LG,

Oh goodness, I'm sorry you are struggling so much tonight. It sounds like your T was really supportive and sent some great texts. I can see where the comments she made could easily be fed to the inner critic as fuel for the fire. I thought about it and honestly I think she was just using a natural transition to end the conversation. Very similar to talk to you later. Putting the shoe on the other foot, I told my T as I was leaving today to have a nice weekend. Does that mean that I was telling her that I will not under any circumstances talk to her (text her) this weekend? Nope, not at all. If I need to I will even though I told her to have a nice weekend which could have been translated to "I won't talk to you until Monday". My point is, it's just a natural thing to say to someone on a Friday.

As far as her quick response about your phone number change, I bet she was just busy. She wanted to quickly acknowledge your text, but didn't have time for anything more. It isn't a reflection of her feelings for you at all. She is on vacation and she was probably preoccupied or in the middle of something.

quote:

STRM, you are right...have a nice weekend is simply a transition to end the conversation and an appropriate response to my comment of "enjoy the rest of your trip".

I'm glad you are feeling better. You could even look at your comment and ask yourself if you meant that you weren't going to text her for the rest of her trip when you said, "enjoy the rest of your trip." Did that mean you meant no contact for the rest of the trip? Probably not. I think it's great that you are thinking through all of this and you are reframing it. I also think it is great that you re-read the texts and hope that you find comfort in her words.

quote:

Now I know that I should be feeling good about all the wonderful things that T said to me and all the extra texts she sent me, but instead I was triggered by her comment, "Have a nice weekend". To me that meant, "Don't text me again until next week. I'm on vacation". Its like that's all I could focus on and all the good stuff she she said went away.

OH LG.... I know EXACTLY what you felt there. I struggled with this with my oldT on a number of occassions. In one email I sent him after I had a panic attack he sent me what I felt was a horribly dismissive email which ended with..."have a good weekend" and I totally freaked out. I was so angry I wanted to throw things at him. This was on a summer Friday and to me it felt like "oh go away and leave me alone I want frolick at the beach with my wife and you are nagging me about nonsense"!!

I was consumed with rage and jealousy and self-hatred because he should WANT to communicate with me at length and that "have a good weekend" thing just meant "go away until next week". It got to the point where I practically forbade him to say have a good weekend to me that summer.

In retrospect.... it was a reasonable thing to say on a Friday. For some reason if my new T says it, I'm okay with it. Maybe I learned a lesson or maybe I just don't love my new T as much as I loved oldT. I'm not sure. But I seemed to have come to a more peaceful place regarding that phrase. And now I do try to focus on the good and positive in the email instead.

I hope you are feeling less pain over this now.

TN

I totally understand. T read my email and sent me some totally supportive texts about the stuff I was sharing. Then I expressed how painful my vulnerability with him can be and I'm not sure why I'm doing it. He texted back, "You're doing fine..." For some reason, I read it as, "You're doing fine...stop worrying about stupid stuff, stop complaining all the time even when things are fine, I'll see you Tuesday for Pete's sake...can you stop texting me already?" I should remind him that ellipses make my projections about 50x worse.

I think the thing he said was his texting style was actually the wording things as a question, but maybe I am misremembering. Like, when he says, "Can/Will you [some sort of action or way of thinking about things when I am distressed]," rather than just directly requesting, "Please try..." it is because he is being polite, but I have parental issues around that and immediately react like, "NO, I can't!!!"

Maybe he said something similar about the ellipses, though. I know he doesn't really mean anything bad by it, but I guess I just don't understand how someone being so needy to him all the time can be a "blessing" as he says it is. I don't think I've had someone in my life that does that for me. And, I guess I do it for others and feel blessed that they trust me in that way, but I get tired sometimes too of always being the person who everyone in my family comes to, so I guess I just assume he must get tired of me, especially with his other clients, court cases, etc. I'm just being stupid...

LG,

Oops, I'm sorry. I can see that my reply wasn't helpful if that is how you did mean your reply to your T. Sorry about that!

How are you doing today?

Sorry I am so late to this thread...LG, I'm sorry those sign off messages were so hurtful to you...fwiw, I hate those things too. Anytime my T has said similar things I took it as "shut up, now, be a good little girl, and leave me alone..." But I am sure that your T was not trying to "shut you up." Not at all. I think it is just the way a conversation naturally ends, even though it feels like some kind of abandonment. It's so hard when you can't hear their tone of voice. Imagine her saying "Have a good weekend" in a really nice, kind and cheerful voice. Maybe that would help? idk.

I hope so much you are feeling a little bit better today.
hug,

BB

oh, crossposted with you- sorry- good for you, LG! I'm sure that your T will be happy and proud of you when she gets your message, and not at all annoyed!

Aw, honey...I am sorry.
I know it doesn't matter really, if I say that it could be anything, lots of reasons why she didn't text back. because I know what it feels like to kind of feel, and almost know- that they are ignoring you. But really, I'll bet she isn't. I'll bet it's some other reason, LG, and she isn't annoyed at all.

(((((LG)))))

Maybe you can bring that up to her. My T does the same thing and I have told him that the inconsistency is confusing to me.