Ahem!!! I really feel like I’m 13 again and I feel so hopeless and helpless!!

NOT SO!!!

(((((frosty)))))

PF, you will definitely be missed, but know that you are always welcome here. If it helps at all, I often think the same things you do. You are not a drama queen at all. Just do whatever you need to do to get through this tough time.

((((((PF))))))

PF ,

We will miss you, but I understand the need for a break. (((((PF)))))

Dear PF- I'm sorry that so much pain is coming up for you by reading here. I understand what you are talking about. I think we all to some extent, tend to "compare" our stories to eachother's and that it can be an unhealthy thing to do, aiding us in the defense of minimizing our own pain and despair. fwiw- your story is no less painful and compromising than anyone else's on here, it's just that we have a tendency to be able to see what others go through in a spirit of compassion, but not have the same compassion for ourselves. What you have lived through and continue to deal with is very difficult, and made all the worse by the suppression and minimization of the pain. Just because you have not suffered some of the exact same type of horrendous abuse that others have suffered- doesn't make your experience of pain less. For myself, I tend to think that because I was fed, clothed, and experienced love- that I shouldn't feel bad about the pains and lacks that I've endured. It's like telling myself that I deserved the worst-case scenario, and without that, I deserve no care at all. It's not true. The level of the abuse we suffered is not what gives us the right to heal and receive care. If that were true, than no one would deserve care since it could *always* have been worse.

I'm not going to mention some of the things you have dealt and no doubt continue to deal with- that contribute to your pain, because it may seem insensitive to do so- but I just want to assure you that you are in no way a drama queen. You absolutely need and deserve, support and encouragement and a safe place, (whether it be here or elsewhere) to share your authentic feelings about that pain, and come to know yourself. Your problems are real and your pain is very real- try not to minimize it, or tell yourself "just get over it" as that will not aid in your healing and feeling better to suppress and ignore it. Respect your pain.

All of that being said- I understand and respect the need (as it is an authentic need) to take a break from posting here and concentrate on your needs to remove the comparisons and focus on your own therapy. I think that is a healthy decision, as long as it is based in the desire to get at the truth inside of you, and come to know yourself, and to find like and respect for yourself through caring support of others.

And don't worry or condemn yourself if you can't meet your own requirement to stay away. Try, just do what you need to do in the moment for yourself. We are here if you need us- it's that simple.

Love,

BB

PF - I definitely struggle with knowing that my issues "matter," when they seem so small in comparison. I am not taking a break, but probably pulling back a bit, because I am feeling like a bad girl who has just be chastised (by H and T) for not getting her chores done. Please do PM me and keep me up-to-date on how things are going! I want to hear from you. I'm sorry you're in a rough place, but glad you are taking such good care of yourself and doing what you feel is right to protect yourself and get the most out of your therapy. (((((((((((Frosty))))))))))))) May hugs and prayers coming your way!

Frosty,

You must do what you need to keep you safe and feeling ok. Sometimes you might just need a break from here to gather yourself and your thoughts and to concentrate your energies a bit. We understand and most have been to that place themselves...we will still be here when you come back

starfishy

(((((you)))))