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I used to always where jeans to therapy. Last week I wore a skirt instead, just wasn't feeling like jeans, ya know? I thought T looked a bit surprised when she first saw me, but she didn't say anything. I was glad. This isn't a fashion show. 
Funny! I always do wonder what T thinks. I dress up when I go in because I am usually on my way to work. BUT, sometimes I show up in flip flops and shorts. I had my hair lightened and she didn't say a word. I'm used to people commenting on my clothes, hair, jewelry etc, so while it's a little strange, I do agree it's nice to have to not worry about T--and those comments.
In 3 years oldT commented 4 times on my appearance and I can remember each time very clearly... once he said "that's a nice sweater"... it was bright blue with sequins on it. I had come from a Christmas luncheon. Once he said he noticed I was wearing my Valentine's red. And another time he said that my faux fur jacket looked like it kept me nice and warm. My favorite time was when I was wearing a new green sweater and he looked at me and said I looked like springtime. Sigh. I loved that he said that. All 4 times came after we had known each other for more than a year. It was a bit disconcerting that he finally saw me.
My new T comments a lot of my appearance. Even from the very beginning which sort of threw me a bit. He has commented on my hair color, many times on my jewelry, asking either what it was made of or that he liked it or it was very sparkly (I love jewelry and wear a lot of it), he has commented on my spike heels, my purses and again that faux fur jacket. I think that he was letting me know he "saw" me because in the very beginning I felt like I didn't exist due to the trauma I was dealing with. He has commented on my clothing asking me if I was going out after work (if I looked dressy) or if I had a day off (when I showed up in boots, jeans and a tunic). He teases me about my shoes. I like bright colors and high heels. AND... just once I turned the tables and told him that he looked really good in pink shirts!! He seemed surprised I said something but I was feeling really secure and connected that day and I do love those pink shirts!
TN
My new T comments a lot of my appearance. Even from the very beginning which sort of threw me a bit. He has commented on my hair color, many times on my jewelry, asking either what it was made of or that he liked it or it was very sparkly (I love jewelry and wear a lot of it), he has commented on my spike heels, my purses and again that faux fur jacket. I think that he was letting me know he "saw" me because in the very beginning I felt like I didn't exist due to the trauma I was dealing with. He has commented on my clothing asking me if I was going out after work (if I looked dressy) or if I had a day off (when I showed up in boots, jeans and a tunic). He teases me about my shoes. I like bright colors and high heels. AND... just once I turned the tables and told him that he looked really good in pink shirts!! He seemed surprised I said something but I was feeling really secure and connected that day and I do love those pink shirts!
TN
On the other hand, I have never commented on T's appearance either although, I think she's the most striking woman I've ever seen. I mean sometimes I walk in and she blows me away with how beautiful she looks.I've wanted to say "oooooh, cute clothes!" Or even that I noticed she gets a pedicure every week. I look forward to seeing the color she chooses on her toes. LOL! I sometimes copy...
Frosty,
Fun thread! My OldT, the woman, commented once that I had a cute shirt on but I didn't really don't like getting comments.
One time I showed up in a suit and current T was surprised because usually I only wear jeans and he stumbled for something to say and then said something neutral like, "you look, you look like you're going to work."
In the past 5 months, he made one comment about my hair, that it looked nice. And, I laughed because I hadn't done anything special to it and actually felt as if I was having a bad hair day.
But I'm generally too self-conscious and don't like attention drawn to my appearance and am glad my T doesn't make comments. Maybe when I'm more secure! That'll be a goal.
I can't wait to see how he's going to handle the whole body image thing, when we get there. My mother paid no attention to my appearance. Well, she did but it was generally negative.
Liese
Fun thread! My OldT, the woman, commented once that I had a cute shirt on but I didn't really don't like getting comments.
One time I showed up in a suit and current T was surprised because usually I only wear jeans and he stumbled for something to say and then said something neutral like, "you look, you look like you're going to work."
