for safety
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Feel better, I can see why that upset you 
Yeah, I know she probably meant it innocently enough, but if someone called my crying "boo-hoo-ing" I would be seriously ashamed/mad/upset about it. I think you should let her know how you feel, of you can manage it. She deserves to know how her comment was received so she can avoid using that terminology with any other clients.
I can see why it would be hurtful, though I don't think it was intended to be. She probably thinks its some hip way of saying crying. When I hear Boohoo, I think of someone being mocking about a little child throwing a tantrum. I seriously doubt it was intended to be mocking though. Nevertheless, it hurt you and for that I am sorry. Hugs to you.
aw cat, I'm so sorry. My T and I joke around a bit. One time, she joked back, and it stung - it hit a sore spot that surprised me. I think she noticed in the moment because then she quickly explained she just joked around to be lighthearted, and never ever to hurt me, and that I was always allowed to tell her to stop or if something hurt or rubbed me the wrong way. I told her I felt silly and weak for being hrut by what I knew was a lighthearted joking comment, but my T said she felt "validated" and "reassured" that I had the courage to tell and show her when a comment hurt. This confused me, but then she explained more. She felt like she didn't have to wonder if her joking went too far - I'd tell her. She said she felt good to know I'd tell her.
Your T's comment was insensitive and off the mark, but I really doubt she meant to convey your crying is pathetic or that she was rolling her eyes at all. I think it was likely a painfully off the mark comment - and it would really hurt me too and make my heart fall and collapse.
For my T and I, when her joking comment hit me the wrong way, it was in person when it happened, and she could notice right away that I was hurt and we got to talk it through. Had we not talked about it right away, I frankly probably wouldn't have brought it up later and I would have mistrusted my T and shut down and it would have been this weird wall between us... I get really sensitive about crying too. my T could say a much lesser comment and I'd be hurt!
I think that when you see your T again, if it still hurts and affects your comfort with her and others, you should try to bring it up, maybe even just ask what she meant... or say it rubbed you the wrong way or something to comment about it...
and either way, I hope you had a good lunch and start feeling better soon.
Your T's comment was insensitive and off the mark, but I really doubt she meant to convey your crying is pathetic or that she was rolling her eyes at all. I think it was likely a painfully off the mark comment - and it would really hurt me too and make my heart fall and collapse.
For my T and I, when her joking comment hit me the wrong way, it was in person when it happened, and she could notice right away that I was hurt and we got to talk it through. Had we not talked about it right away, I frankly probably wouldn't have brought it up later and I would have mistrusted my T and shut down and it would have been this weird wall between us... I get really sensitive about crying too. my T could say a much lesser comment and I'd be hurt!
I think that when you see your T again, if it still hurts and affects your comfort with her and others, you should try to bring it up, maybe even just ask what she meant... or say it rubbed you the wrong way or something to comment about it...
and either way, I hope you had a good lunch and start feeling better soon.
I don't know your T, but this strikes me as obnoxious. "Boo-hooing" makes me think of a child whining, not an adult talking about sexual assault to a therapist! Maybe she didn't mean it, but it was out of line and I think you should bring it up next session (if you feel comfortable). If anything, it may stop her from saying it to another client who would also be offended.
Cat:
what was your T thinking? Here comment was pretty lame.
It seems like more than a trigger- it has some negative connotations for the general population.. quick, what's the first thing you think of when you think of the word boo hoo... and is it a nice word? Would you say it to a friend that is crying? How about a friend that is ashamed to cry? Let alone a person who was taught that crying is a "bad" thing to do as a child (I'm right there with you!)
Yeah, um, maybe she was trying to be cool. Who knows. But LAME, it was.
No, you are not defective. To me, a T making jokes about crying is not even remotely funny, nor does it help "lighten" things up.
Do bring it up next time you talk. It's good practice for you both, and if you do not, the resentment could start to build, and that feels (to me) like the same old anxiety and depression...
Rooting for you!
what was your T thinking? Here comment was pretty lame.
It seems like more than a trigger- it has some negative connotations for the general population.. quick, what's the first thing you think of when you think of the word boo hoo... and is it a nice word? Would you say it to a friend that is crying? How about a friend that is ashamed to cry? Let alone a person who was taught that crying is a "bad" thing to do as a child (I'm right there with you!)
Yeah, um, maybe she was trying to be cool. Who knows. But LAME, it was.
quote:I guess I'm saying I feel like being hurt is indicative of some sort of defect in me but it isn't... it sounds like it might hurt other people too even though it wasn't intentional. Now I just need to weigh the worth of bringing it up. I don't like that I can hold both her care and her misattunements - one or the other is much easier.
No, you are not defective. To me, a T making jokes about crying is not even remotely funny, nor does it help "lighten" things up.
Do bring it up next time you talk. It's good practice for you both, and if you do not, the resentment could start to build, and that feels (to me) like the same old anxiety and depression...
Rooting for you!
((((Cat)))) I'm sorry. That would hurt my feelings too, even if I knew my T didn't mean it. I am getting better at just telling my T, "I know you probably didn't mean it, but when you said ______, I heard/felt/interpreted it as ________." My T is very reassuring about what he did and didn't mean when this happens. However, I guess it's possible that a T could say, "Well, if you know I probably didn't mean that, why are you still upset?" or something like that and that would be horrible. I'm pretty confident in my T's reassurance. It's very rare that he ever says something that is meant in a way I find hurtful and he has never intended to hurt me (although some of our differences of opinion have been painful). So, that makes it easier and worthwhile to bring those things up.
