Raven,

Hi! Your post caught my eye because I have very similar experiences with the antidepressant. I currently take Zoloft, and have been taking it since about 2006. It's been a life saver, but it has pooped out on me at times--this is when my psych has bumped up the dosage. I am currently on the highest dosage now, and am a little concerned that someday it will poop out again, and I will turn back into my normal anxious self.

I'd like to one day never need an antidepressant, but for me I really have some serious anxiety issues. Seeing a psych is good because they can monitor your progress on the medication and adjust when necessary. I knew when starting therapy that my anxiety issues and the things I was going to talk about in therapy were interrelated but I honestly feel like there are two different issues being tackled here--emotional pain, and heightened emotional sensitivity. T is helping me with the emotional pain, which I have been able to feel during our sessions and my P has been helping me be able to manage the extremes of my anxiety levels. I know that the Zoloft helps to improve my outlook on things, but it doesn't make anything disappear (oh how I wish it did). So while in therapy, I am sure that the Zoloft helps me manage to get through the emotionally intense sessions and be a little more open to discussion.

I know that I am learning how to cope in therapy with certain issues, and the Zoloft does mask some of my pain, BUT I don't think it masks everything in its entirety.

If you are concerned about your reaction, or not feeling up to par--be sure to talk to your P.

Good luck to you!

--Brokes

Hi Raven,
Welcome to the forums. I've had very good experiences with anti-depressants. I have been taking them for over 15 years now and honestly, they've been a life saver for me. I'm one of the lucky ones who was able to find a medication that I respond well too and has very little to no side effects which is rare. I'm on 300 mg daily of Welbutrin XL (I actually take the generic).

I really fought with my T for almost a year about going on meds because my family has a serious history of self-medication and my dad was an alchoholic, so the thought of depending on a drug really freaked me. But my insurance company was really pushing on my T so I finally gave in and saw my GP. I ended up going to a psychiatrist about six months later, again because of my insurance company (who I would hasten to add has paid for over 20 years of therapy so they weren't just trying to get rid of me. ) I've been going to the same psychiatry practice for the whole time I've been on the meds. I met initially with the psychiatrist and saw him until I was on the right dosage and stable. Since then, I have seen a nurse practitioner. I go once every three months usually for a 15 min appt. I don't go into a huge amount of detail but I do keep the NP up to date on my progress in therapy and how I'm doing in general.

Based on my experience, I recommend going to a psych practice for the meds, because prescribing these meds can be complicated with a lot of people requiring a "cocktail" of different medications and it usually helps to work with someone who works in psychopharmacology because they understand the drugs better.

I find that my AD allows me a full range of emotions, I feel perfectly normal on them. But they provide a "bottom" underneath me, I only sink so low and I seem to bounce back faster.

It took me a while to see it this way, as I said I fought against the meds really hard in the beginning, but I eventually came to see them as simply another resource. Talk therapy can take an enormous amount of energy and focus and sometimes ADs can provide a little more room and energy, allowing you to do the work you need to do.

When I originally went on the Welbutrin, I planned on only being on it long enough to get through therapy, but over time my attitude has changed. I am very stable, and experience no side effects with the exception of a dry mouth.
So in some sense I have a "nothing's broke, don't fix it" attitude.

I have also done a lot of reading about long term childhood trauma and current research seems to support that there is actually a physical effect on development of the brain which results in stunted growth in the area of the brain that produces seratonin and dopamine. So I tend to see ADs the way a diabetic would view insulin. It's something that my body should produce, but doesn't. So rather than suffering, I take a drug to make up for the lack.

I know there is a wide range of opinion on medications and I also understand that they are NOT effective for everyone. But I also know they ARE effective for some people. So I see it as a personal decision and one that should be made with your treatment team. I certainly understand people who decide not to use them but see nothing wrong with people who do. I worry when I see a knee-jerk reaction in either direction (either EVERYONE should take meds OR NO ONE should take meds, it's just a big pharma conspiracy). But admittedly, I am sure I am biased because my experience with meds has been good and I have found them really helpful.

Hope that helps.

AG

HI Raven,

Why don't you want to see a psychiatrist? How are you feeling about that?

