UV, I'm not really sure what you mean by renumerating things over and over but it sounds like an awful thing to have to experience. I'm sorry I don't have any helpful advice for that. But I am familiar with panic attacks having suffered them on and off for years. I'm glad you had something to help you get them under control and you could even see your T for support. We have a number of things in common from what I gather... I also have that compulsion to research in psychology and to understand what is going on with me. This directly led to my current disruption with my T because I ended up knowing more than he did about complext PTSD and attachment which then made him feel inferior to me. I tried so hard to be sensitive about this. And the other commonality is that I was also a very very quiet baby. I slept most of the day and night and rarely cried. But from the stories I've been told I also didn't like to eat much and this would enrage my mother. I was told she would scream at me (an infant/toddler) and bang on the table that I should eat my food. I'm sure this was very frightening behavior to see for a baby and was perhaps the start of my disorganized attachment.

I hope you can talk to your T again about this and find some relief.

TN

Hi UV,

I think the word you're looking for here is 'ruminating'. Where your mind just goes over the same sort of thought over and over again. I do that about my T all the time. It's a sort of OCD type thing and I take medication for it, although I can't say that it helps all that much. It seemed to in the beginning, but when I have a rupture or something pressing with my T, there's nothing that can stop my mind from being in a constant state of rumination and obsessing about whatever I'm worried about. It's like a broken record playing again and again and again. Annoying!!!

Anyway, as far as what to do about this rumination over your T, I find the more I fight it and worry about it, the worse it gets. Let go and let it be. Fighting it is futile. Your mind is working on something, so let it do whatever it's doing. I'm doubtful your T can do anything about it, but hey, if he can I'd love to know the secret because my mind has been driving me nuts with it's own noise!!!

Sorry if I've made things worse.

quote:

But of course there are worse things to renumerate about, like fears or emotional pain.

Yep!

Good luck!
MTF

UV I think I can relate to what you are describing - that state of something going on and on and on that is not quite thought (not verbal anyway) but not feelings either, though the whole circular repetitiveness of it csn be really frightening. In fact this used to happen me a lot - something would set me off and I'd find that I HAD to keep paying attention, keep going over and over it compulsively because it felt so threatening and I absolutely needed to know what was going on in order to allay the fear.

More recently I've found that this kind of state seems to be sparked by unaware emotion of some sort (in my case, nearly always anger.) As soon as I can make a real connection to that sense of having a hidden controlled repressed suppressed (take your pick lol) feeling, then the fear recedes and the circular background thinking tends to let up a bit - it seems to be enough for me to just recognize it's a dangerous or scary feeling that's behind it to let the trapped thinking go (ie I don't need to actually feel the feeling, or do anything about it). And I get the sense that the trapped thinking is my conscious mind's way of trying to solve a problem which it doesn't really know what the problem is in the first place - because it's to do with controlled emotions within, rather than something external.

Don't know if that's any help or means anything to you UV, but I do hope you can bring yourself out of this state you're in soon - when do you next see your T? Can you call him in between sessions if you need to?

Hope you get through this ok

LL

(((((( UV ))))))

LL

Hi UV,

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful and panicked! That sucks big time! In my case I sometimes think that I feel panicked as a general life kinda feel and then I look for refuge in thinking about my t, just to try to get away from the panic feeling for a little while. Although it doesn't really work so maybe it is really a much more in-depth working out type affair and I am thinking about it much too superficially.

One interesting bit of info I picked up from my meditation teacher: Looks like everybody does this loop-type thinking, just most people are not even aware of it! The idea of meditation (and therapy too i guess, at least from my understanding) being that it slowly leads you away from these (left brain) loops into (right brain) being in the moment. Hearing that didn't change a thing really, but it at least it made me feel less freaky! And I experience a bit less resistance which is nice.

Anyway, I don't know if this is of any use to you at all, but perhaps my folly makes you smile a little ((( UV )))

SB

UV you've done a runner! I hope you are ok and not feeling like you've been too exposed on here. Please let us know how you are?

LL

UV

Sorry you felt you had to delete and hope you are ok. Take good care please

Hugs uv,

starfish

ME TOO!!!

(((UV)))