Liese, congratulations! I hope it does happen again for you. I still think a lot about my sessions and have disorganized attachment reactions about going, but the strength of the anxiety around them has dropped a lot. I'm not having to deal with the push/pull to the extent I was before. So, I hope to someday get where you are.

(((OUTSIDE))))((Cat)))((ANON))

I wrote this after my session. I don't think it will last because I've been really stressed out and I've had to block everything out in order to function. But, it was still nice to experience it.

Funnily enough, I went into session and cried the whole time. I didn't have the intention to do that. I've been feeling a bit unstabilized by something I had to do 2 weeks ago. T and I talked about how I'm having to do some stage 3 trauma treatment stuff even though I'm not emotionally ready. Still have a LOT of integrating to do. It's very hard at times. Well, often, especially when it screws with your sense of balance in the world.

Ahh, I can relate to that. I went hyper-functional for our move (and a couple weeks before and after). Partly, I am doing better, but a lot of it was some programmed response to crisis scenarios that causes me to be get super focused on what needs to get done. Still, yeah, it was nice to be so functional for a time, even if it couldn't last.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now, both outside of and in therapy. I'm glad you're able to share it with your T. It seems like your relationship there has really grown nicely.

(((Liese)))
I am sorry things are tough right now.
I think your ability to see moments to be celebrated in the midst of it all is very positive, though.
I can totally relate to how your sense of balance in the world can be disrupted by emotional responses and experiences. I find it's like putting on a different pair of sunglasses with random lenses - one pair can make the world look scary and threatening while another can make it appear soft and welcoming... Just need to find out how to control all that - any ideas?!?

Anon - I'm very much stuck in the push-pull attachment stuff
And feel like I have been forever! I'm encouraged that you feel it has lessened. Perhaps one day I'll notice it has too...
I still have to check my T is there before I go and feel very anxious about seeing her even though I want to see her more than I dare to admit.

Liese