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quote:But then she said that she didn't understand why, given that this had happened before, I had allowed myself to be in a situation where I was alone with this person.
I am so sorry that she said this. You were a child. It doesn't matter how it happened, why it happened or if you put yourself in a situation alone with this person (an idea that I find ridiculous as you were a child!). It wasn't your fault. Period. I would definitely bring this up with your therapist and see if she can clarify this for you.I know this is your first post, so first I'd like to welcome you. Second, from what you've described it sounds as if your T might not have much understanding of trauma theory??
Welcome Rio.
I think your T was out of line to even suggest that you did anything wrong. It's NEVER the child's fault under ANY circumstances. EVER. She was very insensitive or even ignorant in making such a statement. Like STRM, I am concerned if she has a background in trauma. I also think that you are moving too fast and perhaps pushing yourself or feeling that you should push ahead if you are not really ready. This can be harmful to you if you are not ready to talk about disturbing details. It took me two years to go into detail about any of the abuse I suffered as a child. And I saw my T every week and sometimes twice per week.
I think before you move ahead with this T, or develop a strong attachment to her, it would be wise to ask her about her experience in treating patients with complex PTSD. At the very least you should tell her how that comment by her made you feel. And don't be afraid to tell her you need to take this at a slower pace.
I'm glad you decided to post here and I look forward to getting to know you better.
True North (TN)
I think your T was out of line to even suggest that you did anything wrong. It's NEVER the child's fault under ANY circumstances. EVER. She was very insensitive or even ignorant in making such a statement. Like STRM, I am concerned if she has a background in trauma. I also think that you are moving too fast and perhaps pushing yourself or feeling that you should push ahead if you are not really ready. This can be harmful to you if you are not ready to talk about disturbing details. It took me two years to go into detail about any of the abuse I suffered as a child. And I saw my T every week and sometimes twice per week.
I think before you move ahead with this T, or develop a strong attachment to her, it would be wise to ask her about her experience in treating patients with complex PTSD. At the very least you should tell her how that comment by her made you feel. And don't be afraid to tell her you need to take this at a slower pace.
I'm glad you decided to post here and I look forward to getting to know you better.
True North (TN)
quote:At this point, she reminded me that it wasn't my fault. But then she said that she didn't understand why, given that this had happened before, I had allowed myself to be in a situation where I was alone with this person.
Hi Rio,
Your post is exactly me. I too- PTSD. I have been in therapy for 2 years- the hardest yet most rewarding work I have ever done.
You will do best with a trauma therapist, someone who specializes in this area. And make sure they are smart- wise...
I think your therapist is out of line by say this. It sounds judgemental. Me- I would run from this because it would exaserbate (Spelled wrong, I am sure) the feelings of shame. For me as stuff tumbled out things got very intense. Get a better T.
Must go- but I will share more later. And welcome- you are in the right place here- much love, much validation and support. People here do get it.
Mayo
Oh- and I still write the hard stuff to me T because I can't verbalize it.
That gets better though.
That gets better though.
rio, welcome, and i hope you find the support here that i have found. this is so good that you are posting. even tho this is anonymous, it still takes guts to throw stuff out there. so, good for you.
i would qualify this t a bit, and, as much as i am impatient, i know that it is best to go slowly, and a wise t shouldn't ever really touch or push your threshold. and, i have to agree with the rest on that comment about why you were exposed to this person. rio, there is no responsibility on the child in this stuff. i never spoke up, i was too afraid to speak up, and it was not my fault for being there, or being exposed, or not telling. the pressures on the victim are so great, and generally the aggressor is manipulative, and a child's reasoning cannot be expected to make an adult decision in this stuff. i, too, would have interpretted their comment the way you did, but rather than give it any 'weight' of being correct, use this as a sign to investigate if this t is appropriate for you. they all aren't. there is a difference in therapies, and cognitive behavior therapy, and others, are NOT trauma therapy. and csa is a very specific thing to work with, and you might as well check this out now rather than later.
