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Frostie
I am so sorry that this happened to you, sometimes our bodies seem to let us down and that is certainly not your fault. You are obviously under stress and pressure and sometimes this just comes out in our bodies and we have little control of that. I am glad you have an understanding friend that you could go to, but so sorry that your parents were not able to give you the support and help that you needed then. It is even harder when our parents don't live up to even basic expectations ....and what you were asking for from them was a very real and reasonable request given your circumstances at the time.
No wonder you felt so sad and hopeless, that was an incredibly difficult evening, even without your mum being unhelpful. The tears will stop Frosty and you will get through this, it IS progress that you can let these feelings out, even though I am sure at the moment it will feel the exact opposite.
This realisation of what has been hidden is so terrifying, but know that even if you have a 2 week break from T, there are friends here on the board that you can reach out to and get support from. Please tell us how you are and we will ask if you are ok...and will really care about your answers too.
many hugs to you frosty,
starfish
I am so sorry that this happened to you, sometimes our bodies seem to let us down and that is certainly not your fault. You are obviously under stress and pressure and sometimes this just comes out in our bodies and we have little control of that. I am glad you have an understanding friend that you could go to, but so sorry that your parents were not able to give you the support and help that you needed then. It is even harder when our parents don't live up to even basic expectations ....and what you were asking for from them was a very real and reasonable request given your circumstances at the time.
No wonder you felt so sad and hopeless, that was an incredibly difficult evening, even without your mum being unhelpful. The tears will stop Frosty and you will get through this, it IS progress that you can let these feelings out, even though I am sure at the moment it will feel the exact opposite.
This realisation of what has been hidden is so terrifying, but know that even if you have a 2 week break from T, there are friends here on the board that you can reach out to and get support from. Please tell us how you are and we will ask if you are ok...and will really care about your answers too.
many hugs to you frosty,
starfish
((((((((((Frosty)))))))))
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so miserable and scared.
Ooooh, Frosty...I just want to give you a great big HUG right now.
You are right, this is NOT the way it's supposed to be. FWIW I know what it's like to be treated like your VERY BASIC and VERY UNDERSTANDABLE needs are SUCH a terrible inconvenience to the very people who are supposed to be there for you "no matter what" (parents). The conversation you had with your mom where she ended with "fine" is one that we had dozens of times where I needed her but it was inconvenient for her. To say the least, it is wearying beyond belief to have to live with parents who are not really acting like your parents...you have all of the challenges, but none of the benefits (of which there are actually supposed to be MANY...I don't know if that comes as a surprise to you but it still does to me), of being dependent on them. It sucks, and I am so sorry you are being treated this way ON TOP OF the physical (physiological?) upsets you are going through. I wish I could wave a magic wand and send you all the help and comfort you need for you to get better. 
That said...I am really glad you are writing about this because it shows that you realize, on some level, that you deserve to be treated better. I'm glad you are reaching out so we can at least reassure you of that.
Frosty...I know the crying feels strange because it feels "out of control"...and I could be wrong in your case, and I certainly don't want to minimize your fear...but in my case, and for others I know, it is "holding in" of feelings that tends to "break" people down eventually...on the other hand, it's the "letting it out" that is actually a "good" thing, it helps me to bounce back and go on...in fact I wonder if it's the "holding in" that may have even brought about your physical symptoms...now that you've let out some tears, I wonder if maybe those other really unpleasant physical symptoms might let up?
My heart just broke to read this, Frosty. I am terribly sorry that your father is feeling so depressed that you may lose him to suicide. You are right, this is TOO MUCH for you to handle on your own, so again, I'm glad you came here to talk about it. I really wish your dad hadn't told you this, I wish he had thought of YOUR NEED to feel safe before his own need to express himself...I wish he had put your needs first, in other words...and gotten his needs met appropriately somewhere else...and not shouldered you with this burden...but then, you've already explained that they aren't aware of your needs. I'm sorry, Frosty. I hope at least he gets his own needs met to the point that he doesn't consider suicide anymore, so you don't have to be afraid of losing him.
And not only do I think you are going to be "all right"...methinks you already ARE "all right", sweetie...IMO, your reactions are those of someone who IS "all right" in a most definitely NOT "all right" situation. I know that doesn't even come close to fixing everything but I do hope it gives you some encouragement.
