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Hello UV - I’m sorry you’re going through a really painful and confusing time with your T, so out of the blue too.
Here’s how I’d interpret his comments about not going through the past so much, and putting himself into supportive mode, if they’d been said to me. Talking about the past can be a way of actually avoiding strong and painful feelings (kind of boxes them up and keeps them confined to the ‘past’ in a rather detached more easy to control way) and that by going the psychoanalytic route of interpreting things this can keep things on too much of an intellectual level (I know from reading your posts that you are very insightful about your own set up and processes and maybe continuing to look at the past from a psychoanalytic perspective just reinforces the intellectualisation of experience?) By talking about supportive mode I’d interpret that to mean that he is more concerned about getting you to express how you feel right now, and wants to provide a more accepting supportive environment to make it safer for you to go with what you feel in the moment.
Ok having said all that it’s all very well having someone be supportive and caring but if they stop actively directing and guiding you to look at how you feel in the moment, relying instead on you to monitor and express what you’re feeling then that can lead to quite an impasse (does for me anyway.)
On the whole I would be doubtful that he’s telling you psychoanalytic therapy isn’t for you - it sounds much more like you’ve heard his words, related them to the fact of not having done very much in depth stuff the last couple of sessions and experienced him as saying he can’t work meaningfully with you in the way you have come to expect in terms of his therapeutic approach (translated as: I’m unfixable, even this experienced guy now believes he can’t help me!)
I hear what you say about having had supportive empathic therapy before and it hasn’t worked - but maybe a psychodynamic psychotherapist who ALSO incorporates a more emotionally supportive element into the therapy might actually be quite helpful to you? I’m wondering why you are suddenly thinking of finding another therapist especially when you’ve established such a good relationship with your current T? Wouldn’t it be worth rather speaking to him about all the feelings and fears that his words have brought up in you? At least to confront him on what exactly he means?
These are just my immediate thoughts on reading your post - they’re obviously guesswork, and are probably totally off the wall - but the way you describe how he’s been the last session does sound really confusing, he’s not being terribly clear about what he means nor is he relating his sudden flip flop to what you’re (clearly!) explaining about what your needs are. I’m sorry you’ve got the whole weekend in which to be anxious about this - it really would be a good idea to speak to him as soon as you can to clarify what’s going on - do you think you could be ‘pushy’ enough to call him before Monday?
UV you’ve got such a good relationship with this guy, it would really be worth it to hammer out with him all these things that are throwing you into a loop - getting these confusing things sorted (even if you have to be confrontational!) may just be the impetus the relationship needs to take you further into your healing.
Thinking of you ((((( UV )))))
LL
Here’s how I’d interpret his comments about not going through the past so much, and putting himself into supportive mode, if they’d been said to me. Talking about the past can be a way of actually avoiding strong and painful feelings (kind of boxes them up and keeps them confined to the ‘past’ in a rather detached more easy to control way) and that by going the psychoanalytic route of interpreting things this can keep things on too much of an intellectual level (I know from reading your posts that you are very insightful about your own set up and processes and maybe continuing to look at the past from a psychoanalytic perspective just reinforces the intellectualisation of experience?) By talking about supportive mode I’d interpret that to mean that he is more concerned about getting you to express how you feel right now, and wants to provide a more accepting supportive environment to make it safer for you to go with what you feel in the moment.
Ok having said all that it’s all very well having someone be supportive and caring but if they stop actively directing and guiding you to look at how you feel in the moment, relying instead on you to monitor and express what you’re feeling then that can lead to quite an impasse (does for me anyway.)
On the whole I would be doubtful that he’s telling you psychoanalytic therapy isn’t for you - it sounds much more like you’ve heard his words, related them to the fact of not having done very much in depth stuff the last couple of sessions and experienced him as saying he can’t work meaningfully with you in the way you have come to expect in terms of his therapeutic approach (translated as: I’m unfixable, even this experienced guy now believes he can’t help me!)
I hear what you say about having had supportive empathic therapy before and it hasn’t worked - but maybe a psychodynamic psychotherapist who ALSO incorporates a more emotionally supportive element into the therapy might actually be quite helpful to you? I’m wondering why you are suddenly thinking of finding another therapist especially when you’ve established such a good relationship with your current T? Wouldn’t it be worth rather speaking to him about all the feelings and fears that his words have brought up in you? At least to confront him on what exactly he means?
These are just my immediate thoughts on reading your post - they’re obviously guesswork, and are probably totally off the wall - but the way you describe how he’s been the last session does sound really confusing, he’s not being terribly clear about what he means nor is he relating his sudden flip flop to what you’re (clearly!) explaining about what your needs are. I’m sorry you’ve got the whole weekend in which to be anxious about this - it really would be a good idea to speak to him as soon as you can to clarify what’s going on - do you think you could be ‘pushy’ enough to call him before Monday?
