***
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
HI Beebs,
I'm sure my comments about this being an open forum and people being worried about posting didn't help these feelings, sorry.
But I really don't think the risk is high. The only people who have access to your real identity associated with your username are you and Shrinklady. So the only other way someone could identify you, would be to 1)Know about this website 2)Have some idea that you post here 3) Read your posts and glean enough details to identify you. But even then they would have no way to confirm it was actually you.
All of which makes it a very low probability you would be identified. The only case I know of someone leaving the site was because a (much younger, but old enough to surf) family member saw them on the forum consistently, and went looking to see what it was all about. And even in that case, they weren't sure the family member knew who they were, but they didn't want to take any chances, so they deleted their posts and left the site.
I tend to be fairly relaxed about it because the chances anyone would care enough about me to track me down are slim to none. Add to that the fact that I tend to be pretty open with people in my life about both being in therapy and about my past, and it just doesn't seem like a biggie. From my memories of your posts, you've been pretty careful about any specifics, so I really don't think there's anything to worry about.
AG
I'm sure my comments about this being an open forum and people being worried about posting didn't help these feelings, sorry.
But I really don't think the risk is high. The only people who have access to your real identity associated with your username are you and Shrinklady. So the only other way someone could identify you, would be to 1)Know about this website 2)Have some idea that you post here 3) Read your posts and glean enough details to identify you. But even then they would have no way to confirm it was actually you.
All of which makes it a very low probability you would be identified. The only case I know of someone leaving the site was because a (much younger, but old enough to surf) family member saw them on the forum consistently, and went looking to see what it was all about. And even in that case, they weren't sure the family member knew who they were, but they didn't want to take any chances, so they deleted their posts and left the site.
I tend to be fairly relaxed about it because the chances anyone would care enough about me to track me down are slim to none. Add to that the fact that I tend to be pretty open with people in my life about both being in therapy and about my past, and it just doesn't seem like a biggie. From my memories of your posts, you've been pretty careful about any specifics, so I really don't think there's anything to worry about.
AG
I doubt anyone would actively try to discern who anyone was here. I bet my T probably has seen all the non-forum pages on this website because he sometimes wants to do the same "kumbaya" weird mind exercise stuff. The only way I even knew about this site was googling "how to quit therapy." Anyway, I wouldn't worry. ~D (still in therapy)
Hi all:
Interesting topic that resonated with me deeply....A few years back, on this site, I discovered that someone else on here did have the same therapist as me...and the unfortunate events that unfolded after that realization took me years to process....
S
Interesting topic that resonated with me deeply....A few years back, on this site, I discovered that someone else on here did have the same therapist as me...and the unfortunate events that unfolded after that realization took me years to process....
S
Blanket Girl....so sorry to hear that you have a broken wrist...I send healing thoughts your way!!!
What was even more difficult for me to process (at that time) was the triad link between shrinklady, my (or should I say "our") therapist and this other individual....from my perspective/standpoint they both favored/supported this individual over me....my heart broke into a billion pieces during that most difficult time....
S
What was even more difficult for me to process (at that time) was the triad link between shrinklady, my (or should I say "our") therapist and this other individual....from my perspective/standpoint they both favored/supported this individual over me....my heart broke into a billion pieces during that most difficult time....
S
Gosh, PG...I havn't been on here so I didn't see your posts until now...sorry I scared you with this...it's just me being silly. Please don't go? I didn't mean to scare you off...I'm going to try, delete this thread if I can now.
Beebs
Beebs
I deleted my comments, but can't remove the thread...maybe if you can we should all delete so as not to scare any other posters who may get scared off. I'm really sorry, PG...I really don't think anyone would id us...seriously.
Love,
BB
Love,
BB
PG, I hope you don't go. Really, I enjoy you being here.
