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Hi LadyGrey,
I'm glad you have T2 so you're not on your own dealing with this. Something similar happened to me once, but I got a different reaction.
I very rarely dreamed about my T. One night I had a dream that we were right in the middle of a session and I was in the middle of talking about something really intense and he just suddenly stood up, said, "I'll be right back" and walked out. I waited and waited but he never came back. I woke up literally feeling bereft and terrified. I put in an emergency call that morning and when my T called me back, I told him it felt like I was overreacting but I had a really bad dream, then I told him about it. My T did something really wonderful in response. When I hit the part about him walking out and not coming back, he audibly winced. Then he said he totally understood why I would feel so shaken and that I did exactly the right thing to call him. I KNEW that he wouldn't do that and that it was only a dream, but I felt a lot better experiencing him as there and hearing him tell me he wouldn't do and that he understood why it would feel so threatening.
I am thinking that T1s reaction might be a good indication that maybe trusting her wasn't a good idea. Don't get me wrong, I can understand someone feeling a little defensive, like hey, I'm not responsible for your dreams, but as your therapist I think she should have put her own feelings aside and at least responded to your text.
AG
I'm glad you have T2 so you're not on your own dealing with this. Something similar happened to me once, but I got a different reaction.
I very rarely dreamed about my T. One night I had a dream that we were right in the middle of a session and I was in the middle of talking about something really intense and he just suddenly stood up, said, "I'll be right back" and walked out. I waited and waited but he never came back. I woke up literally feeling bereft and terrified. I put in an emergency call that morning and when my T called me back, I told him it felt like I was overreacting but I had a really bad dream, then I told him about it. My T did something really wonderful in response. When I hit the part about him walking out and not coming back, he audibly winced. Then he said he totally understood why I would feel so shaken and that I did exactly the right thing to call him. I KNEW that he wouldn't do that and that it was only a dream, but I felt a lot better experiencing him as there and hearing him tell me he wouldn't do and that he understood why it would feel so threatening.
I am thinking that T1s reaction might be a good indication that maybe trusting her wasn't a good idea. Don't get me wrong, I can understand someone feeling a little defensive, like hey, I'm not responsible for your dreams, but as your therapist I think she should have put her own feelings aside and at least responded to your text.
AG
Hi Ladygrey,
Wow what a dream. T2 was amazing in the way that she was able to validate the conflict you have been feeling. Is T1 the one who recently left for a trip across the country? I get a little confused. I'm sorry.
I hear loud and clear that you really don't trust T1's skills. In my book, that's a good reason for not going back to her or at least trying to work it out with T2 before you do go back if there are transference issues in the way. Maybe the relationship is too confusing for you if her boundaries aren't so tight. I had a T whose boundaries weren't so tight and I found it really confusing. Her shit was getting mixed up in my shit. It's so much easier for me to sort stuff out with tighter boundaries. Are you doubting yourself now because you feel guilty? Are you afraid you will hurt her feelings if you don't go back to her? It just sounds to me like you don't feel safe with T1 and you should trust that feeling, at least for now until you have it all figured out.
So sorry about the scary dream. It sounded very upsetting.
HUGS,
Liese
Wow what a dream. T2 was amazing in the way that she was able to validate the conflict you have been feeling. Is T1 the one who recently left for a trip across the country? I get a little confused. I'm sorry.
I hear loud and clear that you really don't trust T1's skills. In my book, that's a good reason for not going back to her or at least trying to work it out with T2 before you do go back if there are transference issues in the way. Maybe the relationship is too confusing for you if her boundaries aren't so tight. I had a T whose boundaries weren't so tight and I found it really confusing. Her shit was getting mixed up in my shit. It's so much easier for me to sort stuff out with tighter boundaries. Are you doubting yourself now because you feel guilty? Are you afraid you will hurt her feelings if you don't go back to her? It just sounds to me like you don't feel safe with T1 and you should trust that feeling, at least for now until you have it all figured out.
So sorry about the scary dream. It sounded very upsetting.
HUGS,
Liese
LG, how are you today? I am so sorry that you`ve rushed and terminated with your T1, after that dream. How hard this situation must be!
I understand your confusion and mixed emotions about yout T1, and therefore also about you ending with her that impulsive. I am not sure though, if the dream 'told you' to end with her.(if that`s how you interpreted it?) The way i interpret that dream (sorry if this aint relevant for you-) was your strong fear for being abondoned by your T1, and therefore (of course) got so anxious that you rather thought the sulution was to terminate with her instead. The way i see it, you should at least ask your T1 for another session, and talk to her about the dream that obviously has stirred up alot of important abondonment-issues for you. On her`s resonses to yout text`s she seems concerned and caring for you imo, and also respects that you need time to figure this out. Thats good.
