(((BB)))

I'm sorry you're in such an alone place and very glad that you're feeling able to choose to stop. I wish I could see you getting the support you need. I can totally understand feeling on one level, completely incapacitated, and on another that you are just choosing to fail. That is so hard. Phone session is starting right now, so I have to buzz, but I just wanted to let you know I "hear" you. I'm sorry you are hurting.

Oh, BB...I am so sorry for the pain you are in. I also am never comfortable admitting things about my drinking or anything else for the same reason. But, honestly BB, I see it as a testament to the true pain you are feeling...not as a way to get attention.

You know, I don't think I've ever known what I need from my T or from therapy in general, but my T still tries to meet me where I am and perceive what I need, even when I don't know. Just because I can't (or won't, who knows) articulate what I need doesn't mean my T doesn't stop trying to sense what it is I'm looking for and help me realize what those things might be. From moment to moment my T gives me what I need, like empathy, no judgment, and just a general sense of being 'with' me. I still don't quite know what my larger needs are, but I don't think it makes a difference as to whether or not she can help me, because I'm sure she can tell that it is helpful and healing just to have someone listen who won't judge, ridicule, or whatever the fear may be.

I say all of that because if you had all the answers, you wouldn't be in therapy. My T has told me several times that I don't have to have an answer, that it's okay if I don't know. I feel like your T has put this enormous pressure on you to figure yourself out, to map out the workings of your mind and hand it to him on a sheet of paper so then he can help you. FWIW, I think you've practically had neon signs flashing what you need.

I can't imagine the pain you are in. Keep posting here or journaling or whatever helps. We'll always be here for you, and there is never anything you could do or say that I would ever interpret as a bid for attention, so don't let that keep you from opening up if you need to. ((((((((((BB))))))))))

Thank you Kashley and Yaku...I just felt bad about what I wrote, like I am acting like a big victim or something, and so I deleted it. Time to toughen up.

Sorry about the venting..

Thanks for your kindness to me.

Love,

BB

It's okay BB. I understand that feeling (dealing with it right now, in fact ), but for what it's worth, I don't see you acting like that at all. But post in your own time...it's okay.

Big hugs to you!!

I agree with kashley. It didn't seem that way to me at all. Let me know if you'd like me to delete my post, though. ((((BB))))