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quote:and to figure out what the 'feel' like sometimes i have to get really in to them (so i can sense them the next time i feel them come up).
How ya doin', DF??? Thinking of you, hopeing you aren't too numbed out
These are interesting questions. I never really thought about this as somethng that "I do." But, I guess I do. To be honest, my ways of trying to experience feeling aren't all that healthy, so I won't share then here, because I don't think they would be that helpful...I like yours though.
I was wondering what some of your "angry activities" are? If you are comfortabel sharing as that is an emotion I find difficult to feel ok feeling. I think that one, I block, probably. Probably my T would agree.
anyways...I hope you are coping in your transition alright. Just sending support your way, Thinking of you, hoping you are well.
BB
HI DF,
I don't think you're unusual at all. WEll, at least if I'm any indication. It's only been within the last month that I've been able to make any connections at all. And the "tool" that did it was the extreme fear response I had when my T didn't call. I swear there is a connection. It was brutal to feel that fear response but I've been able to make connections much more now. I still can't "share" my emotions with anyone. Sometimes, I dream of crying to my T and telling him how much I hurt but I can't do that. I don't know DF, it all sounds kind of normal to me. But I'm not normal, so what do I know?
I don't think you're unusual at all. WEll, at least if I'm any indication. It's only been within the last month that I've been able to make any connections at all. And the "tool" that did it was the extreme fear response I had when my T didn't call. I swear there is a connection. It was brutal to feel that fear response but I've been able to make connections much more now. I still can't "share" my emotions with anyone. Sometimes, I dream of crying to my T and telling him how much I hurt but I can't do that. I don't know DF, it all sounds kind of normal to me. But I'm not normal, so what do I know?
thanks for the phone book one-hah!
hm, it's not that I never feel anger, I do...in fact at times it can be kind of uncontrollable. Then it goes into dormancy for awhile and I just don't care. You sound like my T, he says that it's like my "energy gets frozen." I'm sondering if that is how you experience some of your other emotions to, like they are "frozen." Do you get paralyzed? I get what Liese is saying, about it being normal...but I think it's normal in the context of so much abnormlcy, if that makes sense. In the sense that it's a normal reaction to a very abnormal and unfair environment you grew up in. Glad, that you are able to feel the anger about that at times...that seems very positive to me. I want to say that I know you will not beleive this, but you were, and *are* "entitled" as you put it, DF. Entitled to respect, to care, to friendship to be loved and cared about, entitled to closeness and all the good things that people should give to eachother. Yes, you are deeply entitled.
I'm still blocking anger very much in that area, stuff from the past, I suppose. I still tend to take all the blame for what is wrong on myself. I get real guilty feeling if I don't. Interestingly, I can get really angry at my kids.
That one I cannot allow, I have to block, as I can't do that "angry thing" to them, and deeply regret it when I even show slight annoyance to them. Kinda like you with your sweet, annoying kitty! Ah, anger is a landmine...I really don't understand it at all, how is it ok, when is it ok, it's all confusing! My T and I will be getting into this more, I'm sure.
Hm as far as the other emotions, listening to music sometimes helps a bit lately!
ok, gotta go...hugs, backatcha!
Beebs
hm, it's not that I never feel anger, I do...in fact at times it can be kind of uncontrollable. Then it goes into dormancy for awhile and I just don't care. You sound like my T, he says that it's like my "energy gets frozen." I'm sondering if that is how you experience some of your other emotions to, like they are "frozen." Do you get paralyzed? I get what Liese is saying, about it being normal...but I think it's normal in the context of so much abnormlcy, if that makes sense. In the sense that it's a normal reaction to a very abnormal and unfair environment you grew up in. Glad, that you are able to feel the anger about that at times...that seems very positive to me. I want to say that I know you will not beleive this, but you were, and *are* "entitled" as you put it, DF. Entitled to respect, to care, to friendship to be loved and cared about, entitled to closeness and all the good things that people should give to eachother. Yes, you are deeply entitled.
I'm still blocking anger very much in that area, stuff from the past, I suppose. I still tend to take all the blame for what is wrong on myself. I get real guilty feeling if I don't. Interestingly, I can get really angry at my kids.
That one I cannot allow, I have to block, as I can't do that "angry thing" to them, and deeply regret it when I even show slight annoyance to them. Kinda like you with your sweet, annoying kitty! Ah, anger is a landmine...I really don't understand it at all, how is it ok, when is it ok, it's all confusing! My T and I will be getting into this more, I'm sure. Hm as far as the other emotions, listening to music sometimes helps a bit lately!
ok, gotta go...hugs, backatcha!
