Today, I need to think on, to remember, to share, a good thing. There used to be a thread about three positive things, but I didn't want to go looking and I only have just the one that I really feel like is my good I can hold onto today.

I walked Boo to school, like we do every morning. We were running late due to a last minute bathroom need. Running late always means a little stress between us...we never actually ARE late, because of my triggers about chronic lateness in my own family.

So, because we're late, once we get in the gate for her school, she takes off running. She goes through the whole playground to the place where all the classes gather, around the buildings and out of my sight. She doesn't wait for me. She runs and puts her lunch in the wagon like she's supposed to. She trusts I'm coming. She doesn't cling. She trusts even though we had a stressful time catching up to get there on time that I'm coming right behind.

She gives me a hug before getting in line for her class. She doesn't always want one. She knows it is OK to get one from me, that I love to give them to her. She knows it's OK to tell me she doesn't want one, or a kiss, or a high five, or anything. On those days, she knows I will say, "OK, have a good day, I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up." She knows I will not fuss or pout that she doesn't want the affection (although, it can be a little sad just to see her growing up so quickly...she was just my baby five years ago). She knows it's something I love to do, give and receive affection, but she doesn't owe it to me.

A girl in line just in front of Boo, the youngest (younger than Boo by only two days), is crying for her Daddy. She does this most of the time still. Her dad takes her hand to walk her in. Monkey see, monkey do. Boo wants my hand now. She reaches out for me and knows I will come to her and hold her hand and walk her in. I do. Of course I do. Today she needs it. Some days she needs to run to her friends and barely shout out a, "Bye, Mom!" Either is good.

It's very different...from what I had, being dropped off clueless, lost, alone, always late, with no instructions, no help, no inclination to ever seek help, because I was already so used to having to figure things out on my own by then.

Sometimes, I make mistakes. Sometimes big ones (or maybe they just seem huge to me and every parent does this sort of thing--how does one know what every parent does and does not do?). I'm not the perfect parent. Boo actually tells me this. She says, "You are NOT the perfect Mommy for me."

I say, "I know. Mommy is not going to be perfect," and I'm sorry when she is disappointed by me doing things I have to do, or making mistakes along the way. She fights me...constantly. She is not the compliant child I was. She feels safe to fight (plus, she just has a temperament more like H's in that way). But she feels safe needing me. She doesn't feel overly needed by me. She trusts me.

That is my good thing for today. I have a daughter. She is five-years-old. I make all sorts of mistakes with her...but overall, she feels safe with me. She trusts me.

It may be the greatest gift I've ever received. I consider it all the more precious, because I know from personal experience it's something that can be damaged so easily.


Thank you if you've read this far. Anyone else have a good thing?