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Oooh, I like that question Echoes. Very thought provoking.
If I had it to do over, my family would be exactly the same, but I would have started therapy when I was 15, instead of 27.
I like who I am now, but things could have been a lot easier and faster if I'd had more help when I needed it.
If I had it to do over, my family would be exactly the same, but I would have started therapy when I was 15, instead of 27.
I like who I am now, but things could have been a lot easier and faster if I'd had more help when I needed it.
The hard path or the easy path...mmmm...I guess it really depends on the circumstances that you are referring to. When it came to homework/studies...for me it was the easiest path ie. as little as possible 
. When it came to principals...I would die before I agreed with something I didn't believe in - only through maturity did I learn that I needed to be more flexible in my beliefs, so that did cause me some grief, but I learnt a lot from it. If I reflect on the challenges that life threw at me, then I would say the hard path in that I never spoke about my feelings and never asked for help, even though in reality I could have, but I chose not to. If I look back now at all the things that have happened in my life, of which there have been numerous challenges, I would have to say that although I did not enjoy them, they have provided me with a level of understanding that I would otherwise never have had. Easy paths are exactly that - easy to follow and easy to travel, but they don't offer depth and understanding. No person of true substance has ever always travelled an easy path. If you are purposefully always taking the hard path, perhaps it is just your life path in that you were born to learn specific lessons to help your soul grow in understanding, or perhaps it is because you are not learning the lessons that you should have learnt by now, and so until such time as you do learn those lessons, you will continue to follow the hard path.
I suggest that you analyse the patterns of your choices in depth, and the feelings and insights that you attained from the experiences of having travelled those hard paths. Then once you have done that, further analyse and see if perhaps there could have possibly been more that you could have learnt from those experiences, and then I imagine you will have your answer.
Mmmm...I hope you understand what I am saying about that. The answers are always there Echoes, if you take the time to look for them. Sometimes it helps to look through another set of eyes, so if you can't relate ask yourself this....if it were someone else how would you be looking at it? What advice or insight would you give someone else who is/was walking those exact same steps.
Good luck in finding your answer. You have taken the first step if you are asking yourself those questions.
. When it came to principals...I would die before I agreed with something I didn't believe in - only through maturity did I learn that I needed to be more flexible in my beliefs, so that did cause me some grief, but I learnt a lot from it. If I reflect on the challenges that life threw at me, then I would say the hard path in that I never spoke about my feelings and never asked for help, even though in reality I could have, but I chose not to. If I look back now at all the things that have happened in my life, of which there have been numerous challenges, I would have to say that although I did not enjoy them, they have provided me with a level of understanding that I would otherwise never have had. Easy paths are exactly that - easy to follow and easy to travel, but they don't offer depth and understanding. No person of true substance has ever always travelled an easy path. If you are purposefully always taking the hard path, perhaps it is just your life path in that you were born to learn specific lessons to help your soul grow in understanding, or perhaps it is because you are not learning the lessons that you should have learnt by now, and so until such time as you do learn those lessons, you will continue to follow the hard path. I suggest that you analyse the patterns of your choices in depth, and the feelings and insights that you attained from the experiences of having travelled those hard paths. Then once you have done that, further analyse and see if perhaps there could have possibly been more that you could have learnt from those experiences, and then I imagine you will have your answer.
Mmmm...I hope you understand what I am saying about that. The answers are always there Echoes, if you take the time to look for them. Sometimes it helps to look through another set of eyes, so if you can't relate ask yourself this....if it were someone else how would you be looking at it? What advice or insight would you give someone else who is/was walking those exact same steps.
Good luck in finding your answer. You have taken the first step if you are asking yourself those questions.
quote:would it be an easy path with love and kindness and nurture or a hard one with pain and suffering?...which one would you take now?
If I could go back and do it over as a child I would most definitely choose the path with love, kindness and nurture. Not only for myself, but for my children and their children as what happens in previous generations impacts future ones. I don't believe it is possible to have a perfect environment of love, nurture and kindness but certainly a "good enough" one. If everything was always easy that would create it's own issues though I don't think lessons need to be learned at the hands of great suffering.
In my life now I have a loving home and family that I've built, but they are impacted by the path I'm choosing right now which is one of pain and hard work. If I could have survived long term without going down this path then I would choose the easy way I guess. On the other hand, I've learned many lessons along the way so I guess in that sense I wouldn't want to give it all back. Ugh, tough question!
hmmmmm.....good question. I would end up where I am today and have all my experiences, but like BLT, I would have started therapy earlier 
Based on my belief that a soul sort of chooses what it needs in this life time - I think I'd choose hard. In life I rarely pick the easy way, I love a challenge. I think my upbringing has shaped who I am - I don't know who I would be without it... I tell myself if I had love and nurture and caring who knows what I could have done if I was loved in a way that could help me build my talents maybe I'd have done something amazing. But I realize, with how hard this work is, I am doing amazing stuff - it's just personal not public. When I was a little kid I told myself this is happening to me so it won't have to happen to someone else. I don't think you're weird Echoes, I wouldn't be surprised if many people would select the life they had even if it was hard. But anyway, my decision is based mostly on my spiritual beliefs. The humanitarian side of me would obviously want something more gentle and compassionate for myself and everyone because I don't think a single person is born without entitlement to that (sometimes I don't so much believe that about ME but it's just a belief, not true).
Very interesting question!
Very interesting question!