UV you’ve got such a good relationship with this guy, it would really be worth it to hammer out with him all these things that are throwing you into a loop - getting these confusing things sorted (even if you have to be confrontational!) may just be the impetus the relationship needs to take you further into your healing.
Thinking of you ((((( UV )))))
LL
Hey UV,
It's hard to say like this, but maybe your T was trying to counteract some inefficiencies from the past couple of session by suggesting a different approach ?
Intellectualizing is a bit of an enemy in psychoanalysis... It tends to taint the actual analysis in a way.
Also, patients sometime come short of substance to analyse making the process somewhat ineffective. What I mean is that after a while, it takes time for new thoughts to appear and during that 'state', the process may become stagnant. 'It seems' your T is trying to be pragmatic by attempting to try different methods. Like he's trying to stay on top of it. This could be an alternative to 'taking a break from therapy'.
I also think your reaction is interesting and should be explored. I'd suggest you tell him the main points expressed in your post: The fact that you're feeling angy/frustated, that analysis under his supervision has brought you some relief and benefit, that the alternatives he suggested were not to your 'taste', etc...
I would not start looking for another T or even think about it yet.
Keep in mind that 1: This is just my opinion. 2: I am not trying to defend your T, I think you're doing the right thing by questioning his suggestion and it's not an easy thing to do.
It's hard to say like this, but maybe your T was trying to counteract some inefficiencies from the past couple of session by suggesting a different approach ?
Intellectualizing is a bit of an enemy in psychoanalysis... It tends to taint the actual analysis in a way.
Also, patients sometime come short of substance to analyse making the process somewhat ineffective. What I mean is that after a while, it takes time for new thoughts to appear and during that 'state', the process may become stagnant. 'It seems' your T is trying to be pragmatic by attempting to try different methods. Like he's trying to stay on top of it. This could be an alternative to 'taking a break from therapy'.
I also think your reaction is interesting and should be explored. I'd suggest you tell him the main points expressed in your post: The fact that you're feeling angy/frustated, that analysis under his supervision has brought you some relief and benefit, that the alternatives he suggested were not to your 'taste', etc...
I would not start looking for another T or even think about it yet.
Keep in mind that 1: This is just my opinion. 2: I am not trying to defend your T, I think you're doing the right thing by questioning his suggestion and it's not an easy thing to do.
wow, uv. that is confusing. there were many points made that i think could have value. i do agree that sometimes they can see stuff in what 'appears' to be chit chat, that gets us a bit more spontaneous, and will reveal a 'here and now' attitude that should be explored. i recall that happening often with t1, and he would stop me and say, 'hey, listen to what you just said, that was a healthy comment' type stuff. generally positive, but would sometimes recognize 'fortune telling' assumptions i was unaware of.
two, the suitability to p-a, i don't know quite what that means, but i would suspect that intelligence is important to be able to digest the insight they find, so, sometimes 'intellectualizing' may be the digesting of info??
i read it is very 'fantasy, dream' oriented, and the free association i think does require an intellect with freedom. i dunno, i would not let go yet girl. ask him where he is driving with these recent states. tell him what you think feels healing to you.
you are so smart and so insightful, i wonder if 'that' challenges him a bit more than he is comfortable with at times. much as i hate it, i do think, with my recent 'booting' i will be more aware of their humanity and need of approval from us, ESPECIALLY someone as well read as you are. this is probably BAD advice, but i would say be somewhat careful in how you say what you like and don't like. so he doesn't feel you are questioning him, but are just relaying how 'his techniques' are helping you feel better.
what IS required for a full psycho-analytic treatment, other than time and money....i do have stability as far as a husband, friends, faith. but, i'd say i am quite delusional, and am afraid to express some of the wild thinking aloud to my next t. i did, with t3, and, well, the subject is...i am ready for Jesus's second coming...and i know she wrote 'delusional' in her notes. one could say that, or, one could say 'strong and positive faith'...just who is delusional in that is my question. but, i would hesitate to share that with a t, after her reaction.
i read where you said you asked him to challenge you and push you a bit. i said that to t3, and she did, and had no clue how far down the deep end she pushed me, and i fell apart, then, she didn't want to clean up the mess. so, i am like you, i want to 'get ON WITH IT', but maybe he knows where he is going and you should/could trust him for a bit with this. if there is some instability he sees, maybe he is just trying to let you breathe a bit in therapy to keep you pointed in the right direction. maybe not the pace you want, but, and i am THE MOST IMPATIENT PERSON IN THE WORLD, maybe he sees it is time for some psychological air.
