Hey Cat!

quote:

both of my ts have started referring to getting closer (to them or others) as intimacy. and how i've not experienced that very much, etc.

I think the word "intimate" is often associated with love in a physical relationship and so for that reason it is often falls into the mould of something that is sexual in nature, but you can have an intimate discusion for example and what does that mean? Well for me I would say it means allowing yourself to truly feel and be open enough to allow the other person to feel you as well. Letting your guard down, trusting someone and being completely honest - pretty scary thought if you've been hurt, almost like willfully facing head on what you have always known to be dangerous with your hands behind your back. It won't come naturally if you've been hurt and betrayed by people. I think if you look at the word "intimate" in terms of a conversation for example it takes the "awkwardness" out of it?

Thats my take on it - not sure if that is at all helpful.

B2W

quote:

i'm trying to think of one to correct them with. i think the word intimacy for me is too intimate in itself.

I've had trouble with that word too. Even though I know my T doesn't mean sex when she says it, the fact that it can be used that way makes it feel a bit gross or too much when used to describe emotional closeness. On the other hand, my T was right when she said I've had little experience with "emotional intimacy" (you see she told me the same thing your T told you) so maybe that's why I react to the phrase. I told her some months ago that it was maybe a cheesy concept and that I couldn't even say "emotional intimacy" without rolling my eyes. I said that was maybe a sign I had an issue with it and she agreed.

I chose to say "emotionally close" instead in many cases, but has time has gone on I've grown a bit more comfortable with that other word and use it occasionally now.

I agree. I hate that word. The word in itself is very uncomfortable sounding. Soon as my T uses it, I quit listening. The thing that comes to mind when I hear that word, is exposure. I feel exposed, therefore I hide, I cover up, etc. to get rid of anything that is going to make me feel that uncomfortable.

I think we should come up with a new word and the way I am feeling right now, I think I will use "emotional bs." Ya, that's about right. Negative but very effective in my mind.

Cat,
I have felt the same way, intimacy can carry sexual overtones with me which gets really icky considering my background. Although I get when my T uses it, he does not mean anything sexual by the word. He also tends to talk in terms of my making myself vulnerable more often than he uses intimacy. When we open ourselves to another person, we do make ourselves vulnerable. It just that, contrary to our expectations, being vulnerable does not always end badly. Often it leads to a stronger sense of connection and being accepted.

How about openness or transparency instead? You could ask your T to make the vocab switch.

And sorry about T2 and the email, reason #456 for why Ts really, really need to think through what they offer a client BEFORE they offer it. You could offer to sign a waiver promising never to sue her over email. I'd be both pissed and hurt if my T withdrew using email after so long.

AG

Hey Cat,

I am right there with you - I cringe at the word "intimacy" or "intimate" especially when T refers to it in any way, shape, or form.

I feel like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory - there are so many synonyms for "coitus" why can't there be more ways to describe that "close" relationship without using the "i" word?!

i think my T uses "closeness" a lot which I find easier to tolerate than "intimacy" bc like many of you the latter carries a sexual implication that makes me feel gross. Another option might be "letting me know you"

I'm liking the eye rolls.

The last time my T uttered the word "attachment," I rolled my eyes so badly that she jokingly apologized and mimed trying to stuff the word back into her mouth