Here is what I have done. I've gone into this knowing that this is an open site. I am very careful not to post details that could identify me IRL. I do, however, post things that my T could identify me with if she were on this site, but that I don't care about. She has told me that she avoids sites like these in order to protect client privacy. I also doubt that she has the free time to be bothered with reading about all of this on here. I'm sure when she goes home that this is the last thing she would want to do. She isn't going to read anything here that would be a surprise to her or that I wouldn't or haven't already said to her face. My husband knows that I post here and same deal, nothing surprising if he were to take the time to come and read here and figure out my username.
There is another board that I post on and sometimes I might cross-post topics (very infrequently), but that is a private closed board and they also don't know me IRL so I don't see it as a problem.
I have intentionally not posted details about my family and especially my FOO in order to avoid being identified in the very slim chance that they were to read here. I think it is safe here and I will continue to post because the benefits far outweigh the risks as long as I'm careful to protect certain info.
Here is what I have done. I've gone into this knowing that this is an open site. I am very careful not to post details that could identify me IRL. I do, however, post things that my T could identify me with if she were on this site, but that I don't care about. She has told me that she avoids sites like these in order to protect client privacy. I also doubt that she has the free time to be bothered with reading about all of this on here. I'm sure when she goes home that this is the last thing she would want to do. She isn't going to read anything here that would be a surprise to her or that I wouldn't or haven't already said to her face. My husband knows that I post here and same deal, nothing surprising if he were to take the time to come and read here and figure out my username.
There is another board that I post on and sometimes I might cross-post topics (very infrequently), but that is a private closed board and they also don't know me IRL so I don't see it as a problem.
I have intentionally not posted details about my family and especially my FOO in order to avoid being identified in the very slim chance that they were to read here. I think it is safe here and I will continue to post because the benefits far outweigh the risks as long as I'm careful to protect certain info.
preppie girl - i understand how you feel!! even though in some ways i'm still trying to make sense of it myself... why i'm so afraid of saying anything that might possibly identify me. i feel like i've backed myself into a corner. i want to say things and get things off my chest but then what can i say and what can't i say in terms of risking my identity. and rationally, i do know the chances are very small.
one thing i did to help myself feel safer is i told my sister about this forum and asked her not to come on here as i would like some privacy (she's understanding). is there any chance you could ask your T the same thing?? I'm sure she'll be more interested in hearing about how you are doing in therapy rather than reading about it on the forum. but don't tell her the forum name from the beginning - you could try testing the waters and just talk hypothetically...
anyway, i'm like the blind leading the blind... but i hope you stay. i also hope to find a way out of the corner i got myself stuck in...
puppet
one thing i did to help myself feel safer is i told my sister about this forum and asked her not to come on here as i would like some privacy (she's understanding). is there any chance you could ask your T the same thing?? I'm sure she'll be more interested in hearing about how you are doing in therapy rather than reading about it on the forum. but don't tell her the forum name from the beginning - you could try testing the waters and just talk hypothetically...
anyway, i'm like the blind leading the blind... but i hope you stay. i also hope to find a way out of the corner i got myself stuck in...
puppet
Hi all -
dear Bebe - well, I'm saying this with a little smile on my face - you can delete all you like but it doesn't make the issue go away! Because the issue is one we all think about to some degree and make choices on according to what we feel comfortable with. It's difficult sometimes to know the right choices, and sometimes we don't feel comfortable and we delete, or sometimes we leave stuff up and feel scared (all of this definitely for me too) - but it's not this thread that makes it scary, this thread is just a place to talk about it. And I think that's healthy.
For me, I've been cautious lately for a particular reason. A lot of it is to do with feeling like what I might post would identify me very quickly with my new T, should she happen to stumble by here and read. I think the chances that she would do that are very small, and it's a risk I would be willing to take in most situations - because I get a lot out of sharing, and I don't think the consequences of being identified would be harmful. But in my current situation I feel like what I might say could be hurtful or destructive to my T, and I feel uncomfortable with that. I think this is not so much a reflection of reality, just an amplification of an issue that I have anyway, which is that I'd like to end with my T but feel I don't know how to say it without hurting her or being criticised or both.