I hope you can feel safe enough to keep talking here...allow us to meet what needs we can by listening, sending you "kind words" telling you that you are wonderful, you matter, your needs are real and they're valid and you deserve to get them met.
Regarding the paper...can you tell your professor that you were ill (it's true, you are) and ask for some extra time to finish?
Big hugs to you,
SG
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so miserable and scared.
quote:Because my parents don't even care when I'm sick! They never help me. She didn't ask whether I was okay, whether she could help me or anything! Nothing, she was angry at me because I asked her to pick me up. It's always the same with them.
Ooooh, Frosty...I just want to give you a great big HUG right now.
You are right, this is NOT the way it's supposed to be. FWIW I know what it's like to be treated like your VERY BASIC and VERY UNDERSTANDABLE needs are SUCH a terrible inconvenience to the very people who are supposed to be there for you "no matter what" (parents). The conversation you had with your mom where she ended with "fine" is one that we had dozens of times where I needed her but it was inconvenient for her. To say the least, it is wearying beyond belief to have to live with parents who are not really acting like your parents...you have all of the challenges, but none of the benefits (of which there are actually supposed to be MANY...I don't know if that comes as a surprise to you but it still does to me), of being dependent on them. It sucks, and I am so sorry you are being treated this way ON TOP OF the physical (physiological?) upsets you are going through. I wish I could wave a magic wand and send you all the help and comfort you need for you to get better. That said...I am really glad you are writing about this because it shows that you realize, on some level, that you deserve to be treated better. I'm glad you are reaching out so we can at least reassure you of that.
quote:I just sobbed and felt this overwhelming hopelessness and sadness and it scares me so much because I usually can control my feelings. And now I realize what I've been shutting away for weeks and it scares me so much to let it out because I feel like it's gonna break me and I'll have a nervous breakdown and have to go to the hospital or something.
Frosty...I know the crying feels strange because it feels "out of control"...and I could be wrong in your case, and I certainly don't want to minimize your fear...but in my case, and for others I know, it is "holding in" of feelings that tends to "break" people down eventually...on the other hand, it's the "letting it out" that is actually a "good" thing, it helps me to bounce back and go on...in fact I wonder if it's the "holding in" that may have even brought about your physical symptoms...now that you've let out some tears, I wonder if maybe those other really unpleasant physical symptoms might let up?
quote:And now he tells me to my face that he wanted/wants to kill himself. And I have so much going on myself and now this and everything is just too much.
My heart just broke to read this, Frosty. I am terribly sorry that your father is feeling so depressed that you may lose him to suicide. You are right, this is TOO MUCH for you to handle on your own, so again, I'm glad you came here to talk about it. I really wish your dad hadn't told you this, I wish he had thought of YOUR NEED to feel safe before his own need to express himself...I wish he had put your needs first, in other words...and gotten his needs met appropriately somewhere else...and not shouldered you with this burden...but then, you've already explained that they aren't aware of your needs. I'm sorry, Frosty. I hope at least he gets his own needs met to the point that he doesn't consider suicide anymore, so you don't have to be afraid of losing him.
And not only do I think you are going to be "all right"...methinks you already ARE "all right", sweetie...IMO, your reactions are those of someone who IS "all right" in a most definitely NOT "all right" situation. I know that doesn't even come close to fixing everything but I do hope it gives you some encouragement.
I hope you can feel safe enough to keep talking here...allow us to meet what needs we can by listening, sending you "kind words" telling you that you are wonderful, you matter, your needs are real and they're valid and you deserve to get them met.
Regarding the paper...can you tell your professor that you were ill (it's true, you are) and ask for some extra time to finish?
Big hugs to you,
SG
((((Frosty))))
What an awful reaction from your mom, especially when you were ill and already in a bad place.
Exams are huge pressure and it often happens that as the stress we have been under eases the wheels come off and we get ill and/or emotional which might be why it feels like a volcano errupting. And then having to worry about your dad on top of everything is unbearable. I am so sorry for all of it.
Strummergirl put it all so well, you are okay, you will be okay, i have no doubt about that from the short time i have known you here on the forum. Crying when you are in pain is one of the healthiest reactions we can have, it shows that you are in touch and feeling and it is a sign that you are actually coping. So i don't think there is any danger that it will break you, it is burying and denying that breaks people.
