That's tough. I think, if it were me, I would want to do it...even knowing it might make things harder. Is it possible for you guys to skype before you go out there, that way the "seeing you" part is done before you meet in person? I have been back to see my high school English teacher/mentor a few times, but it is always just a 5-10 minute visit. It may be a little different for you, since you are talking to T every week, but I found it actually made my transference that I used to have with him lessen when I saw him. I felt more in equal footing as an adult, a mom. If you think it would be too much, of course it's OK to skip. But, would you regret it if you passed up the opportunity? I have a few times I have passed something up, thinking I would get another chance, and really regretted it, so whenever I have an opportunity that I think I might regret passing on, I really weigh that against whatever fears I have. I guess that's where I would probably approach the decision from. I'm not sure that was at all useful...

Glad you'll get to go visit your family. My step-mom has only ever guilted me (about being a bad daughter) into visiting, never offered to help make it easier for me to see my dad, so that is real progress.

Hrm...I would probably *die* if I got pizza with T. I used to eat pizza with my dad as a young child. So many memories (of before he bailed). I might likely throw myself on the floor and wrap my arms around his ankles in an attempt to not let him leave. OK, well probably not, but that is the image that came into my head, LOL.

LG, so does that mean you've decided to go? If it were me in your shoes, there would definitely be anxiety. But on the other hand, how would you feel about passing up the opportunity? Wouldn't that be torturous as well.

I ate pizza with my T last Thursday and am probably going to do it this Thursday too. It wasn't just she and I alone though, it was a group therapy thing. I didn't get to sit next to her and have a one-on-one conversation or anything. So it was different that way. But I was still very self-conscious anyway. She kept suggesting that me and another gal have more pizza because there were a few slices left that she didn't want to waste or have to take home. But it was very obvious to me that she had only had 1 slice herself. So when she said, "MH, you've only had 1 slice, have another," then I said, "T, you've only had 1 slice. You have another." I have a little insecurity about her being so perfectly tiny cuz by comparison I'm a sumo wrestler. Well, not that bad, but the point is that when you feel like a kid and your T is supposedly the mommy figure, then you aren't supposed to be bigger than the T, right? It ruins the fantasy!

Now, if T was not there and it was just my H & kids then I'd probably let my guard down and dig in!

Pizza with a T?! It is hard for me to even fathom. I think that is really cool, LG, that she wants to see you and do something casual like that together.

LG,

Wow, so much to consider. My hunch is that you might regret not meeting with her if you turn it down. I also was going to suggest a double session like DF said. One hour will pass so quickly. Perhaps you could get the pizza to go and bring it to the session if you feel like you want to. I couldn't eat in front of my T, but then I probably never would have that chance anyway.

Keep us posted!

LG I think it would be really difficult to be so close to her knowing she offered to see you and have PIZZA together and then NOT go! I don't know if I'd be able to say no to that. I like the idea of a double session or a 2 day session as it may take a little bit to get used to seeing her right there in front of you. But it's a great opportunity to connect.

Good luck with this.
TN