Beebs
Hey DF,
I totally relate to the frozen emotions. It's a very odd experience when I actually DO feel something. It sounds like you have very healthy ways of embracing your emotions and trying to figure them out, so to speak. My T always encourages me to do this, to pay attention to where a feeling is coming from, to listen to it and hear what it's trying to say. Never works for me. Not yet at least.
I know I'm afraid of anger. Very afraid of it. I even noticed a couple weeks ago a friend of mine who was angry at her boyfriend (which has absolutely nothing to do with me!!) and venting to me about it, but I was really tense, wanting to shrink, and feeling almost desperate to find something that would help her "feel better" so that I wouldn't be to blame for her anger. It's so ridiculous, but it's also completely automatic.
Pretty much the only emotion that I know I can trigger is sadness. My biggest trigger for sadness is probably horses (I pretty much bawled through Secretariat), because I have such a past with them that's both good and bad. So, if I'm really feeling like I need to cry, I'll put in a movie about horses. Take your pick..even the bad ones seem to do the trick for me! I don't intentionally trigger myself much at all, though. Forget just anger scaring me...I think all of my emotions scare me.
I'm starting to see the same thing as you, DF - that I've really never learned how to deal with emotion. I'll have to keep in mind some of the things you said and see if I can find some way to safely express an emotion without it completely overwhelming me. And by the way, I love how okay you are with anger. Even though I'm afraid of it, I know it's a healthy emotion (when expressed in a healthy way), so it's neat to read how you work with it.
Hugs to you!
I totally relate to the frozen emotions. It's a very odd experience when I actually DO feel something. It sounds like you have very healthy ways of embracing your emotions and trying to figure them out, so to speak. My T always encourages me to do this, to pay attention to where a feeling is coming from, to listen to it and hear what it's trying to say. Never works for me. Not yet at least.
I know I'm afraid of anger. Very afraid of it. I even noticed a couple weeks ago a friend of mine who was angry at her boyfriend (which has absolutely nothing to do with me!!) and venting to me about it, but I was really tense, wanting to shrink, and feeling almost desperate to find something that would help her "feel better" so that I wouldn't be to blame for her anger. It's so ridiculous, but it's also completely automatic.
Pretty much the only emotion that I know I can trigger is sadness. My biggest trigger for sadness is probably horses (I pretty much bawled through Secretariat), because I have such a past with them that's both good and bad. So, if I'm really feeling like I need to cry, I'll put in a movie about horses. Take your pick..even the bad ones seem to do the trick for me! I don't intentionally trigger myself much at all, though. Forget just anger scaring me...I think all of my emotions scare me.
I'm starting to see the same thing as you, DF - that I've really never learned how to deal with emotion. I'll have to keep in mind some of the things you said and see if I can find some way to safely express an emotion without it completely overwhelming me. And by the way, I love how okay you are with anger. Even though I'm afraid of it, I know it's a healthy emotion (when expressed in a healthy way), so it's neat to read how you work with it.
Hugs to you!
haha! I just remembered from your post- once I destroyed a new cd, just smashed it to smithereens, bashed it threw it and stomped all over it and even then wasn't done with it- because I couldn't get it open...ooooo, just thinking about it is working me up into a lather! wow! I guess I MUST have a lot of anger in there- that is hysterical! Unfortunately, I like to destroy expensive things, that is very satisfying for some reason...hmmm.
Nope, sorry- you're not scary. I hate to disappoint you, there!
My T says that he does a lot of anger work in some kind of special setting where he teaches clients how to let it out. He told me that the way he does it is extremely effective. He lets (used to let) me write him really nasty emails to the offending person, and make them as nasty as I wanted, but send them to him. That was kind of fun, but I felt it was not "real" anger, but I was trying to "show off" see, T, I really can get angry, watch this! But we've never done anything like that controlled setting stuff he and I. I'm too scared to get angry in front of him, beyond just the "grumpies" lately. I mean I think like you, I probably carry some serious rage inside based on the cd incident and others like it.. 
Last session I got a little ticked off cause T cracked some little joke in passing about how I think he's "almighty God" and I felt a little mad about that, and said "you think it's *funny* that I think you are almighty?" He explained that he was joking like that because he and I have a kind of standing joke about it, that eases some of the tension around it- and I had temporarily forgotten about that. But it did get a bit easier to open up after that, and we had a really good session.
Sadness? All I have to do is call a family member...that does it every time, especially lately. Their own special brand of misunderstnading me and thinking I'm an idiot but never saying it outright, can get me crying for hours, if I let myself think about it. That and thinking about how my T doesn't love me, and that I will never meet him IP, and thinking of his face and wishing for a hug....that does it too.
