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Hi LadyGrey,
I don't know if you've read my story but I'm one of the ones here who has been terminated suddenly.
When I first read your opening post, I wasn't sure how to respond...if I'd tried to give you a list of "signs" it would have been WAY too long and not nearly clear enough...but then I read your last post, and June's, and IMO you hit the nail on the head with this:
This is EXACTLY what felt so "dangerous" and unsteady and wrong with my former T. He would keep swinging back and forth between suggestive/seductive and then punitive/disapproving. And there was a whole lot of weird projection going on, too. What I think was happening is that he would feel himself being pulled to cross boundaries, and so then he would overcompensate...and in a really weird indirect way, he would imply that I was somehow to blame...which all left me feeling incredibly confused because IN BETWEEN THOSE TIMES, I could tell he really was trying to help me.
His boundary issues were not nearly as obvious as what you describe with the T who terminated with you, but still, I kept a journal of things that were said and decided, and he was definitely letting his stuff into my therapy. Not on purpose, but still, it was happening. And it was no less disruptive even though it was consciously unintentional. It still made therapy impossible.
But the really weird thing was this: it was impossible to tell what was going on until AFTER I was terminated, AND had spent some time with a T who is infinitely more "steady". The time with her, experiencing her very good boundaries and extreme steadiness and consistency, has made what happened with former T all but crystal clear.
The other thing that helped me immeasurably was leaning on the folks here when I was terminated. It was an incredibly painful experience, and I could never have made it through without them. I will always be deeply grateful to this forum for all the help they gave me during that time.
LadyGrey, I know this is probably NOT what you want to hear...because you are not wanting to lose this T...but this "push-pull", IMO, is a "sign" that they are "losing their balance", so to speak...and when we get terminated, however it happens, it is usually because on some level they realize that they are no longer being helpful to us (I say "usually" because I think June's experience was a bit different in that I don't think he did realize it...I think he was forced to term for other reasons...but that is her story and I don't want to go into too much detail here. Sorry if I overstepped, June!). It just means our issues are affecting them in a personal way...not because we are "bad" or they are "bad"...but just because sometimes the patient-therapist combination is such that our issues happen to be ones that trigger their own. I don't think there is any way to forsee or predict with whom this will happen. I think anytime we start with a T, there is a risk that this could happen. And if that IS what is happening, then a good T should terminate, for the good of both patient AND therapist.
Unfortunately, as you have seen on this board, they don't always terminate very kindly or gracefully...for example, my T was very cold and cruel at my termination session...and no one at that clinic acknowledged or took accountability for how his behavior in the therapy or at the termination session...or how the termination itself...affected me. I mean absolutely nothing. It ALL got swept under the proverbial rug. Now that I've got a good amount of distance between that time and now, I can see that even that was understandable, given that he was being actively triggered at the time, for whatever reason...and also I can see why the others behaved as if "nothing" was unusual or wrong, because I probably had a pretty good case to complain...but still, a sudden and cruel termination leaves us with more trauma and pain to deal with...and can make it that much harder to trust again. Which, paradoxically, is exactly what we need to do AGAIN in order to have any chance of healing.
So, the bad news is, sometimes we "lose" our therapists, which can trigger all kinds of feelings both in the present AND old feelings having to do with past rejections and traumas. And the pain of that really is indescribable. You know about that because it's happened to you. But the good news is, if this happens, hopefully we can eventually come to the place where we see that the REAL reason for the termination was because our T's were being too affected personally in order to be able to help us effectively. You said you see that now your T was behaving unethically and it's made you grateful for the T's who've behaved well. And hopefully that can lead to acceptance and a WHOLE new awareness of boundaries...of where "I" stop and "you" begin. Even with therapists this is true. Just like with "normal" non-therapist people, their behavior doesn't have to be about us. In fact, I would say it rarely is.
