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Hey DF,
This is a really good question and something I've been wondering about for a while.
I've only ever talked to my T on the phone maybe 4 or 5 times before, and each time was less than a minute to change a session time. There were two times that she requested I call to check in, but that was only during a specific period a few months ago. Mainly, the times that I think about calling my T are when I'm feeling so many emotions (or one emotion that seems strong) and I don't know how to deal with it. I've never actually called her for that reason, though.
Almost every session toward the end of the session, she'll tell me to not hesitate to call her if I need to. She tries constantly to impress upon me that it's okay for me to call, but I still avoid it like the plague.
I'm sure my T has email, but I've never asked for her email address and she's never offered it.
I'm sorry you're in such a hard place right now, DF. For what it's worth, I think it is very good that you reached out to your dbt T and you have no reason to feel guilty. You are dealing with some major stuff, and to force yourself to keep it inside would allow it all to fester and grow worse. It's a healthy thing that you did, and I'm sure she will recognize that too.
Hang in there and keep posting so long as it helps you. (((((DF)))))
This is a really good question and something I've been wondering about for a while.
I've only ever talked to my T on the phone maybe 4 or 5 times before, and each time was less than a minute to change a session time. There were two times that she requested I call to check in, but that was only during a specific period a few months ago. Mainly, the times that I think about calling my T are when I'm feeling so many emotions (or one emotion that seems strong) and I don't know how to deal with it. I've never actually called her for that reason, though.
Almost every session toward the end of the session, she'll tell me to not hesitate to call her if I need to. She tries constantly to impress upon me that it's okay for me to call, but I still avoid it like the plague.
I'm sure my T has email, but I've never asked for her email address and she's never offered it.
I'm sorry you're in such a hard place right now, DF. For what it's worth, I think it is very good that you reached out to your dbt T and you have no reason to feel guilty. You are dealing with some major stuff, and to force yourself to keep it inside would allow it all to fester and grow worse. It's a healthy thing that you did, and I'm sure she will recognize that too.
Hang in there and keep posting so long as it helps you. (((((DF)))))
...Dealing with a bit of insomnia. 
I think the main thing that keeps me from calling my T is that I'm convinced that by the time she picks up the phone, I'll have (unwillingly) numbed out. And when that happens, I am not only not feeling anything in that moment, but I also tend to forget how I felt before so I can't even explain it. Also, on top of worrying from the get go that she'll be bothered by my calling, I worry even more that she'll be bothered and annoyed if I call and I'm not even feeling anything by then. I've told my T this before and she's said that she'd rather have me call her and then feel nothing by the time I actually talk to her than be left feeling miserable, but even being told that flat out hasn't changed anything.
I don't think you emailing your T 4 times in 2.5 weeks is excessive at all. An email every day for the last 2.5 weeks would be excessive, but certainly not 4. I wonder, since it sounds (and correct me if I'm wrong) like she gave you her email at the same time you had your sexual assault issue, do you think that you're not sure when is "appropriate" to email her outside of a pressing crisis? Maybe it would help to bring it up and just get some clarification. I wonder, if you can, if it would help to bring up the contact issue with your regular T, too?
I understand the short term/long term thing - it's an awful bind, and I wish there were an easy way around that.
I think the main thing that keeps me from calling my T is that I'm convinced that by the time she picks up the phone, I'll have (unwillingly) numbed out. And when that happens, I am not only not feeling anything in that moment, but I also tend to forget how I felt before so I can't even explain it. Also, on top of worrying from the get go that she'll be bothered by my calling, I worry even more that she'll be bothered and annoyed if I call and I'm not even feeling anything by then. I've told my T this before and she's said that she'd rather have me call her and then feel nothing by the time I actually talk to her than be left feeling miserable, but even being told that flat out hasn't changed anything.
I don't think you emailing your T 4 times in 2.5 weeks is excessive at all. An email every day for the last 2.5 weeks would be excessive, but certainly not 4. I wonder, since it sounds (and correct me if I'm wrong) like she gave you her email at the same time you had your sexual assault issue, do you think that you're not sure when is "appropriate" to email her outside of a pressing crisis? Maybe it would help to bring it up and just get some clarification. I wonder, if you can, if it would help to bring up the contact issue with your regular T, too?
I understand the short term/long term thing - it's an awful bind, and I wish there were an easy way around that.