In the past 5 months, he made one comment about my hair, that it looked nice. And, I laughed because I hadn't done anything special to it and actually felt as if I was having a bad hair day.
But I'm generally too self-conscious and don't like attention drawn to my appearance and am glad my T doesn't make comments. Maybe when I'm more secure! That'll be a goal.
I can't wait to see how he's going to handle the whole body image thing, when we get there. My mother paid no attention to my appearance. Well, she did but it was generally negative.
Liese
Wow, I've been surprised by this thread. I assumed that making personal comments (about external vs head stuff, lol) was just something Ts did not do.
I suppose I'm with Liese, I'd feel pretty self conscious if my T ever commented on my appearance *buries face in hands.*
I suppose I'm with Liese, I'd feel pretty self conscious if my T ever commented on my appearance *buries face in hands.*
My T used to occasionaly comment if she liked what I was wearing. We both used to wear our hair down more often than not and yet on the rare occasions it was tied up, it used to be on the same day so she would laugh at that. Even though my T was quite a bit older than me, I still admired her wardrobe, which I shared with her.
The T I saw this year used to comment alot on my appearance but I always felt self-conscious with her as she always had on such trendy clothes, and her hair and nails were always done so I felt like I looked like scruff next to her.
I think T's have to be careful when commenting on their clients appearance as it could be seen as suggesting a client doesn't look so good when they are not commenting. Though saying this I always really appreciated my T's comments.
Butterfly
so she would laugh at that. Even though my T was quite a bit older than me, I still admired her wardrobe, which I shared with her. The T I saw this year used to comment alot on my appearance but I always felt self-conscious with her as she always had on such trendy clothes, and her hair and nails were always done so I felt like I looked like scruff next to her.
I think T's have to be careful when commenting on their clients appearance as it could be seen as suggesting a client doesn't look so good when they are not commenting. Though saying this I always really appreciated my T's comments.
Butterfly
The only time my T commented on my appearance in nearly 3 years is when I wore a T-shirt with writing on it and she was trying to make out what it said and kind of indicated that she wanted me to show her. When she read it she laughed. It was a funny T-shirt.
The only other time was when I was running late and didn't have time to change out of my cycling gear before we started. I commented that I was uncomfortable and she thought I meant that I felt awkward because I wasn't properly dressed in front of her. I said, no, I'm physically uncomfortable. I'm wearing padded cycling shorts under tracksuit bottoms and they're really tight!
So, no, not really. I think each incident was a bit of an anomaly!
The only other time was when I was running late and didn't have time to change out of my cycling gear before we started. I commented that I was uncomfortable and she thought I meant that I felt awkward because I wasn't properly dressed in front of her. I said, no, I'm physically uncomfortable. I'm wearing padded cycling shorts under tracksuit bottoms and they're really tight!
So, no, not really. I think each incident was a bit of an anomaly!
I don't think T has ever commented on how I dress. He has asked if my curls are natural (they are and I hate them, which is what I told him). I have never commented on how he dresses, though one week he wore a polo shirt instead of a dress-shirt with the sleeves rolled up a bit like he usually does. I could see so much more of his arms and I couldn't help noticing them. It was actually really distracting, because I just kept noticing how white they were, LOL.
I'll get a lot of comments about his perception of me, like whether I seem tired or anxious. He is usually pretty well tuned into how I'm doing just by looking at me. I think if I very obviously dressed up, he might make a comment, but I always dress pretty casually. Even when I had been dressed up for my birthday party and saw him later that day, I changed out of my dress, because it felt awkward to show up to T in a dress. Now that we spend about half our time on the floor, I will even change out of shorts or capris, because I feel more comfortable on the floor (and with closeness) if I am more covered up...plus, I go at night and it can get cool-ish when I am on my way out. So, I don't see there ever being an occasion for me to dress differently enough for him to notice, unless I just wanted to see what would happen.
