It sometimes feels this way to me (especially with my T's availability), but I wonder if it's just my perception, because my likelihood of projecting abandonment or neglect is so much higher when I am already in an emotional crisis zone. I try to look back on it when I'm not in crisis and I think most of the time, I notice that my T is pretty steady and when he is less available, it has to do with the day of the week or time of day and isn't a reaction to my crisis. I hope...!

I think sometimes Ts downplay their reaction to crises because they do not want their clients to start being in crisis all the time to get their attention. I am not saying you would do that or that it is why your T reacts the way he does, just as sort of a general observation of ts.

LG,

It's hard to think that they would really be annoyed at you for being in crisis mode. Maybe that's transference???

I would probably just ask Am I texting you too often? And then take her at her word if she says no. I strongly believe it is their problem to set their boundaries. But with that kind of question I think you need to be prepared for the discussion on why you text her often etc. (I am not saying you do it often just using that as the example)
And I do understand wanting her to reassure you about not being crazy. There may be in her mind a difference between acting crazy and her actually thinking you are crazy.

LG,

Transference and projection are similar in that the feelings you are having you are attributing to the other person. It's just that with transference, the feelings you are ascribing to the person you are with, the therapist, is in reality something you really experienced in the past. Perhaps they are withdrawing from you or seeming to withdraw but not for the reasons you think they are?? Not the reasons the people in the past withdrew from you? I'm confusing myself.

I haven't been with my T very long, but I always just go straight to him and say, "Look, when you [said/did _______], it made me [think/feel _________]. I realize that might be true and I may just be projecting my own judgments or insecurities onto you, but it feels very real to me and I want to admit it to you and find out the truth rather than continue to let these thoughts have so much power over me by keeping them inside." T is never offended by what I'm thinking/feeling. We usually discuss why I might be having those thoughts or feelings. What sort of behavior triggers them. It's almost always initiated by me and I have to lay it on the line and be vulnerable. I often have no idea why I keep opening myself up to him like that, because I have never shared ANY of those thoughts with other people...but I can't help it. It's like he went inside and tweaked something so that I can trust him in a way I can't anyone else. At the same time, the more I trust, the more I project/transfer these paranoid and hurtful thoughts. But, the more I trust, the more I can counter those thoughts by sharing them with him. So, I guess it's a double-edged sword. We keep getting closer and it's scaring the $#!+ out of me; it feels so comforting and painful at the same time. That is my experience with having that level of honesty and vulnerability on this kind of stuff with T.

That's a really good point, DF. I hadn't realized that T's do that, respond to judgment vs. content.

LG,

So you don't actually doubt what you are perceiving? Is that what you are saying?? I'm just trying to understand where you are coming from. So you basically actually think that they are not reacting to you in a certain manner? But you are instead attributing that to them feeling annoyed with you? I always invalidate what I'm perceiving so I'm sfraid I just assumed you did that too when I answered you the first time.

Yes, I definitely think being direct and asking for what you want is a good way to go. But I always struggle with, then what happens next? She might tell you what you want to hear but will you really believe it? And, will it really help you next time when you feel the same way?

Yes, I think you should tell her exactly what you have written here, because those sort of thoughts about how she is feeling about you will become a block to you trusting her with (perhaps very important) stuff if you let yourself start hiding it. It is more difficult to stop hiding things if you let it go on a while, so since you are just aware of it now, it will probably be a lot easier to bring it up. Otherwise, your feelings about it will fade and you will think, "Oh, no big deal, it was just a fleeting feeling," and forget about it like it was a one time occurrence. And then something will happen again down the road, and you will be feeling, "Ugh, I can't believe this happened again!" And you will want to address it, but you will be scared to bring up a list of times that you were frustrated or upset or projecting these judgments because of how T acted, but you will realize that you should have brought them up immediately and worry that T will be mad that you have been holding all this in and it will be so hard to NOT keep hiding. Does that make any sense?