I still struggle with reading negative stuff into T's text communications, but I think I'm better than I used to be. I will make an effort to try to imagine her saying those things in the most positive way possible, but it doesn't always work, so I often have to ask her ridiculous stuff along the lines of "by saying you appreciate what I said, did you mean to say you could barely tolerate even listening to it and you found it to be a total waste of your time?"

I guess it's its own kind of therapy, learning to read stuff without assuming the absolute worst...

I can really relate to this, Catalyst. I don't email my T often, but when I do, I usually feel worse when I read her response. She has told me I can call or email her whenever..so I *know* she's not annoyed, frustrated, etc. But on an emotional level, I am so scared that she is just over it. She always responds to my emails, usually with a few sentences. She's usually pretty to the point, but also supportive. I don't know, I don't even know what I want exactly. I mean, conveying emotions and unconditional positive regard through emails seems hard to do. My T's boundaries are somewhat flexible, but she's also really professional. She's not going to be gushing in her emails and xoxo-ing all over the place haha. I haven't told her how I feel about her responses because I rarely email her. But it definitely is something I have thought about. I should be happy that she responds and is so open with contact! But I'm always so disappointed, for some reason. I do know I'm lucky I can email her...just gotta stop obsessing.

So yeah, I have no advice or anything helpful to say! Just can totally relate.

RT it seems like you are awfully harsh toward yourself. I am learning about mindfulness in my therapy and the main tenant of it is compassion toward oneself because it is through this self compassion that you can in turn give compassion to others.

RT it seems that you have a great deal of anguish about outside contact and how you T should respond and I'm so sorry that you suffer so much with this. I had a bad termination with my oldT and it took a very long time to trust my current T. Having been hurt by a T makes EVERYTHING so much more difficult. I also had "rules" but my T laughs and teases me about them because they are not his rules and we go by his rules and not mine. Mine are SO much harsher than his are. He reminds me often that I am not the one who controls things (that is so hard to get used to and accept) and that I need to stop making up my own rules (that I don't share with him... they are unspoken and exist only in my head LOL).

Contact is a tricky thing to navigate and that is why open communication and negotiation on this topic is so important.

Hugs
TN

RT i know the feeling but you're neither stupid or worthless. sorry so slow on the responsee

RT

Shoot! I am so sorry! I honestly didn't see this until now. Just want you to know that I was not ignoring you!

It's hard to articulate but in a way the tight restrictions you set down with your T seems to be a projection of how you may be very harsh on yourself. Like a way of projecting. I can understand why she took the risk and responded to you because you told her not to respond even though you WANTED her to respond. That is a double message and I can see why she took the risk. And this is hard to say but I can see where she may be feeling punished by you for reaching out.

That's all. I don't mean to change the subject on this thread!

Anyway just wanted to get back to ya.

Turtle

Oops I misread that.

I do understand that Tomato, I myself am struggling terribly with this concept of contact outside of therapy. The last T I had was very very strange about it. Contacted me every single day whether I requested it or not. And this went on for over a year! So I am so confused about this contact stuff. This new T seems to be the most restrictive as far as that is concerned and it is so difficult for me to discuss with her.

Therapy can be so painful

Thanks for asking.

It was a weird situation. My mom died and that is what started it. She called me every single day from that point on. I could even understand calling for a few days after my mom died as I was devastated but then it went on and on. And oddly rather than feeling like a feast, it started to feel really depressing and I began to not really care about her or the calls. I began to miss sessions etc. So strange when I have thought for so many years that increased attention would make me so happy but rather it made me feel indifferent to her at best. She crossed other boundaries as well.

This new one though, oh wow has it been difficult. My problem is that to go for an entire week with no contact what-so-ever after talking about such personal and painful things just feels so impossible to me. I mean I feel I can't continue to be that vulnerable with that little of contact. It is something that she and I are discussing right now and I would LOVE to avoid the topic all together. For me it is humiliating to want something so badly from someone who can't or won't give it to me. (It's an issue I am working on!)