I'll get a lot of comments about his perception of me, like whether I seem tired or anxious. He is usually pretty well tuned into how I'm doing just by looking at me. I think if I very obviously dressed up, he might make a comment, but I always dress pretty casually. Even when I had been dressed up for my birthday party and saw him later that day, I changed out of my dress, because it felt awkward to show up to T in a dress. Now that we spend about half our time on the floor, I will even change out of shorts or capris, because I feel more comfortable on the floor (and with closeness) if I am more covered up...plus, I go at night and it can get cool-ish when I am on my way out. So, I don't see there ever being an occasion for me to dress differently enough for him to notice, unless I just wanted to see what would happen.
Exactly twice in six or so years. 
The first time was a session after I had come back from vacation and he asked how was it, aside from getting a lot of sun. It wasn't until 3 hours after the session I realized he was commenting on my tan!
The second time was when I showed up for a session after which I was leaving and making a three hour drive to a wedding and had no place to change. I was dressed to the nines in a semi-formal dress complete with lots of shiney jewelry. I had warned him I would show up like that. When he let me in, he smiled and said "you look nice."
Other than that, nada, zero, zilch.
My first T on the other hand would often comment on my clothing or jewelry and there were times where it was actually therapeutic because my appearance and style of dressing were changing in response to the work I was doing in therapy.
AG
The first time was a session after I had come back from vacation and he asked how was it, aside from getting a lot of sun. It wasn't until 3 hours after the session I realized he was commenting on my tan!
The second time was when I showed up for a session after which I was leaving and making a three hour drive to a wedding and had no place to change. I was dressed to the nines in a semi-formal dress complete with lots of shiney jewelry. I had warned him I would show up like that. When he let me in, he smiled and said "you look nice."
Other than that, nada, zero, zilch.
My first T on the other hand would often comment on my clothing or jewelry and there were times where it was actually therapeutic because my appearance and style of dressing were changing in response to the work I was doing in therapy.
AG
My regular T has made a comment or two. My other T has never said a thing.
Just recently, I talked about how I felt about wearing typical ballet practice clothing for a ballet class I signed up for with a friend - and how I came out of the room in tears because I was so freaked out about dancing in tights and a leo and trying to feel my own body when my body just said "no" everytime I saw me in the mirror - to the clothing - and and not my body (I ironically felt ok, enough in other ance clothing) - I didn't know why the ballet clothes bothered me. As my T and I talked it through, she commented on my normal style of dress ("feminine" and "sporty") and how "feminne" or not that I dressed. The fact she noticed (of course she noticed after almost two years) - it sort of stuck in my brain. Every now and then, if I am dressed up in a suit or a dress, she will say I look nice. Very cordial like. But the conversation that I initiated about my emotions about clothing was different.
My Ts, both of them have both commented on me looking tired, and in the same week! (It was just a few weeks ago. I think that was a first.
I saw a T twice in college who ocommented on looks in a way that felt like a backhanded compliment. At the second (and last) session, he commented about how my skin looked much clearer. He actually went on about it, pointing out specific areas of my face! I was already self consious about it and we had not brought it up at the first session. (I had managed to avoid teenage acne but my skin broke out in college for pretty bad for a year - and I saw him in the middle of that year...) odd way to start off the second session with someone. I can feel awfully vulnerable about certain things like that.
Interesting thread frosty!
jane
Just recently, I talked about how I felt about wearing typical ballet practice clothing for a ballet class I signed up for with a friend - and how I came out of the room in tears because I was so freaked out about dancing in tights and a leo and trying to feel my own body when my body just said "no" everytime I saw me in the mirror - to the clothing - and and not my body (I ironically felt ok, enough in other ance clothing) - I didn't know why the ballet clothes bothered me. As my T and I talked it through, she commented on my normal style of dress ("feminine" and "sporty") and how "feminne" or not that I dressed. The fact she noticed (of course she noticed after almost two years) - it sort of stuck in my brain. Every now and then, if I am dressed up in a suit or a dress, she will say I look nice. Very cordial like. But the conversation that I initiated about my emotions about clothing was different.
