(((monte))) bless your heart for starting this thread! i am emotionally constipated in therapy on a regular basis and have wondered this same thing! if i came in a little inebriated, defenses down, would things work out a little better? would our connection be better? it's not funny, because alcohol is an issue for me, but it is real, because what alcohol provides for me is real. so in that regard it's not funny at all. i'll back out for now, but will follow your thread.

Well... I guess I am irresponsible about this, so I did it, a few times: 2 months ago I was feeling really low and absolutely unable to talk/open to my T, trapped in my "I must not say anything, it is wrong". So, I had quite the same thought as you.

****what follows is not advice, just my experience****
So I am quite a teetotaler as well, and I go to my T by foot, so there was not safety issue, and I didn't need too much alcohol to make me tipsy (meaning, I can talk, speak, but the world is less... stable, and I am less stuck in my thought process, I can have access to feeling more easily).
So I prepared, drank before the session (I did it for the 3 last sessions before the break).

And the sad thing is that it partly worked. My defenses were busy keeping the tipsiness in check, and therefore were not directed against my T. So I could talk more freely. Even if it was also frustrating (feeling my thoughts being slow, and afterwards, the fact that it was a bit blurry) I don't think it would work if I did it more often however, I would get used to it, and develop new defenses. But ponctually, it helped. I do guess it is not a "reasonable" answer.

I think I should broach the subject with T when I go back, but I am not sure I will.

Good luck, and... talk about it with T?

(((Monte)))

Seems you are not the only one to think along these lines Monte. I've had the same thoughts here and there. I'm not a major drinker so it would be completely out of character for me to do that. Having said that I know for myself one beer would not suffice, in the sense that I would not feel at all tipsy after that. I said I'm not a major drinker but I do drink socially so for example I had 2 glasses of wine today while out at dinner. Just a thought but if you are serious about it why don't you do a "test" drink on another day that you are not going to therapy see how one drink makes you feel and then follow your instincts from there. It's impossible for anyone to give you an idea of how much is too much or too little for you. It also depends on how quickly you drink it and what you have eaten beforehand. I think a test drink and then you can make up your mind as to how much and also if you still want to go through with it.

B2W

For an alternative suggestion, maybe ask if you can start your session with 5-10 minutes of guided relaxation?

I also don't drink. I didn't drink at all for the years between 16 and 30, and since then, only a couple of times a year I'll have a single drink. I think, as much as I might be tempted (I'm also pretty locked up emotionally, or at least have been limited to the anxiety spectrum), I wouldn't want to induce that state in myself chemically, personally.

There is a lot of addiction in my family, and in H's, and I'm afraid not that it wouldn't work and I'd be disappointed...but that it would work. If it worked, and provided temporary relief, I don't think it would continue to work in "non-tipsy" sessions, so I would be very tempted to continue to use that to be able to feel safe (or less inhibited) connecting to my T and release those emotions. It's also possible, as others said, that the defenses would adjust. My T and I did some relaxation techniques before a few sessions and it didn't take long for my need for control to assert itself over that too. Or it's possible, I would just have the overwhelming anxiety in the hours or days afterward, from sharing something that I would not have been otherwise ready to share.

It's not that I don't understand what a relief and don't have that temptation myself, but it might be to just let it go, but I don't see it providing any lasting help, and those are the sort of changes I'm going for. I definitely wouldn't judge anyone who is desperate to find a way to get this stuff out and to connect and not be so locked down. It's torture being in that sort of trap.

I have had the same thoughts as well, my tongue becomes loose when I drink!!! Never done it yet though but I would love to be a fly on the wall if I did it

I have been having these very same thoughts lately. I will lock up right in the middle of a sentence in session. T told me this week I sometimes drive her nuts because she gets the feeling I am real close to something, she is already to hear it and I stop. Drives me nuts too. I do think she might be a tad pissed at me if I tried though.

I do think it would be hard to say how much to drink that would be helpful for someone else. I would need at least two glasses of wine and probably that much beer but I can't drink two beers, I can't get two beers down and then I would have to get up and pee during session because it has that effect on me. It would be a great test if you could walk there and home like About.

Good luck Monte. I know your frustrations and it is exhausting.

(((Monte))) I'm right there with you...apart from I know I couldn't even drive after a mere inch or two of any alcohol cos I'm a real lightweight. BUT I very gently lose a few inhibitions if I have a drink (which is not very often because I have had bad experiences as a child from those drunk around me) and feel way more confident. Despite my T saying she sees the real me in sessions, I know she doesn't completely; for several reasons I hold back and am far more reserved and introverted than I am IRL.