Hi there Deepfried- this is ALWAYS a good topic IMO, - yep, sais someone whom always have battled with this with T. 
I`like to answer your questions, but first say i a sorry your freaking out and having so much panick...ugh. Those times are exactly when i too, starts debating whethter or not to call/send texts to T, and usually end up do nothing, totally paralyzed and too anxious for contacting T. Its so sad in a way, that when we seem to need it the most (if only just a phone-call) we wont allow us that, both in fear for crossing a invisible boundarie, or in fear of "being too much", yeah i am sure you get the picture. And theres nothing like wating for than (damn) reply from T`s...Do you usually get reply from your dbt T when emailing? Sorry you feel bad about it, i dont think you should though.. Reaching out IS GOOD, it just dont feels like it, i know.
ANYWAY:
when do you contact your t via phone? when you think about it? just for appointments? crisis? when you're sad?
when do you contact your t via email? just to give an update? during crisis? when you feel intense emotion? whenever the urge strikes you?
other ways you contact your t? when do you do those?
does your t have to encourage you to use these things or do you just do them? does your t have to discourage you sometimes? when?
I`ve talked to T one phone 3 times. In almost 2 years. First phonecall, was T calling me to reschedule in a hurry. It lasted for 10 sec. 2 phonecall- i sent him a text- and asked him to call, because i dealt with great anxiety and panick, and wanted to cancell all my appt. The conversation lasted for mybe 4 minuts. It helped alot, and i ended up going to all my appt.after all. but i was emberrassed and a bit surprised that i has asked him to call me, which i had never done before. 3 call...that was the most difficult phonecall..I was supose to come in for my last session before long vacation, but the night before, i got into a car-accident and ended up in the hospital. All i could think of was my T and my session that i wouldnt manage to go to, because i was stuck in a bed, in pain and head-injury after the car drove into me. So, i first texted T, said i couldnt make it to the session, and said i wantet to ring him instead, the next day, to say good bye and hear his voice before the 6 weeks break. I called, (from a totally dark hospital-room, with bandage all over my body) and we talked for maybe 5 minuts. Gosh- sorry i am rambling! lol, your questions really made me remember things.. So, yes, i only will call if i am sure it is important enough. I do text sometimes, mostly for reschedule, sometimes also when i feel overwhemed by sadness after a session. I wont expect reply to them, but T will usually do. But the norma, that he also encourage to, is to communicate only in sessions. Thats the norm, so i usually try to only do that, and i have 3 sessions a week, so often i manage without sending texts between. T`s never offored me his email, so i cant email him. And he has NEVER encoraged me to call, nor text him. Bit neither has he "punished" me for it, when i have. 2 times i ave written him a letter and sent it though. He then texted me, when he had read it, and said he wnted us to talk about it in session. So, finding out when to contact T has truly been a work i had to figure out myself.. He`S vague both in encourage and miscourage..so its always up to e to manouvre in this. I *think* thats a part of T`s "plan" to, that *i* gonna have to learn to find out, when it feels important enough to contact T. Ok, gonna stop now, because this became mostly rambling.. hope you found it hepful in a way, and wishing you all the best. Let us know how you cope with it all...?
I`like to answer your questions, but first say i a sorry your freaking out and having so much panick...ugh. Those times are exactly when i too, starts debating whethter or not to call/send texts to T, and usually end up do nothing, totally paralyzed and too anxious for contacting T. Its so sad in a way, that when we seem to need it the most (if only just a phone-call) we wont allow us that, both in fear for crossing a invisible boundarie, or in fear of "being too much", yeah i am sure you get the picture. And theres nothing like wating for than (damn) reply from T`s...Do you usually get reply from your dbt T when emailing? Sorry you feel bad about it, i dont think you should though.. Reaching out IS GOOD, it just dont feels like it, i know. ANYWAY:
quote:
when do you contact your t via phone? when you think about it? just for appointments? crisis? when you're sad?
when do you contact your t via email? just to give an update? during crisis? when you feel intense emotion? whenever the urge strikes you?
other ways you contact your t? when do you do those?
does your t have to encourage you to use these things or do you just do them? does your t have to discourage you sometimes? when?