You have a huge amount that you are coping with at the moment, but from what i have seen of you, you have the resources you need to cope and you will. When i get in these terrible panics it helps to remind myself that i am actually okay right now in this minute, fear comes from the horror story we write in our heads about the future, so just taking a deep breathe and saying right now i am okay, i am safe, helps bring you back and helps you get some perspective.
I can easily go from the thought of being late to hand in a paper, to failing and a disatster and i am homeless and abandoned and living on the street alone. So that is what you slow down and you ask for an extension and remind yourself that you will be able to figure out what to do when there is actually a real situation in front of you that needs dealing with.
So stop writing a horror story in your head, if you can't stop thinking then at least make sure that you write a romance or fairytale or something wonderful. Okay? And post it when you done ...
Lots of love
Pandora
What an awful reaction from your mom, especially when you were ill and already in a bad place.
Exams are huge pressure and it often happens that as the stress we have been under eases the wheels come off and we get ill and/or emotional which might be why it feels like a volcano errupting. And then having to worry about your dad on top of everything is unbearable. I am so sorry for all of it. Strummergirl put it all so well, you are okay, you will be okay, i have no doubt about that from the short time i have known you here on the forum. Crying when you are in pain is one of the healthiest reactions we can have, it shows that you are in touch and feeling and it is a sign that you are actually coping. So i don't think there is any danger that it will break you, it is burying and denying that breaks people.
You have a huge amount that you are coping with at the moment, but from what i have seen of you, you have the resources you need to cope and you will. When i get in these terrible panics it helps to remind myself that i am actually okay right now in this minute, fear comes from the horror story we write in our heads about the future, so just taking a deep breathe and saying right now i am okay, i am safe, helps bring you back and helps you get some perspective.
I can easily go from the thought of being late to hand in a paper, to failing and a disatster and i am homeless and abandoned and living on the street alone. So that is what you slow down and you ask for an extension and remind yourself that you will be able to figure out what to do when there is actually a real situation in front of you that needs dealing with.
So stop writing a horror story in your head, if you can't stop thinking then at least make sure that you write a romance or fairytale or something wonderful. Okay? And post it when you done ...
Lots of love
Pandora
PF, not much I can say that would help, but I just want to tell you how sorry I am that you're in pain right now. What a horrible thing, to have a dad who is suicidal. I can slightly relate to that - although it wasn't a legitimate threat, my dad used it as a guilt trip. It's a situation that leaves you feeling helpless, and I'm so sorry you're going through that.
I often have trouble crying, too, but I've been crying my eyes out these past few days. I hate feeling so out of control like that. I also sobbed in the shower, which never happens. I'm glad it made you feel better. Sounds like you released some really built up stuff.
Anyway, a very Merry Christmas to you. I'll be sending lots of thoughts and hugs to you! ((((Permafrost))))
I often have trouble crying, too, but I've been crying my eyes out these past few days. I hate feeling so out of control like that. I also sobbed in the shower, which never happens. I'm glad it made you feel better. Sounds like you released some really built up stuff.
Anyway, a very Merry Christmas to you. I'll be sending lots of thoughts and hugs to you! ((((Permafrost))))
Congrats on getting through Christmas Eve. I'm glad you're feeling some relief. You did it! I know how incredibly hard (and at times, excruciating) it can be to pretend to be happy (right in the middle of that myself).
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Sending lots of hugs.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Sending lots of hugs.
Hugs again frosty, you are doing a great job just by getting through all this at the moment. Hang in there, we're all here for you remember.
I can relate to what you say about having a suicidal parent, having had one commit suicide and another threaten to on a regular basis...it is such a hard situation, but ultimately you cannot be responsible for your parents frosty. Remember to look after you in all this, sometimes unfortunately the people who are meant to care for us forget. I hope you ca get some comfort in the support here (((frosty)))
starfishy
I can relate to what you say about having a suicidal parent, having had one commit suicide and another threaten to on a regular basis...it is such a hard situation, but ultimately you cannot be responsible for your parents frosty. Remember to look after you in all this, sometimes unfortunately the people who are meant to care for us forget. I hope you ca get some comfort in the support here (((frosty)))
starfishy
Dear (((frosty))) - I'm in a huge rush but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and your family - what a difficult situation!!
Love and hugs
Morgs
Love and hugs
Morgs
PF,
I'm so sorry for everything that you are going through. It sounds like a really hard place to be in and to deal with what your family keeps throwing at you. I'm sorry your Dad is having such a hard time as well.
