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Hi Ninn,
I'm sorry that your T wasn't able to hear your anger without getting angry in return. If it helps to know, my T and I would usually spend the first two sessions after long breaks (I saw him usually on a weekly basis but longer breaks were fairly frequent due to both of our vacation schedules) processing my abandonment and anger.
My T was able to clearly hang on to the fact that he had done NOTHING wrong about being gone, but that it was also understandable that his absence evoked anger and fear in me. (I actually once emailed him on vacation to tell him that I hated his family because they got to have him in a way I was denied. Then I told him I hoped he had a wonderful time with the family I hated.
He thankfully took it in the way it was meant, an expression of my frustration with the boundaries and the feelings his absence evoked.)
He once asked me "how do you think a child learns to not be scared about a parent leaving? It's by having them go and come back consistently." To which I responded, so you need to go on MORE vacations? But the truth is, that if we were not secure or could trust our caregivers to be there for us, then an absence can evoke a lot of emotions in us, including anger.
Would you be able to go back and talk to her about how this feels?
I hope things go will with the PA, I don't think meds are required for everyone, nor are they a magic cure, but they can be a very helpful tool. I take an AD and it helps me not sink too low so I have more energy to deal with what comes along. They made a crucial difference for me when I was doing a lot of trauma work. I hope you can find a drug that works for you.
AG
I'm sorry that your T wasn't able to hear your anger without getting angry in return. If it helps to know, my T and I would usually spend the first two sessions after long breaks (I saw him usually on a weekly basis but longer breaks were fairly frequent due to both of our vacation schedules) processing my abandonment and anger.
My T was able to clearly hang on to the fact that he had done NOTHING wrong about being gone, but that it was also understandable that his absence evoked anger and fear in me. (I actually once emailed him on vacation to tell him that I hated his family because they got to have him in a way I was denied. Then I told him I hoped he had a wonderful time with the family I hated.
He thankfully took it in the way it was meant, an expression of my frustration with the boundaries and the feelings his absence evoked.)He once asked me "how do you think a child learns to not be scared about a parent leaving? It's by having them go and come back consistently." To which I responded, so you need to go on MORE vacations?
But the truth is, that if we were not secure or could trust our caregivers to be there for us, then an absence can evoke a lot of emotions in us, including anger. Would you be able to go back and talk to her about how this feels?
I hope things go will with the PA, I don't think meds are required for everyone, nor are they a magic cure, but they can be a very helpful tool. I take an AD and it helps me not sink too low so I have more energy to deal with what comes along. They made a crucial difference for me when I was doing a lot of trauma work. I hope you can find a drug that works for you.
AG
(((Ninn)))
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(((Ninn)))
It sounds like your T missed the boat a little bit...but that doesn't mean you can't still fix this. I hope the meds help you if you need them and that your next session goes lot better.
It sounds like your T missed the boat a little bit...but that doesn't mean you can't still fix this. I hope the meds help you if you need them and that your next session goes lot better.
Aww ((Ninn)) I'm sorry you felt the session to be not so good.
Was it good for her to angry back at you? Sorry if this sparks anything. Did she not understand perhaps why you felt angry?
I am certain next session would be okay for you? I hope so. Wishing you luck Ninn.
Was it good for her to angry back at you? Sorry if this sparks anything. Did she not understand perhaps why you felt angry?
I am certain next session would be okay for you? I hope so. Wishing you luck Ninn.
quote:It was like she was making it up as she went....and she did then say how insurance doesn't cover for personality problems (yet I've never had a denied claim....so does that mean that is not the diagnosis given to the insurance company?).
Hey Ninn,
Just wanted to say I would definitely ask what diagnosis she has given the insurance company. You have a right to know what is going on your insurance records!
It would also bug me to be nagged about meds. My T has suggested them a couple times, but seems okay with the fact that I don't want them. Of course, my pregnancy may have something to do with that.
As far as the rest of your post goes, it sounds like a sad and painful session.
It also sounds like you two may be miscommunicating and misunderstanding each other a bit, though. It would be great if our Ts were so attuned that this never happened, but they are human, and fortunately these kinds of ruptures are often solvable, if good will and good intentions are present (which I've sensed from your other posts is the case with your T?). I really hope you are able to talk through this in a meaningful and healing way at your next session.
Hi Ninn... I'm sorry but I can't remember how long you are in therapy with this T. Have you experienced her being away for a long time before?? Lastly, is your T an experienced T?
I am not happy in how she handled your feelings and especially when she said maybe you needed a two week break (that was threatening and punishing and quite unnecessary). What you were probably feeling was abandonment. Your T left you for a long period (2 weeks IS a long period of time in therapy... my T does not take more than 8 days because he knows how it affects his patients). So you felt abandoned and you reacted to this pain by getting angry at her which is totally normal for your situation. Instead of hearing you out and listening to your feelings she seemed to be making you feel worse and even guilty for feeling that way. Perhaps she was feeling guilty herself for leaving her patients for so long and was unable to remain non-defensive.