quote:
I`ve talked to T one phone 3 times. In almost 2 years. First phonecall, was T calling me to reschedule in a hurry. It lasted for 10 sec. 2 phonecall- i sent him a text- and asked him to call, because i dealt with great anxiety and panick, and wanted to cancell all my appt. The conversation lasted for mybe 4 minuts. It helped alot, and i ended up going to all my appt.after all. but i was emberrassed and a bit surprised that i has asked him to call me, which i had never done before. 3 call...that was the most difficult phonecall..I was supose to come in for my last session before long vacation, but the night before, i got into a car-accident and ended up in the hospital. All i could think of was my T and my session that i wouldnt manage to go to, because i was stuck in a bed, in pain and head-injury after the car drove into me. So, i first texted T, said i couldnt make it to the session, and said i wantet to ring him instead, the next day, to say good bye and hear his voice before the 6 weeks break. I called, (from a totally dark hospital-room, with bandage all over my body) and we talked for maybe 5 minuts. Gosh- sorry i am rambling! lol, your questions really made me remember things.. So, yes, i only will call if i am sure it is important enough. I do text sometimes, mostly for reschedule, sometimes also when i feel overwhemed by sadness after a session. I wont expect reply to them, but T will usually do. But the norma, that he also encourage to, is to communicate only in sessions. Thats the norm, so i usually try to only do that, and i have 3 sessions a week, so often i manage without sending texts between. T`s never offored me his email, so i cant email him. And he has NEVER encoraged me to call, nor text him. Bit neither has he "punished" me for it, when i have. 2 times i ave written him a letter and sent it though. He then texted me, when he had read it, and said he wnted us to talk about it in session. So, finding out when to contact T has truly been a work i had to figure out myself.. He`S vague both in encourage and miscourage..so its always up to e to manouvre in this. I *think* thats a part of T`s "plan" to, that *i* gonna have to learn to find out, when it feels important enough to contact T. Ok, gonna stop now, because this became mostly rambling.. hope you found it hepful in a way, and wishing you all the best. Let us know how you cope with it all...?
Can i first ask (sorry if you mentioned this meny times here before) Why you have 2 T`s? And what does DBT means? whats the shortening? Hm.. so, normally you only contact T, but this time you mailed DBT T? And your refular T and DBT are talking toghethter about you, yeah? hm..sorry for all the questions, i am trying to figure out how i would have "solved" having two T`s and which of them to mail etc..
Yes, i will only call if i cant help myself. I dunno actually when that is... i guess if i start thinking about calling, sort of get fixated on it, and cant stand the thought of waiting for the session to talk, i will ask T to call..(by first asking for it on a text) But, since i`ve only did that twice, that "important enough" criteria, means i almost never feels that my "crisis" are important enough. I rather text him then. BUt thats rare too. Somthing unimportant would be something like, "i am just sad and want to talk to you" stuff...it must REALLY belive that T also would understnad i am calling only because there are no other options.. but i am WAY too paranoid about this, and i am sure part of my healing-process would be to allow myself to ease that "important enough" thing.. Even if i feel urges to sh, i`ll rather not call. its crazy. And i stop myself from calling, because i know i would feels tupid when talking to him just to say "i needed to talk because i feel x and z, but now i am ok, so never mind"
Well, those two letters was..lol..more things i COULDNT bring myself to talk about in sessions. I wrote (A LONG LETTER) about what i felt for him (basically i told him i was in love with him, and that i couldnt deal with it anymore). I just left the letter on his door-step and ran away. I freaked out. The second letter i gave in session, so he read it in the session, while i was there. The content was also about stuff/feelings and thoughts about therapy, i didnt manage to talk aobut there. (T always likes these letters, so i love writing them too.) Its interesting that you only write about memories..i do ONLY write about feelings regard to therapy/T. Its not that hard for me to talk about memories in session, so i guess thats why. Maybe thats what your doing when sending emails too, write about how you feel and stuff regard to sessions?
