If you had to pick, let's say four, out of both your lists of pros and cons (meaning, you could pick all pros, all cons, or a mix of both), which would be most important/pressing for you? I think you're doing a good job thinking things through...just a next step in the thinking process that popped into my head and something I can ask without me actually giving feedback/direction.

You have a lot of pros and a lot of cons. I'm wondering if maybe you should come up with a list of qualities that MUST be in the T of your dreams and a list of qualities they must NOT have and then work backwards?

Great points DF. Frosty, I see a real problem in that she does not recommend you work with her. This will cause further issues down the line because you need a T that is comfortable and confident in the style and orientation you wish to work in. I found out the hard way that you cannot make a T into the T you want them to be. And you will always have that in the back of your mind... that she does not recommend that you stay with her. How can you relax and settle into the relationship under those conditions?

I also have serious doubts about her knowledge and ability to work with an attachment injured patient. I agree that you should pose a question to her about how she works with attachment and how she feels about attachment theory in general. My guess as a CBT T she does not have long-term patients and is not used to putting the focus on the relationship and in discussing the dynamic between patient and T. That is psychodynamic therapy.

When I was forced to look for a new T I made a list of what I needed and wanted in a T and then went out to try to find the closest match that I could. I know many on here really are happy that I found such a good T (me too LOL) but it was not easy and took a lot of looking before stumbling into his office, bruised and battered. It was totally worth it though.

I think you need to make YOU happy with the T and not bend yourself into someone who your T would be able to work with. They are the ones working for you.

Much luck and hugs
TN

If it helps, I'm loads worse than when I started therapy, but I was completely disconnected from any feelings about my childhood and what I'm realizing are numerous assaults, so I guess I just figured it was bound to happen once I started exploring this stuff. But, it is important that both of you feel your T CAN help you if you continue to work together.

quote:

Regarding the recommendation comment. When she said 2 weeks ago that she doesn't want to continue working with me, she said it's because she thinks therapy is harming me more than it's helping me. She says that because I'm generally in a worse condition than when I started seeing her though we both don't know why.

Frosty, I don't think it's therapy per se, but the STYLE or modality of the therapy that she uses may not be suitable for the issues you are trying to address and heal from. It is also very common to get worse in therapy before starting to feel better. If she does not know or understand this and is uncomfortable with this then I see that as a red flag. She is not trusting the process and it's vitally important that T's remain steady and consistent and trust the process.

Frosty, you may want to ask her if she has experience in treating people with attachment injury.

Good luck
TN

Frosty, I don't have a lot new or different to add to what everyone else has said. I agree with all the concerns which have been expressed and also sympathize with how difficult this decision must be for you. Just judging from this thread and not having a complete knowledge, it seems your T is probably not familiar or comfortable working with attachment. That is fine for the folks who don't have attachment injury. But my analogy is that you can't successfully treat broken bones only by prescribing painkillers. I just don't think CBT goes deep enough to heal it. That's the way it has been for me and my son. My son has been in psychodynamic for about 2 months and has shown more improvement than in 2 years with CBT. But its hard to see possibilities beyond the horizon from the position where you are currently at.

I agree with TN that it is vital the therapist believe in the process. For me, i certainly do struggle to suspend disbelief in it or know what i would be believing in if i did, but if the t did not believe in the process, i think for me all would be lost.

I can not add much to what has been said already, it is worrying that she does not recomend your continuing with her. I am currently working with an attachment pyschotherapist which is right for me and am hitting a rough patch, but this kind of pyschotherapy brings its own issues too as it is very relational based. I guess you will just have to go with what feels right and maybe isolate what it is you want in your T right now

quote:

I think you need to make YOU happy with the T and not bend yourself into someone who your T would be able to work with. They are the ones working for you.

quote:

It is also very common to get worse in therapy before starting to feel better. If she does not know or understand this and is uncomfortable with this then I see that as a red flag. She is not trusting the process and it's vitally important that T's remain steady and consistent and trust the process.

(((((frosty)))))