I do hope you can have a discussion about what you are seeing and feeling with your T1. It does sound like the relationship is "savable"...and really worth the effort, as she is someone you have so much time and energy invested in already...I wish you the best of luck and clarity in this, and please, let us know how it goes. I know how terribly frightening it is. Remember that we are here for you.
Hugs to you,
SG
I don't know if you've read my story but I'm one of the ones here who has been terminated suddenly.
When I first read your opening post, I wasn't sure how to respond...if I'd tried to give you a list of "signs" it would have been WAY too long and not nearly clear enough...but then I read your last post, and June's, and IMO you hit the nail on the head with this:quote:Originally posted by LadyGrey:
The thing that has me worried that she will term me is that she has crossed some boundaries at various points, but then she always pulls back and distances herself after she does that.
This is EXACTLY what felt so "dangerous" and unsteady and wrong with my former T. He would keep swinging back and forth between suggestive/seductive and then punitive/disapproving. And there was a whole lot of weird projection going on, too. What I think was happening is that he would feel himself being pulled to cross boundaries, and so then he would overcompensate...and in a really weird indirect way, he would imply that I was somehow to blame...which all left me feeling incredibly confused because IN BETWEEN THOSE TIMES, I could tell he really was trying to help me.
His boundary issues were not nearly as obvious as what you describe with the T who terminated with you, but still, I kept a journal of things that were said and decided, and he was definitely letting his stuff into my therapy. Not on purpose, but still, it was happening. And it was no less disruptive even though it was consciously unintentional. It still made therapy impossible.
But the really weird thing was this: it was impossible to tell what was going on until AFTER I was terminated, AND had spent some time with a T who is infinitely more "steady". The time with her, experiencing her very good boundaries and extreme steadiness and consistency, has made what happened with former T all but crystal clear.
The other thing that helped me immeasurably was leaning on the folks here when I was terminated. It was an incredibly painful experience, and I could never have made it through without them. I will always be deeply grateful to this forum for all the help they gave me during that time.
LadyGrey, I know this is probably NOT what you want to hear...because you are not wanting to lose this T...but this "push-pull", IMO, is a "sign" that they are "losing their balance", so to speak...and when we get terminated, however it happens, it is usually because on some level they realize that they are no longer being helpful to us (I say "usually" because I think June's experience was a bit different in that I don't think he did realize it...I think he was forced to term for other reasons...but that is her story and I don't want to go into too much detail here. Sorry if I overstepped, June!). It just means our issues are affecting them in a personal way...not because we are "bad" or they are "bad"...but just because sometimes the patient-therapist combination is such that our issues happen to be ones that trigger their own. I don't think there is any way to forsee or predict with whom this will happen. I think anytime we start with a T, there is a risk that this could happen. And if that IS what is happening, then a good T should terminate, for the good of both patient AND therapist.
Unfortunately, as you have seen on this board, they don't always terminate very kindly or gracefully...for example, my T was very cold and cruel at my termination session...and no one at that clinic acknowledged or took accountability for how his behavior in the therapy or at the termination session...or how the termination itself...affected me. I mean absolutely nothing. It ALL got swept under the proverbial rug. Now that I've got a good amount of distance between that time and now, I can see that even that was understandable, given that he was being actively triggered at the time, for whatever reason...and also I can see why the others behaved as if "nothing" was unusual or wrong, because I probably had a pretty good case to complain...but still, a sudden and cruel termination leaves us with more trauma and pain to deal with...and can make it that much harder to trust again. Which, paradoxically, is exactly what we need to do AGAIN in order to have any chance of healing.
So, the bad news is, sometimes we "lose" our therapists, which can trigger all kinds of feelings both in the present AND old feelings having to do with past rejections and traumas. And the pain of that really is indescribable. You know about that because it's happened to you. But the good news is, if this happens, hopefully we can eventually come to the place where we see that the REAL reason for the termination was because our T's were being too affected personally in order to be able to help us effectively. You said you see that now your T was behaving unethically and it's made you grateful for the T's who've behaved well. And hopefully that can lead to acceptance and a WHOLE new awareness of boundaries...of where "I" stop and "you" begin. Even with therapists this is true. Just like with "normal" non-therapist people, their behavior doesn't have to be about us. In fact, I would say it rarely is.