i went with a t for nine months who, kind as he was, was unqualified for what i needed. and, i should have asked sooner than i did about what i needed. i had no idea that therapists and their practices can be so varied.
rio, welcome. and, go slowly. be kind to yourself. your needs here are what is important.
jill
i would qualify this t a bit, and, as much as i am impatient, i know that it is best to go slowly, and a wise t shouldn't ever really touch or push your threshold. and, i have to agree with the rest on that comment about why you were exposed to this person. rio, there is no responsibility on the child in this stuff. i never spoke up, i was too afraid to speak up, and it was not my fault for being there, or being exposed, or not telling. the pressures on the victim are so great, and generally the aggressor is manipulative, and a child's reasoning cannot be expected to make an adult decision in this stuff. i, too, would have interpretted their comment the way you did, but rather than give it any 'weight' of being correct, use this as a sign to investigate if this t is appropriate for you. they all aren't. there is a difference in therapies, and cognitive behavior therapy, and others, are NOT trauma therapy. and csa is a very specific thing to work with, and you might as well check this out now rather than later.
i went with a t for nine months who, kind as he was, was unqualified for what i needed. and, i should have asked sooner than i did about what i needed. i had no idea that therapists and their practices can be so varied.
rio, welcome. and, go slowly. be kind to yourself. your needs here are what is important.
jill
welcome, Rio! Good luck in your session, I hope that you misheard your T!
Try, maybe not to "worry about" if that is what you heard, rather than what she said- I would suggest, try to let yourself be *happy* if that ends up being the case, because then you can relax knowing that your T at least, doesn't think it's your fault. (which it certainly isn't) Sometimes it seems like the self-blame is so hard to get rid of, that I think it's possible that we can hear things from our T *in order* to hang onto the self-blame, y'know? Even when those things weren't meant in the way we took them. Here's hoping you have a T who will be helping get rid of the self-blame...which will be painful, though- and I'm sorry for that part.
(sorry for chiming in so late, just wanted to welcome you here!)
BB
quote:I wish I could remember her exact words about allowing myself to be alone with that person... I do worry that it is what I heard rather than what she said
Try, maybe not to "worry about" if that is what you heard, rather than what she said- I would suggest, try to let yourself be *happy* if that ends up being the case, because then you can relax knowing that your T at least, doesn't think it's your fault. (which it certainly isn't) Sometimes it seems like the self-blame is so hard to get rid of, that I think it's possible that we can hear things from our T *in order* to hang onto the self-blame, y'know? Even when those things weren't meant in the way we took them. Here's hoping you have a T who will be helping get rid of the self-blame...which will be painful, though- and I'm sorry for that part.
(sorry for chiming in so late, just wanted to welcome you here!)
BB
Hi Rio,
I just wanted to give you a belated welcome to the forums! Really glad to see you take the risk to post.
You've already gotten a lot of wonderful responses, and I don't have much to add, except that I think talking to your T is the best way to handle it. Let us know how that goes.
AG
I just wanted to give you a belated welcome to the forums! Really glad to see you take the risk to post.
You've already gotten a lot of wonderful responses, and I don't have much to add, except that I think talking to your T is the best way to handle it. Let us know how that goes. AG
phew! that is a relief, Rio...I'm so glad, it sounds like you have a good T there. It must be very difficult to be the patient, I can imagine...kudos to you, for seeking out healing...I know that can be very difficult for healers, to do for themselves...and especially what you are dealing with.
I hope you can get some extra support here! It is really nice to have you aboard..
BB
I hope you can get some extra support here! It is really nice to have you aboard..