My OB/GYN gave me Zoloft after two of my babies (after the third my first born was diagnosed with cancer and she gave me Xanax which made me dizzy and I said I wouldn't take it (so she gave me Zoloft) and it was perfect, then, and after my 4th baby. It did always take over 8 weeks for the Zoloft to "kick in" for me, though, but I was on only 50mg. Almost at 12 weeks is when I felt better (but that might be due to the hormones from giving birth, too). Anyway, she prescribed the Zoloft after baby 4 for two years and then stopped (guess since it was prescribed for baby "blues" she would no longer prescribe for me). It had also stopped working, or so I thought, when I went off of it my depression came back and got worse and worse and then I started suffering from PTSD (stuff about my son's cancer), so that is when I called to find a therapist. When my depression got so bad that I hallucinated at the end of a session with my therapist, she said it was time I see a psychiatrist to see what he says. So, I did....and he gave me Lexapro. I took it and I got worse, even suicidal (I wasn't suicidal before the med), and he cancelled my appointment and went out of town for 8 weeks (holiday time) so I had to go inpatient to a mental health hospital to get help and they put me on Wellbutrin SR, Seroquel and Ativan as needed (never took the Ativan). Two months after this, I got suicidal again, so my psychiatrist took me off Seroquel and put me on Symbyax. I really struggled and he tweaked and literally changed meds on me every 2-3 weeks after this. In June when he said, "last resort" was the other med he was going to switch me to because "nothing else works" (his words)....I got very frustrated....and went off all of them cold-turkey without talking to him. Not advised!! Anyway, after a month I was feeling better, could think clearer and had so much more energy and could do chores again and started to make some hard decisions about my marriage....going off the meds was right for me (even though I had to deal with the rupture it caused with my therapist - as she thought I should be on meds (although psychologists can't give medical advice), she wouldn't admit that. When I asked her if she was angry with me, she finally told me she thought my depression was so bad I was going to go home and hurt myself and my children....we talked through that and I told her she's wrong). Anyway, I am currently suffering with depression symptoms, and working very hard and getting through it, over it, without meds (sunshine, exercise, no pop or caffeine, B50 & Fishoil (my OB/GYN told me to go the vitamin route after I told her about the suicidal thinking), etc.). I think my depression will never be "cured" (seems genetic from my mom's side of the family), but no one has ever given me a diagnosis, and that bothered me, too. Sometimes I think I just had the wrong psychiatrist, but he was my last pick (I had a really hard time finding a psychiatrist who was taking new patients).

So, that's my story. If I didn't suffer the severe side affects, I would take the meds.

You have to really look within you and figure out why your doctor's suggestion to see a psychiatrist didn't sit well with you. A psychiatrist knows the meds so much better than a general doctor. There are many different kinds used for different symptoms. Also, I know I read that many times patients stay on them about 6 months to 2 years after becoming stable. I think many times they say meds plus therapy works well for a depression diagnosis.

Thinking of you!

Raven!

Nearly 20 years ago I was started on AD's, mostly for ongoing insomnia (related to trauma). I had a heck of a time getting on one that didn't make me worse. Most of the SSRI's made me more depressed with the exception of Zoloft which made me manic. I finally settled on Paxil at a low dose which just made me feel nothing but at least I could sleep as long as I also took Ambien. Anyway, a few years later I quit all of the meds as I had worked through enough in therapy to feel I didn't need them.

Fast forward to these past few years. I've been with my T about 2.5 years. She's been asking me about meds nearly the entire time. She gently suggested it in the beginning and then it got a little more intense. I refused for a really long time though I took natural supplements during this time and got by. Ironically, I finally caved and went to the pdoc after months of SU thoughts and feeling like I had to try something. I had researched my options extensively and did not want another SSRI due to past history with those. I wanted to try Wellbutrin as I was pretty sure my issue was with Dopamine and not Serotonin based on my natural regime that I was doing. The pdoc refused to give me WB and also refused to give me anything without me coming back numerous times to see him for a few months and then I think he said he would give me something but definitely NOT WB. I waited another 6 weeks or so and finally went back to my GP who I was already getting Xanax from (for sleep). He suggested Wellbutrin XL without me even asking for it. Like AG, I have had a wonderful experience with this medication. I take the generic by Watson (there is a difference from what I've read) and I'm on 300 as well. I started with 150 and noticed an immediate difference. Increased focus and energy and better mood. I had a few weeks of honeymoon and then crashed for about a week. Then slowly came back up and upped my dose to 300mg. At the 8 week mark I was doing really well and continue to do well. I still have a wide range of emotions, but like AG my lows aren't as low and don't last as long. I have TONS more energy and focus and my only lasting side effect was dry mouth which comes and goes. I had a few side effects during my dosing adjustment (dizzy spells), but it was short lived. So in my case the pdoc was totally wrong and my GP (who knows me better) was the most helpful route to go. I go every three months to see him for a quick med check.