I do hope you can have a discussion about what you are seeing and feeling with your T1. It does sound like the relationship is "savable"...and really worth the effort, as she is someone you have so much time and energy invested in already...I wish you the best of luck and clarity in this, and please, let us know how it goes. I know how terribly frightening it is. Remember that we are here for you.
Hugs to you,
SG
one thing, coming from someone who was abruptly dumped, even the early part of the last appt was great!! so, i am quite scared, ALL THE TIME. but, today, i called my t, as we had a tough few sessions, and begged her to give me plently of warning IF she was considering it, and she assured me she wasn't, and stated that she has only terminated ONE client. and that was overt stuff. and that i have nothing to be concerned with.
warning sign?? i'd ask how many clients have they terminated and why. i think i need to ask mine 'what are the rules'...as i play so safe and if i accidently say a sarcastic remark, i get very afraid of this happening again.
i think my t was physically attacked once, and i presume this was the terminated client.
it is a tough worry, but, one that may ease your mind to discuss. knowing she has only terminated one client made me feel lots better.
good luck with this. jill (but i still will worry, i am sure)
warning sign?? i'd ask how many clients have they terminated and why. i think i need to ask mine 'what are the rules'...as i play so safe and if i accidently say a sarcastic remark, i get very afraid of this happening again.
i think my t was physically attacked once, and i presume this was the terminated client.
it is a tough worry, but, one that may ease your mind to discuss. knowing she has only terminated one client made me feel lots better.
good luck with this. jill (but i still will worry, i am sure)
quote:Originally quoted by Jill:
warning sign?? i'd ask how many clients have they terminated and why.
Jilly...this is a really great suggestion...because hopefully it would lead to an explicit discussion of what the T's boundaries are. And that is always good to know.
One caution, though: Knowing that your T has never (or rarely) terminated a patient can really backfire emotionally, if later you end up getting terminated. For example, when I first brought up the issue of transference with my former T, he tried to make me feel safe by reassuring me that he had helped two other patients through transference feelings (he actually called them "crushes") and that he had never had to transfer anyone because of it. He even gave the example of one of the patients coming in drunk and offering to sit in his lap, and she didn't get transferred. So then when I got transferred, I remembered that he had said that, and so on top of everything else was this feeling that I must be REALLY horrible because I was the ONLY one he'd ever had to transfer (even though I never could pinpoint exactly what I did that was so horrible...I certainly never did anything like coming in drunk and offering to sit in his lap).
So just a suggestion...maybe it would be safer to ask, What are the boundaries? or What kinds of things would cause you to terminate me as a patient?
SG
Hi LG... as you know I was suddenly, harshly and traumatically terminated by my T of 2.5 years this past summer. Did I have warning signs? Maybe. Did i see them clearly. Not at the time. The problem was that T and I had fairly frequent disruptions in the past that we always repaired. And when we repaired things felt stronger and deeper and more solid than ever. Maybe that was all an illusion. In addition to that, my T was treating my son and everything seemed to be working so well... at least in my mind. I felt that he was a very ethical person, that he was kind and caring and he would never harm me or my son. I knew of other abrupt terminations but and even discussed the horror of them with my T and he seemed aghast that those things happened to others. He seemed so vested in my getting well, in my learning to trust again. He KNEW my abandonment past and I felt he would never reinjure me in that way. He loved children, he loved dogs, he seemed like the kindest, gentlest man I ever met.
The biggest warning sign was his inconsistency. He would never stay still. I would call him on it and tell him he needed to be the rock and I needed to move around in therapy. But I needed him to be unmovable like Buddha. I would move closer to him and he would back away. Then I would freak out because I felt that he was angry at me. I would tell him and he would move closer again and when I responded he would back away AGAIN! This push pull dance was always going on.