Yes, i will only call if i cant help myself. I dunno actually when that is... i guess if i start thinking about calling, sort of get fixated on it, and cant stand the thought of waiting for the session to talk, i will ask T to call..(by first asking for it on a text) But, since i`ve only did that twice, that "important enough" criteria, means i almost never feels that my "crisis" are important enough. I rather text him then. BUt thats rare too. Somthing unimportant would be something like, "i am just sad and want to talk to you" stuff...it must REALLY belive that T also would understnad i am calling only because there are no other options.. but i am WAY too paranoid about this, and i am sure part of my healing-process would be to allow myself to ease that "important enough" thing.. Even if i feel urges to sh, i`ll rather not call. its crazy. And i stop myself from calling, because i know i would feels tupid when talking to him just to say "i needed to talk because i feel x and z, but now i am ok, so never mind"
Well, those two letters was..lol..more things i COULDNT bring myself to talk about in sessions. I wrote (A LONG LETTER) about what i felt for him (basically i told him i was in love with him, and that i couldnt deal with it anymore). I just left the letter on his door-step and ran away. I freaked out. The second letter i gave in session, so he read it in the session, while i was there. The content was also about stuff/feelings and thoughts about therapy, i didnt manage to talk aobut there. (T always likes these letters, so i love writing them too.) Its interesting that you only write about memories..i do ONLY write about feelings regard to therapy/T. Its not that hard for me to talk about memories in session, so i guess thats why. Maybe thats what your doing when sending emails too, write about how you feel and stuff regard to sessions?
Hi DF,
I kind of feel like you do. Calling causes me more anxiety so I have tended not to do it. Until lately, when I''ve called two or three times over the past 2 months, which still averages out to one phone call a month. One time was about the letter I sent him and asked him to call me and he didn't. This last time, I was really in distress, severe emotional pain and I had just seen him and wouldn't see him again for 5 days and was facing the weekend, which generally are very hard for me. He spent this time 10 - 15 minutes on the phone with me and was very helpful. Once at the beginning of therapy told me if I was in pain in between sessions to call him. I did call him once or twice but it caused me so much anxiety worrying if he was mad I called that I never bothered him again.
We've never talked about email and texting, though I am thinking now that we are talking about all this difficult emotional stuff and it's so close to the surface, it might be wise to talk to him about extra support in between sessions.
I'm kind of tempted to ask him now if it's okay I call because I do feel a bit needy right now. But on the other hand, he led me down this path and I'm thinking is kind of expecting for my emotions to become more exposed and out of control. Like, it would almost be a suprrise or disconcerting if I didn't call. On the phone, I told him that it was stupid, the thing that "triggered" me. His reply was that you have so much going on right now and it's not stupid. He didn't say that in session. So, he hasn't really summed up why I've been so out of control lately yet but I have a feeling it's coming.
I totally relate to what all the others say about numbing. That too has been my fear. I might be really upset about something but will have suppressed so that by the time he might call back, I'd think it was stupid to have called and sorry to have bothered you. Maybe when you (or me) can get to the point when we stop numbing - that would be a really healthy sign - and be able to recall the emotions on the spot, right there and then. When they don't feel so overpowering???
I kind of feel like you do. Calling causes me more anxiety so I have tended not to do it. Until lately, when I''ve called two or three times over the past 2 months, which still averages out to one phone call a month. One time was about the letter I sent him and asked him to call me and he didn't. This last time, I was really in distress, severe emotional pain and I had just seen him and wouldn't see him again for 5 days and was facing the weekend, which generally are very hard for me. He spent this time 10 - 15 minutes on the phone with me and was very helpful. Once at the beginning of therapy told me if I was in pain in between sessions to call him. I did call him once or twice but it caused me so much anxiety worrying if he was mad I called that I never bothered him again.
We've never talked about email and texting, though I am thinking now that we are talking about all this difficult emotional stuff and it's so close to the surface, it might be wise to talk to him about extra support in between sessions.
I'm kind of tempted to ask him now if it's okay I call because I do feel a bit needy right now. But on the other hand, he led me down this path and I'm thinking is kind of expecting for my emotions to become more exposed and out of control. Like, it would almost be a suprrise or disconcerting if I didn't call. On the phone, I told him that it was stupid, the thing that "triggered" me. His reply was that you have so much going on right now and it's not stupid. He didn't say that in session. So, he hasn't really summed up why I've been so out of control lately yet but I have a feeling it's coming.
I totally relate to what all the others say about numbing. That too has been my fear. I might be really upset about something but will have suppressed so that by the time he might call back, I'd think it was stupid to have called and sorry to have bothered you. Maybe when you (or me) can get to the point when we stop numbing - that would be a really healthy sign - and be able to recall the emotions on the spot, right there and then. When they don't feel so overpowering???
