..
Original Post
Replies sorted oldest to newest
I will always say share, because this stuff makes great material. I have shared with T all my intense, vivid dreams that had to do with him and therapy. We never really discuss them much, though, because I send them via email. But, if T2 wants you to terminate, she should know how painful it feels to you. That way, you guys can figure out the right amount of time and the best method to transition if YOU decide you agree that's what's best for you.
Hi LG,
I think you should share your dream with T2. Really, there is no need to feel embarrased, because it's a dream! But, besides the fact that toilet papering her house would be a bit odd in real life, the key message of the dream is obvious and good material for discussion.
Personally, I'd share. But, I have to admit that I - although I do share T related dreams with T - leave out the bits I feel embarrassed about. That might be an alternative you'd feel more OK with? I agree with Yaku: just do what feels best for you.
I think you should share your dream with T2. Really, there is no need to feel embarrased, because it's a dream! But, besides the fact that toilet papering her house would be a bit odd in real life, the key message of the dream is obvious and good material for discussion.
Personally, I'd share. But, I have to admit that I - although I do share T related dreams with T - leave out the bits I feel embarrassed about. That might be an alternative you'd feel more OK with? I agree with Yaku: just do what feels best for you.
LG ~ That's an interesting dream. I'm sorry if I have this mixed up, but do I remember right that your T1 is one that you saw years ago in HS and now talk to on the phone? If so, then maybe she is thinking that T2 can meet your needs better in person than she can on the phone...? Maybe she interpreted the dream to mean that you might feel like there is a lot of external pressure for you to just see T2, or are struggling with letting go of her, and she texted what she did to take some of the pressure off. I dunno. It's probably really good to talk with T2 about it too... I'm sorry you feel a bit embarassed about your attachment to T1. It seems normal to me to be attached like you are to her. She knew you when you were much younger and through a lot now. It would be hard to end, even if it the right thing to do and T2 is a much better T. Maybe your dream is reflecting a fear that about feeling like T2 is pushing you away from T1, and breaking that attachment bond, and not in a way that is your choice? That would make a normally hard process even harder. Maybe if you talk with your T about how attached you are with T1, and how that attachment alone naturally makes it harder to let go, and if it is time for you to end it with T1, maybe your T can help you through that attachment or maybe/hopefully be more understanding about it. Maybe that would be good regardless if you terminate or not. (sheish, I am a lot of maybes... )
HI LG,
I do dream work in therapy on a regular basis, so this is my idea.
I think you should tell her the whole dream including toilet papering her house, why? Because it shows her your mental reaction to the pressure she is putting on you to get rid of T1.
Think of it this way, Toilet papering someone's house to them in an annoyance, they have to clean it up, but in the end no property is damaged. Is that how your subconscious is reacting to her? Annoyed? wanting to express frustration with her? not wanting to hurt her, but piss her off? So how is this affecting your therapy? is her pressure causing you problems in therapy? Has this lead to recent upsets and issues? She needs to take this as a sign to back off on getting rid of T1, because YOU aren't aren't ready willing and able to do so.
In regards to having two therapists, your therapist shouldn't be pressuring you to drop one, why?
Because therapy is about you and your needs not hers. While in therapy she is supposed to put your needs, wishes, hopes, and desires first. Hers come a distant second. If she doesn't like you having 2 therapists, that is her tough shit. She can express it once, and explain why, but when she has done this once, it should be a dropped issue until YOU bring it up again, Because your therapy is about YOU and only YOU not her.
If she needs to talk about this more, I would suggest she talk to her therapist about it. HA!
Ok, getting off my soapbox,
CNC
I do dream work in therapy on a regular basis, so this is my idea.
I think you should tell her the whole dream including toilet papering her house, why? Because it shows her your mental reaction to the pressure she is putting on you to get rid of T1.
