x
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
Hi Deepfried
Today I realised that I get in the way of my healing. I've spent the last 4 years not allowing my T get close to me or letting her mean anything to me. But she canceled my session this morning because she was ill and I was a mess
She means a lot more to me than i thought
Hev
Today I realised that I get in the way of my healing. I've spent the last 4 years not allowing my T get close to me or letting her mean anything to me. But she canceled my session this morning because she was ill and I was a mess
She means a lot more to me than i thoughtHev
Hey Hev that sounds quite positive actually - though who needs something upsetting like your T being ill to suddenly wake you up to what’s going on. I hope she is better and that you don’t miss too many sessions. Do you think you’ll be able to talk to her about how you feel? I hope so 
Deepfried that’s some list you have there. Got to say I’ve got some similar stumbling blocks - connecting to emotions being my biggie. (I know you’re suffering from the heat, but could you send some of it this way please? Could do with a burst of warmth right now.)
I guess it’s checks and balances isn’t it? So long as there ARE positives in place then the crap stuff, the stumbling blocks can be coped with. Question of having to just get on with it I suppose. Wish I could have your first positive too - I don’t think there’s been a single time that I’ve come out of a therapy session feeling better - it all just seems so much hard work, so frustrating, so painful and I never feel that anything has changed certainly not for the better. The positives that keep me going, so far exist only in my imagination
How often do you see your T? I know the feeling of having so much you want to say and not being able to get it all out - even if you did manage to organize your thoughts really well, there’s STILL never enough time. I’m currently seeing T twice a week, and if it actually starts doing something for me, have no qualms about extending to three times a week. I reckon that if we’re going to plunge into all this dark and painful stuff, may as well really go for it. Just got to hope that one day soon I’ll get the sense that therapy really is helping in some way.
Glad that you at least get to feel better after a session than when going in. Something must be going right!
LL
Deepfried that’s some list you have there. Got to say I’ve got some similar stumbling blocks - connecting to emotions being my biggie. (I know you’re suffering from the heat, but could you send some of it this way please? Could do with a burst of warmth right now.)
I guess it’s checks and balances isn’t it? So long as there ARE positives in place then the crap stuff, the stumbling blocks can be coped with. Question of having to just get on with it I suppose. Wish I could have your first positive too - I don’t think there’s been a single time that I’ve come out of a therapy session feeling better - it all just seems so much hard work, so frustrating, so painful and I never feel that anything has changed certainly not for the better. The positives that keep me going, so far exist only in my imagination
How often do you see your T? I know the feeling of having so much you want to say and not being able to get it all out - even if you did manage to organize your thoughts really well, there’s STILL never enough time. I’m currently seeing T twice a week, and if it actually starts doing something for me, have no qualms about extending to three times a week. I reckon that if we’re going to plunge into all this dark and painful stuff, may as well really go for it. Just got to hope that one day soon I’ll get the sense that therapy really is helping in some way.
Glad that you at least get to feel better after a session than when going in. Something must be going right!
LL
Hi there Deepfried, great question! I`ll try to come up with a list in order to offor some support! (and i`ll like to join the refuge to work! 
)
so, here we go:
Things getting in way of my healing/therapy:
- Therapy-boomerangs (i dont know if thats even a word? - i mean stuff that seems to never be "closed down" but constantly seems to return and actualized over and over again..!)
- General stress.
- anxiety before session, heartbeats and nervousness the first 5 minuts of the session
- My T`s lack of guiding and "leading-skills" druing sessions (lol)
- A deep feeling of going in cirkel. Nothing changes.
Stuff inspiring me to keep going:
- Love my T
- Noticing small healing steps forward (ex. a bit less anxious before sessions)
- The hope that i one day will be able and even want to end therapy, and manage on my own.
I relate to parts on your lists as well,(having to much to talk about- too much thoughts and lack of ability to speach!) but not really the one about feeling better after sessions. i often feel worse actually. Hm. but mostly because i already miss and want to go back to that "sacral place" and hide again.
Wish you well and sending lots of inspiration your way
) so, here we go:
Things getting in way of my healing/therapy:
- Therapy-boomerangs (i dont know if thats even a word? - i mean stuff that seems to never be "closed down" but constantly seems to return and actualized over and over again..!)
- General stress.
- anxiety before session, heartbeats and nervousness the first 5 minuts of the session
- My T`s lack of guiding and "leading-skills" druing sessions (lol)
- A deep feeling of going in cirkel. Nothing changes.
Stuff inspiring me to keep going:
- Love my T
- Noticing small healing steps forward (ex. a bit less anxious before sessions)
- The hope that i one day will be able and even want to end therapy, and manage on my own.
I relate to parts on your lists as well,(having to much to talk about- too much thoughts and lack of ability to speach!) but not really the one about feeling better after sessions. i often feel worse actually. Hm. but mostly because i already miss and want to go back to that "sacral place" and hide again.
Wish you well and sending lots of inspiration your way