Oh (((Frosty))).

That certainly was careless of her. As BG says, it sounds like she does care for you. I am thinking, and this is just a guess, that maybe she takes cues on how clients want their goodbyes based on how they come into the session? Maybe you not saying anything about it and just processing other stuff gave her the impression that 1) you really needed to talk about this other stuff most; 2) you wanted to avoid a bigger goodbye. I could be wrong, but I'm sure Ts see plenty of people who are like that and insist on not making a big deal. I think when I say goodbye to my T, I will need a month's worth of sessions just devoted to saying goodbye, LOL. However, excepting people I am very close to, I'm not comfortable with long goodbyes (the actual farewell part). Ts are different too, because it's not like we can keep track of each other on Facebook or something like you would with a friend who moves away.

I'm sorry Frosty. This must hurt a lot, but I don't think she doesn't want to be there. She just made a boneheaded move, by not getting how you're feeling. I bet it's hard to say goodbye to clients all the time (definitely not in the same way as it is hard for us, but still, just like teachers saying goodbye to that year's students) and Ts probably have their own detached way of dealing with that.

Just a thought. Was she taking the cues from you? I mean she maybe thought that you were not talking about it being the end so she left that up to you. I think some Ts don't know how important they are to us unless we make it really clear.

Anyway (((Frost)))

I am I so sorry that you were hurt. I am hoping that this will give you an opportunity to discuss how much working with her has meant to you.

Dear Frosty, that is a very deep pain, as BG has siad. I hope you will use your last session with her to address how her goodbye (or lack of one) has made you feel.
you say that you feel funny, and embarrassed, because you wanted one more session, but she doesn't. It sounds so much like what I went through with my T, I really empathize with how that feels. I just felt so casually dismissed by him. His idea on these feelings was that I wanted him to need me, too- but I think I just wanted him to *want* to help me, to take my need for him seriously enough to try hard to provide it or be concerned when he couldn't- and to know and believe that I needed his help, needed to have sessions with him. Is that how it feels for you? It hurts like hell, Frosty, and it's like the same thing your parents are doing..ouchy. It's the taste of emotional neglect. Be very gentle with yourself right now. Let us support you, as much as you need. I'm very glad that your T was there for you in the painful emotions you were processing, though.

hugs,

BB

(((Frosty))) I hope you can tell her what this felt like and work through and have a positive goodbye session with your T.

GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! ((((frosty))))) she's not good enough for you!!!

(((Frosty)))

Ouch. I'm so sorry. I can completely understand why this is so upsetting to you and why it feels like your parents. I hope that at the actual last session she handles things better though I know that doesn't undo what happened today.

I'm just really sorry the session happened the way that it did.

Aw Frosty - that is truly awful. If she thought it was your last session, surely she should have acknowledged it from the start and the whole session revolved around safe closure. I am glad that you cried in that it was good for you to be able to express some of that emotion to her, but cannot comprehend how you might have been able to just walk away at the end of it. I am sorry frosty....when is the last session BTW? Many thoughts ((((frosty)))))

starfishy

Maybe we can help you come up with a way to approach this.

Do you think a list of topics or questions would help you?

I know sometimes when I get to the actual event I forget what I wanted to say or address especially when it is emotional.

Maybe at the top of the list could be
"I was surprised at how our session ended given the fact that you thought it was our last"

This would give her a chance to address that and then see where it goes from there??

Nah!!! you won't crash!! you are so much stronger than you realise!!! regardless of what happens you have so many friends here who truly care for and about you and will support you as much as you need while you figure all this stuff out!!
Lots of love from M B & F xox

quote:

That's why I'm afraid to bring that stuff up. Because I don't want her to think of me as the one who always criticized her.

I understand that concern but you're the client here and it's about you. Closure is very important and imagine if you were not able to see her again after that? HOw would this be feeling? I'd imagine it would have left you with all sorts of insecurities and questions (like it has) with NO way to work it out. YOur job is to take care of you in this situation. I'd even tell her all that. THat you don't want to be remembered as the one who criticized her but that you also feel she is defensive or that you also need to work this out.

YOu could be really honest and say how you feel
"I was hurt by the way that last session went"

WHen you say she's not cooperating what do you mean?

I know it's risky to ask her how she feels about you but that might help. YOU could even say from our last session I wondered if I meant anything to you.

YOu're not rambling. This is an important issue. Termination with a T is just as important as all of therapy. I have had a lot of Ts and trust me its better to work it out when you can than be left with the aftermath.

But I don't want to push you. Perhap leaving it vague is what's going to work best for you?

Oh she is defensive. Yikes!

I'm not going to go there with you.

I have heard that before and it was from a T who was not good for me.

Why are you guys ending your relationship? If you mentioned it somewhere on this forum I missed it.

I always keep in mind that Ts also have countertransference (Feelings toward their clients) And so many have never worked out their own issues that they can sometimes put their personal baggage on their clients. I never forget that because I have been burned by that.

Do you have another T to work with? You mentioned a P. What is that a psychiatrist?

Jo

quote:

Oh, Permafrost. Your post should be required reading for all therapists. It really encapsulates how incredibly important they are, and how everything they say and do matters.

That should be taught in T 101.

Oh Frosty- BG has it right in my eyes. How can they be so humanly clueless!!! I hate that. I expect a super T, not a "regular Joe"

Hugs to you, and I am so sorry for her thoughtlessness. If she is a good T, she will beat herself up for it.

(I kinda hope my T is doing that, too- for a lesser offence)

I very much so think it is countertransference. She would not get defensive if she had no feelings for you at all.

Anyway that sounds really painful.

I am so sorry that you have sought help only to run up against this stuff.

Jo

Do T's get dismissive when it is hard to say goodbye? I know I do. I act like I don't care. Just a thought.

Pf,

I am sure you are right. I often try to give T's a break- even when they don't deserve one. (The idiots)

((((((((frosty))))))

she handled that so badly... i'm so sorry. you deserve a more sensitive attuned t who has her stuff together better, no matter the style or type of therapy. i feel mad at her and sad for you about how terrible she was about this. she was terrible, and in spite of her, i think you handled this amazingly well

many hugs to you
jd

((((((PF))))))

I'm sorry I am so late to this thread. I haven't been on here as much lately and I didn't see this until now.

I am soooooo terribly sorry for what sounds like a very painful and awkward experienced. I winced as I read it because I can truly imagine what that must have felt like.

I really think that although it won't be an easy conversation, that it is critical that you talk to her about this during your last session. I think she needs to hear that you were surprised that she thought it was your last session because she hadn't discussed termination at all.

It is possible that she felt that she was following your lead and didn't think you seemed to want to acknowledge that it was the last session?