Hi Deepfried,
I have been working with my T for over 2 years. She has very firm boundries. She does not have e-mail or text. I have only called her about 2 times since I started seeing her. She really doesn't encourage me to call her but when I have called her she has called me back. She has never gotten mad when I have. She is only in the office 2-3 per week. There are a lot of times I feel the need to call her but I don't. I don't know why I don't though. I think I just don't want to bother her and feel I can wait until our next session. I wish I felt more comfortable calling her. Maybe the fact that she doesn't say call me if I need her. She has an answering service so I would have to call them if it's after hours or call her office staff. I hope this helps.
PG
I have been working with my T for over 2 years. She has very firm boundries. She does not have e-mail or text. I have only called her about 2 times since I started seeing her. She really doesn't encourage me to call her but when I have called her she has called me back. She has never gotten mad when I have. She is only in the office 2-3 per week. There are a lot of times I feel the need to call her but I don't. I don't know why I don't though. I think I just don't want to bother her and feel I can wait until our next session. I wish I felt more comfortable calling her. Maybe the fact that she doesn't say call me if I need her. She has an answering service so I would have to call them if it's after hours or call her office staff. I hope this helps.
PG
Hey DF. I think the responses that you’re having sound totally reasonable (I want to say even necessary?) in light of everything you have been going though, and the stress of things coming up. You probably already know some of my answers to your questions from other stuff I’ve posted…
I mainly tend to call my T when I’m feeling overwhelmed with several things, and I don’t feel like I can wait till a session. If I can call him and just get one thing out, then it makes the other things I’m dealing with seem more manageable. I’ve also called him when I miss him, or I want someone to talk to.
I have my T’s email, I emailed him once when I wanted to copy & paste a couple articles that brought up a lot of stuff, and I didn’t want to take the time to read them to him. Other than that, I don’t really like email, I would much rather text or call my T or talk to him in person.
I text him when I can’t talk on the phone, or when I just want some quick reassurance, or to tell him about an accomplishment so I can get an “I’m proud of you!” lol. If I want to talk to him during the day I’ll send him a text asking him to call and then he’ll text me back and say he can call at whatever time.
Yes, he encourages me a lot. He almost always reminds me in session that I can call him or ask for more sessions. Also whenever I call him he either says right away that he’s happy to hear from me, or at the end he will say that he’s happy I called. He also compliments me a lot when I ask for another session, saying things like he’s so happy I reached out, and that I hope I can see there’s someone here who cares about me. With him giving me so much encouragement about reaching out it makes it pretty easy to reach out.
I wish I could find a way to magically make you not feel bad about contacting your T. I don’t really have anything that I do or tell myself specifically that makes me feel better about contacting him; it’s mainly just my T reassuring me so much.
I mainly tend to call my T when I’m feeling overwhelmed with several things, and I don’t feel like I can wait till a session. If I can call him and just get one thing out, then it makes the other things I’m dealing with seem more manageable. I’ve also called him when I miss him, or I want someone to talk to.
I have my T’s email, I emailed him once when I wanted to copy & paste a couple articles that brought up a lot of stuff, and I didn’t want to take the time to read them to him. Other than that, I don’t really like email, I would much rather text or call my T or talk to him in person.
I text him when I can’t talk on the phone, or when I just want some quick reassurance, or to tell him about an accomplishment so I can get an “I’m proud of you!” lol. If I want to talk to him during the day I’ll send him a text asking him to call and then he’ll text me back and say he can call at whatever time.
Yes, he encourages me a lot. He almost always reminds me in session that I can call him or ask for more sessions. Also whenever I call him he either says right away that he’s happy to hear from me, or at the end he will say that he’s happy I called. He also compliments me a lot when I ask for another session, saying things like he’s so happy I reached out, and that I hope I can see there’s someone here who cares about me. With him giving me so much encouragement about reaching out it makes it pretty easy to reach out.
I wish I could find a way to magically make you not feel bad about contacting your T. I don’t really have anything that I do or tell myself specifically that makes me feel better about contacting him; it’s mainly just my T reassuring me so much.
DF,
First, I would like to say that I don't think the level of contact that you have described is too much, but I understand those feelings of feeling like a burden, or too needy or too much for your T.
Let's see, I have contacted my T outside of sessions off and on since I first started seeing her. A few months into therapy I think I contacted her by phone during office hours a handful of times. Most of the time it was just for some ideas on how to manage feelings that felt out of control. Sometimes we tried stuff over the phone and other times she offered to have me come in for an extra session.