I hear you that you`ve doubted her`s effectiveness as a T for a while, and feel releaved and free from having to deal with the hard transference, yet i would assume your love for her (or absession as you call it) are a 'product' of a rather sucsessfull (but scary)attachment? Or what do you think?
If you realise that you really regret ending with her, i would strongly encourrage you to try and overwin your pride and emberrassment and go back to her. She will probably just try and understnad why you was THAT triggered by the dream and look at her own`s contribute to the process.
No matter what you decide though, i support your decition. For all i know you might be doing the right thing, i just wanted to questionate your motives for quitting- hence to how i interperted your dream. (that you acted out of transference fear, and not to actual T1 not being helpful enough.) I am sorry if this just made you more confused.
Can you share more of what you are thinking about it today?
Wish you all the best,
I understand your confusion and mixed emotions about yout T1, and therefore also about you ending with her that impulsive. I am not sure though, if the dream 'told you' to end with her.(if that`s how you interpreted it?) The way i interpret that dream (sorry if this aint relevant for you-) was your strong fear for being abondoned by your T1, and therefore (of course) got so anxious that you rather thought the sulution was to terminate with her instead. The way i see it, you should at least ask your T1 for another session, and talk to her about the dream that obviously has stirred up alot of important abondonment-issues for you. On her`s resonses to yout text`s she seems concerned and caring for you imo, and also respects that you need time to figure this out. Thats good.
I hear you that you`ve doubted her`s effectiveness as a T for a while, and feel releaved and free from having to deal with the hard transference, yet i would assume your love for her (or absession as you call it) are a 'product' of a rather sucsessfull (but scary)attachment? Or what do you think?
If you realise that you really regret ending with her, i would strongly encourrage you to try and overwin your pride and emberrassment and go back to her. She will probably just try and understnad why you was THAT triggered by the dream and look at her own`s contribute to the process.
No matter what you decide though, i support your decition. For all i know you might be doing the right thing, i just wanted to questionate your motives for quitting- hence to how i interperted your dream. (that you acted out of transference fear, and not to actual T1 not being helpful enough.) I am sorry if this just made you more confused.
Can you share more of what you are thinking about it today?
Wish you all the best,
Hi LG,
I am sorry you had such an upsetting dream...as someone who dreams often I know how real the feelings they bring up can be. I wonder if your subconscious was helping you out a little as it sounds to me like you were having doubts as to the abilites of T1 in helping you but yet the way you felt about her was too strong to let go of and as the termination was quick and unexpected maybe the dream was giving you the push to do something you may not have realised you needed or otherwise would have been able to do.
If this isn't the case then T1 has said that she is still there for you...there is absolutely nothing wrong in changing your mind LG. What you felt was obviously very powerful in the moment and hopefully T1 will understand this. It is not too late! Maybe you can take some time and work through it a little more with T2 as she sounds like she is on the ball.
Hope it all works out for you.
Butterfly
I am sorry you had such an upsetting dream...as someone who dreams often I know how real the feelings they bring up can be. I wonder if your subconscious was helping you out a little as it sounds to me like you were having doubts as to the abilites of T1 in helping you but yet the way you felt about her was too strong to let go of and as the termination was quick and unexpected maybe the dream was giving you the push to do something you may not have realised you needed or otherwise would have been able to do.
If this isn't the case then T1 has said that she is still there for you...there is absolutely nothing wrong in changing your mind LG. What you felt was obviously very powerful in the moment and hopefully T1 will understand this. It is not too late! Maybe you can take some time and work through it a little more with T2 as she sounds like she is on the ball.
Hope it all works out for you.
Butterfly
LG
I'm sorry that you haven't heard back from T1 yet. I sometimes worry that T is testing my patience when he doesn't reply within his usual time frame. I also worry that he is really angry and frustrated and I am too much. I wish I had some words that would help but as you can see from my recent thread I don't. Just wanted you to know you weren't alone with feeling pathetic, crazy, and everything else.
I hope T1 contacts you soon.
di
I'm sorry that you haven't heard back from T1 yet. I sometimes worry that T is testing my patience when he doesn't reply within his usual time frame. I also worry that he is really angry and frustrated and I am too much. I wish I had some words that would help but as you can see from my recent thread I don't. Just wanted you to know you weren't alone with feeling pathetic, crazy, and everything else.