So, I was totally anti-meds and I'm not a fan of western medicine at all but I can honestly say the WB is the best decision I made in a long time. My friends and family have also noticed a significant difference. The only other side effect I've had is that I lost 26 pounds so far and continue to lose at this point. It does decrease appetite. I still eat, but I eat a lot less and since I have more energy I get tons more exercise.

Thank you all ~ I really appreciate the feedback. I realized just how helpful a forum like this can be. I think it's the idea of seeing a psychiatrist that makes it all seem more "long term" than I would probably like to admit. Though it has been long term so who am I kidding - right?! I starting seeing my therapist a year ago and thought it would just be a few sessions ~ do some EMDR and get past what I thought at the time was a last hurdle. Nope! I was so closed offed and dissociated from myself that it's crazy what I know now and even memories I can access. So I had been on Zoloft and Zanax for about 1 1/2 years and this past summer decided to be my own doctore and weened myself off the zoloft. No big deal, I thought. I felt great and continued to decrease it until I took one. Then I was blindsided by the delayed withdrawal symptoms and the full-fledged anxiety that came back. I went back on the zoloft after admitting to my gen. doc. what I had done, coupled with the fact that I had just started birth control at the same time as quitting the zoloft. I was a total mess. Crying at work and not sure I'd make it and wanting to just walk out each day. The anxiety has lessened, but now I feel flat again. My T assures me that I can heal from the pain and trauma, but that it will take time. Maybe the whole issue is that I don't want to feel so broken like I do. My T says it's a wonder I'm walking around and not in a hospital just from what I've gone through this past summer. I feel like she's crazy ~ other people have it way worse than I do - don't they? Yes, I know this is part of my problem...always minimizing and avoiding. so I think I will try to find a psychiatrist and see if there are better options for me than the zoloft. I guess part of my wishy-washiness is that my T didn't seem to care one way or the other. she's like this with most things and it's starting to bother me.

a quick side now - forgive any spelling and grammar errors I have - I can't find a spell checker with this program and I type really fast. Is there a spell check somewhere that I'm missing?

Welcome Raven!

You've gotten some great responses here - the forum is a great place to be - it has helped me (and continues to do so) through a lot!

Quick note on my experience with AD - I recently (a year ago) started back on them as encouraged by my general dr. I was struggling to function in every area of my life. I was not yet seeing my T, so my general dr prescribed something - I think it was cymbalta? I had a horrible reaction to it and was off in 5 days. It was really bad. A month later she tried me on zoloft, and that worked great for about 3 weeks... then I had an allergic reaction to it (covered in hives) and had to go off. At that point, my dr. sent me to my T, who sent me to a pdoc.

Long story short - the 8th med we tried is what I'm on, and have been for almost 7 months. Yes, I had to go through 7 attempts to find the right one. Yes it sucked. But it was so worth it!

As my T says, the meds help me actually feel more, think more, do more, and be more able to function, since things are not as drastic as they were before meds (extreme lows, occasional highs, rarely level.) Being on the meds is helpful for our work together because I can be more there, and am not stuck in the chronic low. It doesn't mean that I'm all "flowers and roses" now that I'm more level, it just means that for me, there aren't as many peaks and valleys. A lot of time, I still do feel blah, and am currently in the middle of a rather long blah period, but I'm still able to function, whereas before meds, when I was blah, I stopped functioning.

Hope this helps a little? And good luck with the psychiatrist (pdoc for short) - I went with one my T recommended and I don't regret it at all!

Anyway, I hope

quote:

a quick side now - forgive any spelling and grammar errors I have - I can't find a spell checker with this program and I type really fast. Is there a spell check somewhere that I'm missing?