I don't want anyone to be scared off. But I do think it's important to think through this issue, and to take time over it, thinking about which details are identifying, to whom, what the consequences of being identified might be, and weighing those against the benefits of posting and the consequences of NOT posting. Being identified has some risks, but being isolated has some risks too.
love,
Jones
dear Bebe - well, I'm saying this with a little smile on my face - you can delete all you like but it doesn't make the issue go away! Because the issue is one we all think about to some degree and make choices on according to what we feel comfortable with. It's difficult sometimes to know the right choices, and sometimes we don't feel comfortable and we delete, or sometimes we leave stuff up and feel scared (all of this definitely for me too) - but it's not this thread that makes it scary, this thread is just a place to talk about it. And I think that's healthy.
For me, I've been cautious lately for a particular reason. A lot of it is to do with feeling like what I might post would identify me very quickly with my new T, should she happen to stumble by here and read. I think the chances that she would do that are very small, and it's a risk I would be willing to take in most situations - because I get a lot out of sharing, and I don't think the consequences of being identified would be harmful. But in my current situation I feel like what I might say could be hurtful or destructive to my T, and I feel uncomfortable with that. I think this is not so much a reflection of reality, just an amplification of an issue that I have anyway, which is that I'd like to end with my T but feel I don't know how to say it without hurting her or being criticised or both.
I don't want anyone to be scared off. But I do think it's important to think through this issue, and to take time over it, thinking about which details are identifying, to whom, what the consequences of being identified might be, and weighing those against the benefits of posting and the consequences of NOT posting. Being identified has some risks, but being isolated has some risks too.
love,
Jones
Dang it , Jones! ...are you SURE I can't delete the issue? After all, that method has worked so well for me all these years...the effect that it has had on my realtionships and life in general is nothing less than astounding...why not now? 
Glad people are talking openly about it...just feeling bad about PG...wishing I had left it alone. You know how it is.
Bebe
Glad people are talking openly about it...just feeling bad about PG...wishing I had left it alone. You know how it is.
Bebe
BeBe,
Please do not feel bad. You did nothing wrong bringing up the topic. It's my issue and it has been bothering me since I started posting. I enjoy being on this forum and helping people. Give me a few days and I'll be back. I'm ok if nobody touches my ice cream.
Jones, you have such a way with words. That is truly a gift.
PG
Please do not feel bad. You did nothing wrong bringing up the topic. It's my issue and it has been bothering me since I started posting. I enjoy being on this forum and helping people. Give me a few days and I'll be back. I'm ok if nobody touches my ice cream.
Jones, you have such a way with words. That is truly a gift.
PG
Dear Preppie-girl - I'm glad you're willing to stick around, and not just because you give a lovely compliment! Thank you for sharing your process in figuring this stuff out with us.
Bebe - the nice thing about Issues is that they are steadfast friends. They can take insults, the silent treatment, deletion and general lack of appreciation and never leave our sides.... They tend to be a bit squeamish about 'talking things through' though, and sometimes vanish in the face of a thorough conversation.
xxx
Bebe - the nice thing about Issues is that they are steadfast friends. They can take insults, the silent treatment, deletion and general lack of appreciation and never leave our sides.... They tend to be a bit squeamish about 'talking things through' though, and sometimes vanish in the face of a thorough conversation.
xxx
Lol Jones you do have a fantastic way with words. Yeah Issues, they’ve stuck with me all my life, you can really count on them to be around at all the worst moments 
Preppie Girl I’m glad to see you post again and say you’ll still be around, I hadn’t even welcomed you and was sad that you felt scared off so it’s great you’re thinking of taking the risk and sticking around.
Have to say that for me the privacy issue isn’t too big a deal - there’s no-one in the world would be the slightest bit interested in reading about me on a website and even if they did, I’m not saying anything that I wouldn’t want them to hear. And as for T, I KNOW he wouldn’t waste his time searching forums to see what I’ve written - that would involve using his own time and he’s got such rigid boundaries I can’t see him even contemplating bothering to check out what I’m up to outside of sessions. Bit sad but there you have it.
