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((((Cat)))) I'm so sorry. Some ruptures take so long to work through and pop up even after quite a long time. This one is still pretty recent, so I hope you can go easy on yourself with still being triggered.
I guess the only thing I can reassure you is that there were times you've had ruptures with your Ts (mostly T1?) before and had a hard time with negative transference and being triggered and I have seen how much you have grown in those relationships over time. So, I have confidence that you and T2 can and will work things through.
I wish I could tell you the "how" though. I really hope she hears you, how difficult and painful this is, and can reward the courage of sharing with her attuned and accepting presence. I feel, from listening to how you've described your therapy work, that both of your Ts care for you very deeply!
I guess the only thing I can reassure you is that there were times you've had ruptures with your Ts (mostly T1?) before and had a hard time with negative transference and being triggered and I have seen how much you have grown in those relationships over time. So, I have confidence that you and T2 can and will work things through.
I wish I could tell you the "how" though. I really hope she hears you, how difficult and painful this is, and can reward the courage of sharing with her attuned and accepting presence. I feel, from listening to how you've described your therapy work, that both of your Ts care for you very deeply!
Cat have yiu struggled with separation anxiety and/or had a hard time holding onto a good image of your T between sessions?
I had a major negative transference with my T last year because he moved offices, so instead of being 5 mins away he is 20-35 mins away (and when you go 3-5 times per week that's a massive adjustment). But what hurt the most is hat he could've rented an office much closer to his previous one, but chose to move to where he is now because he wants to work from home.
At the time my marriage was rock, I had an 8 month old son and was recovering from post natal anorexia. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face with the harsh reality that his family are more important than my mental health. I raged on about this for weeks and weeks and then adjusted to the new office over time. I reached a point where I put my rage aside so I could keep working on myself. I gave myself six weeks to adjust and made no promises to him or myself that I'd counties after that point.
I'm still there. I still have the hurt and anger that he put his family ahead of me, along with the Hirt and anger around the boundaries of limited contact, not being able to live in his office and him not visiting me at home when Im Having a rough time.
I slowly realised I was focusing on all of these external constraints to avoid looking at my own issues, to protect myself from the hurt and trauma inside. Once I started to look at my own stuff more closely, I turned a corner on so many levels.
I wonder whether this is something you need to work through on a deeper level. It seems the hurt is still there and that deserves your attention and will lead to healing over time xx
I had a major negative transference with my T last year because he moved offices, so instead of being 5 mins away he is 20-35 mins away (and when you go 3-5 times per week that's a massive adjustment). But what hurt the most is hat he could've rented an office much closer to his previous one, but chose to move to where he is now because he wants to work from home.
At the time my marriage was rock, I had an 8 month old son and was recovering from post natal anorexia. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face with the harsh reality that his family are more important than my mental health. I raged on about this for weeks and weeks and then adjusted to the new office over time. I reached a point where I put my rage aside so I could keep working on myself. I gave myself six weeks to adjust and made no promises to him or myself that I'd counties after that point.
I'm still there. I still have the hurt and anger that he put his family ahead of me, along with the Hirt and anger around the boundaries of limited contact, not being able to live in his office and him not visiting me at home when Im Having a rough time.
I slowly realised I was focusing on all of these external constraints to avoid looking at my own issues, to protect myself from the hurt and trauma inside. Once I started to look at my own stuff more closely, I turned a corner on so many levels.
I wonder whether this is something you need to work through on a deeper level. It seems the hurt is still there and that deserves your attention and will lead to healing over time xx
Briefly cat it sounds like things are really complicated at the moment and its hard to sort out what's mom transference and what's a real concern with T2.
I completely understand the frustration at healing being a slow and non-linear process. I think for someone who tends to have strong protective boundaries and a need for control, therapy ruptures are hard to work through and take time to work through. I'm really sorry your T went off at you over the phone, that wasn't fair or helpful to you. But the fact that she admitted her mistake and wanted to repair things is a major difference to how it would have been with your own mom, and I imagine that would be stirring something somewhere. It is so important to keep your T's outburst in context of all the other good stuff she has done; as you are able to internalise this good stuff more and more and let it in at a deeper level, i Imagine there will be a lot of feelings emerging and you'll start to be able to see your mom and T differently.
Hugs to you xxx
I completely understand the frustration at healing being a slow and non-linear process. I think for someone who tends to have strong protective boundaries and a need for control, therapy ruptures are hard to work through and take time to work through. I'm really sorry your T went off at you over the phone, that wasn't fair or helpful to you. But the fact that she admitted her mistake and wanted to repair things is a major difference to how it would have been with your own mom, and I imagine that would be stirring something somewhere. It is so important to keep your T's outburst in context of all the other good stuff she has done; as you are able to internalise this good stuff more and more and let it in at a deeper level, i Imagine there will be a lot of feelings emerging and you'll start to be able to see your mom and T differently.
Hugs to you xxx