He also did not have a good grasp on boundaries. Not that his were so loose or unethical they just kept changing all the time. I never knew where they were or what to expect and it made me feel insecure in the relationship and then I would think he wanted to get rid of me (guess he did because it ended up coming true).
Lastly was his lack of experience in handling things like trauma, transference, attachment and in working with female adults. I knew this but I figured he was a PhD clinical psychologist, he was supposed to be smart and able to read up on my issues or go to a seminar or take some on line courses.
He didn't have confidence, he didn't trust the process or himself ( or even me) and he didn't go for supervision. These were all critical things in what ended the therapy and in such a traumatic way for me. Did you ever hear the expression it was not the crime but the cover-up that was worse? This is what happened with my T... not only did he make me unstable in those last days and call the police on me for NO good reason, but then he took it a step further and terminated me via email and went away on vacation on a Friday night when I had NO resources to turn to for help. I was alone with my pain, grief, confusion and panic. He was gone for 3 weeks and it took a new T (D) three phone calls and 3 weeks to get him to agree to a "transition" session which was total BS because he would not even talk to me aside from asking how I was.
So much of what I see now that were red flags has come from my therapy with newT. He has picked up many many clues from what oldT said to me and how he behaved. He was threatened by my knowledge, he was angry that I was better informed, he was acting passive aggressive towards me, he abused me verbally on a few occassions. He may have also been too emotionally involved with me. A T must be willing to enter into your world but keep one foot in their own world so as not to become enmeshed. Another bad sign was that he was starting to make the therapy about him and not me. He would say stuff like "how do you think that makes me feel?" Who gives a shit? I was not his T and how he felt should not have been brought into the room. What ended up happening is that I was worried about him all the time. I had to tread gently so as not to upset him or make him pull back from me.
As SG and June mentioned above... unprofessional and unethical behavior and the push-pull stuff are signs but also a big one is incompetence. Some Ts just don't have the training and experience they need to be competent and are too insecure to go out and get it.
Hope this helps in some way.
TN
The biggest warning sign was his inconsistency. He would never stay still. I would call him on it and tell him he needed to be the rock and I needed to move around in therapy. But I needed him to be unmovable like Buddha. I would move closer to him and he would back away. Then I would freak out because I felt that he was angry at me. I would tell him and he would move closer again and when I responded he would back away AGAIN! This push pull dance was always going on.
He also did not have a good grasp on boundaries. Not that his were so loose or unethical they just kept changing all the time. I never knew where they were or what to expect and it made me feel insecure in the relationship and then I would think he wanted to get rid of me (guess he did because it ended up coming true).
Lastly was his lack of experience in handling things like trauma, transference, attachment and in working with female adults. I knew this but I figured he was a PhD clinical psychologist, he was supposed to be smart and able to read up on my issues or go to a seminar or take some on line courses.
He didn't have confidence, he didn't trust the process or himself ( or even me) and he didn't go for supervision. These were all critical things in what ended the therapy and in such a traumatic way for me. Did you ever hear the expression it was not the crime but the cover-up that was worse? This is what happened with my T... not only did he make me unstable in those last days and call the police on me for NO good reason, but then he took it a step further and terminated me via email and went away on vacation on a Friday night when I had NO resources to turn to for help. I was alone with my pain, grief, confusion and panic. He was gone for 3 weeks and it took a new T (D) three phone calls and 3 weeks to get him to agree to a "transition" session which was total BS because he would not even talk to me aside from asking how I was.
So much of what I see now that were red flags has come from my therapy with newT. He has picked up many many clues from what oldT said to me and how he behaved. He was threatened by my knowledge, he was angry that I was better informed, he was acting passive aggressive towards me, he abused me verbally on a few occassions. He may have also been too emotionally involved with me. A T must be willing to enter into your world but keep one foot in their own world so as not to become enmeshed. Another bad sign was that he was starting to make the therapy about him and not me. He would say stuff like "how do you think that makes me feel?" Who gives a shit? I was not his T and how he felt should not have been brought into the room. What ended up happening is that I was worried about him all the time. I had to tread gently so as not to upset him or make him pull back from me.
