in silence through the rest of the session." So he definitely takes a different approach. 
May I suggest something that you may or may not feel ready to do? Is it possible for you to communicate with him by email or mail? What I would suggest would be calling and getting another appt before a month goes by (sometimes going while you're in a lot of pain helps,because you feel kind of desperate) but ahead of the appointment, send him a note that you really NEED to discuss something very uncomfortable for you that you're scared to talk about because you're scared that it will damage the relationship or get you sent away and you need his reassurance both to help you feel safe and to speak. That way you're committed beforehand, but more importantly, your T will be aware of your need to speak but how scary it is. I do know that what I'm saying sounds absolutely terrifying but it's probably better than staying in the pain you're in. I used this method once after spending five sessions trying to ask my T the same question (Do you like me?
).
BTW, I laughed when you made the comment about needing to go to therapy for therapy. The first time I told my T that I was attracted to him, he complimented on coming to him and telling how I felt and when I said it was really scary, he told me he had a patient once who left him, went to another therapist, and then came back to see him and tell him how she felt at the second therapist's urging. So, seriously, people do that!
And I hear that you're worried about making him uncomfortable but it's his responsibility to deal with any feelings invoked in sessions. Your session is about your feelings, you don't need to worry about him (I know, trust me I know it's easier said than done, but therapy is a good place to start practicing putting yourself first sometimes.)
AG
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, I can certainly understand your frustration and I know how painful these feelings can be to deal with. It's only happened to me once that a T ended a session early. It was a T I saw for around five sessions when I was trying to run away from my present T.
I definitely don't think he was trying to get rid of you. I think that for some Ts its about not pathologizing, so if on a given day you don't have much to talk about, then their reaction is essentially why continue to hang out? I think where you're having difficulty is that your T is not picking up on the fact that you're not talking isn't for lack of things to speak about, but you're fear of speaking.My T has a philosophy of being very open to his patients and where they're at. We were recently talking about his ability to just be with someone where they're at and how important it was to me because he let me figure out who I was and didn't think he had all the answers. We were very much in tune and he musingly told me that he had one patient that didn't speak for a year!
I was like, a year? And he shook his head, grinned and said "a whole damn year, she'd come in, we'd say hi, how are you and she'd sit in silence through the rest of the session." So he definitely takes a different approach. May I suggest something that you may or may not feel ready to do? Is it possible for you to communicate with him by email or mail? What I would suggest would be calling and getting another appt before a month goes by (sometimes going while you're in a lot of pain helps,because you feel kind of desperate) but ahead of the appointment, send him a note that you really NEED to discuss something very uncomfortable for you that you're scared to talk about because you're scared that it will damage the relationship or get you sent away and you need his reassurance both to help you feel safe and to speak. That way you're committed beforehand, but more importantly, your T will be aware of your need to speak but how scary it is. I do know that what I'm saying sounds absolutely terrifying but it's probably better than staying in the pain you're in. I used this method once after spending five sessions trying to ask my T the same question (Do you like me?
). BTW, I laughed when you made the comment about needing to go to therapy for therapy. The first time I told my T that I was attracted to him, he complimented on coming to him and telling how I felt and when I said it was really scary, he told me he had a patient once who left him, went to another therapist, and then came back to see him and tell him how she felt at the second therapist's urging. So, seriously, people do that!
And I hear that you're worried about making him uncomfortable but it's his responsibility to deal with any feelings invoked in sessions. Your session is about your feelings, you don't need to worry about him (I know, trust me I know it's easier said than done, but therapy is a good place to start practicing putting yourself first sometimes.)
AG
{{{{{echo}}}}}
I'm so sorry, echo. This only happened to me once, and it was a very different scenario, not a "quiet" session...but still, it hurt my feelings when he said it, and I left the session feeling very sad and disappointed. IMO, this is one of the things T's should never say. Unless, maybe, if the fire alarm is going off. And even then, they should offer to continue the session at a safe distance from the flames, at a discreet distance from the crowd. In other words, it is probably safe for them to assume that if we show up, we really want to be there. Even if mum's the word, it's going to disappoint us much more to be handed our hat. 
Do you think your P gets uncomfortable when no one is talking for a few moments? A lot of people, non-P's/T's included, feel this way. The T I have now said she used to feel like she had to "fix" something when the conversation stalled. But now she is really okay with stretches of silence in the conversation because she has found the therapy works better that way. And I'm really glad, because I have a lot of silences. Her waiting for me took some getting used to. The quiet spaces in my sessions probably only last 1-2 minutes (but it feels more like 5-10 
). Sometimes she'll ask me "where I went" just then. Or she tells me what she saw in my face as we were sitting there. Or she picks up a thread from the conversation we were having before the silence and makes another comment or two, as a way to gently prod me to keep going. I very much appreciate that she does this, because I definitely don't want to leave. There is definitely plenty I want to say. I just get "stuck" sometimes.
I agree with AG that it sounds like your P just wasn't picking up on your fear (even though, if you are like me, it seems obvious ). So I hope you can ask for another session sooner than a month away, and get the chance to "say what you need to say", as the song goes.
SG
I'm so sorry, echo. This only happened to me once, and it was a very different scenario, not a "quiet" session...but still, it hurt my feelings when he said it, and I left the session feeling very sad and disappointed. IMO, this is one of the things T's should never say. Unless, maybe, if the fire alarm is going off. And even then, they should offer to continue the session at a safe distance from the flames, at a discreet distance from the crowd.
In other words, it is probably safe for them to assume that if we show up, we really want to be there. Even if mum's the word, it's going to disappoint us much more to be handed our hat. Do you think your P gets uncomfortable when no one is talking for a few moments? A lot of people, non-P's/T's included, feel this way. The T I have now said she used to feel like she had to "fix" something when the conversation stalled. But now she is really okay with stretches of silence in the conversation because she has found the therapy works better that way. And I'm really glad, because I have a lot of silences.
Her waiting for me took some getting used to. The quiet spaces in my sessions probably only last 1-2 minutes (but it feels more like 5-10 ). Sometimes she'll ask me "where I went" just then. Or she tells me what she saw in my face as we were sitting there. Or she picks up a thread from the conversation we were having before the silence and makes another comment or two, as a way to gently prod me to keep going. I very much appreciate that she does this, because I definitely don't want to leave. There is definitely plenty I want to say. I just get "stuck" sometimes. I agree with AG that it sounds like your P just wasn't picking up on your fear (even though, if you are like me, it seems obvious
). So I hope you can ask for another session sooner than a month away, and get the chance to "say what you need to say", as the song goes. SG