My T does not do email. I struggle to call my T and ask for what I need or reach out to her when I need her help. It was worse earlier on and has become a bit easier over time as I've consistently been able to reach out when I needed to and she has met those needs to be reassured, have extra sessions or just to talk to her for a few minutes.
Since this summer, T and I have been texting and that has become our more preferred form of communication out of session. Not only for me, but for T as well. She agrees that it is more convenient for both of us sometimes to just exchange a few quick texts vs having a phone conversation etc.
Reasons why I contact my T....well, it varies. Everything from needing a schedule change to full scale flashbacks and feeling out of control. Usually, I contact her when all of my coping methods have failed and I feel alone and overwhelmed. It has actually been helpful to our relationship and to my healing to be able to allow myself to reach out for that help when I have needed it. I spent my entire life coping on my own and getting very good at not needing anyone else. So, allowing myself to reach out to T and have those needs met has been a big part of my healing. Often it is enough for me to just send a quick text stating something like, "Having a rough day. Just need to know you are there." and she will respond back letting me know she is there and often we will exchange a few quick texts, usually something that distracts me and makes me feel like she is there and I'm not alone.
I also forgot to mention that I can always call T's office phone and leave a message or even just listen to her VM message. I also contact T between session routinely in the form of faxes. I write to her between sessions and fax the letters to her. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes a little and sometimes not at all. It depends on what is going on. T is fine with the writing as long as it doesn't replace talking in session.
First, I would like to say that I don't think the level of contact that you have described is too much, but I understand those feelings of feeling like a burden, or too needy or too much for your T.
Let's see, I have contacted my T outside of sessions off and on since I first started seeing her. A few months into therapy I think I contacted her by phone during office hours a handful of times. Most of the time it was just for some ideas on how to manage feelings that felt out of control. Sometimes we tried stuff over the phone and other times she offered to have me come in for an extra session.
My T does not do email. I struggle to call my T and ask for what I need or reach out to her when I need her help. It was worse earlier on and has become a bit easier over time as I've consistently been able to reach out when I needed to and she has met those needs to be reassured, have extra sessions or just to talk to her for a few minutes.
Since this summer, T and I have been texting and that has become our more preferred form of communication out of session. Not only for me, but for T as well. She agrees that it is more convenient for both of us sometimes to just exchange a few quick texts vs having a phone conversation etc.
Reasons why I contact my T....well, it varies. Everything from needing a schedule change to full scale flashbacks and feeling out of control. Usually, I contact her when all of my coping methods have failed and I feel alone and overwhelmed. It has actually been helpful to our relationship and to my healing to be able to allow myself to reach out for that help when I have needed it. I spent my entire life coping on my own and getting very good at not needing anyone else. So, allowing myself to reach out to T and have those needs met has been a big part of my healing. Often it is enough for me to just send a quick text stating something like, "Having a rough day. Just need to know you are there." and she will respond back letting me know she is there and often we will exchange a few quick texts, usually something that distracts me and makes me feel like she is there and I'm not alone.
I also forgot to mention that I can always call T's office phone and leave a message or even just listen to her VM message. I also contact T between session routinely in the form of faxes. I write to her between sessions and fax the letters to her. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes a little and sometimes not at all. It depends on what is going on. T is fine with the writing as long as it doesn't replace talking in session.
...
(deleated to take out some personal details.)
(deleated to take out some personal details.)
(((((DF))))))
so sorry you are hurting so much
what about calling your T and leaving a message just to let her know you are struggling? I bet your T would WANT to know how you are doing. I know, so much easier said than done.
please be safe tonight - I just care about you...
so sorry you are hurting so much
what about calling your T and leaving a message just to let her know you are struggling? I bet your T would WANT to know how you are doing. I know, so much easier said than done.
please be safe tonight - I just care about you...
DF,
SO sorry you are having a tough time tonight. Could you call T and leave a message? My T actually has never defined crisis. Just told me if I'm in emotional pain to call. But my last T doublebooked an apppointment once on me. And, then she told me she had to see the other woman because she was "in crisis". She explained that the crisis was that the woman had had a miscarriage. Yes, that's bad. But the night I called, I actually thought I was going to have to be hospitalized. But did I say anything? No. Did I think I was more in crisis than she? Not at the time. Maybe eventually, yes. But I don't know that I ever would have asserted myself over someone else. So, my current T has never used the word "crisis" to describe in between session phone calls. But I have decided in my mind that if it's important enough for me, then I need to call him. I have to define crisis in my mind. It can't be his definition. OF course, I've called 4 times in three years, so I'm still defining crisis in a very limited way. But that's okay. DF, you have every right to call, honey.
