Hi Tygr (love the username by the way )

Welcome to the forums, I’m really glad you decided to post. I am sorry that you’ve had a forced ending to therapy, those can be especially tough. I worked with my first T for over 20 years (which you would think would be long enough to finish, but I’m a little slow. ) but it had to end when she retired to pursue other directions. She was wonderful about it and gave me plenty of time to process BUT the work wasn’t done, and it was a difficult loss as she was very important to me. People who have never been in therapy and formed a deep relationship with a therapist, just don’t get it. When you talk about it, I think they tend to think what they would feel like if they didn’t see their dentist or mechanic again; the severity of the loss completely escapes them. The theraputic relationship is, to quote my T, an “odd duck.” Not quite like any other relationship. There is something of everything in it: parent, lover, friend, mentor but it’s not quite any of those things. But many people here do understand that your loss is very real and very difficult.

I would agree with FOT, that seeing another therapist, if you can afford it, would be a good idea. You are going to be doing a lot of grieving and having the support of someone who understands your grief would be really helpful. My husband and I were seeing his T (who I later worked with alone) when my T retired and it really helped me that he knew how major a loss I faced when no one else got it. I ended up going on to work with him for a number of years and did a lot of healing. I left going regularly about 10 months ago (although my T is still very available and I’ve been back around 4 times when I’ve had something I felt I needed help with. Or when missing him got to acutely painful.) by my choice as it felt like our work was complete. When my first T retired, I thought no way would I ever find someone else that I could be so close to, or work with like that. I actually ended up in an even deeper and more intimate relationship with my present T. I am so very grateful for both of them as I would not have been able to work with my present T, who is male, if I had not first done the work with my first T, a woman. So I just want you to know, that even though this is difficult and hurts, there is life beyond the grief.

Please keep writing here and getting support to go through this. Looking forward to learning more of your story.

AG

Thank you FOT and AG

I've been reading Shrink Lady's website for a while but it was only when I was googling about the impending termination that I found this place and I'm glad I did. There isn't anyone else in my life that has been in therapy except my ex.... And funnily enough the ending with my counsellor brought up all sorts of stuff about my relationship break-up. I ended up contacting my ex and have managed to untangle some of the feelings that are really about that and those that are about the end of therapy but am still left with two open cans of worms.

And now all I want to do is go and talk to my T about it and tell her about the stuff with my ex that came up. And how I feel about ending with her. But I can't!

It took me ages to become attached. When we had a break she would ask me about it at the next session and I'd be "yeah, we had a break - so?". But I get it now. I think that's why I'm reluctant to start something time limited with someone else. It took me at least 2 years to open up and trust the first T. On the other hand, the potential new one is a Jungian analyst and there aren't too many of them that work outside London and I think I should maybe take my chance to work with her while I can. I've read a lot of Jung and I'd love to give it a go.

I still have to negotiate a fee so I'm not sure yet if I can afford it. My financial situation is in flux right now! I got made redundant in January, decided to go back to uni as a mature student, and so am living off redundancy money without income. I've just got a very part time job that starts in a couple of weeks but I'm concerned about what happens once my redundancy money runs out. I need to do a budget but I can't quite bring myself to face up to it.

Thanks again for your responses. I hope to reply to others once I pluck up some more courage.

Tygr
x

So, another month on.

I started to feel better about things and then I got a lot worse, particularly the last couple of weeks. Nothing major, just not feeling hopeful or happy and everyday life events getting on top of me: lots of tears.

I treated myself to a massage yesterday, where I burst into tears at the beginning and cried a lot of the way through. But during the massage when I was feeling calmer and floaty, I was thinking about contacting and seeing another T and I think it is what I want to do, even though I have doubts.

So I've just emailed one. I know - hardly a huge leap forward but it's a step and one I've been dithering about for ages. I've asked him about his approach and his price. Both of which I'll then use as excuses to talk myself out of arranging an appointment! But hey, like I said, it's a start.

Good news and bad news.

Good news: he's replied to my email already.

Bad news: he's not taking on new referrals.

But he has offered to help me find someone else if I give him a call. I'm quite scared of using the phone. I much prefer email but I will try to call him. My other option is several miles away and he might know someone closer.

oh, I hope so much he can help you find someone really good. I know how scary it is to pick up the phone. yikes! Thinking of you and hoping it goes well, tygr!

BB

I'm sorry if this thread is dull and I'm struggling a lot at the moment with needing to talk about what's going on but thinking I'm bothering, boring or burdening people if I do.