Think of it this way, Toilet papering someone's house to them in an annoyance, they have to clean it up, but in the end no property is damaged. Is that how your subconscious is reacting to her? Annoyed? wanting to express frustration with her? not wanting to hurt her, but piss her off? So how is this affecting your therapy? is her pressure causing you problems in therapy? Has this lead to recent upsets and issues? She needs to take this as a sign to back off on getting rid of T1, because YOU aren't aren't ready willing and able to do so.
In regards to having two therapists, your therapist shouldn't be pressuring you to drop one, why?
Because therapy is about you and your needs not hers. While in therapy she is supposed to put your needs, wishes, hopes, and desires first. Hers come a distant second. If she doesn't like you having 2 therapists, that is her tough shit. She can express it once, and explain why, but when she has done this once, it should be a dropped issue until YOU bring it up again, Because your therapy is about YOU and only YOU not her.
If she needs to talk about this more, I would suggest she talk to her therapist about it. HA!
Ok, getting off my soapbox,
CNC
I was also going to say to tell her the whole dream, but I just had a really intense dream about T last night (not like being attracted to him or anything, but none-the-less intense) that I am not sure I am capable of going into detail about to him, even in writing... 
That's pretty much a first.
That's pretty much a first.
OK, I will share my dream, but beware that it's creepy.
I had a session with T in my dream. First a phone session, then an office session. In the office session, T transformed. It turned out that T had been my Aunt C all along. Aunt C is one of the few "sane" people in my family (my mom's younger sister). She said she had been disguising herself as this T to help me heal. It was like a futuristic setting, so some sort of holographic projection was involved or something. I was confused and hurt and embarrassed about having shared some family stuff with her that I never would have if I had known it was her. Then, as my aunt, she began having me talk through some of the stuff we had been talking about in therapy when I thought she was Dr. _. And, she began giving me the "holding" and closeness, reassurance that I have been wanting from T. But, not far into that experience, she began to touch me inappropriately (I won't give details, but it was really bad). Yuck. I asked her to stop and she said something about it being part of my healing. I cried and screamed and pushed her away (she is much shorter/smaller than I am) and ran off. I felt so betrayed and humiliated that I had been deceived.
Then, in the dream, I was a patient at a mental hospital. I was being locked up, because I could get my Aunt C and others in trouble. They were pretending I was crazy when I wasn't, keeping me drugged up, sedated. A female nurse told me she was supposed to drug me with something that would make me act crazy so I would never be released. She emptied the needle and told me she would pretend to drug me and I had to escape. I was in the middle of trying to escape when I woke up.
It was such a confusing dream. I felt like I had "lost" my T for a while after waking. I felt confused and disgusted, because all I had wanted was someone to be close and affectionate in a safe way and no one can ever do it. Even people like T and my Aunt who should be safe can't seem to be safe with me. They betray me, abuse me, manipulate/trap me or are otherwise unwilling to give me what I need. That's how I was feeling when I woke up from the dream. Ugh, I feel sick. So, yeah, not sure I could tell T that dream.
I had a session with T in my dream. First a phone session, then an office session. In the office session, T transformed. It turned out that T had been my Aunt C all along. Aunt C is one of the few "sane" people in my family (my mom's younger sister). She said she had been disguising herself as this T to help me heal. It was like a futuristic setting, so some sort of holographic projection was involved or something. I was confused and hurt and embarrassed about having shared some family stuff with her that I never would have if I had known it was her. Then, as my aunt, she began having me talk through some of the stuff we had been talking about in therapy when I thought she was Dr. _. And, she began giving me the "holding" and closeness, reassurance that I have been wanting from T. But, not far into that experience, she began to touch me inappropriately (I won't give details, but it was really bad). Yuck. I asked her to stop and she said something about it being part of my healing. I cried and screamed and pushed her away (she is much shorter/smaller than I am) and ran off. I felt so betrayed and humiliated that I had been deceived.
Then, in the dream, I was a patient at a mental hospital. I was being locked up, because I could get my Aunt C and others in trouble. They were pretending I was crazy when I wasn't, keeping me drugged up, sedated. A female nurse told me she was supposed to drug me with something that would make me act crazy so I would never be released. She emptied the needle and told me she would pretend to drug me and I had to escape. I was in the middle of trying to escape when I woke up.