I hope you are feeling better today.
I'm so sorry for everything that you are going through. It sounds like a really hard place to be in and to deal with what your family keeps throwing at you. I'm sorry your Dad is having such a hard time as well.
I hope you are feeling better today.
Frosty, your dad not getting you a present is awful, i know he is depressed but really... I am actually quite mad at him for the unfairness of giving your sister something and not you.
So no, you are not a bitch at all for saying it, what he did is unfair and hurtful.
Pan
So no, you are not a bitch at all for saying it, what he did is unfair and hurtful.
Pan
oh sweet permafrost
that would hurt me too.
so many hugs to you
that would hurt me too.
so many hugs to you
(((frosty))) i only have a second, just wanted to give a hug, and let you know i read your poster. Its gonna be alright.
Frosty,
Oh, I am so sorry that your dad did something so hurtful to you like this!
How can a parent be so cruel to a very bright, gifted and caring daughter such as you!! It just blows my mind and makes me so angry with him!
.
I know it's not the same as in getting something from him but here is a small token of caring for you. Your internet family cares about you!
Oh, I am so sorry that your dad did something so hurtful to you like this!
How can a parent be so cruel to a very bright, gifted and caring daughter such as you!! It just blows my mind and makes me so angry with him!
I know it's not the same as in getting something from him but here is a small token of caring for you. Your internet family cares about you!
(((((frosty)))) am so sorry...words fail me 
Big hug to poor you
starfish
Big hug to poor you
starfish
quote:Don't be so kind to me or I'll never leave again!!
In that case, I hope we all continue to be as kind as possible. But only on the condition you keep your promise!
Gosh frosty are we related??quote:Don't be so kind to me or I'll never leave again!!
You have every right to be hurt but I also feel really sad that your father is clearly so unwell and unfeeling
No idea why such a thing would happen to such a lovely person I'm afraidWe're all here for you ((frosty))
Morgsquote:I just saw my dad wrap presents for my mom, it's her birthday tomorrow. With different colored ribbons and all.
oooooh that must hurt
Hug frosty,starfish
Awwwww Frosty , I am so sorry, for him hurting you again!! 
is wrong with him? Does he always have these 
or does he just like being cruel to you? This is just so callus and uncaring to you and you deserve better!! This is just utter
!!
((((((((Frosty))))))))
, I am so sorry, for him hurting you again!! is wrong with him? Does he always have these or does he just like being cruel to you? This is just so callus and uncaring to you and you deserve better!! This is just utter !!((((((((Frosty))))))))
Oh (((frosty))) there's just no excuse for outright cruelty Has such a blatant disregard of you happened before? What did the rest of the family do?
Are you able to sit down quietly with him and tell him how this has made you feel?
(((frosty)))do you have to stay with them? Can you go somewhere else?
Gosh I'm sorry so many questions but if you could speak with him then leave so this is not constantly in your face.
Please keep posting so we can support you.
Morgs
Has such a blatant disregard of you happened before? What did the rest of the family do? Are you able to sit down quietly with him and tell him how this has made you feel?
(((frosty)))do you have to stay with them? Can you go somewhere else?
Gosh I'm sorry so many questions but if you could speak with him then leave so this is not constantly in your face.
Please keep posting so we can support you.
Morgs
Dear ((((frosty)))
Firstly you are not whining
just hurting
Curiousity isn't the issue here my dear frosty - it's just trying to understand where/why/how this might have come about AND if not appropriate, just leave it, however you can always PM!! 
Talk soon
Morgs
Firstly you are not whining
just hurting quote:Marsh and Morgs, yes it has happened before and way worse. I will 'happily' tell you about it if you're curious (which is fine)
Curiousity isn't the issue here my dear frosty - it's just trying to understand where/why/how this might have come about AND if not appropriate, just leave it, however you can always PM!!
Talk soon
Morgs
ok, another try (lol, so sorry Frosty)
(((frosty))) how`s things today?
(((frosty))) how`s things today?
froggy, I was just as bad
That's what comes of so many people being on breaks....shouldn't be allowed!!
starfish
That's what comes of so many people being on breaks....shouldn't be allowed!!
starfish
Frosty - so sorry for the cruelty from your dad. I know how that hurts. People can be so mean, and when it is your own family it just hurts even more. Just know that you are a good person. So sorry.....