and sweet uv, i have had those thoughts of not deserving to exist, and that is tough stuff lately for you to be feeling, and with a lighter support group than before, i bet he is just being easier with you now. no dramatic change, just some air. i think you might be overinterpretting his possibly correct view to give you support now. and uv, you are possibly just not willing to be a bit easier on yourself as you so much want to get to the finish line of this therapy. i am so much that way, too, and i am going to have to not try to rush my own therapy whenever i start back up, so, from what i read, i do NOT think you need to panic about these last few sessions, and reading your whole post in context. i think he is just seeing you needing that air to breathe to get your 'bearings' before you do more deep work.
hang in there, uv, you are a wise lady, and i think you spotted a wise t, so, maybe hang with that, and trust him. be a bit easier on yourself. don't panic and think you need to run. you are probably the last one, like many of us, to be easy on yourself, so, maybe look at that perspective and ease up. it'll be ok, uv. you are too savvy to not be. and, i think he is a good t from all you have said, sounds like he has a range of tools, and just coz he is suggesting one right now that isn't your favorite tool, maybe he sees the bigger picture. hugs, jill
two, the suitability to p-a, i don't know quite what that means, but i would suspect that intelligence is important to be able to digest the insight they find, so, sometimes 'intellectualizing' may be the digesting of info??
i read it is very 'fantasy, dream' oriented, and the free association i think does require an intellect with freedom. i dunno, i would not let go yet girl. ask him where he is driving with these recent states. tell him what you think feels healing to you.
you are so smart and so insightful, i wonder if 'that' challenges him a bit more than he is comfortable with at times. much as i hate it, i do think, with my recent 'booting' i will be more aware of their humanity and need of approval from us, ESPECIALLY someone as well read as you are. this is probably BAD advice, but i would say be somewhat careful in how you say what you like and don't like. so he doesn't feel you are questioning him, but are just relaying how 'his techniques' are helping you feel better.
what IS required for a full psycho-analytic treatment, other than time and money....i do have stability as far as a husband, friends, faith. but, i'd say i am quite delusional, and am afraid to express some of the wild thinking aloud to my next t. i did, with t3, and, well, the subject is...i am ready for Jesus's second coming...and i know she wrote 'delusional' in her notes. one could say that, or, one could say 'strong and positive faith'...just who is delusional in that is my question. but, i would hesitate to share that with a t, after her reaction.
i read where you said you asked him to challenge you and push you a bit. i said that to t3, and she did, and had no clue how far down the deep end she pushed me, and i fell apart, then, she didn't want to clean up the mess. so, i am like you, i want to 'get ON WITH IT', but maybe he knows where he is going and you should/could trust him for a bit with this. if there is some instability he sees, maybe he is just trying to let you breathe a bit in therapy to keep you pointed in the right direction. maybe not the pace you want, but, and i am THE MOST IMPATIENT PERSON IN THE WORLD, maybe he sees it is time for some psychological air.
and sweet uv, i have had those thoughts of not deserving to exist, and that is tough stuff lately for you to be feeling, and with a lighter support group than before, i bet he is just being easier with you now. no dramatic change, just some air. i think you might be overinterpretting his possibly correct view to give you support now. and uv, you are possibly just not willing to be a bit easier on yourself as you so much want to get to the finish line of this therapy. i am so much that way, too, and i am going to have to not try to rush my own therapy whenever i start back up, so, from what i read, i do NOT think you need to panic about these last few sessions, and reading your whole post in context. i think he is just seeing you needing that air to breathe to get your 'bearings' before you do more deep work.
hang in there, uv, you are a wise lady, and i think you spotted a wise t, so, maybe hang with that, and trust him. be a bit easier on yourself. don't panic and think you need to run. you are probably the last one, like many of us, to be easy on yourself, so, maybe look at that perspective and ease up. it'll be ok, uv. you are too savvy to not be. and, i think he is a good t from all you have said, sounds like he has a range of tools, and just coz he is suggesting one right now that isn't your favorite tool, maybe he sees the bigger picture. hugs, jill
UV - it’s possible you (and we!) need more clarification about exactly what your T meant when he talked about switching to doing more supportive therapy. I’ve just assumed he meant that he would draw back from the more cognitively based interpretative therapeutic stance and be more emotionally available to you - which I also assume means he IS prepared to go into your feelings with you, rather than stand back as an observer while you struggle with expressing them. But this may be an idealized view I have, because I have no experience of psychodynamic therapy. I think I get what you mean though about needing the cognitive side in order to arrive at the transforming insights (right brain/left brain working together) and it strikes me as odd that he would be suggesting stopping the cognitive aspect altogether (ie by no longer challenging you or trying to get you to face difficult issues). That doesn’t make sense, as there’s not a lot of point in expressing feelings just for the sake of it without some kind of reflecting on it, making connections and getting the insights and understanding that comes with both halves of the brain in unison. It also doesn’t make sense to ignore feelings altogether either. Are you saying that he is suggesting that he will stop guiding and challenging and questioning you, and leave the sessions up to you to blindly stumble around trying to make sense of everything by yourself?