It was such a confusing dream. I felt like I had "lost" my T for a while after waking. I felt confused and disgusted, because all I had wanted was someone to be close and affectionate in a safe way and no one can ever do it. Even people like T and my Aunt who should be safe can't seem to be safe with me. They betray me, abuse me, manipulate/trap me or are otherwise unwilling to give me what I need. That's how I was feeling when I woke up from the dream. Ugh, I feel sick. So, yeah, not sure I could tell T that dream.
Yaku,
I understand you feeling confused about the dream, but I think it's an expression of the push/pull, I desperately want to move closer/it's so dangerous and scary to move closer hell we go through when trying to let someone in when we've been abused or neglected by our caretakers.
My attraction for my T would sometimes be a very strong, erotic, romantic one and it could get quite painful knowing I couldn't have that, but at the same time, the thought that he would cross that line was terrifying. It would have been my father all over again. I NEEDED him to hold that boundary and keep me safe. But I didn't stop expecting it for a very long time. I once actually ended up bursting out in a session once "what makes you different than my father?" when I was talking about waiting to get hurt by him. He told me that while my father had made the relationshp all about him, my T was making the relationship all about me.
I think your dream reflected a very deep, and very understandable fear, that your T will turn out to be like some members of your family. That he seems safe but in the end, he's going to abuse you also. I think you're aunt provided the transistion between therapist to family member to abuser.
And I know the feeling of "losing" your T. I once made an emergency call to him because of a dream I had in which he walked out on me. The really wonderful part was that when I told him the dream he very audibly winced and said he totally understood why I called and reassured me he was there and not leaving. If you can bring yourself to tell your T, I would. I think there's a lot of good theraputic material in that dream. I had a lot of really good work come out of dreams I talked about in therapy, including a number of major breakthroughs.
AG
I understand you feeling confused about the dream, but I think it's an expression of the push/pull, I desperately want to move closer/it's so dangerous and scary to move closer hell we go through when trying to let someone in when we've been abused or neglected by our caretakers.
My attraction for my T would sometimes be a very strong, erotic, romantic one and it could get quite painful knowing I couldn't have that, but at the same time, the thought that he would cross that line was terrifying. It would have been my father all over again. I NEEDED him to hold that boundary and keep me safe. But I didn't stop expecting it for a very long time. I once actually ended up bursting out in a session once "what makes you different than my father?" when I was talking about waiting to get hurt by him. He told me that while my father had made the relationshp all about him, my T was making the relationship all about me.
I think your dream reflected a very deep, and very understandable fear, that your T will turn out to be like some members of your family. That he seems safe but in the end, he's going to abuse you also. I think you're aunt provided the transistion between therapist to family member to abuser.
And I know the feeling of "losing" your T. I once made an emergency call to him because of a dream I had in which he walked out on me. The really wonderful part was that when I told him the dream he very audibly winced and said he totally understood why I called and reassured me he was there and not leaving. If you can bring yourself to tell your T, I would. I think there's a lot of good theraputic material in that dream. I had a lot of really good work come out of dreams I talked about in therapy, including a number of major breakthroughs.
AG
I know I am chiming in a bit late, but I wanted to say I think telling her the whole dream is a good idea too. I think TPing her house is a bit like hitting someone with a teddy bear.....not the least bit vengeful, IMO. Um....especially in retaliation for killing T1 and not letting you buy her garage sale items so you could keep something of hers.
I tend to use humor a lot (sometimes just to make difficult things easier to talk about), so if it were me, I would tell her about the toilet paper part because if nothing else, it's really kind of funny....and a little bit cute too.
Would love to know what you decide and how it goes.
seablue
I tend to use humor a lot (sometimes just to make difficult things easier to talk about), so if it were me, I would tell her about the toilet paper part because if nothing else, it's really kind of funny....and a little bit cute too.
Would love to know what you decide and how it goes.seablue
I'm glad you have two good, caring Ts backing you up, LG.