PG I hope that over time you will start to feel less defensive about posting here. By the way, welcome to the forum
LL
Preppie Girl I’m glad to see you post again and say you’ll still be around, I hadn’t even welcomed you and was sad that you felt scared off so it’s great you’re thinking of taking the risk and sticking around.
Have to say that for me the privacy issue isn’t too big a deal - there’s no-one in the world would be the slightest bit interested in reading about me on a website and even if they did, I’m not saying anything that I wouldn’t want them to hear. And as for T, I KNOW he wouldn’t waste his time searching forums to see what I’ve written - that would involve using his own time and he’s got such rigid boundaries I can’t see him even contemplating bothering to check out what I’m up to outside of sessions. Bit sad but there you have it.
PG I hope that over time you will start to feel less defensive about posting here. By the way, welcome to the forum
LL
Hooray...thanks, PG! I'm putting the Chunky Monkey in the freezer for ya!
Yes, I agree that we are very blessed to have Jones' compassion and honesty...thank you, (((Jones)))..
and LL...all I have to say is that your stick-poking emoticon has me totally cracked up, for some reason, and that has given my issues a little break. It's so good to see you, LL. I've missed you...Bebe's lower lip is quivering...I was lonely for you! I hope you are healing, and finding some peace, LL...
Love,
Blackbird,BB,Bebe,Beebers,BeeBee...and er, what was it? Oh yeah...Feather-face.
I think I have a couple more nicknames hangin' around here somewhere, but I can't find 'em right now...
Yes, I agree that we are very blessed to have Jones' compassion and honesty...thank you, (((Jones)))..
and LL...all I have to say is that your stick-poking emoticon has me totally cracked up, for some reason, and that has given my issues a little break. It's so good to see you, LL. I've missed you...Bebe's lower lip is quivering...I was lonely for you! I hope you are healing, and finding some peace, LL...
Love,
Blackbird,BB,Bebe,Beebers,BeeBee...and er, what was it? Oh yeah...Feather-face.
I think I have a couple more nicknames hangin' around here somewhere, but I can't find 'em right now...
And in the interest of not letting the issue vanish in the face of a thorough discussion...
I just wanted to say that I've been really fighting the impulse to delete everything I have ever written on here (although that would take quite awhile) and vanish...mainly because of this irrational fear that my T is reading, and it would somehow destroy my therapy if he was. So, I am going to stand up to the boogyman and say something I find very scary, in spite of the irrational nature of my fear... a la Jones' beuatiful encouragement above. It is this:
Dearest beloved-boogyman T,
If, perchance you happen to be here, poring over BB's forum posts and have figured out that it is me, your client, will you be so good as to stop doing this secretly and tell me in our next session? This would increase my trust in you by 100% and it would also go a long ways towards helping believe in this care you insist you have for me.
Much love,
Your Favorite Client
I just wanted to say that I've been really fighting the impulse to delete everything I have ever written on here (although that would take quite awhile) and vanish...mainly because of this irrational fear that my T is reading, and it would somehow destroy my therapy if he was. So, I am going to stand up to the boogyman and say something I find very scary, in spite of the irrational nature of my fear... a la Jones' beuatiful encouragement above. It is this:
Dearest beloved-boogyman T,
If, perchance you happen to be here, poring over BB's forum posts and have figured out that it is me, your client, will you be so good as to stop doing this secretly and tell me in our next session? This would increase my trust in you by 100% and it would also go a long ways towards helping believe in this care you insist you have for me.
Much love,
Your Favorite Client
quote:
Dearest beloved-boogyman T,
If, perchance you happen to be here, poring over BB's forum posts and have figured out that it is me, your client, will you be so good as to stop doing this secretly and tell me in our next session? This would increase my trust in you by 100% and it would also go a long ways towards helping believe in this care you insist you have for me.
Much love,
Your Favorite Client
quote:
Beebee (i`ll stick to Beebee for a while!)This sweet little letter cracked me up!
