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Hi xoxo,
You are in such a difficult place. I dread the day when I have to say good-bye to my P and I can understand how you would want to work out any possible arrangement in order to continue seeing him.
I'd ask him if you only saw him every 3-4 weeks or so, if you would still see him for the same amount of time for the appt. Some Ps see patients for only 15 minutes for a med check but my P sees everyone for 50 minutes whether it's a medication visit or therapy.
What your P may have meant was that by only seeing him less than twice a month would lead to it being mostly med checks because it would possibly be hard to continue therapy on such a limited basis?
That's just a guess of mine because I see my P usually twice a month, but more frequently if something is up and I have gone 4-5 weeks between appointments and he never indicates that it changes my therapy.
I think whatever meets your needs under the circumstances is the way to go. Maybe have a back-up T in your area? Or even a back-up P - seems like you'd run into problems with getting prescriptions filled if they are written in a different state.
It seems to me he is trying to work with you so that this separation won't be anymore painful than it already is.
You are in such a difficult place. I dread the day when I have to say good-bye to my P and I can understand how you would want to work out any possible arrangement in order to continue seeing him.
I'd ask him if you only saw him every 3-4 weeks or so, if you would still see him for the same amount of time for the appt. Some Ps see patients for only 15 minutes for a med check but my P sees everyone for 50 minutes whether it's a medication visit or therapy.
What your P may have meant was that by only seeing him less than twice a month would lead to it being mostly med checks because it would possibly be hard to continue therapy on such a limited basis?
That's just a guess of mine because I see my P usually twice a month, but more frequently if something is up and I have gone 4-5 weeks between appointments and he never indicates that it changes my therapy.
I think whatever meets your needs under the circumstances is the way to go. Maybe have a back-up T in your area? Or even a back-up P - seems like you'd run into problems with getting prescriptions filled if they are written in a different state.
It seems to me he is trying to work with you so that this separation won't be anymore painful than it already is.
quote:well we ran out of time. doesnt the 'medication only patient' scenerio sort of negate what he said about continuing therapy with him?
Pulling a bit of wisdom from my experience with T2 but maybe he just wants to keep in relationship with you (not for his needs I mean for yours)? That the maintenance of the relationship ... seeing he is still there and still the same even after you leave for x amount of time... will have big things to say to you internally. I know T2 still talks to her T and any time we've discussed my having to stop treatment with her she's always said we can remain in relationship, still check in with each other (in a sort of I'll know you for life, I'll always care kind of thing) - she seems to think that stuff is really important. So when I read what you had to say I thought... maybe that is your T's angle.
Like Summer my P sees people for 30-50 minutes so a med only patient isn't completely unrealistic. I know you said you don't but... you may want to ask for details on the rational of being a meds only patient if you do decide to get therapy locally. Just curious but what response were you hoping for when you added it's not really feasible to travel twice a month on a regular basis? I see it as you sort of asked "Should I do this?" he said "Yes" then you said "Well this isn't actually realistic for me" (so I wonder did you want him to fix it, change his mind to no, agree with you empathetically (as he should having to drive a long long distance for therapy I'm sure sucks), just to hear it, permission to leave?). Maybe in what you were sort of asking here can help you in some way
sorry again about having to leave your T so far away. 2x/mo I'm sure is very hard. I couldn't imagine.
xoxo - First, so sorry about you having to reduce with your P. I think the others here have offered wisdom on what he probably meant by suggesting med checks.
Would it be possible, if you had to reduce to seeing him once a month, to do a double-session at least? I know it's not ideal, but even just to maintain that relationship, whether or not you seek therapy elsewhere. I think it's great that he's attached to you too and wants to find a way to make it work. I also don't think there is anything wrong with questioning what he meant (either here or directly to him), as I know I might be confused by those sort of replies as well. I do wonder, though, whether the difficulty of the separation may have you a little more vigilant for a sense of his indifference/potential abandonment or even as a reason to push him away and move toward detachment (which is certainly less painful than being attached but far away). I find myself doing that sometimes with T when I think a break might be imminent (like when insurance issues threatened our work).
Would it be possible, if you had to reduce to seeing him once a month, to do a double-session at least? I know it's not ideal, but even just to maintain that relationship, whether or not you seek therapy elsewhere. I think it's great that he's attached to you too and wants to find a way to make it work. I also don't think there is anything wrong with questioning what he meant (either here or directly to him), as I know I might be confused by those sort of replies as well. I do wonder, though, whether the difficulty of the separation may have you a little more vigilant for a sense of his indifference/potential abandonment or even as a reason to push him away and move toward detachment (which is certainly less painful than being attached but far away). I find myself doing that sometimes with T when I think a break might be imminent (like when insurance issues threatened our work).
quote:he recently told me he was attached to me too.
I wish I could hear those words...sigh...but are you thinking he's hoping you will somehow work out twice a month sessions for his sake and yours? My P has implied that he's there for me until he quits his practice, no matter how often or how little I see him. He's never said I needed to keep to a certain schedule, but I feel that he's implied it shouldn't be every week.
I remember telling him something quite significant and at the end of the session he said...how about returning in a month. I finally mustered the courage to ask him why he suggested a month later and his reply was that he thought I was handling things well.
Recently I've been asking to see him weekly and he's been fine with that. I do think you should clarify what your P suggested in terms of it being a meds only appointment. Maybe he is implying that from his point of view it wouldn't be therapy if you saw him less frequently, but I think the fact that he's willing to see you, regardless of your location says a lot.
I saw a female T in between my 2 male Ps and she said as found that her clients needed to see her less and less, while resolving certain issues, she's perfectly fine with someone checking in with her on a yearly basis! I think because she told me it's okay to do that I still actually have seen her once or twice a year. I know she's there and it's still therapy when I see her even if it's been over 6 months.
