Great question River. One might wonder what inspired it.

Have I ever lied to my T?

Once. When I first confessed my transference to her she asked if there were any fantasies involved to which I promptly said, “No. Absolutely not.” When I finally admitted it to her sometime later she some how snuck in the remark that I am not a good liar.

As for topic, we usually pick up where we left off barring any major episodes that may have come up. Of course I am always welcome to discuss anything I wish, but in EMDR therapy it is usually best done in succession.

I did read somewhere once that quite often the first thing mentioned in session is often the topic that gets discussed. (Even within the greeting) I don’t know where I read that, and I don’t know if that is true. I have seen it work out that way for me sometimes when something came up unexpectedly that I did not feel warranted further discussion, then I found it distracting enough that we had to discuss it further.

I wouldn't see the point in lying to my T... not telling her everything, perhaps, and leaving out information... yep... and well, little 'white lies' maybe so... LOL...

scott

I guess it is my turn to answer my own questions.

Yes I usually know at least one thing I want to talk about during the session and since my T seems to follow my lead that is usually the first thing we'll talk about. I have had that experience that something from the small talk at the very beginning will turn into a longer discussion and sometimes it is good and sometimes its not. My least favorite is when we stay on one topic the whole time because I start to feel like I'm repeating myself. When I feel this is happening I have to literally say, "OK enough about that, let's change the subject." I don't think she has ever asked me questions about something we discussed in the previous session. Even if I don't have much to say in the beginning she will just wait. I don't know why but sometimes this bugs me. I guess I wonder sometimes if she even remembers what we talked about last time. Possibly not considering how many people she talks to every week. That would be a lot of details to keep track of and you certainly won't want your T to mix up something you said with something someone else said.

As far as lying goes I have the same problem as JM. I am a terrible liar so I haven't told any big lies. Like AG mentioned, if I lied what would be the point of paying for therapy? I have definitely glossed over some details and once flat out refused to answer one of her questions. Because I can so quickly feel embarrassed or ashamed even about a trivial detail I do what I have to do sometimes in order to just get the words out.

Right now I have a few things that I don't ever want to admit to and am foolish enough to think that I'll never have to. But I also know that eventually everything comes out in therapy if you stick with it long enough. Hopefully by then I would be so imprisoned in shame and I'll just laugh about it.

Sometimes after the initial greeting my T will just sit there and look at me waiting for me and allowing me to determine the direction of the session. Sometimes there are several seconds of silence because I don’t know what to say and I want her to take the wheel. I do feel awkward with the silence, but she just waits knowing that something is going on inside my head and is bound to come out, and she has no problem waiting. If I don’t take the wheel she will finally take a deep breath and bring up something herself.

I seriously doubt that your T doesn’t remember details from your last session. She is probably just waiting to see where you went with it and how it evolved over the last week. She is just being gentle and patient with you. She knows you are a butterfly:

If you were to find a fresh cocoon still intact, you know the end result of its metamorphosis is going to be a beautiful butterfly. Each day you return with anticipation and you’ve observed enough that you can tell that its transformation is nearly complete. Eventually, through the silky transparency of the chrysalis you can even see its dark image and coloration, you can even tell that it is a monarch butterfly, but you still wait, because you know its time is not yet. Day after day you check on the little miracle, patiently waiting and hoping to see it before it flies away. Finally the day comes and to your excitement you find the butterfly clinging to the outside of the broken chrysalis, but you notice it is just sitting there, its wings all tiny, crumpled, and wet. You fear something went terribly wrong so you try to force its little wings apart and you ever so gently pull it away from its former shell. But now you find it even more helpless than before. You did not know that a butterfly spends the next hour receiving vital fluid from the empty chrysalis that pumps a substance into the butterfly filling the butterfly’s body and wings so they enlarge. You did not know that only one more hour and that monarch’s wings would have been full and dry, and ready for flying. But by hurrying the process this butterfly is now permanently impaired and will not survive. She has to wait for you to spread your wings on your own.

I hear you on the embarrassing details River. I have many humiliating experiences. Some I’ve shared and some I still haven’t, for the most part because they have not come up in session. Those humiliating details that I have shared with her felt a lot less humiliating after I gave them exposure. They feel so BIG inside of us, but when we lay it all out we can see for ourselves that what we were holding against ourselves was not worth the energy of keeping it bottled up inside. Forgiving ourselves is a big step in the process of healing. For me I had to forgive others first. I had to recognize that they were deserving of forgiveness, before I could ultimately see that I too was deserving of forgiveness. You will get there River, Just be as patient and understanding with yourself as your T is.

JM

Sometimes I feel like I want my T to just climb inside of me and pull everything out that needs to come out. I want her to know what’s inside because it is too painful and humiliating to relate. She has even said herself that she wishes she could do that. But instead she has had to watch me sitting in agony trying to work up the nerve to tell her this BIG thing. Me squirming on the couch with an occasional glance in her direction, and her slightly tilting her head reassuring me that she is ready to listen. Then when it finally does come out I find her nonjudgmental presence continues to comfort me and engulf me into a depth of security I had never known before.

Once when I had absolutely run out of things to say I told her this and invited her to ask me a question, any question. Somehow she got around it though and never asked me a direct question. I think she has a pretty strong conviction about letting the patient direct the conversation. I think if I didn't talk, she might not either, besides maybe asking me if I'm OK.

The funny thing is is that I have a hundred questions I would like to ask her but none are relevant to my therapy.

BTW Just Me, what is EDMR therapy?

Hi River,

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing which is stated to maximize treatment effects of other structured protocols of therapy. This technique was pioneered and developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro, possibly 12-14 years ago now. All though it is named Eye Movement Desensitization I do not use the eye movement method, I prefer the use of bilateral audio and/or hand tactile stimulation, which allow for the same processing to take place. This is done in sequences throughout the session. I have found this very helpful in processing through the multiple traumas, which according to research can be done in less time with the use of EMDR. Understanding the connections that are being made in the brain in the therapy process, it makes sense that this sort of stimulation helps that process along.

There is a lot of information on this once very debatable subject and is virtually been exploding through the psychotherapy scene in the last 10 years. Here is a link to the official EMDR website if you want any further information: http://www.emdr.com/index.htm

I also will warn that EMDR techniques have been copied by some professional and thus given similar names to these techniques, but it is recommended that one should only seek treatment through a qualified therapist who has been trained in EMDR through the EMDR Institute.

I hope this answers your question. Because of the eye movement some people think, as I first wondered myself, if it had anything to do with hypnosis, and it absolutely does not.

I wonder just how irrelevant your questions you'd like to ask your T really are. I know how awkward it is to ask and we feel like we shouldn't. But sometimes knowing certain answers to questions strike a connection between C and T. Unless you are certain that your questions infringe on boundaries, I'd ask.
There are certain things that my T does share that she does not have to share, but are often relative to our discussion. There are strategic allowances that can be made in personal knowledge and information that an attuned T can discern. -Did that make any sense?? Anyway, I know you didn't ask for my opinion on that, but I think we need to get to know our T as intimately as they will/can allow for the limbic resonance to really spark.

JM