From what he said, I don’t quite understand how you’ve concluded that he is telling you that you are unsuitable for psychoanalytic therapy? I think I can understand why you are feeling so confused - I’m guessing there were all sorts of undertones in the session that you’ve picked up on but not been able to clearly grasp, and it’s almost like your own fears are producing potential explanations and reasons and that you don’t have enough information at this point to know one way or the other what he actually meant, what his motives were.
As for going into the past - if you say it helps you and you’re learning and understanding things and effecting change thereby - it also doesn’t make sense that he would suddenly decide it’s not useful for you to continue working through your past. I am wondering if maybe the anger you’re now feeling about that comment of his isn’t what’s making you mistrustful about the whole set up? I know for me when I’m angry and it’s dangerous I tend to interpret things as being a lot more threatening to me than they probably are - but I don’t realize it until long after the fact. I’d go so far as to say it’s a GOOD thing you’re getting angry about this - that seems to be a major feeling that you’re unable to access and maybe this is actually a positive thing to be happening? And to actually confront him with your anger, that would be a big step forward don’t you think?
Sorry if this is all completely off track - what you’re describing does seem very confusing and I’m trying to make sense of something that even you aren’t clear about so forgive me if what I’m saying only ends up annoying you.
I hope you do get to sort this out with him, and that you don’t need to think about changing to a new T.
Hugs to you UV
LL
From what he said, I don’t quite understand how you’ve concluded that he is telling you that you are unsuitable for psychoanalytic therapy? I think I can understand why you are feeling so confused - I’m guessing there were all sorts of undertones in the session that you’ve picked up on but not been able to clearly grasp, and it’s almost like your own fears are producing potential explanations and reasons and that you don’t have enough information at this point to know one way or the other what he actually meant, what his motives were.
As for going into the past - if you say it helps you and you’re learning and understanding things and effecting change thereby - it also doesn’t make sense that he would suddenly decide it’s not useful for you to continue working through your past. I am wondering if maybe the anger you’re now feeling about that comment of his isn’t what’s making you mistrustful about the whole set up? I know for me when I’m angry and it’s dangerous I tend to interpret things as being a lot more threatening to me than they probably are - but I don’t realize it until long after the fact. I’d go so far as to say it’s a GOOD thing you’re getting angry about this - that seems to be a major feeling that you’re unable to access and maybe this is actually a positive thing to be happening? And to actually confront him with your anger, that would be a big step forward don’t you think?
Sorry if this is all completely off track - what you’re describing does seem very confusing and I’m trying to make sense of something that even you aren’t clear about so forgive me if what I’m saying only ends up annoying you.
I hope you do get to sort this out with him, and that you don’t need to think about changing to a new T.
Hugs to you UV
LL
uv, that is so awesome to hear what you said in that last post. that magical release you feel with this mode of therapy. very inspiring. a truly trained therapy DOES work a kind of magic within us. a trained t does 'walk' you down paths that may look innocent and innoculous, but, if they know what they are doing, they are walking connectional pathways in our brain that lead to healing. i am reading the book 'theory of love' and the chapters about therapy are so intriguing. the emotions do not work on logic, they lag behind greatly....something t3 and other cbt t's just don't seem to get. a really sad thing, and, i realize now, what made some things t3 did seem so silly and 'boring' (i once said that to her which i saw really made her mad, and was what she got exasperated with me about....and i was right, she was just appealing to logic, and if logic were curative, i would be well!!)
uv, your insights are always so good, and that energy you feel after your sessions just restore the fleeting faith i have that therapy, good therapy...'real' therapy (a term i used once with t3, which roused her irritation at me, as i used it in a way that was suspicious as to what we were doing maybe, or maybe NOT, was 'real' therapy...now, i see it was NOT, only bullshit cbt stuff) may actually do what i need it to do, and that is, fill those missing gaps in my mind.
thanks, uv, you are inspiring!! jill
uv, your insights are always so good, and that energy you feel after your sessions just restore the fleeting faith i have that therapy, good therapy...'real' therapy (a term i used once with t3, which roused her irritation at me, as i used it in a way that was suspicious as to what we were doing maybe, or maybe NOT, was 'real' therapy...now, i see it was NOT, only bullshit cbt stuff) may actually do what i need it to do, and that is, fill those missing gaps in my mind.
thanks, uv, you are inspiring!! jill
UV great to read your post - I'm so glad you're now feeling good again about your T and therapy. 
LL
LL