I just re-read this thread again and am surprised that I seemed to have made the decision to contact the Jungian T back in July. I never did. The one I contacted was a referral from my GP and practices much closer to home than the Jungian T. He's the one who offered to help me find someone else. One of my concerns about the Jungian T is the distance from my house she practices and the practicalities and cost of travelling there every week. Although really that is just an excuse.

I just called him and my heart was pounding while the phone was ringing. It went to voicemail and I didn't leave a message. He and his wife run a bed and breakfast and it's that line that he uses. It didn't seem right leaving my details on a machine that anyone could listen to.

((((tygr)))))

Your thread is not dull. Sometimes threads get buried and lost under new ones. I'm sorry you haven't gotten many replies, I hope that doesn't discourage you from continuing to post here. Nobody here is ever a burden.


I'm sorry you are still struggling with the termination of your therapy. Even though you knew it was coming in advance, its still a loss.

I'm wondering if you could call the T back on the B&B line and just leave a simple message saying you would like a call back and leave your phone number or email address but not provide any details? Or perhaps just keep trying until someone answers.

Hi LadyGrey

Thanks for your response and the hug. Have one back (((LG)))

Oh no - don't worry. I'm grateful for the replies I have and there isn't much to say really so I don't expect more. I know some people are going through some harrowing stuff and I'm not. And I haven't disclosed a lot of details. I wouldn't know what to say really. So it's hard for other people to get involved. I appreciate that.

It's not so much having trouble with the termination now I don't think. Although, I miss having my oldT to talk to it's true. The initial sadness and hurt has definitely eased but I still fantasise about contacting her. I wouldn't though.

It's more that I think I need a new T to help me get more from life and move forwards. I'm having a lot of anxiety and tear filled days and some of it has a reason that I can pin it to and some of it doesn't. I'm feeling quite lost, not really sure where I'm going and I'm very lonely. I know I'm not over a load of childhood and teenage stuff which is holding me back from forming healthy relationships. And I'm going through a lot of life changes so could do with some support and reassurance right now. I suppose I just want to feel a bit happier, a bit safer and more contented in my day to day existence.

I'm interested in holistic and spiritual healing processes (hence a fascination with Jung) and I think I have a big resistance about whether therapy is even the right healing approach for me at all. If money was no object I would be going for it but unfortunately money is causing me anxiety right now and I know that therapy is a slow process and will take a lot of time and commitment that I'm scared about taking again.

I'm tearing up even writing this post. I just feel a bit like I'm bobbing around in the ocean and maybe there's a safe island just over the horizon but I'm not sure which direction to swim in to get there and if I strike off in the wrong direction, I'll just be getting further away from it. Treading water is unsatisfying and exhausting but what I'm used to so I'll just keep doing it for a bit longer.

just re-reading that. Wondering if maybe the process of swimming, even if it is in the "wrong" direction is worth it as it's better to be trying to do something to feel better than nothing at all.

Oh dear. I will call him back. I had a friend staying with me all weekend so today was the first day I could try. I'm not sure whether it's acceptable to call in the evening so I might try later if I feel brave enough. If not, maybe it's worth just making an initial appointment with JungianT. I've at least had email contact already with her. And one appointment is no commitment to anything more is it.

Tygr - I am interested in following what you do in the next few days and weeks because I am starting back on the same path with a new T. I have jumped back with one I saw years ago - it is all new and scary all over again.

Hey Somedays. I saw your thread. Congratulations on reconnecting with your old T!

Progress is much slower here. I called the T again yesterday and spoke to his wife. She's going to ask him to call me back.

Had an emotional day again yesterday so I think I need to have someone professional to talk to again. Still talking myself in and out of it in equal measure.

He hasn't called. It's nearly 9 p.m. here in the UK so I don't think he'll call back today. I know I could have called him but his wife did say yesterday that he would call as soon as she passed on the message. Hmmm.

I think it's worth talking to him as hopefully he knows all the therapists working in the area (it's rural so I can't find many by searching on the internet and none of them have websites) and will be able to recommend some once we've had a chat.

But if not, I'm leaning towards contacting JungianT and asking for an initial appointment. I'll keep you posted.

Hmmm...I've hear that it is good to give a T three days to respond and beyond that they might be a super busy T which might be hard to work with..idk. I hope he calls back, but the other one sounds good too. I hope you are feeling some relief from the awful sadness of it all.
btw, welcome to the forum, it's nice to meet you...

hug,

BB

Thanks BB. I already know this guy won't take me on as he's not taking on new clients. So all I'm going to get from him is some referrals. But that will help if he knows people close by (who I haven't found).