As SG and June mentioned above... unprofessional and unethical behavior and the push-pull stuff are signs but also a big one is incompetence. Some Ts just don't have the training and experience they need to be competent and are too insecure to go out and get it.
Hope this helps in some way.
TN
quote:maybe it would be safer to ask, What are the boundaries? or What kinds of things would cause you to terminate me as a patient?
This is just the kind of thing I asked all the new Ts I was interviewing after my termination with oldT. The answers I got were..."I have never had to forcefully terminate a patient and I cannot think of any reason, beyond being physically attacked to terminate" So I followed that up by asking "what would you do if you found yourself working in an area that you did not have expertise in?" and they all told me that they would read up on it, take a seminar, listen to a CD and go for supervision. None of them felt that it was cause for termination unless it affected the client in a very negative way (as in the client was getting worse, suicidal etc).
Well that made me feel like I was the worst patient that ever existed. How horrible and damaged must I be to get terminated in such a traumatic and abrupt way and none of these Ts (who BTW, were all practicing 20+ years) had to ever terminate someone. I felt that they looked upon me as "oh gosh, she must be real trouble". I felt so ashamed. Until I met newT who heard my story and very quickly told me it was NOT me but HIM who was at fault. And as he heard more and more of my story and worked with me over the past two months he told me that he is absolutely convinced my issues and behaviors had nothing to do with the termination. My oldT was incompetent. That has helped a great deal.
TN
quote:we see that the REAL reason for the termination was because our T's were being too affected personally in order to be able to help us effectively.
this is indeed the biggest warning sign.
they often get to care too much, (enmeshing) and then they get out of their depth - and try to claw their own life back -
My ending was awful and I am still hurting - I still find it hard to believe, but as the others have said, once you find a T who is steady and boundaried, you start to look back and SEE what was going wrong more clearly.
My ex C was just too wanting to help and be kind and then got resentful that she was being pulled around by her caring for me and sort of blamed me for that. She tightened up her boundaries and that caused such confusion in me and it just sort of imploded from there.
Certainly a horrible thing to live through and I am scared stiff that my present T or P will do the same. As mine came out of the blue for me, by email.
We need to write a book about it,with all our experiences in it - so that T's can begin to understand the damage they wreak.
I actually told newT that I had my dissertation subject if I ever make it to grad school... abrupt and unethical terminations. There is SO little literature on this subject because of course...
it's not the T is the crazy patient's fault.
That needs to change.
TN
it's not the T is the crazy patient's fault.
That needs to change.
TN
quote:Originally posted by True North:
Until I met newT who heard my story and very quickly told me it was NOT me but HIM who was at fault. And as he heard more and more of my story and worked with me over the past two months he told me that he is absolutely convinced my issues and behaviors had nothing to do with the termination. My oldT was incompetent. That has helped a great deal.
TN, I think your newT ROCKS.
And so do you, for persevering through such an awful experience.
I look forward to hearing more about your work with newT.
SG
quote:TN, I think your newT ROCKS.
Thanks, SG. Yeah I admit he is a really good guy and he is very protective of me which feels really nice.
The best thing is that he thinks my intelligence and knowledge of psychology is fun and really cool. Not intimidated at all.
The other thing is that ... I told him about this group (not the name) and he is very supportive of it. The reason may be surprising... he said it helps keep us safe. Meaning that by discussing our therapy and therapists with each other we come to recognize dangerous or unethical behaviors and it makes us more aware of what therapy is supposed to be and what to look for and what is acceptable. He is also pleased to hear that there are so many well educated and articulate people who post and that we have such a sense of community that we look out for each other. All positive things in his book.