My Ts, both of them have both commented on me looking tired, and in the same week! (It was just a few weeks ago. I think that was a first.
I saw a T twice in college who ocommented on looks in a way that felt like a backhanded compliment. At the second (and last) session, he commented about how my skin looked much clearer. He actually went on about it, pointing out specific areas of my face! I was already self consious about it and we had not brought it up at the first session. (I had managed to avoid teenage acne but my skin broke out in college for pretty bad for a year - and I saw him in the middle of that year...) odd way to start off the second session with someone. I can feel awfully vulnerable about certain things like that.
Interesting thread frosty!
jane
Frequently I think we both feel free to tell each other if they are wearing something that looks nice. Usaully this will be at the start of the session, she might say 'oh that's a pretty top' or whatever. We've worked together a while and it feels natural when it happens. Maybe it's easier for 2 women to do this than male/female?????
starfishy
I think we both feel free to tell each other if they are wearing something that looks nice. Usaully this will be at the start of the session, she might say 'oh that's a pretty top' or whatever. We've worked together a while and it feels natural when it happens. Maybe it's easier for 2 women to do this than male/female????? starfishy
T1 has made rare comments here and there, but usually she does not comment on appearance. I am not sure if its because she is not really that into appearances herself or if its because I have body image issues and she doesn't want to focus on my body or appearance since I got so much of that from my mother in the form of criticism growing up. Maybe its a combination of both. Or maybe she just doesn't like anything I wear or how I look.
Wow- Guru T- never. ever ever. Cowboy T? all the time. He's always talking about my hair. I got a haircut about three sessions in, and he commented on it...I styled it differently one day, and he commented on it...it grows really, really fast, so I got it cut again...and he commented on it..again, and .said "I like that one- kinda funky! I'd keep that one!"
??? What the heck? I guess I kinda like it though. It's nice that he actually would remember me enough to remember what I looked like beofre? What the heck?
oh well.
BB
??? What the heck? I guess I kinda like it though. It's nice that he actually would remember me enough to remember what I looked like beofre? What the heck?
oh well.
BB
Funny thing that I posted about this last night saying T1 rarely comments on appearance. Today she told me I had on a beautiful scarf that matched the interior of my home perfectly. I was like, "um..thanks but I didn't do that on purpose". now I'm paranoid she thinks I try to coordinate my outfits with my home! lol. So maybe its probably for the better they don't comment on things. It just leads to all kinds of paranoia. and I am also thinking, "she didn't comment on my last scarf i wore...does that mean she hates it?" LOL Poor Ts. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.
My T has only commented once on appearence. He once mentioned that my brikenstocks were the first he had seen of the "spring" season. It made him smile.
CNC
CNC
One of my former T's noticed what I wore and she thought it better if I came dressed properly to sessions, ie: not too casual as we were doing work.
When I met my current T, he was dressed casually to the point of looking unkempt, or that is how I remember it. I noticed his casual dress and asked if it would be ok for me to come in jeans and dress casually as he does. He agreed it would be fine.
My new T doesn't notice anything about how I dress but watches every expression I make.
When I met my current T, he was dressed casually to the point of looking unkempt, or that is how I remember it. I noticed his casual dress and asked if it would be ok for me to come in jeans and dress casually as he does. He agreed it would be fine.
My new T doesn't notice anything about how I dress but watches every expression I make.
quote:One of my former T's noticed what I wore and she thought it better if I came dressed properly to sessions, ie: not too casual as we were doing work.
Yikes, that would have traumatized me! I almost always wear jeans to therapy. Do most people dress up?
Then again, my T is often in jeans too, although she is usually wearing a dressier top than I am.
Now I'm wondering if I should be dressing up more, lol. . .
quote:Yikes, that would have traumatized me! I almost always wear jeans to therapy. Do most people dress up?