My oldT also pressured me often to take meds for the symptoms HE saw while in session.... that my emotions were dysregulated and that I had a lot of anxiety. Of course, if I was medicated it would make HIS job easier. While I do support those who chose to take them and I have seen how much they have helped so many people I care about... I was not yet ready to go that route. I first wanted to try to do therapy w/o them. I also need to say that my symptoms were not materially inteferring with my ability to hold a job, be a mom or a wife and to function in the world. Most people would never know I had anxiety.
Lastly, I just wanted to mention that your difficulty in talking to your T sounds like you have not yet built up enough trust with her to reveal the traumas you have been holding. You may need more time for this or your T is not acting consistent and dependable enough for you to take this step. I am slowly walking closer to my T, while still having setbacks here and there. What he does tell me is that by allowing the attachment to happen and by moving closer to him I am keeping myself safer because then he becomes invested in me and in my well being and would be less likely to hurt me. Because by hurting me he would also be hurting himself. That made a huge impression on me and just recently I did hurt him via two angry emails I sent him and I realized that in doing so, I hurt myself, I felt pain at hurting him because I care about him. So what he says is true.
When my T gets back from vacation he encourges me to express my anger at his leaving me and is open to hearing my feelings about him being away with family while I'm missing him. I think your T was struggling with this aspect of the therapy. You were obviously sad and upset (and I would risk adding scared here) and she got defensive and attacking and that never helps.
Go back to her and try to tell her how abandoned you felt and how it stirred up a lot of emotions. If you can't name them then tell her to help you name the feelings. Some of us never learned to identify our feelings. In this way you will be more of a partnership than opposites butting heads with you feeling hurt.
I wish you well and I hope you manage to feel okay until your next session.
Regards,
TN
I am not happy in how she handled your feelings and especially when she said maybe you needed a two week break (that was threatening and punishing and quite unnecessary). What you were probably feeling was abandonment. Your T left you for a long period (2 weeks IS a long period of time in therapy... my T does not take more than 8 days because he knows how it affects his patients). So you felt abandoned and you reacted to this pain by getting angry at her which is totally normal for your situation. Instead of hearing you out and listening to your feelings she seemed to be making you feel worse and even guilty for feeling that way. Perhaps she was feeling guilty herself for leaving her patients for so long and was unable to remain non-defensive.
My oldT also pressured me often to take meds for the symptoms HE saw while in session.... that my emotions were dysregulated and that I had a lot of anxiety. Of course, if I was medicated it would make HIS job easier. While I do support those who chose to take them and I have seen how much they have helped so many people I care about... I was not yet ready to go that route. I first wanted to try to do therapy w/o them. I also need to say that my symptoms were not materially inteferring with my ability to hold a job, be a mom or a wife and to function in the world. Most people would never know I had anxiety.
Lastly, I just wanted to mention that your difficulty in talking to your T sounds like you have not yet built up enough trust with her to reveal the traumas you have been holding. You may need more time for this or your T is not acting consistent and dependable enough for you to take this step. I am slowly walking closer to my T, while still having setbacks here and there. What he does tell me is that by allowing the attachment to happen and by moving closer to him I am keeping myself safer because then he becomes invested in me and in my well being and would be less likely to hurt me. Because by hurting me he would also be hurting himself. That made a huge impression on me and just recently I did hurt him via two angry emails I sent him and I realized that in doing so, I hurt myself, I felt pain at hurting him because I care about him. So what he says is true.
When my T gets back from vacation he encourges me to express my anger at his leaving me and is open to hearing my feelings about him being away with family while I'm missing him. I think your T was struggling with this aspect of the therapy. You were obviously sad and upset (and I would risk adding scared here) and she got defensive and attacking and that never helps.
Go back to her and try to tell her how abandoned you felt and how it stirred up a lot of emotions. If you can't name them then tell her to help you name the feelings. Some of us never learned to identify our feelings. In this way you will be more of a partnership than opposites butting heads with you feeling hurt.
I wish you well and I hope you manage to feel okay until your next session.
Regards,
TN
(((((((ninn)))))))) I'm so sorry your T doesn't understand... to say the least... I don't have any input really, just wanted to say I hope you get some good restful sleep. sending you good thoughts and hugs ~ jane
I have to agree, it is up to you in the long run, I understand how difficult is can be when you are in so deep with a T (attached).. I went through something similar as well about a month ago. Is it really a good fit? (I am really watching my words here, I'm a little angry on your behalf) but..
Anyway, I am perplexed. Do most T's practice "unconditional positive regard"? It seems like you were experiencing anger, and observing it in yourself as well. That seems like a sign of self-awareness to me, although I'm not a T.
I am reading TN's post and I pretty much agree and have nothing to add, but that I back you up. If that helps at all.
Anyway, I am perplexed. Do most T's practice "unconditional positive regard"? It seems like you were experiencing anger, and observing it in yourself as well. That seems like a sign of self-awareness to me, although I'm not a T.
I am reading TN's post and I pretty much agree and have nothing to add, but that I back you up. If that helps at all.
Ninn... so glad you hear your appointment went so well and I look forward to hearing more about it. Hope you get a good sleep tonight.
