Butterfly,

I think it is natural to go through a phase where you are going to be grieving for the loss of your relationship with your T and having to end before you were ready.

I'm not sure if it is possible to go through T and not get attached. I'm a bad one to answer that question! However, I can see why you are worried about getting attached again, because it certainly hurts to lose someone that you are attached to.

I think it is ok to take some time to grieve that loss and regroup. Then when you feel ready, if you feel that you still need a T then take your time in finding one that feels right. The trust won't come over night and I know it is hard to start again, but if you need to reach out to someone then you can take care of yourself by allowing yourself to risk getting attached again.

(((hugs)))

Hi Butterfly...hm, I think you should try to find another T...of course, only you can know that for sure, though. As far as wanting to *not* get attached...yeah, I can relate to that one. Attachment to T is very painful thing...maybe, the most emotionally painful thing a person can endure besides what we went through in our childhood... I can understand completely your wish to avoid it, and yet to still want to get help and work through your issues...that makes sense.

May I share something? Many years ago, I vaguely knew I had *problems." I had to move out of home, because I knew I needed to find a T to help deal with them. So, in a fit of insanity/bravery, I did. Because it was *SO* hard to do, since my mom really *really* needed me, but would never let me *really* help her. I found myself a female T. I never felt any special attachment to her. She was nice, I liked her, we did some good work together. In a way, since I didn't care about her, it was "easy." I could tell her anything, pay my bill, and leave unchanged. It made me feel good, and it "set the stage" kind of. I worked through more issues with her than I did my current T. But it didn't heal me. She ended up ditching me just when we were "getting into it" which really came as no surprise...I was fine with it, kind of sad, but didn't really think about it too much.

About 12 years later... out of neccessity I find my current T...a man. Whole different story. My emotional investment in this is enormous. ( And one-way, of course- which adds to the transference issue) More than any relationship I have ever had, except for the "transferency" ones I had with older men from time eternal, since I was a teenager.

Maybe....and this is just a thought...emotional investment = level of healing acquired, *if* the therapy is successful. I don't know, though...I really don't. There is *really* something to be said for being in a situtaion where you can "just be you" without all this angst, and the emotional need to "hide." Only you can decide which is the best course of action. I suspect it has something to do with the gender of your therapist....? That is, maybe we attach to someone who was more of the same gender as the person we originally attached to when small? Or is it the other way around? but again...obviously, I really don't know.

Hope this helps a bit! In the meantime, be good to yourself...and gentle. You are dealing with so much pain right now. I hope you can find a few moments to feel some peace and relief in the midst of it.

safe hugs,

BB

hm, yeah, I'm opposite, and can't imagine having warn fuzzy feelings with a woman T...since my relationship with my mom was always about me taking care of her emotional needs, I guess I subconsciously thought, "what would it be like to have a male T." Of course with him, I have the problem of thinking that he is completely indifferent to my existence, which I'm justl slowly starting to get over...I guess all I'm saying is that in the relationship where there is so much attachment, there is more pain, but also more healing...if that makes sense. Be kind to yourself, if you can...go gently..take your time, to reflect, and quietly figure all of this out.
((((Butterfly)))

BB