Yikes is right! My T dresses in slacks and a dress shirt, granted with his sleeves usually rolled up in the Summer. But, I don't feel at all uncomfortable coming in in jeans and a t-shirt. It's not like we're going out to eat at a fancy restaurant and he's not being paid to be a fashion consultant. As a mom home with a young toddler (and a part-time child care provider), it does not make sense for me to ever dress up. That would just result in restricting me from being as active with my daughter and making a mess of nice clothes.
What a fun thread. How did I miss this before? I don't recall my T commenting much on my appearance during the first year or so that we met, which was probably fine with me back then because I wasn't ready to be "seen." But now I can think of several times when she has made comments over the past 10 months or so. She will notice if I do something different to my hair, or she will sometimes say "you look nice today" or she'll point out that we are wearing something similar and say "great minds think alike." Once in awhile she'll say something indirectly about my appearance in a bad way, like "why do you look so tired today?"
I can handle T noticing me somewhat, although I am uncomfortable with imagining her scrutinizing me too closely since she is like a size 0 and I'm nowhere close to that.
But she insists she doesn't think about people according to their size because that's not important to her.
As far as me commenting on T...well, I will sometimes tell her the same things she says to me, like that I think she looks nice today, or that she's wearing my favorite shoes again. (She has a pair she wears in the colder months that are a deep, warm brown color and look comfy almost like an insulated slipper, and they have a heart shape cut-out design on the front. They just make me feel warm & fuzzy when she wears them, and she knows that, so for awhile she was wearing them all the time just for me, even though she has so many other shoes she could have been wearing. Sometimes I really do luv my T. )
One time about 6 weeks ago, though, my T came to work in long denim shorts and flip-flops, which actually I didn't even notice that she was wearing anything out of the ordinary until she was quick to point it out to me and apologized for "dressing down" (she was on her way to a mini-vacation at the end of the day and was leaving straight from work, so she had already dressed for it, I guess). I wear flip-flops to therapy all the time in the summer, and here she was apologizing to me for it because she didn't want me to think she wasn't showing respect for me. I think I was way more bothered by the apology than by her flip-flops and shorts. It wasn't like she looked sloppy or dirty or unkept, just slightly more casual than usual. It wasn't a big deal to me. But her making it into a big deal made me feel like she expected me to dress UP more for therapy.
Once in awhile she'll say something indirectly about my appearance in a bad way, like "why do you look so tired today?"I can handle T noticing me somewhat, although I am uncomfortable with imagining her scrutinizing me too closely since she is like a size 0 and I'm nowhere close to that.
But she insists she doesn't think about people according to their size because that's not important to her. As far as me commenting on T...well, I will sometimes tell her the same things she says to me, like that I think she looks nice today, or that she's wearing my favorite shoes again. (She has a pair she wears in the colder months that are a deep, warm brown color and look comfy almost like an insulated slipper, and they have a heart shape cut-out design on the front. They just make me feel warm & fuzzy when she wears them, and she knows that, so for awhile she was wearing them all the time just for me, even though she has so many other shoes she could have been wearing. Sometimes I really do luv my T.
)One time about 6 weeks ago, though, my T came to work in long denim shorts and flip-flops, which actually I didn't even notice that she was wearing anything out of the ordinary until she was quick to point it out to me and apologized for "dressing down" (she was on her way to a mini-vacation at the end of the day and was leaving straight from work, so she had already dressed for it, I guess). I wear flip-flops to therapy all the time in the summer, and here she was apologizing to me for it because she didn't want me to think she wasn't showing respect for me. I think I was way more bothered by the apology than by her flip-flops and shorts. It wasn't like she looked sloppy or dirty or unkept, just slightly more casual than usual. It wasn't a big deal to me. But her making it into a big deal made me feel like she expected me to dress UP more for therapy.
quote:One of my former T's noticed what I wore and she thought it better if I came dressed properly to sessions, ie: not too casual as we were doing work
HG,
Hi, I don't think we've met, but welcome to the forums!