((((CAT)))))
I'm with the others - it would hurt my feelings too. Does she have an odd sense of humor? I liked my OldT a lot but once in a while she would say something and I'd think, WTF? Like, one time, she told me over the phone that Dr. Finkelstein (that's how she referred to herself and it always made my eyes roll) made a boo boo.
Maybe T's main message was that she was glad you got support when you needed it but it was the way she expressed it that diminished its true intent?
Liese
I'm with the others - it would hurt my feelings too. Does she have an odd sense of humor? I liked my OldT a lot but once in a while she would say something and I'd think, WTF? Like, one time, she told me over the phone that Dr. Finkelstein (that's how she referred to herself and it always made my eyes roll) made a boo boo.
Maybe T's main message was that she was glad you got support when you needed it but it was the way she expressed it that diminished its true intent?
Liese
(((Cat)))
I'm sorry that your T said that and it has upset you so much. I can see why it did and I can imagine I would feel hurt if my T called my crying "boohooing" as well. Do you think you could bring it up to her by acknowledging that you know it is a trigger for you and why and you know she didn't intend to be hurtful but it was anyway? I think if it is bothering you this much it might help to say something. There is a big difference between going to her and saying, "I know you didn't mean to be insensitive or make light of my emotions, but your choice of words was hurtful to me" versus "you said I was boohooing and you were making fun of me and you think I'm crazy...." etc. You know what the trigger is and I wonder if it might be helpful to be able to say something to someone in a position of authority since you probably didn't get that chance as a kid.
I'm also sorry about the person from your past getting in touch with you and how much that is triggering for you.
I'm sorry that your T said that and it has upset you so much. I can see why it did and I can imagine I would feel hurt if my T called my crying "boohooing" as well. Do you think you could bring it up to her by acknowledging that you know it is a trigger for you and why and you know she didn't intend to be hurtful but it was anyway? I think if it is bothering you this much it might help to say something. There is a big difference between going to her and saying, "I know you didn't mean to be insensitive or make light of my emotions, but your choice of words was hurtful to me" versus "you said I was boohooing and you were making fun of me and you think I'm crazy...." etc. You know what the trigger is and I wonder if it might be helpful to be able to say something to someone in a position of authority since you probably didn't get that chance as a kid.
I'm also sorry about the person from your past getting in touch with you and how much that is triggering for you.
((((CAT))))
It sounds like you really have a lot of affection for her. This really struck home with me:
I'm kind at the same point with my T in that the last time something happened that in the past would have sent my nervous system to the moon, I knew that, in all reality, he's a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt me.
But I've dug and dug and dug trying to get at his feelings for me. I've asked him if he hated me and he said, "far from it". The truth is, I do need to know he likes me. It would be hard for me to work with a T who is just "tolerating" me because they are a good T and they are doing their job, etc. etc. That wouldn't make me feel very safe at all.
I'm wondering here if you can bring up what she said but talk about what it triggered for you, that you know how professional she is and what a great T she is but when she says things like that, you are not sure if she's making fun of you or if she likes you?
Liese
P.S. The other T didn't make up names for herself. She referred to herself in the third person. It was wierd. LOL! She didn't have kids but she worked with a lot of kids and so I'm thinking this is where "boo boo" came from? She lost some credibility when she said that to me. LOL!
It sounds like you really have a lot of affection for her. This really struck home with me:
quote:I've gotten to the point with both of my Ts that I trust their intentions and I trust them to do their job - their personal opinions on the other hand I always worry about.
I'm kind at the same point with my T in that the last time something happened that in the past would have sent my nervous system to the moon, I knew that, in all reality, he's a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt me.
But I've dug and dug and dug trying to get at his feelings for me. I've asked him if he hated me and he said, "far from it". The truth is, I do need to know he likes me. It would be hard for me to work with a T who is just "tolerating" me because they are a good T and they are doing their job, etc. etc. That wouldn't make me feel very safe at all.
I'm wondering here if you can bring up what she said but talk about what it triggered for you, that you know how professional she is and what a great T she is but when she says things like that, you are not sure if she's making fun of you or if she likes you?
Liese
P.S. The other T didn't make up names for herself. She referred to herself in the third person. It was wierd. LOL! She didn't have kids but she worked with a lot of kids and so I'm thinking this is where "boo boo" came from? She lost some credibility when she said that to me. LOL!
((((((CAT))))
My progress in therapy has been agonizingly slow but I believe with all my heart and mind that I wouldn't have made any progress at all if it wasn't for this forum because I would have left therapy completely. There may have been times when it Interfered but overall I think hashing things out with You guys has been tremendously beneficial and opened my eyes in so many ways. And I'll be forever grateful. Just my take on it
Hugs
Liese
Ps glad to hear that T made things Si easy. Isn't it amazing how easier relationships can be when the other person owns their part in things? If only our parents had been able to do that.
My progress in therapy has been agonizingly slow but I believe with all my heart and mind that I wouldn't have made any progress at all if it wasn't for this forum because I would have left therapy completely. There may have been times when it Interfered but overall I think hashing things out with You guys has been tremendously beneficial and opened my eyes in so many ways. And I'll be forever grateful. Just my take on it
Hugs
Liese
Ps glad to hear that T made things Si easy. Isn't it amazing how easier relationships can be when the other person owns their part in things? If only our parents had been able to do that.