I had a dream about oldT last night. We had a session and then somehow after the session we got chatting (which NEVER happened in real life) and we ended up with her driving me home, while she was talking on the phone using a hands free kit and I found out loads about her life. Then I offered to cook her a roast dinner and she agreed. Before the meat was cooked though my parents turned up and she realised she had to leave. I woke up when we were driving her to the station so she could go home.

Until the point she bolted it was a lovely dream and I wonder if this is a step towards internalising the experience I had with her. I haven't felt that before. I was feeling that the work we did is in the past and I don't carry her with me. Definitely a lot of wish fulfilment in that dream!

Nice dream Tygr. I was having a lot of dreams like this with my old T. Except when I told her about them , she would freak as she would interpret them differently to how i did......

Wait a while for the T to get back to you and then place another call. Even if you know that he isn't taking people on, get his input about who is working in the area and who is available. Use this T for help.

You never know - some situations change quickly - you just have to keep trying.

Once I found out this week that I was going to see OLDT again - even if it was for her to keep me safe - I felt more at peace. It makes such a huge difference to be linked in.

He emailed me this evening to apologise. He lost my phone number! But he asked me to email him and he will call me tomorrow.

I nearly called JungianT today but didn't. Now, if he doesn't recommend anyone that sounds promising, I can contact her ASAP next week.

Getting there slowly.

This is only building up to making an appointment. Can't imagine what I'll be like if I actually meet someone.

I did it all in 2008 to find OldT so it's not new but still not easy.

I'm sorry but I'm really struggling with the stress of all this now. I keep crying. I keep thinking about oldT and I want to contact her but I think it would be violating her boundaries if I tried and I don't think I could take it if she didn't get back to me. We had a no out of session contact policy but occasionally I emailed the place where she worked. Once, I was in crisis and thought maybe therapy was hindering rather than helping and emailed the counselling manager several times in the same week (TRIGGERS I was panicking, feeling suicidal, not sleeping END TRIGGERS) and she was very strict with me saying that I was harming the relationship with my T by and had to take all this 'material' to my sessions. I had no way of contacting my actual T about it because I don't have a phone number or an email address for her. I strongly got the impression that I was doing something wrong by trying to get extra support/ input outside my allotted 50 minutes. Now I've been terminated, I don't think I'm "allowed" to contact the counselling practice at all any more. I tried to ask this in my last few sessions but I was too scared to ask it openly. My T did give the impression that once we finished I couldn't contact her again.

Listening to some of you talking about emailing and texting your Ts and going back to old T's for more sessions, it doesn't seem fair that I can't do that. I feel so alone with all of this.

I know my oldT is on facebook and LinkedIn so this is the only way I could contact her. That would be wrong wouldn't it?

The reason I'm upset is because I spoke to the local T and he gave me two names of people who are as far away as Jungian T. I've looked them up on the internet and am not particularly drawn to either of them, not that there's much to go on. He said that they're both very experienced. I was too shy on the phone to tell him what any of my issues are. He did say that I could go and see him for half an hour - I don't see the point of that really - I think he wanted me to tell him why I was looking for therapy as he said sometimes it's easier to talk face to face but he wouldn't give me anything other than the referrals he has as he's already told me he can't take me on. He said he used to have a large practice 5 years ago but now things are complicated to explain. I said he didn't have to explain. It's a shame as he is only a few miles away and it would be so convenient if I could see him regularly. But maybe he's ill or retired or anything...

I need to probably contact all 3 names I have and make introductory appointments and see who I gel with most. But that feels so stressful and scary. Now I know I need to pay for the petrol to travel to see them as well as the cost of the session, I need to decide if I can really afford it. Another option is to wait until October when I'll be attending uni in a city several days a week and see someone there on a uni day when I'll be travelling anyway. Aaggghhhh. Not sure what to do.

Hi draggers

Thank you for responding. Oh my - 16 years is a long time - that must be so hard. I'm pleased you've found good new people to work with.

quote:

can i ask tygr what you want to contact her for.do you need to get reassurance , help or what exactly or just to feel that connection again cos you are missing her?

This made me think. I suppose I want her to know how much I'm missing her and for her to acknowledge that. So if I did contact her, I would want her to get back to me and say something comforting and reassuring. But mostly I want her to help me decide what to do and get me settled with someone new. Which she wouldn't do anyway. She'd ask me what I feel I need and encourage me to act accordingly. And she'd say that I know what I need and it's important to listen to those needs.