I hope T1 contacts you soon.
di
Hi LG,
Oh the joy and pain of figuring ourselves out, huh? Oftentimes I have learned about myself by watching how I behave first and then by saying, Oh, I must be feeling this way or that way. Why I can't get to those feeling is beyond me right now but it is what it is. It kind of sounds like you are in the same boat.
I was wondering about something Frog said up above about the transference and attachment stuff. It's all so confusing and some people seem to use the terms interchangeably but in my experience they are different yet interact with each other. The transference for me comes up and interferes with my attachment. I am attached to my T but get more attached as I work through the transference issues. Does that make sense?
Glad you were able to reestablish contact with T1. I hope you were able to call her to see if you still had your appointment today. I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You panicked. We all panic sometimes. You didn't say anything mean. You didn't do anything mean. Hope you are able to work through these intense feelings. Let us know how it goes.
Liese
Oh the joy and pain of figuring ourselves out, huh? Oftentimes I have learned about myself by watching how I behave first and then by saying, Oh, I must be feeling this way or that way. Why I can't get to those feeling is beyond me right now but it is what it is. It kind of sounds like you are in the same boat.
I was wondering about something Frog said up above about the transference and attachment stuff. It's all so confusing and some people seem to use the terms interchangeably but in my experience they are different yet interact with each other. The transference for me comes up and interferes with my attachment. I am attached to my T but get more attached as I work through the transference issues. Does that make sense?
Glad you were able to reestablish contact with T1. I hope you were able to call her to see if you still had your appointment today. I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You panicked. We all panic sometimes. You didn't say anything mean. You didn't do anything mean. Hope you are able to work through these intense feelings. Let us know how it goes.
Liese
((((LG)))
The last few days must feel like you have been on a rollercoaster ride and i am sorry you don't have a clear conclusion yet. I am a bit late to the thread but fwiw i think you should try and get your appointment back or reschedule it for sometime soon. Whatever is going on is obviously big for you and if you could talk to her about it while it is still chaotic it could really help you figure things out.
(((LG))))
Pan
The last few days must feel like you have been on a rollercoaster ride and i am sorry you don't have a clear conclusion yet. I am a bit late to the thread but fwiw i think you should try and get your appointment back or reschedule it for sometime soon. Whatever is going on is obviously big for you and if you could talk to her about it while it is still chaotic it could really help you figure things out.
(((LG))))
Pan
This does suck.. I'm sorry.. I'm also sorry I dont have any advice. HUGS.
I know it’s really hard because you want answers right now, but maybe communicating over text is not the best for this time of thing? If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that SO much can be lost through a text- things can be misinterpreted or interpreted differently than you expected.
Oh LG, I can't believe she didn't answer the phone. Wow. You can't blame yourself for this. You are not a loser. The whole situation was really confusing. And there was a breakdown in communication. Try to calm yourself down. I'm sure she has a good reason for not answering the phone. And if she doesn't, then you need to know that also. You will be able to deal with whatever happens. Maybe she's even texted you by now???
((((HUGS))))
Liese
((((HUGS))))
Liese
Dear DF, i am so sorry you sent that text AND called and didnt hear back from T. Have you heard back from her by now? Does she usually reply immidiatly or does it often takes time? (i am asking since my T ALWAYS reply late, and its always a good explanation for the lack of the reply. And i should add: I too, feel like a crazy and pathetic girl when it makes me THAT anxious while waiting for the damned reply.)
Hope you are`nt still waiting for a reply now, let is know what`s going on if it helps you?! HUGS
Hope you are`nt still waiting for a reply now, let is know what`s going on if it helps you?! HUGS
LadyGrey, I am really sorry your T didn't answer her phone at the time of your session, that is indeed extremley confusing. I think this says more about her as she knew you had apologised and taken back what you had originally said about wanting to end which I can't imagine was an easy thing to do...so I am wondering if she is letting her feelings get in the way of how she reacts to you which would be totally inappropriate.
I agree that text communication is not the best for dealing with such a sensitive area but I do hope that she has now responded to you letting you know her reasons for not answering.
Butterfly
I agree that text communication is not the best for dealing with such a sensitive area but I do hope that she has now responded to you letting you know her reasons for not answering.
Butterfly
LG,
I am so glad she got back to you and you are going to see her. I hope you are able to clear up any questions you may have on Thursday. Keep us posted.
(((HUGS))))
Liese
I am so glad she got back to you and you are going to see her. I hope you are able to clear up any questions you may have on Thursday. Keep us posted.
(((HUGS))))
Liese