Ooops that was DF with the group today I think. Frosty it's th 3rd for you is't it? Well I hope the last few days go quickly.
starfish
starfish
Hi Frosty
There is something really hard about acknowledging that you are hurt or have been hurt by someone's action and i wish i could find a way to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with talking to friends about your feelings. It takes a lot of courage to admit even to yourself that you are hurt, so please try your utmost not to be angry at yourself for speaking up.
I suspect that for years your feelings have been minimized or ridiculed and that is why when you actually speak about them, you feel bad. But it is such a sign of growth and authenticity that you have managed to do this.
So the feeling bad is a 'to be expected' kickback for holding on to your own truth, but what has happened is still momentous and if you keep heading in this direction it will get easier. For me this is not about your dad, it is about you and that you have the right to feel whatever feeling it is that you are feeling.
You have nothing to be ashamed about, your love for your dad and your understanding of his weaknesses has shone through in your posts. Just remember it is okay to hurt and to talk about it. It is such a clear sign that your therapy is working, that you have had the courage to risk it.
All that said i am still so sorry that you are hurting, don't add to it by beating yourself up. You have done nothing wrong.
Gosh, i am being so bossy... i think you bring out my protective streak.
Love Pan
There is something really hard about acknowledging that you are hurt or have been hurt by someone's action and i wish i could find a way to reassure you that there is nothing wrong with talking to friends about your feelings. It takes a lot of courage to admit even to yourself that you are hurt, so please try your utmost not to be angry at yourself for speaking up.
I suspect that for years your feelings have been minimized or ridiculed and that is why when you actually speak about them, you feel bad. But it is such a sign of growth and authenticity that you have managed to do this.
So the feeling bad is a 'to be expected' kickback for holding on to your own truth, but what has happened is still momentous and if you keep heading in this direction it will get easier. For me this is not about your dad, it is about you and that you have the right to feel whatever feeling it is that you are feeling.
You have nothing to be ashamed about, your love for your dad and your understanding of his weaknesses has shone through in your posts. Just remember it is okay to hurt and to talk about it. It is such a clear sign that your therapy is working, that you have had the courage to risk it.
All that said i am still so sorry that you are hurting, don't add to it by beating yourself up. You have done nothing wrong.
Gosh, i am being so bossy... i think you bring out my protective streak.
Love Pan
I can't say much right now - but just wanted to let you know I've been reading all along for the past week and I can relate to much of what you have posted. you are in my thoughts and prayers. many hugs, jane
((((((Frosty)))))),
I can so relate to you on your above statement. To be ridiculed and make to go away when all you want is to cuddle or to get a hug but yet never show your vulnerability is so painful.
Everything you say in the above quotes I can understand and I could have written them myself.
I have to say no, this is not right, they were not right! You are none of those things they thought or said. You could never be any of those things! You are a sweet young girl that has so much to offer others. Don't allow them to describe you in that way because it is not true in any way!
I am so sorry you miss your aunt.
I am so sorry that your parents and sister hurt you so much!
It makes me sad for you that you are so lonely!
Hang in there Frosty, we are here for you!
quote:my family doesn’t like emotions very much and often made fun of me when I needed a hug or wanted to cuddle when I was younger. And if you are being bullied, then showing vulnerability is the worst thing you can possibly do (that and crying).
I can so relate to you on your above statement. To be ridiculed and make to go away when all you want is to cuddle or to get a hug but yet never show your vulnerability is so painful.
quote:I just feel guilty and weak for doing it. I want to appear strong
quote:I fight my battle alone and I was ok at it and now everything just seems to tumble down and I feel like I’m no longer good enough for anything.
Everything you say in the above quotes I can understand and I could have written them myself.
quote:Maybe the bullies and teachers and my parents are right. I’m just a (fat,ugly) loser who is too stupid and too lazy to achieve something and who is afraid of everything.
I have to say no, this is not right, they were not right! You are none of those things they thought or said. You could never be any of those things! You are a sweet young girl that has so much to offer others. Don't allow them to describe you in that way because it is not true in any way!
I am so sorry you miss your aunt.
I am so sorry that your parents and sister hurt you so much!
It makes me sad for you that you are so lonely!
Hang in there Frosty, we are here for you!
Hugs to you, PF! Sorry you are having a rough time. Hang in there! These holiday seasons can be dreadful....almost over and our Ts will be back and life will resume to "normal" very soon!