.
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
wow. i don't quite know what to make of that.
'if he died'...was he exasperated in his tone?? i don't know how to take that, but i presume he was being sincere. my 'instinct' (which is quite flawed as to my sarcastic upbringing) would be triggered in that, perhaps yours is too?
i think, as one incompetent t told me 'mean what you say, and say what you mean'...i dunno, i think, although she defied it, there is some truth in that, and that, most ethical people would be able to stand strong on that statement. so, i would say, take him at his word.
do you think, perhaps, you are sensitive to betrayal and are looking for it everywhere, in somewhat a hyper-vigilant stance??? ((that is my problem)) so maybe your hyper-vigilance is alerted falsely??
i would probably ask him why he felt he needed to say that. was i exasperating in some way that made him feel i needed that strong of a reassurance??
as to being here too much, yeah, me too. thanks for the reminder. i may try to check out for awhile, and quite being so dad gum self absorbed in this. but, as another wiser t said...'curiousity trumps condemnation'...so, i will explore why i need to be so connected here as apposed to condemninng myself for being here.
hang in there, uv. i know it is hard, you seem to be wanting to move along faster than he is moving, and i would just encourage you to trust him, and take him at his word, that he IS there for the long haul, and relax.
i can't do it, but i would encourage YOU to try@@
jill
'if he died'...was he exasperated in his tone?? i don't know how to take that, but i presume he was being sincere. my 'instinct' (which is quite flawed as to my sarcastic upbringing) would be triggered in that, perhaps yours is too?
i think, as one incompetent t told me 'mean what you say, and say what you mean'...i dunno, i think, although she defied it, there is some truth in that, and that, most ethical people would be able to stand strong on that statement. so, i would say, take him at his word.
do you think, perhaps, you are sensitive to betrayal and are looking for it everywhere, in somewhat a hyper-vigilant stance??? ((that is my problem)) so maybe your hyper-vigilance is alerted falsely??
i would probably ask him why he felt he needed to say that. was i exasperating in some way that made him feel i needed that strong of a reassurance??
as to being here too much, yeah, me too. thanks for the reminder. i may try to check out for awhile, and quite being so dad gum self absorbed in this. but, as another wiser t said...'curiousity trumps condemnation'...so, i will explore why i need to be so connected here as apposed to condemninng myself for being here.
hang in there, uv. i know it is hard, you seem to be wanting to move along faster than he is moving, and i would just encourage you to trust him, and take him at his word, that he IS there for the long haul, and relax.
i can't do it, but i would encourage YOU to try@@
jill
UV I see your struggle with this and I hope that my horrible story is not affecting you in a negative way. I remember reading about other abrupt terminations and getting really scared. In fact, I told my T about one of them and he was shocked and said he'd never do that (famous last words I guess).
The hardest thing is that there is never a guarantee no matter what a T says to us. I am hypervigilant too and watched my T like a hawk trying to ascertain what he was up to and to read him to see if he was safe. I finally decided to take that leap of faith and trust him and be totally open with him... and I was. I was way more open than many others could be and he encouraged it saying there was nothing I could tell him that would make him turn away from me.
I guess I should stop here but add that if his actions are matching his words then that is a very good sign. My Ts actions did not always match is words or promises and I should have taken that as a warning.
UV we can only do the best we can do in therapy. Keep checking in with your T and discuss these matters that weigh on you.
I wish you well in your therapy.
TN
The hardest thing is that there is never a guarantee no matter what a T says to us. I am hypervigilant too and watched my T like a hawk trying to ascertain what he was up to and to read him to see if he was safe. I finally decided to take that leap of faith and trust him and be totally open with him... and I was. I was way more open than many others could be and he encouraged it saying there was nothing I could tell him that would make him turn away from me.
I guess I should stop here but add that if his actions are matching his words then that is a very good sign. My Ts actions did not always match is words or promises and I should have taken that as a warning.
UV we can only do the best we can do in therapy. Keep checking in with your T and discuss these matters that weigh on you.
I wish you well in your therapy.
TN