BB
Hi Rio,
Things can get misconstrued so easily with T"s. Knowing where your concerns are- miscommunications, with T need clarification in order to move forward. It sounds like you did that beautifully. For me- sometimes things would get cloudy- confusing which made working things out all the harder. You precisely knew where the breakdown was and set to repair - clarify things. To me- that says you are very intuned to your situation. As you do the work- and feelings get jumbled, be sure to ask your T for clarification, it sounds like she is good. Don't worry about all the labels and terminology- cuz I bet you know them all, and that self diagnosing stuff can interfere. Sorry you may not be doing this- but I sure was. I does not help, because for me head knowledge only become heart knowledge through the process, and for me things got worse before they got better, but they are remarkedly better and so worth the journey.
My best to you- Rio
Things can get misconstrued so easily with T"s. Knowing where your concerns are- miscommunications, with T need clarification in order to move forward. It sounds like you did that beautifully. For me- sometimes things would get cloudy- confusing which made working things out all the harder. You precisely knew where the breakdown was and set to repair - clarify things. To me- that says you are very intuned to your situation. As you do the work- and feelings get jumbled, be sure to ask your T for clarification, it sounds like she is good. Don't worry about all the labels and terminology- cuz I bet you know them all, and that self diagnosing stuff can interfere. Sorry you may not be doing this- but I sure was. I does not help, because for me head knowledge only become heart knowledge through the process, and for me things got worse before they got better, but they are remarkedly better and so worth the journey.
My best to you- Rio
Hello Rio I’m sorry I’m late to welcome you to the forum, but welcome anyway!
I’m glad you were able to talk to your T about her comment - it can be so easy to interpret a T’s words in a really negative way that sends us spinning (I should know, I’m very good at it
).
Hey you don’t need to worry about contributing anything constructive to the forum, just your presence and telling your story is a major contribution! I look forward to hearing more about you.
Good wishes to you
LL
I’m glad you were able to talk to your T about her comment - it can be so easy to interpret a T’s words in a really negative way that sends us spinning (I should know, I’m very good at it
). Hey you don’t need to worry about contributing anything constructive to the forum, just your presence and telling your story is a major contribution! I look forward to hearing more about you.
Good wishes to you
LL
hi there Rio-
i am late too, (better late than never) WELCOME!
Its good to have new members here, i look forwared to get to know you better.
Looks like you have got support here already, its really a great forum here.
all the best Rio, and creds to you for talking about this with your T again!
i am late too, (better late than never) WELCOME!
Its good to have new members here, i look forwared to get to know you better.
Looks like you have got support here already, its really a great forum here.
all the best Rio, and creds to you for talking about this with your T again!
oh, and one more thing: i *think* i can imagine how hard it must be to be a doctor and a patient.. yeah, like you wrote- "swich it off"-
thats maybe a part of the process, to learn to be the one whom recieve, and not take on the role as the care-giver in a way..
..ok, that was me thinking out loud
thats maybe a part of the process, to learn to be the one whom recieve, and not take on the role as the care-giver in a way..
..ok, that was me thinking out loud
Hi Rio
Late welcome from me too,
starfish
Late welcome from me too,
starfish
Often it is in betwen the sessions that the work, the processing of information takes place. The patterns or connections emerge, at least for me.
Hang in there.
Mayo
Hang in there.
Mayo
Hi Rio
A belated welcome to the community!!! Glad to hear your session was pretty good!! Oh how I'd love to have your memory and be able to dissect my sessions - as soon as I leave a session my memory wipes most of it!!! It's actually a lifelong problem - last session we realised I remember little of my life (62 years) coz I was probably dissociated for most of it!!! It will be helpful to you remembering, just try not to overdo it!!!
Again, welcome
Morgs
A belated welcome to the community!!! Glad to hear your session was pretty good!! Oh how I'd love to have your memory and be able to dissect my sessions - as soon as I leave a session my memory wipes most of it!!! It's actually a lifelong problem - last session we realised I remember little of my life (62 years) coz I was probably dissociated for most of it!!! It will be helpful to you remembering, just try not to overdo it!!!
Again, welcome
Morgs