TN
TN
(((NINN))))
Good luck with the wellbutrin. I'm on it and really like it. I was a bit jittery when I was first adjusting to it but my body finally adjusted. It can interfere a little with sleep, though, so if you already have trouble sleeping, that could be a problem for you.
So glad your PA gave you a great referral. Honestly, if you don't mind me saying, your T sounds like a cow. I hope it's okay that I said that. I went off lexapro because it was making me sleep 10 hours a day and even then I wasn't feeling rested. My T told me that he supported me, no matter what. He'd help me if I was on medication or not. Sometimes, it's just a matter of what we are ready for and where we are at. I didn't want to take meds for a long time. I tried different things but I really do think the wellbutrin is really helping me this time and I'm sticking with it because I'm finally starting to build a life for myself.
She's not accepting you where you are at right now and insisting that you change because maybe she can't find a way to help you feel moer comfortable? Why not try the referral T and see if it makes a difference?
Good luck. Hope you got a good night sleep!
Liese
Good luck with the wellbutrin. I'm on it and really like it. I was a bit jittery when I was first adjusting to it but my body finally adjusted. It can interfere a little with sleep, though, so if you already have trouble sleeping, that could be a problem for you.
So glad your PA gave you a great referral. Honestly, if you don't mind me saying, your T sounds like a cow. I hope it's okay that I said that. I went off lexapro because it was making me sleep 10 hours a day and even then I wasn't feeling rested. My T told me that he supported me, no matter what. He'd help me if I was on medication or not. Sometimes, it's just a matter of what we are ready for and where we are at. I didn't want to take meds for a long time. I tried different things but I really do think the wellbutrin is really helping me this time and I'm sticking with it because I'm finally starting to build a life for myself.
She's not accepting you where you are at right now and insisting that you change because maybe she can't find a way to help you feel moer comfortable? Why not try the referral T and see if it makes a difference?
Good luck. Hope you got a good night sleep!
Liese
quote:She pulled out a stack of cards and said yes, everyone we send to this LCSW loves her, she has email and answers her cell phone too!).
That sounds like a ray of light in a dark tunnel! I hope you make an appointment to meet with her soon.
Like Liese, I quit Lexapro and went to Wellbutrin because Lexapro made me too sleepy like I could never get enough rest to feel energetic. I also have started taking Ativan, but sparingly because it also makes me fatigued and I can't afford to be that way with so much on my plate right now. So I'm not sure how sold I am yet on Ativan. My T suggested a few days ago that I consider Prazosin or Tenex for nightmares. I haven't heard any personal testimonials for or against those two particular meds.
Ninn,
Sorry for the late post to this thread. I was reading through it while on linch break today. I completely understand the over-drugged feeling. I have been on Zoloft regularly since August and the Pdoc added Wellburtin 6 weeks ago. I hate it! But, at the same time, I like the way my "head" feels better - better mood and more energy. I am one of the minority that suffers nausea, headaches, jittery/not able to sleep, and bladder pain. So I basically want to quit and I want to tell my T at appt. today and see what she thinks. When I started, I was also crying all the time. Any little thing would trigger me. Now i do, but not as bad. I was also told it's the meds helping the wall come down. I still go back to the belief that meds are just a band aid and how can the walls come down if we mask our true selves with meds? I don't know....I have no answers, just my own experience ~ just wanted to let you know I empathize and hope it gets better
Sorry for the late post to this thread. I was reading through it while on linch break today. I completely understand the over-drugged feeling. I have been on Zoloft regularly since August and the Pdoc added Wellburtin 6 weeks ago. I hate it! But, at the same time, I like the way my "head" feels better - better mood and more energy. I am one of the minority that suffers nausea, headaches, jittery/not able to sleep, and bladder pain. So I basically want to quit and I want to tell my T at appt. today and see what she thinks. When I started, I was also crying all the time. Any little thing would trigger me. Now i do, but not as bad. I was also told it's the meds helping the wall come down. I still go back to the belief that meds are just a band aid and how can the walls come down if we mask our true selves with meds? I don't know....I have no answers, just my own experience ~ just wanted to let you know I empathize and hope it gets better
Thank you for sharing Raven!! How did your appt go?
I told t and she was basically indifferent about it. She did agree that if I'm feeling like they are "poisoning" me, I should stop, she just warned me to taper off. She did suggest I call my pdoc about it, but I don't really want to. He's too pro-meds and I really don't want him to suggest I just try something else. I'm going to ponder both decisions over the weekend and then decide....maybe with more time to sleep and rest I'll be in a better frame of mind!
I saw my PA today. She said I shouldn't still be crying this much. We also discussed why and how SI comes into play with these meds, which made me cry. So I will live through it....
Did the PA make any suggestions if she agreed you shouldn't be crying so much?
Maybe the crying is the release finally needed to heal and there will be a shining light of joy after going through the process. Hopefully!
Maybe the crying is the release finally needed to heal and there will be a shining light of joy after going through the process. Hopefully!
She increased my WB XL to 450 and she said she agreed more with me than with my T, that I need a better handle on my emotions. I mean, I could just be cooking dinner and my 7 year old daughter comes over to me to ask a question and I start crying.