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(((HIC)))
I'm very sorry you deleted what you wrote, I read it earlier today but did not have time to reply. What you wrote was beautiful and really touched me as I have felt exactly that way and it was very, very good to know someone else had felt that. The first time I met my present T, I didn't think he was bad looking, but I wasn't overwhelmed either. The thing I actually remembering noticing was that he seemed to be just slightly fussy about his experience. Everything was perfectly neat and in place, something I have a slight prejudice against going back to my childhood. The first sign for me that I was developing stronger feelings for him was when he started getting better looking at each couples' session. I eventually came to the conclusion that I was an idiot for not seeing at first that he is an incredibly attractive man.
I joke, but I have sat across from him and seen him lit from within by the incredible compassion which flows through him and just been suffused with a deep sense of love and gratitude and almost overwhelmed by how beautiful he is. He has provided so many things that I have longed for my whole life and never thought to obtain, how could he not be beautiful to me? So I just wanted to let you know you were not the only one and I am glad that you have experienced that with your T. And I'm sorry I didn't get back here sooner.
AG
I'm very sorry you deleted what you wrote, I read it earlier today but did not have time to reply. What you wrote was beautiful and really touched me as I have felt exactly that way and it was very, very good to know someone else had felt that. The first time I met my present T, I didn't think he was bad looking, but I wasn't overwhelmed either. The thing I actually remembering noticing was that he seemed to be just slightly fussy about his experience. Everything was perfectly neat and in place, something I have a slight prejudice against going back to my childhood. The first sign for me that I was developing stronger feelings for him was when he started getting better looking at each couples' session. I eventually came to the conclusion that I was an idiot for not seeing at first that he is an incredibly attractive man.
I joke, but I have sat across from him and seen him lit from within by the incredible compassion which flows through him and just been suffused with a deep sense of love and gratitude and almost overwhelmed by how beautiful he is. He has provided so many things that I have longed for my whole life and never thought to obtain, how could he not be beautiful to me? So I just wanted to let you know you were not the only one and I am glad that you have experienced that with your T. And I'm sorry I didn't get back here sooner. AG
(((AG)))
Thanks for replying even though I deleted. I thought you would be someone who would understand what I was attempting to describe. . . what you wrote here was also very beautiful and resonated with me.
Idk, sometimes the "girl crush" (for lack of a better term) that I have on T seems really healthy, positive, and healing to me, but other times I think it's just very regressed, pathetic, and embarrassing. When I wrote my post I was basking in the former state of mind, and then by the time I came to delete it I had veered back into the latter. . . that just kinda seems to be how it goes. I do rather regret deleting, though. I will try to be less impulsive in future.
Thanks again.
Hugs,
HIC
Thanks for replying even though I deleted. I thought you would be someone who would understand what I was attempting to describe. . . what you wrote here was also very beautiful and resonated with me.
Idk, sometimes the "girl crush" (for lack of a better term) that I have on T seems really healthy, positive, and healing to me, but other times I think it's just very regressed, pathetic, and embarrassing. When I wrote my post I was basking in the former state of mind, and then by the time I came to delete it I had veered back into the latter. . . that just kinda seems to be how it goes. I do rather regret deleting, though. I will try to be less impulsive in future.
Thanks again.
Hugs,
HIC
HIC,
Having experienced both of those poles, I truly understand. I will tell you that for me, the healthier I get and the more consistent the relationship feels, which is very these days, the more I understand how positive, healthy and healing it is to know someone so deeply and know that they know me so deeply and accept and understand me and are there no matter what. I think those moments are when we get glimpses of what it's supposed to feel like if we had the good fortune to have "good enough" parents and be securely attached.
But I know for me that because my basic, reasonable needs led to my becoming so injured (especially in my immature understanding) actually allowing myself to recognize these feelings or that I've let someone become so important to me, can immediately become bathed in shame. At those times I try to remember that the shame, the sense of being pathetic, are the lies. We are meant to love and be loved.
Having experienced both of those poles, I truly understand. I will tell you that for me, the healthier I get and the more consistent the relationship feels, which is very these days, the more I understand how positive, healthy and healing it is to know someone so deeply and know that they know me so deeply and accept and understand me and are there no matter what. I think those moments are when we get glimpses of what it's supposed to feel like if we had the good fortune to have "good enough" parents and be securely attached.
But I know for me that because my basic, reasonable needs led to my becoming so injured (especially in my immature understanding) actually allowing myself to recognize these feelings or that I've let someone become so important to me, can immediately become bathed in shame. At those times I try to remember that the shame, the sense of being pathetic, are the lies. We are meant to love and be loved.
(((HIC)))
I didn't get to read your post, but I remember the title.
I think my T is beautiful, and he's a man. He has beautiful eyes and a warm smile, and I love his voice. (I'm an eyes, hands, & shoulders girl, but a nice voice will go far...)
I think getting to know someone enhances their beauty, too. As he has shown me unconditional regard, concern, and validation, I have grown more and more attached to him, and his goodness shines from within, as AG said about her T. I can't believe how much sewage gets dumped on him by me and who knows how many other clients, yet he always smiles warmly and treats me like I'm the only patient he has. Little tidbits of personal information endear him even more, as yesterday he shared a little more about his recent health challenge (nothing as serious as a stroke this time!) and even a habit or two that might bother his wife. Oh, how I restrained my comments then!!