SO sorry you are having a tough time tonight. Could you call T and leave a message? My T actually has never defined crisis. Just told me if I'm in emotional pain to call. But my last T doublebooked an apppointment once on me. And, then she told me she had to see the other woman because she was "in crisis". She explained that the crisis was that the woman had had a miscarriage. Yes, that's bad. But the night I called, I actually thought I was going to have to be hospitalized. But did I say anything? No. Did I think I was more in crisis than she? Not at the time. Maybe eventually, yes. But I don't know that I ever would have asserted myself over someone else. So, my current T has never used the word "crisis" to describe in between session phone calls. But I have decided in my mind that if it's important enough for me, then I need to call him. I have to define crisis in my mind. It can't be his definition. OF course, I've called 4 times in three years, so I'm still defining crisis in a very limited way. But that's okay. DF, you have every right to call, honey.
Oh DF, Please don't apologize for getting your stuff wrapped in the this thread. I really understand the bind you are you more now. I wasn't getting it before. Maybe T just isn't the T for you and it has nothing to do with you. Is it a possibility to look for a new T? Can you tell new T exactly what you said, that you just don't know why you can't connect with her?
Df, maybe you do have the skills for certain situations but it seems clear to me that the situation with the T you are left with is causing you a considerable amount of distress. Maybe you haven't approached a situation like this before? IT sounds really uncomfortable. It sounds like you need to talk to someone about it.
Df, maybe you do have the skills for certain situations but it seems clear to me that the situation with the T you are left with is causing you a considerable amount of distress. Maybe you haven't approached a situation like this before? IT sounds really uncomfortable. It sounds like you need to talk to someone about it.
DF - I agree, please no apologies. This whole forum is all about all our stuff, so there is no need to apologize about talking about yor stuff. That's what this place is for...
please don;t judge yourself for this. I have the skills to not SH too, but even then, I have still SHed. Stopping SH often is about a lot more than just knowing skills to o something different.
you don't have to tell them of the SH just to tell them you are struggling - and there is no pressur ehere to tell them anything, I just still do think saying something would be a good idea, and I tootally understand how hard it is. It might be good did you did say something of the SH, but you don't have to. You could just tell them you are overwhelmed and need help - perhaps even say you need help and support and to be listened to so you can use the skills yourself
they could give you compassion and support you in other ways too - therapy and healing is about more than just learning skills - like talking though all the other stuff of life...
it sounds like a tough bind you are in...
if she knew of the SH, and her only response was to go back on meds - that would drive me nuts too.
the most important thing here is getting the support you need - including support around dealing with ruptures in relationship w T. That can be SO hard!
I hope you can find a way to talk to your T - maybe even say that the session was hard because of the ruputure in the reloationship and you want that to go better... and see how your T handles that... and then if works out... then tell her about how distress you have been and then the SH...
I dunnno
but please do keep posting and reaching out here (as long as it is helpful for you)
and disregard any of my words if they are totally off.
many hugs,
~jane
quote:i have the skills not to do this i just wonder why i won't and can't connect with my t.
please don;t judge yourself for this. I have the skills to not SH too, but even then, I have still SHed. Stopping SH often is about a lot more than just knowing skills to o something different.
quote:i don't want to tell them and i don't know what they can do to help. they know i have the right skills so they couldn't give me more skills.
you don't have to tell them of the SH just to tell them you are struggling - and there is no pressur ehere to tell them anything, I just still do think saying something would be a good idea, and I tootally understand how hard it is. It might be good did you did say something of the SH, but you don't have to. You could just tell them you are overwhelmed and need help - perhaps even say you need help and support and to be listened to so you can use the skills yourself
they could give you compassion and support you in other ways too - therapy and healing is about more than just learning skills - like talking though all the other stuff of life...
quote:regular t would probably tell me to go get my meds fixed with no regard for how difficult things have been anyway.
it sounds like a tough bind you are in...
if she knew of the SH, and her only response was to go back on meds - that would drive me nuts too.
the most important thing here is getting the support you need - including support around dealing with ruptures in relationship w T. That can be SO hard!