TN
TN
quote:Originally posted by True North:
The other thing is that ... I told him about this group (not the name) and he is very supportive of it. The reason may be surprising... he said it helps keep us safe. Meaning that by discussing our therapy and therapists with each other we come to recognize dangerous or unethical behaviors and it makes us more aware of what therapy is supposed to be and what to look for and what is acceptable. He is also pleased to hear that there are so many well educated and articulate people who post and that we have such a sense of community that we look out for each other. All positive things in his book.
I love it. Just love it.
Would he be open to giving training to other T's?
SG
Actually SG, he does train other Ts. He is the Supervisor for a group of interns/residents at his old school plus he is the Senior therapist in his group and supervises the other 3 T's. He tells them to "trust the process" among other things.
TN
TN
I didn't see the warning signs at all and was totally blindsided. I had tried to end myself several times because I knew that he had really sloppy boundaries but when he ended and refused to take anymore calls I was devestated.
I ended up going back for a few more months and once again I ended and once my new P became involved he absolutely refuses to talk to me due to medico/legal reasons - he made a lot of mistakes and I think he is scared.
My new P has excellent boundaries and is a pleasure to work with. He is respectful and doesn't carry on with all that secretive crap about his life and his family, if I ask him a question he just answsers it matter of factly. Old P used to try and be very secretive about little details but would give out really inappropriate facts like that his wife's greatest fantasy was to be raped huh????????????
When I started with new P I was terrified all of the time that he would end with me and asked him constantly if he was going to end. It took a long time to learn to trust him but it is great to have a P that does not do the push-pull and is as steady as a rock.
I ended up going back for a few more months and once again I ended and once my new P became involved he absolutely refuses to talk to me due to medico/legal reasons - he made a lot of mistakes and I think he is scared.
My new P has excellent boundaries and is a pleasure to work with. He is respectful and doesn't carry on with all that secretive crap about his life and his family, if I ask him a question he just answsers it matter of factly. Old P used to try and be very secretive about little details but would give out really inappropriate facts like that his wife's greatest fantasy was to be raped huh????????????
When I started with new P I was terrified all of the time that he would end with me and asked him constantly if he was going to end. It took a long time to learn to trust him but it is great to have a P that does not do the push-pull and is as steady as a rock.
Halo, I am so glad that you now have someone steady to work with and yes, this group here is great and supported me through the angst and pain of the last three months. This is an intelligent community of people.
I too suffer terrible fear of being terminated again, and I really truly feel it is abuse when it is done the way it has been done to TN and me and also you. They get away with it becos as TN says, we are labeled the 'problem' and of course problem people COMPLAIN they are treated badly, so shucks it could never mean that the therapist acted badly or unprofessionally. My ex T who worked with me intensively over 22 years ago is still steaming mad about what the ex C did to me, she feels she was incompetent and out of her depth and she actually DAMAGED me in the process, which of course pains my ex T hugely, as she herself worked with me so well and respects me for my courage and integrity.
Sigh.
Some days I feel I am getting over it, and some days I wonder if there are ANY good T's out there that are trustworthy to reveal the sort of awful stuff I want to disclose.
I have even pondered asking AG if her ex T would mind my present psychologist emailing him for his advice on how to handle attachment. Maybe we should get TN's new T and AG's old T and our current T's and P's to form their own therapy support group, to discuss issues with a password so that we clients don't accidentally come across it. That would be so helpful - if THEY could be in touch with each other.
I too suffer terrible fear of being terminated again, and I really truly feel it is abuse when it is done the way it has been done to TN and me and also you. They get away with it becos as TN says, we are labeled the 'problem' and of course problem people COMPLAIN they are treated badly, so shucks it could never mean that the therapist acted badly or unprofessionally. My ex T who worked with me intensively over 22 years ago is still steaming mad about what the ex C did to me, she feels she was incompetent and out of her depth and she actually DAMAGED me in the process, which of course pains my ex T hugely, as she herself worked with me so well and respects me for my courage and integrity.
Sigh.
Some days I feel I am getting over it, and some days I wonder if there are ANY good T's out there that are trustworthy to reveal the sort of awful stuff I want to disclose.