Just wanted to add that i have serious doubt that enyone - espescially your T- would manage the very hard task to identify you here on forum. Seriously- does your T even know enything aout your nickname`?? If yes- well- does your T even knows it exists a forum like this? please dont burden yourselfs with this fear thougts beebee!
Your favorite Frog
Dragonfly, Beebs (my fav, too!), you two crack me up.
Honestly, I've worried a lot about posting too much about myself. I've also fought the urge to delete everything and split, but then I try to tell myself that there's no way my T would find this forum, happen to read something I wrote, and happen to figure out that it's me. I can never placate myself for long, though! It's kept me from posting at times, as much as I hate to say it. I also would like to think that my T would bring it up if she ever figured it out, even though I think I'd completely freeze and not be able to say anything. I don't even know why it scares me so much, because I really think that my T would be supportive if she knew that it helped me.
Honestly, I've worried a lot about posting too much about myself. I've also fought the urge to delete everything and split, but then I try to tell myself that there's no way my T would find this forum, happen to read something I wrote, and happen to figure out that it's me. I can never placate myself for long, though! It's kept me from posting at times, as much as I hate to say it. I also would like to think that my T would bring it up if she ever figured it out, even though I think I'd completely freeze and not be able to say anything. I don't even know why it scares me so much, because I really think that my T would be supportive if she knew that it helped me.
It's funny that we are here talking about such an improbably thing...it must resonate with a lot of us on here, for some reason. We really worry/hope/or think that our T's are going to read here...I wonder why? For me it has something to do with shame, I think...hm...I have too much to think about and not enough time, or focus or memory in T to be able to process it all!
Beebs
Beebs
I can't see my T bothering to take the time to search for such forums or peruse them. Heck, I'm lucky if I can get a 5 word response to a pouring-my-heart-out email. Much to my chagrin.
I am sorry if this is going off on a tangent a bit, but I just thought I would share this with you all.
I recently (just over a year ago) joined a local Quaker group and (to cut a long story short) found that one of the other members also saw my T from time to time. I can't quite remember the conversation we had about it, but I can remember my friend asking me outright and quite matter-of-fact if my T was XXXXXX (my T's name). It was like my whole world stopped there and then - a very weird feeling. My firend then said that she had seen XXX a few times, but had never warmed to her and so had stopped going. I felt very guilty knowing that my friend felt like this about my T. I told my T that I knew my friend had seen her (but I didn't not tell her anything else). It was weird talking about my T in my friend's kitchen, with both of us knowing who she was, what she looked like and how she is (if you know what I mean). We have nevr discussed it again since. What was even weirder was that I didn't feel jealous - I thought I would.
With regards to posting on here - I wouldn't be bothered if my T saw what I had written (I usually talk to her about it anyway), but I am not sure I would want my partner to see/know or - WORSE STILL - anyone from work. I don't think anyone from work would be able to id me from anything I have posted here tough anyway (hopefully).
Best wishes to you all.
I recently (just over a year ago) joined a local Quaker group and (to cut a long story short) found that one of the other members also saw my T from time to time. I can't quite remember the conversation we had about it, but I can remember my friend asking me outright and quite matter-of-fact if my T was XXXXXX (my T's name). It was like my whole world stopped there and then - a very weird feeling. My firend then said that she had seen XXX a few times, but had never warmed to her and so had stopped going. I felt very guilty knowing that my friend felt like this about my T. I told my T that I knew my friend had seen her (but I didn't not tell her anything else). It was weird talking about my T in my friend's kitchen, with both of us knowing who she was, what she looked like and how she is (if you know what I mean). We have nevr discussed it again since. What was even weirder was that I didn't feel jealous - I thought I would.
With regards to posting on here - I wouldn't be bothered if my T saw what I had written (I usually talk to her about it anyway), but I am not sure I would want my partner to see/know or - WORSE STILL - anyone from work. I don't think anyone from work would be able to id me from anything I have posted here tough anyway (hopefully).
Best wishes to you all.