Hm, I find this information confusing and painful. I'm not able to differentiate between the two types. I can't figure out which I possess. Clearly I attend therapy for the fleeting opportunity to feel close to my therapist- and that has always been my primary motivation. Feeling guilty and wrong for that hasn't seemed to help me much, either. Maybe I ought to quit. Maybe therapy is only for the self- motivated...who are not looking for love? Is there a way for me to change my basic way of being here?

ouchy!I am confused...

BB

I also am confused because my therapy has never had a sexual dimension to it- that is, I do not (at least consciously) desire to have sex with my therapist. But, I have always been able to say that my primary motivation for being in therapy, is to feel loved by him, which has always confused and guilted me. More thoughts?

BB
I don't think you have either BB. There is no sexual component to your feelings. Therefore you would only be considered to have transference. You are paying attention to your feelings for your therapist, including the fact that you want to be with him but you are doing so in order to understand yourself and do the work of therapy.

I would be considered to have erotic transference as there is a sexual component to my feelings for my therapist but I did not make that the focus of our work together.

Essentially, erotic transference is something that can be handled and even used to advance therapy, while eroticized transference is something that actually blocks the work. A person with eroticized transference truly believes and often tries to convince their therapist, that they really are soul mates, that if they had met outside of therapy, they would have had a wonderful relationship together. Their focus is actually on seducing the therapist and getting them to move beyond the theraputic relationship. In other words, they don't want to change themselves, they want to change the therapist. I can honestly not think of anyone on the forum I would classify this way. And I have known a few people elsewhere that did exhibit this behavior.

Looking for love isn't in and of itself a problem, it's really just something you can know about yourself.

AG

Thanks guys- it's thought-provoking stuff. I don't know, AG- I know I said there isn't but, it is hard to say whether there is a sexual component to my particular feelings or not. The only time I ever have a sexual feeling, I suspect, is when it's related somehow to a father-figure. That sounds pretty yucky, but it's my reality, although I was not sexually abused by my father. Still, I'm certain that the feelings I have for T have a sexual component under there that I am not able to experience for some reason- I have probably intellectualized those feelings away. My thoughts on stuff get so complicated, that I cease to have feelings- only thoughts. Eventually the thought shuts down too, I suppose. Also, my T and I, we are not in the room together. For all I know I may have full-blown erotic/ or eroticized transference! I often experience that I don't know why I am there, nor do I care, except to try to get my T somehow to care about me! This puts me into a place of despair/uncaring/helplessness/hopelessness. Is there a way out of this deep feeling place of almost, paradoxically- no feeling? I am at my wits end in therapy. I don't think there is any hope for me. I need so badly to find a ray of hope. Should I continue to pretend to care, from a cognitive place I am able to find where I *know* I should care for my own sake, so I choose to *act* that way, by making myself go to therapy and SD- even though my feeling self doesn't give a shit and just wants to be cuddled and probably, coddled?

I agree with everything AG said.

In very simple terms...are you dealing with sexual feelings, sexual fantasies, and the need to act out sexually to seduce your T.

Or... are you looking for love and Nurturing? I think almost all of us here are searching for the parental nurturing that was missing from our childhood causing our development to go awry. I think most of us want to be held, want to curl up with T, want to be read to, want to run to them when we are scared (proximity seeking) for protection and reassurance. We want them to care about us and to be proud of us. All of this describes attachment.

TN

yup- definitely looking for the nurturing thingy- though I tend to think people with the eroticized transference thingy definitely are, too- just in a different and more wounded way.

Thanks for clearing up my concerns, though- I've often wondered about this kind of thing!

love,

BB

no worries- UV- I'm easily confused by lots of things that I read. I tend to think everything applies to me. So far I have diagnosed myself with every single neurosis I have ever read about! At this point, I am: Manic,Bipolar,Dissociative,Dysthymic,Emotionally Deprived,Narcissistic, Double Depression, and whatever else I happen to read about, no matter how conflicting. The latest, is clearly this eroticized transference. My T refuses to put a diagnoses on me, he says they are negative labels and prefers to talk in terms of "woundedness." Of course my left brain rolls it's eyes so much at that phrase that they get stuck into the back of my head- but whatever. Like I said- easily confused, and sometimes I think it's my responsibility to myself not reading too much psychology stuff until I get through this therapy morass and hopefully figure the truth out without so many lenses. But that's just where I am- lots of people *need* information in order to heal, and that is a valuable way to heal too. It's nice to "see" you!

hug,

BB

That's OK, BB. I've admitted the transference, but I still need to tell my T that I am a dissociative borderline with attachment injuries. Because, obviously my wikipedia searches are on par with his PhD in psychology, right? I think he will probably point out that the labels are not helpful and say something about how God isn't interested in labeling me, but healing me. I feel like I want to scream, "Please, define this horrible experience for me!" For some reason, I feel like a label would make me feel better.