I'm not sure what to write...I don't post much but I have been thinking that I wanted to share some of my personal story re: substance abuse to see if anyone can relate...I feel somewhat trapped and shameful with my addiction....well...here goes...I started out approx. 15-20 years ago(I am in my 40's now) with an eating disorder/food rituals/anorexia/then binge eating, etc...I have since recovered from that(approx. 10 yrs ago); but now have developed a new addiction in the last 5 years to pain pills...oxycodone, etc...my partner takes them on a routine basis for chronic pain conditions so they are readily available and plentiful. I told my psychiatrist approx. 4 yrs ago that I had this new addiction and he prescribed suboxone for me. I took that for a period of 3yrs and decided I was ready to come off of it....coming off of it was hellish btw. Anyway, now, in the last 6 months I have started sneaking the pain pills again...I am afraid to tell my T...she was so proud of me for giving up the suboxone, etc...but now I feel I need to be on it again...I'm so afraid(and full of shame) to tell her the extent to which I've been sneaking the pills and that I really think I should be back on the suboxone..(or should I?..I will only have to deal with the cravings again once I come off of it...)...Idk...I feel trapped...but, I know the only way out is honesty...ugh...I'm so afraid....to....be....honest....can anyone relate to a part of my story? I'm not really looking for advice...just wanted to get my thoughts out there....thanks for reading...mlc