That comment would have freaked me out and/or really made me angry. I don't dress up although at times I guess I've been dressier, but I try to dress comfortably as we often do body work and that is hard to do in stiff dress up clothes, skirts etc. Sheesh, it's your therapy. If you want to show up in a paper bag then that should be okay.
It's funny. My T dresses so randomly. I see her on Fridays so most of the time she is in jeans. She always looks pulled together, though. I WOULD freak out if T said anything about my clothes. If she said I looked nice, I'd like it. BUT, any specific comments would not be something I'd welcome.
It's funny T sometimes lets her hair down and other times pulls it up. I have a strong reaction towards her when she pulls it up. She's most serious, and it kind of doesn't put me at ease as much as it does when it is down. LOL!
Broken
It's funny T sometimes lets her hair down and other times pulls it up. I have a strong reaction towards her when she pulls it up. She's most serious, and it kind of doesn't put me at ease as much as it does when it is down. LOL!
Broken
My current T (a male) wears nicely creased dress slacks and a dress shirt with long sleeves... all the time. Except when it's really cold out then he adds a nice pullover-style sweater.
It's interesting that when he started to wear those sweaters is when I started to feel safer with him and to actually remember what he was wearing that day. I remember it was when he wore this soft looking gray sweater and I told a friend that I remembered this. She chuckled and remarked that I was finally able to see him and that this was a very good sign.
I'm almost looking forward to cold weather again so I can see him in those sweaters!!
TN
It's interesting that when he started to wear those sweaters is when I started to feel safer with him and to actually remember what he was wearing that day. I remember it was when he wore this soft looking gray sweater and I told a friend that I remembered this. She chuckled and remarked that I was finally able to see him and that this was a very good sign.
I'm almost looking forward to cold weather again so I can see him in those sweaters!!
TN
((((TN))))
Isn't it funny how what they wear can affect how we feel about them? Recently my T and I were just having a silly conversation about all the changes I would make to his office to make it more comfy (a fireplace, rocking chairs, hardwood floors) and he mentioned that he thought it might be nice to have his practice in an old Victorian. His office right now is in a huge, stale office building.
Anyway, when he mentioned the Victorian, I immediately thought that I couldn't see him in a victorian because he dresses too nicely. He'd have to wear an old gray sweater with a tie around the waist and take up cigar smoking and only then could I even begin to picture him in a victorian.
Can I comment to T about how he dresses and that it doesn't always make me feel safe? I actually like when he wears his glasses because he's not as attractive with them on. Oh yeah, and can I tell him that gray is not his color and totally washes him out? LOL! Just kidding. But sometimes I really want to. His has this really ugly gray shirt. Thank goodness he doesn't wear it too often.
Isn't it funny how what they wear can affect how we feel about them? Recently my T and I were just having a silly conversation about all the changes I would make to his office to make it more comfy (a fireplace, rocking chairs, hardwood floors) and he mentioned that he thought it might be nice to have his practice in an old Victorian. His office right now is in a huge, stale office building.
Anyway, when he mentioned the Victorian, I immediately thought that I couldn't see him in a victorian because he dresses too nicely. He'd have to wear an old gray sweater with a tie around the waist and take up cigar smoking and only then could I even begin to picture him in a victorian.
Can I comment to T about how he dresses and that it doesn't always make me feel safe? I actually like when he wears his glasses because he's not as attractive with them on. Oh yeah, and can I tell him that gray is not his color and totally washes him out? LOL! Just kidding. But sometimes I really want to. His has this really ugly gray shirt. Thank goodness he doesn't wear it too often.
quote:Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:quote:One of my former T's noticed what I wore and she thought it better if I came dressed properly to sessions, ie: not too casual as we were doing work
HG,
Hi, I don't think we've met, but welcome to the forums!
Thanks, happy to be here, most relieved to find this forum indeed : )
Well she was T5, T6 is male and thankfully doesn't notice what I wear and lets me come in my jeans.
Therapy is hard enough as it is without having to try to make myself look nice too when I am in pain.
Body work? what is body work?