Dear Deepfriend, (I just wrote that accidentally, but hey, it can stay )

I read what you wrote before and my heart really went out to you - I have been looking for a bit of extra time to come back and say how sorry I am that you have been *so* triggered, and I just hope you are able to get into and stay in a safe place until things calm down inside you. I haven't been in the situation you describe but it sounds really awful, and I just wish I could come over and sit with you (or guard the door!) until you feel okay again.

This is rough for you, but my hope is that this stuff coming up is actually a really *positive* thing, in that it is the opportunity to heal some of those old wounds. Just take it easy and gently through this time, as softly as you can with yourself.

Love,
Jones

DF

I missed your original post, but am sorry that you felt you had to delete and sorry too that you've had a difficult experience.

To answer your question I frequently dissociate and then lose my speech, it's one of the first things that happens to me when I do. I know what I want to say, the words are there but stuck completely. I have many a long silence in sessions I don't know how long it lasts for - seems like forever, but certainly not the hours you talk about.

Hug to you ((((deepfried))))

starfishy

Yes, I have experienced this recently.

Backstory:
exhusband and I tried for a while to get pregnant. I went to fertility treatment, still didn't get pregnnt.

Then he had an affair and got the other woman pregnant. We split up.

Found out I was pregnant within days of us splitting up, but I later had a miscarriage.

Well, ex and his girlfriend recently had their baby and his stupid freaking mom sent a picture of the baby to EVERYONE on her contact list in her email account, including me.

When my T asked me how it made me feel....I was speechless, and not because I was at a loss of words but because the experience was incomprehensibly painful for me that I was dissociating. I literally couldn't say a word. I just sat there shaking my head and nothing would come out of my mouth. the strange thing is that I did not feel sad. I felt numb. I wasn't fighting back tears. I was just struggling to simply speak...to even utter a word, but I could not.

My expereince is similar to that of Starfish...I used to lose my speech often in sessions which I used to find incredibly scary as I had no idea what was going on. My T would ask me questions and I could hear her but not really take in what she was saying and I couldn't speak no matter how hard I tried...she might as well have been a martian as I was most definitely on a different planet I guess it was dissaociation but we never really talked of it so was never really sure.

I'm sorry yours lasted so long and resulted in severe flashbacks

Many hugs
Butterfly

DF,

I'm sorry I missed your original post as well, but wanted to say that YES YES and YES I have a huge issue with this. This is one of the biggest issues that T and I struggle with and the source of the majority of our mutual frustration.

In fact, I have several parts that are often unable to speak and it really creates some sticky situations in T. It often occurs in the midst of a flashback or processing of difficult material.

One thing that we've worked on (today in fact) was working on allowing those parts (and I know this might not apply because you don't have parts necessarily) to get used to T and communicate with her around non-trauma material. For example, today they played Go Fish with T in order to get used to speaking, but not about bad stuff.

Since you don't have a full system of parts like I do, perhaps another trick we have used might help you. We made up a set of flash cards that we keep in T's office and they have things listed on them that are frequent causes of not being able to talk. For example, "I am flooded", "You feel like someone from the past", "I am feeling touch from the past", "I am seeing images from the past" etc. So, in times that I can't communicate the idea is to pull out the flashcards so I can at least indicate the source of the problem. Perhaps that might help you? Just today we also decided to add picture cards to the mix. I made up picture cards (for parts that can't read) and statements below them so that we can point to them when non-verbal (if able).

Anyway, I'm sorry that you've experienced this and that you had such severe flashbacks. (((hugs)))

Dear DF,

Thinking of you and really hoping that you are doing ok. Let us know.

(((((((DF)))))))

J

Hi Lady Grey

quote:

Backstory:
exhusband and I tried for a while to get pregnant. I went to fertility treatment, still didn't get pregnnt.

Then he had an affair and got the other woman pregnant. We split up.

Found out I was pregnant within days of us splitting up, but I later had a miscarriage.

Well, ex and his girlfriend recently had their baby and his stupid freaking mom sent a picture of the baby to EVERYONE on her contact list in her email account, including me.

I am catching up on posts i missed while i was away and just wanted to say how sorry i am that you got that email. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been and how unkind and unthoughtful his mom was to include you. To lose both your husband and unborn baby in those circumstances must have been pure hell. Iam at a loss for words and don't even know how to respond so i can more than understand your speechlessness. I am so sorry, (((LG)))
Pandora

LG: How horrible. I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

DF: Thinking of you sweetie. (((hugs)))

Hi DF,

Glad you are feeling better! It's nice to see you posting again.

HUGS

Liese

Hi DF

quote:

What does your T do in the silence? Just wait? Does she know what is going on for you?

Yep, she fortunately totally knows what's going on for me.

I don't know what she does really as I'm not really with it and usually feel very spacey but I think she reminds me where I am, tells me that I am safe, that he is not here and nobody will hurt me. She used to sit in silence but is less inclined to do that as I found that a bit triggering, so she talks to me very calmly and gently.....but I'm not completely sure about what always. I just know that I can recognise her voice as being safe.

When I have no words because of the shame issues or triggering subjects, sometimes she instinctively knows what I want to say but can't, and says 'are you wanting to talk about.....right now?' That is always such a relief for me - spares me from the words I can't utter but lets me know that she's bang on my wavelength.....makes it hard to hide stuff though

Sorry this week has been so hard for you, I hope you have recouperated a bit and are feeling stronger. Thanks for your response,

starfish

DF, glad to see you posting again

quote:

what has you T done to help you in these situations?

quote:

Any "skills" or stuff to do your T has suggested?

I really wish I could answer this but I don't think I was ever brave enough to fully share with my T what was going on though she was aware that I had periods that I would go all silent and she would often say that she had lost me (which I guess in a way she had but also she hadn't in that I was obviously accessing a part of me that I couldn't anywhere else so it may have been useful to work on.)Sometimes she would say you have gone all quiet...duh..all I could do was nod. When I was feeling back to normal again I used to feel too embarrassed to bring it up, I really wish I had though as I had no idea what was going on and it scared me so much. Sorry I can't be of any help.

I like the sound of your handler though its no good if you are suffering for it afterwards

Glad you have been able to get some rest. Keep looking after yourself.

Butterfly

DF
Ooops, I am so sorry i didn't respond to you on this thread earlier. I replied to LG and then posted a reply which i realised was for the wrong thread and after i moved it i forgot to come back. I really am sorry, it was incredibly rude especially as you were having such a hard time.

Pan