Anyway, there are so many factors that go to one's beauty, aren't there?
I don't know that everyone else would look at my T and find him beautiful, but I do, and I've told him so.
Not sure what your original question was, but I hope this helped somehow!
Hugs to you,
Starry
I didn't get to read your post, but I remember the title.
I think my T is beautiful, and he's a man. He has beautiful eyes and a warm smile, and I love his voice. (I'm an eyes, hands, & shoulders girl, but a nice voice will go far...)
I think getting to know someone enhances their beauty, too. As he has shown me unconditional regard, concern, and validation, I have grown more and more attached to him, and his goodness shines from within, as AG said about her T. I can't believe how much sewage gets dumped on him by me and who knows how many other clients, yet he always smiles warmly and treats me like I'm the only patient he has. Little tidbits of personal information endear him even more, as yesterday he shared a little more about his recent health challenge (nothing as serious as a stroke this time!) and even a habit or two that might bother his wife. Oh, how I restrained my comments then!!
Anyway, there are so many factors that go to one's beauty, aren't there?
I don't know that everyone else would look at my T and find him beautiful, but I do, and I've told him so.
Not sure what your original question was, but I hope this helped somehow!
Hugs to you,
Starry
HIC... I too am sorry I missed your original post.
When I first met my current T I could not even look at him. And if I did look in his direction I could not "see" him. I was so traumatized from the abandonment of my oldT that I could not register that the person I was talking to was not my oldT. It took months for me to even realize what he was wearing. I just knew he was not my oldT and could not possibly ever be as beautiful as my oldT was to me.
Then one day I remember I told a friend that I could remember that he was wearing a really nice gray cashmere sweater and he looked warm and fuzzy. I always complained that he was not a warm fuzzy guy like oldT. Anyway, it was sort of a miracle that I could see this and as time passed I actually realized I was seeing him more often and he was getting better looking and my feelings for him were becoming more intense.
Now, while my T is not bad looking, he is not your classically handsome movie star looking guy. He is slightly pudgey. But, to me, he is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. I look at him and see such goodness and kindness and even his affection for me. He allows me to see that. He dresses nicely ... always in dress shirts and nice slacks and I love his new leather loafers. His hair is dark but with streaks of gray. His voice is very lovely and wonderful and soothing. In fact, when I spoke to him on my initial call to him I had no idea what he looked like as he had no internet presence at all, but I fell in love with his deep voice because he made me feel safe.
I have told him that I love his voice but not the other stuff.... maybe one day....
I'm not sure what you said or why you posted but thanks for allowing me to talk about this.
TN
When I first met my current T I could not even look at him. And if I did look in his direction I could not "see" him. I was so traumatized from the abandonment of my oldT that I could not register that the person I was talking to was not my oldT. It took months for me to even realize what he was wearing. I just knew he was not my oldT and could not possibly ever be as beautiful as my oldT was to me.
Then one day I remember I told a friend that I could remember that he was wearing a really nice gray cashmere sweater and he looked warm and fuzzy. I always complained that he was not a warm fuzzy guy like oldT. Anyway, it was sort of a miracle that I could see this and as time passed I actually realized I was seeing him more often and he was getting better looking and my feelings for him were becoming more intense.
Now, while my T is not bad looking, he is not your classically handsome movie star looking guy. He is slightly pudgey. But, to me, he is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. I look at him and see such goodness and kindness and even his affection for me. He allows me to see that. He dresses nicely ... always in dress shirts and nice slacks and I love his new leather loafers. His hair is dark but with streaks of gray. His voice is very lovely and wonderful and soothing. In fact, when I spoke to him on my initial call to him I had no idea what he looked like as he had no internet presence at all, but I fell in love with his deep voice because he made me feel safe.
I have told him that I love his voice but not the other stuff.... maybe one day....
I'm not sure what you said or why you posted but thanks for allowing me to talk about this.
TN
ok fine, i'll fess up. my T is pretty easy on the eye, and i have to say that certain times when he smiles, i swear he glows! it's the most genuine, beautiful smile i've ever seen. truly a sight for sore eyes. but that's ALL i'm saying ... 
it makes me smile to read what everyone is having to say (and HIC, I did read the original post I just didn't have a reply at the time that would really fit).
I really like my Ts, I (now) find them sweet, love them and love tons about them but they still LOOK in intimidating. They give off a presence that is beautiful and over time it has felt safer and more comfortable and cozy but nothing to do w/ them physically
Maybe that is my version of this. I'm kind of jealous (SORRY to admit!) that people can look at their Ts this way. I feel so broken at relating like I've got a heart made out of a rock. BUT not so dense a rock I couldn't come here and really just feel warm and fuzzy about how you guys feel. It's sweet to read. What i'd give for a little more positive transference sometimes! arghghghghgh!
I really like my Ts, I (now) find them sweet, love them and love tons about them but they still LOOK in intimidating. They give off a presence that is beautiful and over time it has felt safer and more comfortable and cozy but nothing to do w/ them physically
Maybe that is my version of this. I'm kind of jealous (SORRY to admit!) that people can look at their Ts this way. I feel so broken at relating like I've got a heart made out of a rock. BUT not so dense a rock I couldn't come here and really just feel warm and fuzzy about how you guys feel. It's sweet to read. What i'd give for a little more positive transference sometimes! arghghghghgh!