I hope you can find a way to talk to your T - maybe even say that the session was hard because of the ruputure in the reloationship and you want that to go better... and see how your T handles that... and then if works out... then tell her about how distress you have been and then the SH...
I dunnno
but please do keep posting and reaching out here (as long as it is helpful for you)
and disregard any of my words if they are totally off.
many hugs,
~jane
Well, DF...I tried more than once to respond to this thread, and everytime my response got blocked, in fact. So, based on what I was trying to say, I am assuming that you must have a good T there 
and my computer knows it- and somehow you must learn to open up to her somehow! That's all I'm going to say, before my computer actually shuts down on me again as I try to post!
much love,,
BB
and my computer knows it- and somehow you must learn to open up to her somehow! That's all I'm going to say, before my computer actually shuts down on me again as I try to post!much love,,
BB
my T has said "that is the lesson" to do what I feel like doing when it comes to contacting him outside of session...and let him do what he feels like doing. I knew that so I tried to maek myself contact him when ever I felt like it...which was frequently. Lately he has said ' I do not want to talk about tender issues on email." So I'm confused...what was the lesson again?
T's can be so weird.
T's can be so weird.
I hope you are doing well today...thinking of you.
DF: I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. I know how hard it is to contact T, but it really sounds like you are struggling and in need of more support. I wonder if you could work with your T specifically around the issue of your difficulty asking for help. Do you need more clarification from her about what is ok and when or is it that you struggle to allow yourself to need the help?
BB: You have done your part by reaching out when you need to. Your T has done his part by setting his boundary with what he is ok discussing outside of session. Neither of you is wrong in that. I think what he means is that if more serious matters need to be discussed that it's better to handle those in session so that they can have the time and attention they deserve.
BB: You have done your part by reaching out when you need to. Your T has done his part by setting his boundary with what he is ok discussing outside of session. Neither of you is wrong in that. I think what he means is that if more serious matters need to be discussed that it's better to handle those in session so that they can have the time and attention they deserve.
DF, I am so sorry things are so incredibly rough right now. For what it's worth, I think you could learn every healthy coping skill in the world, but it wouldn't do a darn thing if you don't have the emotional support that you need. And that's exactly what it sounds like you're not getting from your T right now. You say you've gotten all of the skills, so your Ts can't give you any - well it's not skills you need, DF. It's just support and validation. I don't know what exactly triggered your SH, but it seems to me that it's not the failure of your skills that triggered it but the failure of your T. With her so focused on the meds issue, it's no wonder why you feel you can't contact your T. It's like telling you your feelings aren't real, because your brain chemicals are out of whack. Whether they are or not, your feelings are still REAL - you are still in a huge amount of pain. And no matter what, she should always be sensitive and caring to you and your pain.
There are absolutely no apologies needed for talking about this on this thread. It is YOUR thread after all - IMO, you can do whatever you want with it.
I do really, really hope you're able to contact your T (either one or both), although I also completely understand why you feel you can't and/or don't want to. I'm horrible when it comes to contacting my T, so I hear you there, although I still want to encourage you to try and call if you think that it will help you.
Big hugs to you, and keep posting so long as it helps you. ((((DF))))
There are absolutely no apologies needed for talking about this on this thread. It is YOUR thread after all - IMO, you can do whatever you want with it.
I do really, really hope you're able to contact your T (either one or both), although I also completely understand why you feel you can't and/or don't want to. I'm horrible when it comes to contacting my T, so I hear you there, although I still want to encourage you to try and call if you think that it will help you.Big hugs to you, and keep posting so long as it helps you. ((((DF))))
FYI, so my T said to me today, "you hardly ever call me outside of session" ... and here I have all this anxiety about calling him, right? and I'm calling too much, etc.
I guess I was trying to say what Kashley said, and I got freaked out because my computer shut down both times and deleted my reply! But yes, that your T needs to vlaidate your feelings more, it sounds like.
Many comforting hugs,
BB
Many comforting hugs,
BB
DF,
Sounds like all good stuff. The support you need is the support you need, right? If only we could all convince ourselves of that and allow it to happen and not bash ourselves for it.
Sounds like all good stuff. The support you need is the support you need, right? If only we could all convince ourselves of that and allow it to happen and not bash ourselves for it.