Echoes,
This doesn't seem a stupid question at all and is something my T and I have discussed on a deep level on a number of occasions. Part of my healing has been to reach a point of acceptance about my past and come to the realization that I am the person I am because of everything that happened to me, including the evil that was done to me. I have strengths and understandings and a capacity for compassion (I hope!) that have grown out of that experience and what I had to do to heal from it. There are things that I deeply value and appreciate it that I don't think I would understand in the same way (love, acceptance, security, home, worth, beauty) if I had not experienced what I did.
My T and I have discussed how confusing this can get. At one point, I was receiving a lot of really good feedback about a new venture (to the point where I was looking over my shoulder to see whom they were talking about) and I actually got triggered by the compliments. I mean, who gets triggered by hearing GOOD stuff?!? Evidently I do. I booked a session to work through it with my T and in the course of discussing it, I got really angry because it felt like what I was doing had grown out of my recovery and was wholly mine and I didn't want it tainted by what my father had done to me. And my T very gently and wryly asked me "you mean your ability which grew out of healing from what your father did to you?" Which made very clear the irony of insisting that my father not be involved. He went on to point out that the healing was completely mine but that it can be difficult to untangle and have clear feelings about the things that have so profoundly affected us. I can both hate and be grateful for what happened to me, and it can be difficult to hold both feelings at once.
I must admit that STRM's answer really struck me because I know that my issues have affected my children and if I had experienced "good enough" parenting then maybe I would have been a better parent. On the other hand, would I have made the decisions I did, married my husband and had those children if my childhood was different?
I am glad that I do not have that choice. And while I am NOT grateful for what happened to me, I am grateful for what has grown out of it. I believe that God keeps his promise that He will bring good even out of evil, and that's how I feel about my life. Part of wanting to help other people heal is because it gives meaning to what happened to me. That was a great question!
AG
This doesn't seem a stupid question at all and is something my T and I have discussed on a deep level on a number of occasions. Part of my healing has been to reach a point of acceptance about my past and come to the realization that I am the person I am because of everything that happened to me, including the evil that was done to me. I have strengths and understandings and a capacity for compassion (I hope!) that have grown out of that experience and what I had to do to heal from it. There are things that I deeply value and appreciate it that I don't think I would understand in the same way (love, acceptance, security, home, worth, beauty) if I had not experienced what I did.
My T and I have discussed how confusing this can get. At one point, I was receiving a lot of really good feedback about a new venture (to the point where I was looking over my shoulder to see whom they were talking about
) and I actually got triggered by the compliments. I mean, who gets triggered by hearing GOOD stuff?!? Evidently I do. I booked a session to work through it with my T and in the course of discussing it, I got really angry because it felt like what I was doing had grown out of my recovery and was wholly mine and I didn't want it tainted by what my father had done to me. And my T very gently and wryly asked me "you mean your ability which grew out of healing from what your father did to you?" Which made very clear the irony of insisting that my father not be involved. He went on to point out that the healing was completely mine but that it can be difficult to untangle and have clear feelings about the things that have so profoundly affected us. I can both hate and be grateful for what happened to me, and it can be difficult to hold both feelings at once. I must admit that STRM's answer really struck me because I know that my issues have affected my children and if I had experienced "good enough" parenting then maybe I would have been a better parent. On the other hand, would I have made the decisions I did, married my husband and had those children if my childhood was different?
I am glad that I do not have that choice. And while I am NOT grateful for what happened to me, I am grateful for what has grown out of it. I believe that God keeps his promise that He will bring good even out of evil, and that's how I feel about my life. Part of wanting to help other people heal is because it gives meaning to what happened to me. That was a great question!
AG
(((Echo))),
I guess I was awarded the "easy" path.
I've always chosen the hard way (school of hard knocks) to do anything. So even though I was awarded the easy path if I had not been so protected and expierenced pain and suffering perhaps I would have been more adept at adult life.
,s
kansas
I guess I was awarded the "easy" path.
I've always chosen the hard way (school of hard knocks) to do anything. So even though I was awarded the easy path if I had not been so protected and expierenced pain and suffering perhaps I would have been more adept at adult life.
,skansas
Hi echoes,
It's definately not a stupid question. I think it is something I have asked myself over and over. I wouldn't change some things. The abuse I suffered, I think, has made me more compassionate...more able to be less judgemental of others. But the reaction to that (as a child....ie. not being believed by mum and others....having to move out from the home) has made me doubt a lot of things. While I can appear to come across as a competent, confident human being....deep down...I know that I question this....and I find myself looking for love from (some) other people (and I know that this is basically a "normal" need) it's just that I do not know how to properly love myself. And I would give anything to be able to do this.
So I think I would always choose the hard path....because it makes us question everything....but then I would say that as I am an INFP
Respect to you Echoes....I feel sad that you deleted your original post, because it was a good one....and I always enjoy reading your posts
Faith xxx
It's definately not a stupid question. I think it is something I have asked myself over and over. I wouldn't change some things. The abuse I suffered, I think, has made me more compassionate...more able to be less judgemental of others. But the reaction to that (as a child....ie. not being believed by mum and others....having to move out from the home) has made me doubt a lot of things. While I can appear to come across as a competent, confident human being....deep down...I know that I question this....and I find myself looking for love from (some) other people (and I know that this is basically a "normal" need) it's just that I do not know how to properly love myself. And I would give anything to be able to do this.
So I think I would always choose the hard path....because it makes us question everything....but then I would say that as I am an INFP
Respect to you Echoes....I feel sad that you deleted your original post, because it was a good one....and I always enjoy reading your posts
Faith xxx