So I can really see why you feel a drink might give you a bit more confidence...I think the trial run idea with the amount is definitely worth a go as my reservation would be with your safety and driving. Please keep us posted.

Take care,

starfishy

It might be safer, and more effective if you discussed with your T the use of a tranquilizer pre session. You could experiment with a small dose when you are safe at home, and take it half an hour prior to a session.

T could hand out the next dose for your following session. In that way there would be no threat of abusing the med.

When pre session anxiety got the better of me I took the tranquilizer with very good results.

Valium was effective.

Monte, based on my own experience in therapy with using even mild sedatives/tranquilizers, I would not recommend doing this. When I was having terrible issues at work I could not sit at my desk without a very small dose of Xanax. It was fine at the office but one day I had a lunch time session with T and it did not go well mostly because I could not feel ANYTHING AT ALL. The Xanax shut me down even further and it was as if nothing T said had any impact on me and I was extremely out of touch with my feelings. I told T and he said that the meds were doing their job but he would not recommend my using them during therapy as they caused such a shut down of my emotions.

I had a similar issue with oldT when I was using another tranquilizer in anticipation of my surgery which had me very anxious. I was totally unable to articulate anything I needed to say. It was there in my head but I could not speak it.

Don't know that I would recommend the alcohol but that concern is mostly about your safety in driving and even walking

Hugs
TN

devil's advocate here (who me?). I think this is a pretty neat idea. One of my T's used to recommend that I drink MORE (in relation to work blocks) and actually it worked pretty well once in a while. But I'm not much of a drinker and not addiction-prone, so we both knew that a glass of wine now and then was no danger. But I wonder if in doing a test run you would end up over-determining the whole thing and feeling as controlled as you do now? What if you just jump in and do it? To me that seems more in keeping with the spirit of the exercise.

If you still feel weird after the session go for a walk before driving. A beer won't put you over the limit. And you don't have to finish the beer, either, if a few sips does the trick.

The only danger I can imagine is your protectors jumping in and hammering you afterwards for loosening up. But you could always tell them to stuff off - could you?

Yup. The thing that was actually helpful to me in it was just sorta breaking some internal rules and habits. Like ok, f'it, let's see what happens. Good luck!

Hi,
I have actually tried this myself, a bit. I've had a shot before therapy. It didn't seem to do much for me in terms of making me feel more active in my session, but it certainly wasn't a problem. Also, I feel that knowing me, if I really did feel affected by the alcohol in a significant way, my inhibitions would be let down so much that I know I would tell T that I had been drinking. I am a big confessor when buzzed. I love telling the truth even when not buzzed, so I might definitely tell. Which is OK, but maybe you might keep that in mind also.

Another thought I have for myself sometimes, to try to guard against being shut down and dull in session is to do a big strenuous workout right before therapy. Sometimes I feel so open and relaxed and energized after running or Bikram yoga and stuff. Yeah, there is more of a timing issue to contend with there and also there is the issue of how sweaty can you be in therapy, but I feel that for someone like me, who really feels better with exercise, it might make a difference. Not sure if you enjoy exercise the same way. It's another option maybe.

Hey Monte,

Does T know how you feel about him? Every single little thought and feeling? Has this all been communicated via email? And not in session?

If he does know the full extent of your feelings but it's all only been communicated via email, maybe that's the problem right there. You can't grieve the childhood stuff with him because you have kind of bypassed (via email) what it is about him and your relationship that is triggering it. It might seem like it's about childhood but I bet a chunk of it is in the here and now. Does that make sense? You are trying to go around it instead of through it. Just a thought. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Oh and p.s., my last T, the woman, actually told me to go have a glass of wine the night she double booked me. She said, "go have a glass a wine and then come back in 45 minutes." I thought the whole thing was a set-up so that I would do exactly what you want to do: open up. I went and had a cup of tea with caffeine. She looked horrified when I told her that. I never did ask her why but she probably thought I didn't need to be any more wound up than I already was. LOL!

WOW monte, your last post here - except for the exercise reference - is identical to my stuff. I think my T would BEG me to have a glass of wine before a session at the moment - at least I might say a word!

you brave devil, you! let us know how it goes, and good luck! i hope you get the results you're hoping for! (((monte))) bring your sunglasses! haha!

maybe Red wine isn't the deal? Maybe vodka mixed with an energy drink? (did i really say that out loud?).

Monte--sorry it didn't work. Sometimes I run up and down the back stairs of my Ts building for like ten minutes before session just to try to keep myself from freezing up and going dead in the head.
I hope you find something that works.