LG,

I think she means that by not saying much you are actually saying a lot. I don't think she meant it in a bad way.

Too funny. the board is full of madcap humor today. I love it. I'm going to try the "what did you have for lunch today" comment, LG- if I ever get the chance again, next time my T says: (cue deep voice: "there's a lot of pain in that silence."
Or maybe I could just lie that I have indigestion from what I had for lunch!

LG,

When I'm especially silent in therapy, there's usually something I want to talk about but I'm afraid to.

I'm not comfortable with too much silence in therapy. It just makes me anxious. I hate it when I run out of things to say. I try to fill in the silence with trivial chatter. Sometimes I can waste the entire session doing that.

LG, it's amazing to me that you've had your T for so long and never told her you were mad at her before. I don't know what's wrong with me that I am this opposite extreme -- telling T too often that I am mad, I guess. Do you feel comfortable telling us about the breach which provoked it?

"Sometimes when the silence gets uncomfortable I ask her random questions like, "What did you have for lunch?" I figure that way she will work harder to avoid these silences with me in the future, lol." >>> LG, that is AMAZING. I wish I had it together enough during a session to respond to silence like that!


LG, I think it is meaningful that your T took a chance to interpret your silence, even if it was in a vague way ("there's a lot in that...". I was quiet a lot in a session recently and my T just said if I did that again for more then a few minutes she would start reading a book. No interpretation or anything. I'm not sure if that means my silence is an empty one or what. Do you think you will bring up her comment when you talk to her again?

quote:

I was quiet a lot in a session recently and my T just said if I did that again for more then a few minutes she would start reading a book.

That T response just bothers me. It is your session, Firefly, and you should be free to choose to spend it how you will and still expect your T to be attentive.

Even though I get uncomfortable with long silences, one thing I have taken for granted is that my T has assured me its always my privilege to be silent if I choose, and she will still stay attuned to me. I have had a few sessions where I was mute nearly the entire hour,yet every time I cast a glance in her direction, she was right there ready to make eye contact. She never stops studying me during my silences for anything other than to write notes in my chart. Maybe that's why its so hard for me, because it is in silence that I recognize how hard she is paying attention. In fact, lately my T encourages silence. I think she knows I can't access certain feelings if I'm always chattering.

When I go silent, T sometimes makes suggestions or asks questions to get me to describe what is going on in my head. I get pretty embarrassed that I sometimes have to say I don't know or it seems like literally nothing...or worse, that I am incapable of putting words to the thoughts and feelings kicking around in there. I have told him how much I hate myself for silent, unproductive sessions, so he tries to gently push, which really is what I want from him. I just wish I knew how to break through to myself.