Personal safety
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((((CAT))))
Can you give an example of what exactly it is that you want her to do?
Can you give an example of what exactly it is that you want her to do?
I am not trying to be casual and I know that this isn't in anyway going to help you but the thought I had reading your last post was it reminds me of therapists who want to heal things by talking when a client might find touch healing. I can understand your frustration because I would hate to be distracted from a direct request like that. No matter what kind of therapy modality that a therapist uses I would hope that they would also be open to talking about things.
(((CAT)))
I don't know about you but when I feel like someone is stonewalling me, it only makes me angry and makes me want to talk about it more. I almost become obsessed with it. Those feelings then become much larger than the issue I wanted to talk about. It feels so invalidating. What you want to talk about is important.
What does trigger avoidant mean? Can you share what you want to talk about with us? Do you need to know that she cares? Or is it a general, you'd like to talk about the relationship more, in every session?
When you say she has hurt you, is that from the past rupture or more current?
Does she let you talk about other things?
I don't know about you but when I feel like someone is stonewalling me, it only makes me angry and makes me want to talk about it more. I almost become obsessed with it. Those feelings then become much larger than the issue I wanted to talk about. It feels so invalidating. What you want to talk about is important.
What does trigger avoidant mean? Can you share what you want to talk about with us? Do you need to know that she cares? Or is it a general, you'd like to talk about the relationship more, in every session?
When you say she has hurt you, is that from the past rupture or more current?
Does she let you talk about other things?
Hey there,
Were you able to discuss issues in the relationship before the rupture? No worries about explaining too much. It helps me to understand the situation. Does this sum it up?: Your usual pattern played out with her in December and you want to talk about it but she keeps ignoring it and you are also afraid that she's going to take it personally and attack you again?
It sounds like neither of you have completely recovered from the rupture in December. If you had to clue her in to all those things, I can see why you would be feeling like you're the therapist. It sounds like she took things personally. Cat, she lost her shit with you. She might not have a very high level of integrative capacity herself.
She might be intimidated by you. People trust confidence and that's hard to pull off when you feel insecure inside. People who are perceptive will pick up those feelings of insecurity. Maybe she's trying to hide her own feelings of insecurity?
Could it be because of the rupture in December that she's avoiding focusing on the relationship too much? Could she be avoiding the topic because it might trigger something for her, aside from your relationship, about her life being so out of control in December?
She might have learned that the somatic work is where her forte is and is simply concentrating on that and not on other things that are outside of her training.
I felt a bit like I was in charge of my therapy and it was pretty annoying too so I know how you feel. I know my T is really smart so I didn't think it was a matter of his intelligence. I wound up bringing in the articles on the phases of trauma treatment and we went over it together, where I am at and what we need to do. It was so incredibly helpful for both of us. I know now that we are both on the same page.
Can you pinpoint what is it she is lacking? Is it her intelligence, her ability to be attune with you, her capacity to empathize? Maybe if you can pinpoint that, it will help you figure out how to deal with it. Especially after December, you have to be careful to discuss it with her so she doesn't feel she's being attacked. What is incompetent anyway? Can you list the positive things you like about her and the areas where you feel she's competent?
Is she young? If her personal life is that out of control, do you really want her as your therapist? I have to have faith in and believe my T is competent in order to work with them.
Were you able to discuss issues in the relationship before the rupture? No worries about explaining too much. It helps me to understand the situation. Does this sum it up?: Your usual pattern played out with her in December and you want to talk about it but she keeps ignoring it and you are also afraid that she's going to take it personally and attack you again?
It sounds like neither of you have completely recovered from the rupture in December. If you had to clue her in to all those things, I can see why you would be feeling like you're the therapist. It sounds like she took things personally. Cat, she lost her shit with you. She might not have a very high level of integrative capacity herself.
She might be intimidated by you. People trust confidence and that's hard to pull off when you feel insecure inside. People who are perceptive will pick up those feelings of insecurity. Maybe she's trying to hide her own feelings of insecurity?
Could it be because of the rupture in December that she's avoiding focusing on the relationship too much? Could she be avoiding the topic because it might trigger something for her, aside from your relationship, about her life being so out of control in December?
She might have learned that the somatic work is where her forte is and is simply concentrating on that and not on other things that are outside of her training.
I felt a bit like I was in charge of my therapy and it was pretty annoying too so I know how you feel. I know my T is really smart so I didn't think it was a matter of his intelligence. I wound up bringing in the articles on the phases of trauma treatment and we went over it together, where I am at and what we need to do. It was so incredibly helpful for both of us. I know now that we are both on the same page.
Can you pinpoint what is it she is lacking? Is it her intelligence, her ability to be attune with you, her capacity to empathize? Maybe if you can pinpoint that, it will help you figure out how to deal with it. Especially after December, you have to be careful to discuss it with her so she doesn't feel she's being attacked. What is incompetent anyway? Can you list the positive things you like about her and the areas where you feel she's competent?
Is she young? If her personal life is that out of control, do you really want her as your therapist? I have to have faith in and believe my T is competent in order to work with them.
(((CAT)))
I'd have a hard time trusting her too after what happened. I'd be scared. It sounds like there might be some negative transference towards you going on for her. It doesn't sound good. If T1 thinks she was so triggered for about 6 months, why do you think she's encouraging you to stay and work it out? It just doesn't sound promising.
I'd have a hard time trusting her too after what happened. I'd be scared. It sounds like there might be some negative transference towards you going on for her. It doesn't sound good. If T1 thinks she was so triggered for about 6 months, why do you think she's encouraging you to stay and work it out? It just doesn't sound promising.
((((CAT))))
Yes, I can see how it would be healing. That's what I went through with my T. It was an exact enactment of my childhood and when T realized what was going on, he was able to validate my experience - something my parents could never do. It was incredibly healing.
I'm just wondering, though, how T2 will be able to validate your experience or somehow convince you that she knows what she's doing or that she won't hurt you again.
Have you told her that you are afraid she is going to hurt you again?
Yes, I can see how it would be healing. That's what I went through with my T. It was an exact enactment of my childhood and when T realized what was going on, he was able to validate my experience - something my parents could never do. It was incredibly healing.
I'm just wondering, though, how T2 will be able to validate your experience or somehow convince you that she knows what she's doing or that she won't hurt you again.
Have you told her that you are afraid she is going to hurt you again?
(((CAT)))
I understand.
quote:She really, truly, broke my heart.
I understand.