But I feel in a mass of anxiety and confusion and I don't know what I need. Well maybe that's not true. I want someone to talk to and support me but am not sure if I can afford it and whether it'll cause more stress down the line when my redundancy money runs out (which won't take much longer). But on the other hand, I'm tearful, anxious and low and have a big change coming up with uni so would like to nip that in the bud now if I can.

I haven't spoken to any of them by phone. I get anxious about using the phone so I prefer to do things by email initially or face to face. I think Jungian T is my preference and we have had email contact. I have two reservations. She's the second furthest away and she can only offer 2 years as she won't be working in the area after that. Also she wasn't recommended by local T but then that doesn't necessarily mean much.

I almost emailed her just now setting out my concerns and asking for an initial appointment but then I froze again and didn't do it.

Oh and as for writing to oldT. I think that's a really good idea but I'm hoping to do that after 6 months or so - maybe at Christmas and hopefully to tell her that things are going well and that I'm settled. If I wrote to her in an emotional mess then I'd feel like I was manipulating her into contacting me and it would undo the positive note that we left on. Or I'd have to write to her again anyway when I felt better about things to say that actually I am ok afterall which would be more messy. Oh I don't know. I don't seem to be a person who finds life simple.

OMG. I've just sent Jungian T a long email setting out my concerns about the distance, the limited time and the cost but asking if she could see my for one or two initial sessions to help me work out what I want and to see whether we'd be able to work together on a longer term basis if we decided to.

She's been the one that I've been most drawn to for several months and was the one I discussed approaching before I finished with the last T. So, all I'm committing to is a maximum of 2 sessions, which is a maximum of £90 (eek!). And because I've been open about all my concerns up front she might be able to address some of them i.e. whether there'd be any flexibility over when I could fit in sessions once I start at uni and have my timetable fixed and whether there's any negotiation over the price.

And anyway. I might meet her and just know that she's not the right person.

Can you tell I have commitment issues??!!

Phew, progress at last though.

Hi

Quick update. Heard back from Jungian T. She could see me as quickly as this Wednesday but unfortunately the appointment is in the middle of the day and I have to work so I can't take it I'm very disappointed.

So, it'll have to be next Wednesday instead. I've already cleared it with work that I won't work that day.

However, she did say that if I wanted to see someone closer, she would also recommend one of the same Ts the maleT did (are you following all this?!).

Arrgh. I'm going to be brave and ring her tomorrow so we can talk it through. I'm feeling less fragile than I did at the weekend so I think I can cope with a phone call. So gutted I can't go on Wednesday.

Hi

I'm seeing Jungian T on Wednesday for an hour and a quarter session. Partly because of having that appointment scheduled, my anxiety has calmed down a lot.

I rang her and she seemed nice but was careful to mention the price of sessions a couple of times so I think that means that it's non negotiable. As a result, I don't think I can afford to see her regularly. Unless I decide we're such a good fit that I should shuffle my finances to afford it. I'm keeping my options open and I'll discuss it with her and see what happens. I might even be feeling brave enough to do a proper budget so I know where I stand. I've done overtime on my part time job this week. It all helps.

I've also spoken to the university disability service and they've suggested I see my GP to see whether he'll write a letter so I can apply for disabled student's allowance - a government benefit to put towards equipment but sadly not therapy, which is really what I need. But if it helps with books then that's money saved that I could spend on therapy. I was signed off sick from work for 6 months last year with an episode of anxiety and depression. I'm able to work part time now but the way I've handled the last few weeks has shaken me a lot and I'm concerned that I could have another episode. If the GP won't write the letter to say that it still affects me then so be it. I don't think of myself as disabled and I don't want to take services that I'm not entitled to. On the other hand, I'm going to university because I don't feel able to cope with a full time job - so that would suggest that I am still affected. If I didn't have my redundancy payout, I'd be forced to work full time and would probably be struggling.

The uni offers a short term counselling service and mentor support so I might be able to make use of those services. Which isn't the same as long term therapy but it's something.

I don't know whether I should try to prepare for my first session on Wednesday or just go along and see what comes up? I don't know if she will be the kind of T who asks questions or just expects me to talk like my last T. If it's the latter then I should prepare.

Oh well. This is a ramble. Only 3 days til I'm back in therapy, even if it is only one session for now.

Heylo tygr, nice to meet you..

I think you must give yourself a lot of credit for being brave and working on getting yourself a new T. Having just read this thread from the start you have made loads of progress already. You rock!

Good luck on Wednesday with your session wtih JungianT - my threapist has some Jungian training and I found that approach was really helpful for me (don't think it's everyones cup of tea). I know most analysts on the BACP.co.uk website don't have that approach in their stable but you could try a search on there and see if any do that are near you?