What about excitement? I never, ever feel excited about anything, just blah, I don't care...I mean *nothing* excites me, and I can't figure out if I'm just a calm person, or if I'm just boring, or if it's suppressed. You?
BB
Nope, sorry- you're not scary. I hate to disappoint you, there!
My T says that he does a lot of anger work in some kind of special setting where he teaches clients how to let it out. He told me that the way he does it is extremely effective. He lets (used to let
) me write him really nasty emails to the offending person, and make them as nasty as I wanted, but send them to him. That was kind of fun, but I felt it was not "real" anger, but I was trying to "show off" see, T, I really can get angry, watch this! But we've never done anything like that controlled setting stuff he and I. I'm too scared to get angry in front of him, beyond just the "grumpies" lately. I mean I think like you, I probably carry some serious rage inside based on the cd incident and others like it.. Last session I got a little ticked off cause T cracked some little joke in passing about how I think he's "almighty God" and I felt a little mad about that, and said "you think it's *funny* that I think you are almighty?" He explained that he was joking like that because he and I have a kind of standing joke about it, that eases some of the tension around it- and I had temporarily forgotten about that. But it did get a bit easier to open up after that, and we had a really good session. Sadness? All I have to do is call a family member...that does it every time, especially lately. Their own special brand of misunderstnading me and thinking I'm an idiot but never saying it outright, can get me crying for hours, if I let myself think about it. That and thinking about how my T doesn't love me, and that I will never meet him IP, and thinking of his face and wishing for a hug....that does it too.
What about excitement? I never, ever feel excited about anything, just blah, I don't care...I mean *nothing* excites me, and I can't figure out if I'm just a calm person, or if I'm just boring, or if it's suppressed. You?
BB
Very interesting topic. I'm not too good with feeling emotions either. I usually suppress whatever emotion I sense coming up before I can actually feel it. I always thought I was pretty connected with my emotions until therapy started getting harder a few weeks ago. I noticed how I can talk about the worst things and not feel anything. I know it's there, but I won't let it come up. I'm not sure if it's exactly the same with you since I fight my emotions in public (keeping my pokerface at all times, also in therapy unfortunately, but that's another issue)and as a result, am not able to let them out when I'm alone either.
What I do if I get too tense and realize that they have got to come out:
Listen to music. It's the one thing that makes me cry so easily or where I get this energy from or feel strong. I don't listen to what they sing about but what emotions they bring across. Music holds so much power for me, not a day passes without me listening to music. Sometimes I have to listen to certain songs for a while but in the end, it always works for me. Might be worth a try if you haven't tried it. Really concentrate on the music, the sound, how it makes you feel.
Are you sure that you want to feel? Or do you think it's possible that you feel like it's going to overwhelm you or that you can't handle it or that you can't stop?
There was one time when I got really, really angry...I was around 11 (very tough year for me)and my sister got on my nerves big time. So I got angry, she fled into the bathroom and locked it and I kicked in the glass door. Pieces of broken glass everywhere, a screaming sister and my parents yelling at me. Now, whenever I get angry, I fall silent. I might consider bubble wrap (thanks for the hint
)
What I do if I get too tense and realize that they have got to come out:
Listen to music. It's the one thing that makes me cry so easily or where I get this energy from or feel strong. I don't listen to what they sing about but what emotions they bring across. Music holds so much power for me, not a day passes without me listening to music. Sometimes I have to listen to certain songs for a while but in the end, it always works for me. Might be worth a try if you haven't tried it. Really concentrate on the music, the sound, how it makes you feel.
Are you sure that you want to feel? Or do you think it's possible that you feel like it's going to overwhelm you or that you can't handle it or that you can't stop?
There was one time when I got really, really angry...I was around 11 (very tough year for me)and my sister got on my nerves big time. So I got angry, she fled into the bathroom and locked it and I kicked in the glass door. Pieces of broken glass everywhere, a screaming sister and my parents yelling at me. Now, whenever I get angry, I fall silent. I might consider bubble wrap (thanks for the hint
)
Just wondering if anyone get the fear response thing and being able to make connections?
DF, thanks! It's a very long thread, I totally understand if everybody has other things to do. I'm not sure I'd read it.
It's a good idea,provoking emotions. It doesn't always work for me unfortunately, when I'm too tense then I just have to wait it out until somebody says something that hurts.
I'm glad that you feel like you can handle it so that shouldn't be a problem then.
so, here's the list, please, I do not mean to offend anyone or list inappropriate songs. I've been caught singing very inappropriate songs because I just never listen to the lyrics. Except if there's no other way to connect to the song, but that is rarely the case.
And this is only my list, I'm sure I forgot hundreds of songs and it's not a universal remedy obviously.