I have even pondered asking AG if her ex T would mind my present psychologist emailing him for his advice on how to handle attachment. Maybe we should get TN's new T and AG's old T and our current T's and P's to form their own therapy support group, to discuss issues with a password so that we clients don't accidentally come across it. That would be so helpful - if THEY could be in touch with each other.
Hi Sadly,
My old P caused a huge amount of damage. The push pull made me like a performing monkey, always trying to second guess what he was thinking meanwhile he was trying to read me. I really loved him and it hurt so much that he just cut me off. It is much better now with my new P that I can just be honest and upfront about anything - when it is hard and painful to talk I just shut my eyes and start talking and know that he is not going to react in any way other than he should - not seductive, not rejecting, not laughing at me, these are all things my old P did.
When Old P fucked up so badly and I called him on it he said I had cognitive distortion (that basically I was a nutter) and I knew it as going to be pointless to make a complaint against him because he is a liar and a blamer and he would lie and twist everything around to his way. That is where the damage is. Act badly and then blame it on the client, push/pull all the time, pull close and act seductive and then when it gets too hot push away, pull close and be warm and friendly and then push away because he was scared.
My new P knows how I get attached and welcomes it. He accepts that it is how I am and does his best to let me attach to him in an appropriate way. While he is away over the holidays he has given me a roster of his cover and these holidays definitely feel easier so far than the last holidays with old P.
My old P caused a huge amount of damage. The push pull made me like a performing monkey, always trying to second guess what he was thinking meanwhile he was trying to read me. I really loved him and it hurt so much that he just cut me off. It is much better now with my new P that I can just be honest and upfront about anything - when it is hard and painful to talk I just shut my eyes and start talking and know that he is not going to react in any way other than he should - not seductive, not rejecting, not laughing at me, these are all things my old P did.
When Old P fucked up so badly and I called him on it he said I had cognitive distortion (that basically I was a nutter) and I knew it as going to be pointless to make a complaint against him because he is a liar and a blamer and he would lie and twist everything around to his way. That is where the damage is. Act badly and then blame it on the client, push/pull all the time, pull close and act seductive and then when it gets too hot push away, pull close and be warm and friendly and then push away because he was scared.
My new P knows how I get attached and welcomes it. He accepts that it is how I am and does his best to let me attach to him in an appropriate way. While he is away over the holidays he has given me a roster of his cover and these holidays definitely feel easier so far than the last holidays with old P.
quote:Originally posted by True North:
The other thing is that ... I told him about this group (not the name) and he is very supportive of it. The reason may be surprising... he said it helps keep us safe. Meaning that by discussing our therapy and therapists with each other we come to recognize dangerous or unethical behaviors and it makes us more aware of what therapy is supposed to be and what to look for and what is acceptable. He is also pleased to hear that there are so many well educated and articulate people who post and that we have such a sense of community that we look out for each other. All positive things in his book.
I have learnt so much on this site. It was so painful letting go and I definitely had blinkers on and didn't want to see what was happening and I also thought I would never get over what he had done to me.....but thanks to this wonderful group of sharing people I have gotten over it and have learnt a lot about myself and how real therapy should be.
quote:he said I had cognitive distortion (that basically I was a nutter) and I knew it as going to be pointless to make a complaint against him because he is a liar and a blamer and he would lie and twist everything around to his way. That is where the damage is. Act badly and then blame it on the client,
This is the bit that really gets steam coming out of my ears, this is what they ALL do. I really truly think there should be a better way to keep a check on these damaging therapists. I do think we ought to compile a book, like "In Session' and each chapter is an account by one of us of the betrayal and pain that cruel termination caused. Anyone interested?
Or we could start a thread here
My T just terminated therapy. This board has been a big help - just to read through all of the posts. His behavior felt incredibly cruel, demeaning, and punitive. It's so hard to understand that everyone leaves. I needed him to stay and he couldn't.