Also, I'm with Draggers (oh and Hi Draggers nice to meet you!) being all for taking advantage of the Uni counsellors - could be just the short term support you need to help get you sorted with the right new T that will work for you - both approach wise and money/travel time wise.

Best of luck with Weds - and do update us on how it goes and how you are coping!

Hugs

Hello Annie. Nice to meet you too and thank you to you and Draggers for your posts.

So, this time tomorrow I will be just finishing up the session. I've been thinking a bit about how to approach it and I don't think I can go in and say "this is my problem" because I think everything is still too tangled up for that and it seems like there are several things that I'd like to improve, some of which matter more than others and many, I'm sure, are trivial. I don't want to concentrate the session on just one thing that isn't the right thing to talk about (oh the age old therapy problem eh?!). I've thought about a few opening gambits but hopefully she'll help to me to say what needs to be said and we'll see what flows on the day.

I think there's a risk that I'll put too much emphasis on getting somewhere in just one or two sessions, which will put an unrealistic expectation on what we can do in that time and then I'll be disappointed. I think it's best to go along with the idea of getting to know her and her style and to see whether we could work together. Thinking back to when I found oldT, I saw 3 or 4 therapists first. One I would have considered working with but was much too expensive and the others I knew straight away wouldn't work for me. So there's always the possibility I'll feel that way tomorrow.

Still, nothing ventured nothing gained. I'm excited I think. No anxiety yet...

I do have to keep reminding myself I'm not going to see oldT. I think that will be the biggest shock. When I get there and it's not her!

Well. We met. I don't know yet how I feel about it. I'm very tense and I think I could cry if I allowed myself to. It was good to talk but I felt myself getting anxious as the clock ticked round. The last 20 minutes were hard as I tried to decide whether I wanted to go back and realised time was running out.

I didn't get a no feeling but I didn't get a definite yes either. She's very Jungian although maybe that's because I told her I was interested and so she kept mentioning him! She related a lot of what I said back to his theories. We even explored a recent dream. I'm not sure I agreed with her analysis that an unidentified man in the dream represents the hidden masculinity in me. My masculinity is quite well developed - I'm a tomboy and have mostly had female partners (I'm female) and I think she was making assumptions that I'm a more typical woman. She seemed to arrive at that conclusion about what he represents very quickly. However, she may well be on to something. And I didn't tell her about my sexuality, which I would if we're going to work together. I don't see my masculinity as the man in the dream but she's suggested I talk to him through active imagination and see whether I can find out more about him.

She asked pertinent questions and I was able to tell her things. I don't think I relaxed much and was mostly in a left brain, detached mode, laughingly telling her about difficult experiences and not really in touch with my feelings. But not sure I would expect that in a first session anyway. I tend to be very reserved around other people.

So. I'm not sure. In a mass of indecision. Apparently another thing my shadowy masculinity should be dealing with is making decisions! Obviously this is what has struck a chord with me as it's what I'm thinking about. If I go back it would be the thing to follow up on.

Might post again if anything else comes up. Writing this has been useful.

Hi tygr... not sure we have crossed paths yet but I wanted to say welcome to the Board. It's nice to get to know you.

I wanted to say that I felt the same way when I saw the first new T after my oldT abandoned me last year. It was such a shock to walk into a therapy room that felt so different and to see someone there that was not him. In fact, my T that I see now teases me about how for many many months he was not "my T" he was just the guy in the room that was not OldT! And that was so true. I couldn't even allow myself to remember what he looked like for quite awhile. Of course, in my situation, I was dealing with being traumatized by oldT and it was hard to focus on anything.

But back to your session... I see it as a good, get to know you kind of meeting which is very necessary. When I went around meeting new Ts I also did not get vibes one way or the other (except for one) that told me immediately if I could work with them. I saw one T three times before I decided not to see him further and that was because I had started to see my current T who was better suited to my needs. I also saw a female T for 10 sessions but it turned out she did not have the knowledge of attachment that I needed in order to do the work I needed to do.

So I would say that you may need to see this T a few more times before you can really say if the potential is there. I do think it's positive that she has got you thinking about some things.

Good luck
TN

Hi TN

I have been following your story and I think you've done so well to form a strong relationship with your new T and to handle everything old T put you through. Thank you for posting on my thread. I've had more dreams about old T and I'm still fantasising about contacting her. I won't though because she won't be able to respond and it will cause awkwardness for both of us. But I'm sure she wonders about me.