Raven,
When you're typing in the posting window, the spelling is automatically checked. Once you have completed entering a word, if a red squiggle appears underneath it, then the program has flagged a possible spelling error. Unfortunately, you're on your own to correct it. I usually resort of Goggle if I can't figure it out. Another solution is to write your post in another word procesing program such as Word or Wordpad (if you're a Mac user, forgive my PC centric answer), spell check it in that program and once it's complete, just copy and paste it into the post window. I tend to do this for longer posts as a matter of course, as the software sometimes loses posts in the ether when you click on the Post Now button and it's incredibly frustrating to lose a really long post you've worked on for a while.

AG

quote:

When you're typing in the posting window, the spelling is automatically checked. Once you have completed entering a word, if a red squiggle appears underneath it, then the program has flagged a possible spelling error

Ooo that's interesting AG cos my spelling doesn't get checked with a red squiggle when I type in the box??

But I agree to posts vanishing just as you send them!! I tend to copy everything before I press 'post now', so they don't get lost in cyber space.

starfishy

Hi Raven
I'm on my second time around go on antidepressants (i take one called mirtzapine) having tried another (paroxetine) without success for me it made my depression significantly worse. So it can take some time to find the right balance or even the right drug. Plus I do other things to try alleviate the symptoms of my depression not just take the drug. I have now been on the maximum dose the same amount of time (after building up from the minimum dose) that I have been seeing t,8 months. t is aware of this medication and did some research so she would know how it can effect me sometimes. I agree with you it is hard to know sometimes whether it is the meds and or the t that is workingand making you feel better. I have been on meds under pyschiatrists when in hospital, but over here a family doctor can prescribe this stuff as well. I recently saw my doc and asked whether it was okay to come off, she said no because with my history of relapse they will look at 2-3 years (this amount of time I could be working with t for) and one clear year after that with no episodes. This aslo combined with the fact that I am in therapy which can as we all know have its ups and downs. Just from my personal experience with anti-d's I would keep talking to both your t and your prescriber and review regularly. Probably not much help - sorry

Thanks for the continued feedback. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm a little worried because it counts as a "therapy" visit of which I am limited to by my insurance and thus will cut back on the number of times I can see T this school year...but I'll figure that out down the road. I can't get in until November 30, so I'll keep taking the zoloft for now.

Hi Raven,

That stinks that the consult counts against your therapy visits. I hate the insurance companies!!!

I wanted to add that I'm on the wellbutrin xl 300 mg also and also really like it. I was on Paxil ages ago and can't really remember if I liked it or not but I do know it was really hard to come off it when I wanted to get pregnant.

Then I was on lexapro but I was one of the 13% of the people who experience extreme tiredness and was sleeping 10 hours a day and I wasn't even feeling rested!!!!

The wellbutrin's side effects can include anxiousness, weight loss (yeah) and a little insomnia. Considering I was overweight and sleeping too much, these side effects suited me really well.

When I went from taking wellbutrin twice a day to once a day, the P said, well, just let me know if you experience any side effects. And I said, well, what should I look out for? And he said, well, it could make you jumpy. And, I said, well, that's good, because most people think I'm laid back and now, finally at last my exterior will match my interior. And he said, "You, laid back? You're a ball of fire." It made me laugh that he could see me that way while most people think I'm very laid back. T told me, we both know you're not laid back. I guess I hide it well.

Liese,
Thanks for that. I could stand to lose some weight so I'll mention the wellbutrin when I have my visit. Ialso get labeled as laid back, but inside I always feel like a ball of nervous energy! Maybe it's because I can go with the flow and I'm pretty low maintenance. My T knows better - she claims I have an aroused central nervous system. I am aware of how nervous I am in her office and always fidgeting around...maybe because I'm so uncomfortable.

Have you or has anyone else ever thought about an AD acting like bandaide and feeling better on them and how it affects therapy? I'm worried that in feeling better I'll stop therapy because I won't feel anything and I know there's so much muck to work through.

Raven,

Yes, I did worry that the AD would make me feel so good that I would want to stop therapy. From what I understand, some of the AD's do numb your emotions but I don't think the wellbutrin does. Let me tell you, I feel a lot of things. I have noticed that I am able to have a little more fun once in a while. T brings it to my attention when I tell him I had fun. He says, "I heard the "f" word again," with a big smile.

xoxo

Liese

Thanks Liese