I hope you work this out,
Summer
You know, xoxo I sort of assumed when your P said then you'd see him for meds only I jumped to the conclusion that (because the prior question had been about therapy) there was this unsaid element of you being in therapy w/ someone else BUT still seeing him also to continue to have a positive experience w/ the attachment and work there. I'm hoping he wasn't recommending you just have no therapist and only see him for meds, I'm with you on needing clarification somewhere. I had to go up and read again to see I did make a leap in my understanding. I don't see why it can't be both.
"Oh you can't come see me this often? Well how does even less sound, will that work?" Yea... that's not a very good solution. I'm hoping he didn't mean no therapy at all - he doesn't get to say when you're done. If you keep in relationship with him and got therapy elsewhere my assumption was your attachment would remain with him to give you enough base to see someone else (but seeing him too often, like every other week, would probably make things even more difficult in trying to adjust to a new relationship - I can tell you from a wealth of experience that having 2Ts is less than a picnic sometimes). That way you get to have your attachment fulfilled, see that he is still there, and can also form a new (maybe not attached, who knows) relationship from there to do some of the other work you need to. I hope you can honor what it is you feel you need and figure out a way to get that and also maintain the beautiful connection you've forged with what sounds like a very wonderful and skilled P.
I dunno... I'm really, really sorry for the position you're in with this.
"Oh you can't come see me this often? Well how does even less sound, will that work?" Yea... that's not a very good solution. I'm hoping he didn't mean no therapy at all - he doesn't get to say when you're done. If you keep in relationship with him and got therapy elsewhere my assumption was your attachment would remain with him to give you enough base to see someone else (but seeing him too often, like every other week, would probably make things even more difficult in trying to adjust to a new relationship - I can tell you from a wealth of experience that having 2Ts is less than a picnic sometimes). That way you get to have your attachment fulfilled, see that he is still there, and can also form a new (maybe not attached, who knows) relationship from there to do some of the other work you need to. I hope you can honor what it is you feel you need and figure out a way to get that and also maintain the beautiful connection you've forged with what sounds like a very wonderful and skilled P.
I dunno... I'm really, really sorry for the position you're in with this.
hi xoxo,
i know the pain and confusion of only being able to go to therapy once a month and i really feel for you. luckily for me that was only temporary (a while ago) and i was able to go back to once a week. i also once again face decisions about moving or staying (and therefore losing or not losing my T) so again, i feel like i know what you might be going through... but i dont know if i can say anything to help...
my feeling is that your T is saying or trying to say what you need to hear at this time. he first said that he thinks its more important to continue with him as he knows the level of your attachment and wouldn't want a sudden and damaging break for you. maybe he thinks you can work things out gradually and have time to say goodbye to him - if that is what will eventually happen. Maybe then he said that you could be a med only patient as another option - in case you do decide to go for therapy in your new location, but still keep seeing him if and as you need him. i know my T has been incredibly (and frustratingly) ambiguous in anything she says about the decisions I'm facing and leaves it all up to me!!... I even told her she should tell me to go because otherwise i will never be able to make that decision on my own.
so, i'm thinking maybe he's just trying to basically leave it all up to you, and not just to you as you feel now, but you as you will feel in a couple of months or later. maybe he's trying to keep the connection with you but also leave you the space to leave it or come back to it depending how things work out.
but maybe you're like me and you prefer a quick get-it-over-with ripping of the band-aid rather then a slow, confused and prolonged bleeding....
i am really sorry you're facing this and i wish there was something i knew that would help... i do hope you have someone else to lean on in your life during this painful time.
lots of hugs,
puppet
i know the pain and confusion of only being able to go to therapy once a month and i really feel for you. luckily for me that was only temporary (a while ago) and i was able to go back to once a week. i also once again face decisions about moving or staying (and therefore losing or not losing my T) so again, i feel like i know what you might be going through... but i dont know if i can say anything to help...
my feeling is that your T is saying or trying to say what you need to hear at this time. he first said that he thinks its more important to continue with him as he knows the level of your attachment and wouldn't want a sudden and damaging break for you. maybe he thinks you can work things out gradually and have time to say goodbye to him - if that is what will eventually happen. Maybe then he said that you could be a med only patient as another option - in case you do decide to go for therapy in your new location, but still keep seeing him if and as you need him. i know my T has been incredibly (and frustratingly) ambiguous in anything she says about the decisions I'm facing and leaves it all up to me!!... I even told her she should tell me to go because otherwise i will never be able to make that decision on my own.
so, i'm thinking maybe he's just trying to basically leave it all up to you, and not just to you as you feel now, but you as you will feel in a couple of months or later. maybe he's trying to keep the connection with you but also leave you the space to leave it or come back to it depending how things work out.
but maybe you're like me and you prefer a quick get-it-over-with ripping of the band-aid rather then a slow, confused and prolonged bleeding....
i am really sorry you're facing this and i wish there was something i knew that would help... i do hope you have someone else to lean on in your life during this painful time.
lots of hugs,
puppet
(((XOXO))))
FWIW, I think you should stick with him because you have such a caring relationship with him and it would probably hurt too much now to leave him on top of the stress of the move. Just my opinion. You have to do what's best for you. Any chance you can find a job back where you moved from?
Liese
FWIW, I think you should stick with him because you have such a caring relationship with him and it would probably hurt too much now to leave him on top of the stress of the move. Just my opinion. You have to do what's best for you. Any chance you can find a job back where you moved from?
Liese
((((XOXO)))))
Liese
Liese