I've just done a budget. I wrote to a charitable body last week to ask about applying for an education grant. They've sent me an application form which requires a breakdown of my weekly income and expenditure. It's good because it forced me to do it after a lot of anxiety about it all day. At the moment I am spending double what is coming in, and that's without therapy or too many extravagances I suspected as much. The shortfall is being topped up with redundancy money which I think will last about 5 more months at that rate - so won't take me to the end of my course

I also had a text from my tenants giving me two months' notice of moving out. The rent is my biggest income and so I'll need to find new tenants and hope there's not too much of a vacant period with no rent coming in. I might also need to spend some money on redecoration but hopefully not too much.

So, I think it will be hard to justify an extra £200 per month just on therapy. Having said that, I've been diligently writing down my dreams every morning and have cleared Wednesday next week so that I could see her if the same slot is still available. Just need to decide whether to contact her. I think a few sessions are worse than none though. Ideally I'd like to wait until I can afford to connect with someone and build a relationship without the added financial pressure. Well, that's not true. Ideally, I'd like to be back in therapy now so that I can make some progress before I have to get back into the real world with a full time job again

Sorry this is long and detailed. I've written it now so I will post it. If you've read this far - thank you .

Hey tygr

I'm sorry not to have posted before - I was being a doughnut and lost this thread - was looking in the personal stories bit...

That's a tough if you can't afford therapy but really want it. Is this T expensive? I know there are charities around that offer cheaper ones.

I love dream analysis!

So did you go back and see the Jung T again?

AL

Hi Annie. Yeah, I wasn't sure where to start this thread. I don't think you're a doughnut Thank you for asking after me.

No, I haven't been back to see her. I got myself worked up into an anxious mess at the weekend going through all my finances. I then went into shutdown mode where I couldn't make any decisions. I got upset about missing my oldT again on Tuesday and nearly rang Jungian T to ask if she still had an opening the next day but was too embarrassed as I'd left it so late. Since then I've been feeling a bit better on my own anyway.

I think I'm going to see what kind of counselling I might be able to get at uni. I start a week on Monday so not much longer to wait. My doctor has written me a letter, which only needs to confirm my anxiety and depression diagnosis, but unfortunately he's written that I'm "doing very well at present", which I'm worried means I won't get any extra funding. Grrr. I suppose I am doing very well in that I'm able to work at the moment compared to last year when I was signed off but he didn't need to say it. I feel guilty enough about asking for funding anyway but it was a chink of light at a way to afford to see this T.

I used to pay £30 a session with old T and Jungian T charges £45, which still isn't that expensive, but she's 25 miles away so that's a 50 mile round trip in petrol on top of that. I had a full time job when I first started therapy though and right now I'm a student with very part-time jobs at a lower pay rate than I've been earning for years. I think it's taking quite a lot of adjustment to get used to not having much money.

I'm 34 and since I graduated the first time at 21, I've always been in a professional, reasonably well paid job and I suppose one day I will be again but it's hard to trust that I'll get there. Work is a big trigger for anxiety for me and I've never felt that I've fulfilled my potential at work. I've had emotional problems with two different employers and have got into all sorts of mess - being pretty much sacked the first time and having meetings to discuss my poor attitude and performance the second. A big part of me worries that I'm incapable of succeeding at work. All this despite the fact that I'm intelligent, was a straight A student at school and am highly qualified. My emotions have never been completely stable. Hence the need for therapy really.

I think this is all highlighting a conflict in me about paying for therapy and whether maybe I don't value myself highly enough to invest the money. It might take years though?!

Sorry - my replies always end up longer than I intend. I'm still remembering dreams and I will write them down. Goodness knows how to separate the wheat from the chaff. At the moment, I'm remembering 3 or 4 scenes a night!

Tygr

Hey
I just wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten you!
In my opinion therapy is absolutely the best way forward if you're in the kind of muddle you sound like you are in. I think you have hit the nail on the head when you talk about being worth it. You are. And if you are able to give yourself that, then I believe all the other stuff in your life will work themselves out. In time. Because again you are right it takes A lot of time. It makes me so sad to read on here how Ts have let people down and abandoned them. In fact it makes me furious. I just have to believe that the majority of them are good ones we can trust.
Anyways, am drifting off subject. Sounds good to see if uni has therapist you can see cheaper. As valuable therapy is you still need to eat. Do prioritise it though. Sorry I know I shouldn't be giving advice so I'm gonna caveat it with this is only my opinion!

