I can understand it, DF.

I have felt similarly for the past two years. Finally I was able to put it to words but it took a dream for me to be able to do so. I dreamt that I was trying desperately to light several hundred candles but could not find a match anywhere in the house. When I'd finally find a match, it was either wet or it would break and I was unable to light the candles.

My T1 asked me what I thought this dream meant. I didn't know, but as I talked about it with her, it finally clicked....I feel like my flame has been blown out. I have no passion for anything in life anymore, not even my hobbies and the things that used to fill me with joy. Its as though someone came along and blew out my candle and no matter what I do, I cannot seem to relight it.

I couldn't put it into words until I had that dream. It was just this vague void of emptiness that couldn't even be labelled because how do you label nothingness???

T1 wasn't able to help, but I feel confident that T2 will be able to.

All T1 said was, "Wow". But she didn't take it to the next level. T2 will be the one to help me find a match to light my candle.

I feel alonenesss and emptiness sometimes. The worst is when it first comes back. It is very much like quicksand for me. The more I fight against it, the more I sink into it. It feels like I have no boundary to my "self" - like air. I'm not solid. I hate it. It's worse than the most intense emotion. At least that has definition (for lack of better words). ~jd

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That I can't connect I can't... anything... it's a reflection of how I feel right now as very much 'not here'... soulless.

DF - Late here, but just wanted to say that I have definitely felt what you are describing. Every time I think I have conquered it, it comes back later or in a slightly different form. Sometimes, I experience it as being almost mechanical, sub-human in a way. I sometimes feel like I am just some input-output machine and depending on what other people invest in me, it goes through a series of calculations and puts out a result, but there is no real connection between me and those who are investing in my life...or even me and myself. I wish I could offer any help, but empathy is what I've got for now. ((((DF))))