Powerful music (not necessarily positively powerful):
-Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys (full of energy for me that song, never been to NY, I don’t even care what they sing about but that energy just flows through my body)
-Turn My Swag On by Keri Hilson (oops,embarrassing but I'm only being honest..)
-Not Afraid by Eminem. It’s powerful to me because I feel like I’m trapped in my fears so “And I just can't keep living this way, so starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage, I'm standing up, Imma face my demons […]” makes me wanna get up and start working on myself.
-Hedonism by Skunk Anansie (again, I’m not listening to what they sing about but I feel their anger and desperation).
-Linkin Park songs. Also belong to the category of anger.
-We Are the Champions by Queen
-November Rain by Guns’n’Roses
-Halo by Beyonce
Sad music
-O Children and Carry Me by Nick Cave
-Nude and How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead
-Roslyn by Bon Iver
-Stealing Tomorrow and This Is Not Like Home by Great Lake Swimmers
-Rain by Jon Heintz
-Gravity by Coldplay
-Drought and Momentum by Vienna Teng
-Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie
-Here Comes The Flood by Peter Gabriel
If you like instrumental/classical/piano music check out Yann Tiersen, he’s a French composer who’s written great Soundtracks. The movies are called “Good-Bye Lenin” and “Amélie”. If I need to calm myself down I listen to audio books, like Harry Potter for example… I don’t even have to listen to what is said, the voice is soothing enough. Or old Christms songs sung by Bill Crosby or Frank Sinatra.
It's a good idea,provoking emotions. It doesn't always work for me unfortunately, when I'm too tense then I just have to wait it out until somebody says something that hurts.
I'm glad that you feel like you can handle it so that shouldn't be a problem then.
so, here's the list, please, I do not mean to offend anyone or list inappropriate songs. I've been caught singing very inappropriate songs because I just never listen to the lyrics. Except if there's no other way to connect to the song, but that is rarely the case.
And this is only my list, I'm sure I forgot hundreds of songs and it's not a universal remedy obviously.
Powerful music (not necessarily positively powerful):
-Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys (full of energy for me that song, never been to NY, I don’t even care what they sing about but that energy just flows through my body)
-Turn My Swag On by Keri Hilson (oops,embarrassing but I'm only being honest..)
-Not Afraid by Eminem. It’s powerful to me because I feel like I’m trapped in my fears so “And I just can't keep living this way, so starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage, I'm standing up, Imma face my demons […]” makes me wanna get up and start working on myself.
-Hedonism by Skunk Anansie (again, I’m not listening to what they sing about but I feel their anger and desperation).
-Linkin Park songs. Also belong to the category of anger.
-We Are the Champions by Queen
-November Rain by Guns’n’Roses
-Halo by Beyonce
Sad music
-O Children and Carry Me by Nick Cave
-Nude and How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead
-Roslyn by Bon Iver
-Stealing Tomorrow and This Is Not Like Home by Great Lake Swimmers
-Rain by Jon Heintz
-Gravity by Coldplay
-Drought and Momentum by Vienna Teng
-Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie
-Here Comes The Flood by Peter Gabriel
If you like instrumental/classical/piano music check out Yann Tiersen, he’s a French composer who’s written great Soundtracks. The movies are called “Good-Bye Lenin” and “Amélie”. If I need to calm myself down I listen to audio books, like Harry Potter for example… I don’t even have to listen to what is said, the voice is soothing enough. Or old Christms songs sung by Bill Crosby or Frank Sinatra.
oh, my pleasure. I like exchanging music.
one of my all-time favorite piano songs (Yann Tiersen; Amélie)
another piano (and other instruments)track by Y.T.
When I was a kid, I used to own one of those little pianos that plays during the next track. When I heard it on the soundtrack I went to look for my own little piano and tried to play the tune. .
funny little piano
sad piano piece (Y.T. of course)
and the last one:
simply beautiful
I've never heard of Rob Costlow, but thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. Those two pieces are beautiful! I have to check out more later.
Yeah, Here Comes the Flood is very, very powerful. Makes me want to cry almost every time I hear it. (the Nick Cave songs as well).
one of my all-time favorite piano songs (Yann Tiersen; Amélie)
another piano (and other instruments)track by Y.T.
When I was a kid, I used to own one of those little pianos that plays during the next track. When I heard it on the soundtrack I went to look for my own little piano and tried to play the tune. .
funny little piano
sad piano piece (Y.T. of course)
and the last one:
simply beautiful
I've never heard of Rob Costlow, but thank you so much for bringing it to my attention. Those two pieces are beautiful! I have to check out more later.
Yeah, Here Comes the Flood is very, very powerful. Makes me want to cry almost every time I hear it. (the Nick Cave songs as well).