Anyways, keep chatting here. Oh dear advice again! But I find ig helps to talk things out too.
Hugs

hi tygr,

i read your story and i'm not sure if i can offer much but i can relate to a lot of what you are saying. i started reading a while ago, but i didnt post sooner as i find termination stories a bit triggering and mostly i am just stumped at how i could actually offer support about it. it sounds like you have been making great progress and even though it has been a really difficult time (and it sounds like you didn't have much support or anyone else in your life to talk to about it), you have been moving forward and making decisions and weighing your options. i think that's really impressive and i hope you are happy about that.

i think its good to try to keep your options open, or to have a back up plan if one doesn't work out, like you have been doing. it sounds like the uni T might be an option too if finances are hard, and i know that generally free or low cost counselling tends to be lower quality (or maybe I'm wrong!?), but i think it really depends on the person you get, you could get someone who is really skilled in what you need and a good fit. hopefully!

did you see jungian T again and how did that go?

i am currently seeing a psychoanalytic T and I started off seeing her in similar circumstances to yours. i had moved away and terminated with my old T (of 6 years), so it had been 6 months without a T when i felt like i was falling apart and needed to see another T. at the time i was (almost) unemployed - i didnt know for sure if my job would continue and it was a mostly part time job and not paid very well either. but i did a search online for lower fee Ts and found a few organizations which had a sliding scale for their Ts. I was only going to see a T briefly for a few sessions to help with some decisions I was facing so I decided to go with one that wasn't necessarily the cheapest option. the other, less expensive option was to see a T who was still training (they were much cheaper) but I just didnt fancy being an experiment! sorry if i'm boring you with my long story, i got caught up in remembering how it all started, and its been good for me to remember how i started where i am now and what the future holds. but to get back to it and try to be a bit more brief - so i started seeing her and we agreed to 4-6 initial sessions and i was lucky that my job continued and even had more hours, it was a 4 day a week job and i had the day off when i had my appointment. so it worked out really well but i knew it wouldnt last. that was the downside about my T, she only did day sessions. so when i lost that job, i found another one, a full time job this time which is what i was looking for for a long time, but it meant I couldnt see my T any more and I was pretty devastated. for a while i saw her once a month (and i took the day or half day off work to see her) as i was thinking that i would quit this job and try to find another more flexible one. but i felt that wasnt very realistic and in the end, my T was able to fit me in for a late afternoon session, which means that i have to leave work early once a week. so in the end, it has worked out, but it wasnt easy getting there.. sorry, that was such a long way to say that. not sure how this is helpful to you at all... ?!

maybe what i'm hoping to say is that you never know what will happen, how things will work out. so right now you have a couple of options, so i hope at least one of them works out well. things looked very dim for me for a while, but i didnt give up (i just couldnt, i couldnt let her go and have nothing again) and somehow it worked out. the thing is i know this cant be very long term either (as eventually i will go back home. this is a 1-2 years 'adventure' in a 'new land'... with a new T), but this might be good for me as i tend to procrastinate when i have too much time. i found i did a lot of progress with my old T in the 6 months before i left. so it might not be easy for you either, if you see jungian T and know you have a limited 2 year time together. i hope you have the time to think about it, or go with your gut feeling. i definetely didnt think too much about it (planning ahead is not one of my strong points) but i went with my gut, and my gut said that i needed someone now and i felt like she could help me.

i am also angry at your old T (who was a blank slate) and now is on Facebook!!? even if her profile is private, i think she should know better - FB is not a private option at all! as proven by the recent photos you found. its not your fault, i just think Ts should know better. maybe i'm being too hard on them and judgemental...

i also understand how u said that you used to not be bothered by breaks before but found it really hard when you terminated with her. I was the same with my old T - she used to take her holiday around christmas which is when i had my holiday too, so i never had any problems with it, in fact it suited me fine. but it was really hard to leave her - and - surprisingly, what i found even harder is with my new T, i took the recent 5 week break so hard, and for a long time while i didn't know if i could continue seeing her or not, that was extremely hard too, and i used to feel like, what has happened to me, i used to be stronger... but i think its a good change, i am getting softer, allowing people in.

gosh, this has become so long, i am reconsidering posting it, but i dont know what to edit as then it will make no sense at all - if it does at all now, i dont know. i am sorry if you feel that i am going on about myself, maybe i shouldnt have posted this today when i was feeling somewhat melancholic.....

i dont know if this is helpful, but mostly what i wanted to say is that i understand where you are at... and i hope it works out well for you too. keep us updated!

take care,
puppet

Hi Puppet

Don't apologise! Your post is very helpful because it reminds me of two things:

1. that I don't know what's going to happen in the future and financially things are likely to get better rather than worse and;
2. that focussing on what I need now is important.

The facebook thing isn't really her fault. Everything that can be private on her profile is, and so all I can see usually is a very low quality profile picture and pages she likes and her friend list. It's a fairly recent thing as when I first started seeing her 3 years ago she definitely wasn't on there.

It also showed me that she'd just added a new friend and I was able to click through to his profile and then look at his photos and there was only one public album there from this night out. She isn't tagged in it and the photos aren't connected to her page in any way. She probably has no idea that they're public. If I hadn't been really nosy I would never have found them. If I was a better person, I wouldn't have been looking.

Hi AnnieLake.
I'm not big on emoticons usually but it was so nice of you to say that you hadn't forgotten me.

Uni counselling may well turn out to be 6 sessions or CBT or not very helpful but I think it's the next step. In any case, until I enrol I won't know what my timetable is and whether I can practically fit in seeing Jungian T in another town anyway.

Just one more week until I start and then life will be totally different again.

Hey tygr

Thanks for the hug! I like the emoticon myself so happy to have one!

Just dropping in here to see how you are going and what's happened? Presumably you've started uni now?

xx

Hi Annielake

Yeah, I've started uni but it's been a stressful week and I've been struggling with high anxiety levels. Probably as a result, I'm wondering whether I'm doing the right thing in going back to uni at all. Just think how much therapy I could pay for with my uni tuition fees...

It all started with my car breaking down on Monday so that I couldn't get to my enrolment session. That seemed to trigger a whole chain reaction of stress. I woke up in a panic at 5 a.m. the other night and I've been tearful and tense. I'm trying to chill out as much as poss and get as much sleep as I can so that it doesn't escalate further.

It turns out that the timetable is much more intensive than I expected so I'll need to go every week day this semester, which causes problems with my job, which is supposed to be 2 days a week. It also means that I have to leave quite early every morning, which I find very difficult.

I'm really wondering whether it's worth it and whether I'll cope. Stressed about money and stressed about the future

I've been to the counselling service and i need to self refer. I'll do that ASAP. It will be good to talk to someone about all of this.

Hope all's good with you?

Tygr
x

Hey
wow that all sounds pretty stressful! Poor you. Trying to get lots more rest and sleep sounds like a good plan. Why are you back at uni? Do you need to be? I know education is important but so is sorting out your internal world and if I had to chose I would always plump for therapy. Having said that you have only just started so maybe give it some time, see how it goes and maybe things can work out. But defo do the self referral. And try to be kind to yourself.
I am pretty good. Just came back from lovely hols and a few things coming together making me feel pretty loved which is amazing. I have a fab therapist who I've been seeing for just over 4 years now and am properly attached to her which is pretty fucking awesome. So defo stick with it my love.
Right I am off to watch some tv by myself. Luxury after a hectic week.
Hugs

Aww. Sounds great. I'm pleased you're so pleased with your therapist Also pleased you had a good holiday. Enjoy the TV

My tenants are moving out too so I'm stressed about that on top of the rest. I've spoken to my Mum and my sister and the consensus seems to be that I just have a lot to cope with right now. Plus I always find starting new things and meeting new people really tough.

I decided to go back to university because I feel like I've failed at work. And I've always been academic and so I wanted to have a period of my life when I feel like I'm being successful rather than struggling and failing. I lost my first job because I had a breakdown and they "lost faith in my ability to cope" (I have a letter which spells that out ). In my second job, I was told my attitude was having a negative impact on the team and I was initially demoted and then put on an improvement plan. I ended up being signed off sick with anxiety and depression for 6 months. Just after I went back, we all got made redundant.

Since then I've just had temporary, part-time jobs. I think I might like to become an academic because I have absolutely no idea about what else I want to do or any faith that I'd be able to be successful in a job or, probably most importantly, be happy in a job.

Oh gawd. My inner world is an absolute mess eh?!

Ahhh tygr - sounds like you are being too hard on yourself re jobs. You're struggling with stuff - it takes its toll and means you aren't in a position to be as good at work as you would like. Be kind to yourself about that - don't let it become another stick to beat yourself with! Sorry - lecture over!!

Reading back I was in a way good mood last time I posted!! But yep my therapist is ace. I'm so lucky with her. It's still tough at times though (bit harder at the mo) and I would much rather I hadn't had any of this cr*p to deal with. But hey ho can't change that.

So how is uni going? Have you got some support there now? What happened with JungianT- is that off the table?

x