Hi Kashley,

This is going to be brief because my brain is in slow gear tonight, but I think honestly, if I were you, I would accept the post 5:00 sessions provided T offered them. I think it's good to assume they know their own boundaries and limitations and that we don't have to take care of them in that way. For instance. . . it I were a T, I do not think I'd like a client calling me as often as I call mine, but she insists she doesn't mind and actively encourages me to call when I think I need it, and so I do. I try not to stress about it too much. I figure she knows what she is offering and why and if she thinks this is the best way to work things I may as well trust her, you know?

It also occurred to me that after two years and having as strong a bond as the two of you seem to, that your T may feel personally invested (not in a bad counter-transference-y way, but in a caring way) in your therapy. This might make her offer to bend the rules, or at least adjust them, because she genuinely wants to, not because she feels pressured into it or obligated to continue. Sometimes it can be good for us, to accept care in that way.

Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts. Hope things work out well for you!

I think if a time change meant I couldn't see my T and she offered another time that she doesn't normally work, I'd feel bad but I'd do it anyway. Ts know their boundaries and if it's not something she can consistently offer, she won't; I understand feeling bad about it though just like I'm sure if your T had only lunch time to offer she'd probably feel sad too. It sounds like your T very much likes working with you so I hope it works out!

Thank you guys for your responses. You've given me a lot to consider, so thank you.

HIC, yeah..I'm trying to trust that my T knows what she's offering and wouldn't do it unless she truly wanted to, but it's so hard. Especially when I'm so used to being around people who will do things, offer things, kind of like bait and then I end up being punished later. I'm still trying to learn that, with my T, there aren't any ulterior motives to what she's offering.

Thanks for your support, Cat. Like I told HIC, it's just so hard to trust that she truly *wants* to offer something to me.

CTL (and xoxo, this probably will address your post as well), thanks for your reply(ies). I'm actually not worried about the payment part if that were the only thing. It's just the payment coupled with the (possible) later sessions. I was lucky enough to work as a student worker in this department for a couple years, so I know all of the people well, and I also know how busy things get. I'm actually replacing someone out on medical leave, but I have a lot of training left to do.

Not only is this the busiest time of year for the department, but another coworker just let us know that she will be out for 8 weeks on medical leave. This means that I'm going to have to take on the bulk of the parents and students that call and/or come in person while my coworkers handle document processing. So I need to be in my office at very particular times to see students, which makes the whole lunch thing hard.

I'll be able to get flextime in a couple weeks, but it's every other week and just gives me an extra hour at the end of the day (and not the kind of flextime that I choose for myself). Also, in the two years I've seen T, I've never had a permanent time/day for my sessions. It jumps around every week because her availability changes. Anyway, I am going to talk to her about it, but I could just sense that if I didn't think about it a lot, I would go in there and immediately refuse a later session because I felt too bad.

I've been debating with myself about talking to my supervisor, but this job is intense and I really need to hit the ground running - and I honestly don't think I can take any extra time out of my day right now. I'm not writing off the possibility of talking to my supervisor, but I feel like I need to wait at least a week - but I could honestly use a session right now..

Anyway, I'm getting myself all anxious about this, so I'm going to take a step back, try to get some sleep, and dive right in to the second day. Thanks again for your awesome responses. I'll definitely update when I talk to my T, which will likely be tomorrow.

On my phone, so I have to be brief, but there are so many times my T has made adjustments for me, because it was the only way things would work. I know that every time I have expressed concern over receiving it, you would encourage me to do so. If she offers, Ii'd say the best thing to do is accept and then spend the first few sessions working through how that feels. If you continue on past this temp position, would you have benefits? Hopefully, that would cover the payment aspect of your concerns...

Anyway, it seems like your T really cares, you do great work together, and meeting with her has helped you through so many stressful things with school and life in general. I think the discomfort of receiving from her if she offers (as you have done before) is worth the reward of continuing that good work and keeping up the sense of stability and security in such a transitional period. She cares about you, so if she offers, it's because she wants what is best for you and she'll want you to aim for that as well, even if it's hard to accept extra accommodation. In the end, the permission to accept is pre-approved by it being offered by a safe, trusted person.

Hey Yaku, cross-posted.

You're right..I would encourage you do to that, wouldn't I? Haha. But yes, if I become permanent in September, then I will have benefits.

I'm scaring myself now, though, with wondering if maybe my T won't even offer and I'm up a creek without a paddle. Oh dear. What am I doing to myself? I really should have just called today and worked it out, but now I have to wait until tomorrow. But, if she does offer, I will definitely talk to her about it in depth (in a session) to work through whatever will inevitably come up.

Thanks, Yaku. ((hugs))

Yep, feeling pretty pathetic right now. Finally got to talk to T. She asked about my job and we talked for a minute or two and then I told her that I just can't do sessions during my lunch hour and that anything during the normal workday was going to be really hard. She said that she had an opening on Friday next week (before 5), which I *might* be able to do, but I'm not sure. And since I don't know if I'll be able to leave work at least an hour early each week, I really don't know what I'm going to do about therapy. T said she understands that I have a lot to work out with my job, so she was understanding about my lack of availability, but gosh. It still sucks and kills me a bit. Or more than a bit. It's a possibility that kills me so much that I haven't entirely processed it.

I'm actually glad she didn't offer after 5, because I never would have been okay with it. She's given me too much for me to take away time from her and her family and friends. just wish I could have a session sooner.

Hi Kashley

I had a similar problem in trying to fit sessions in around a full time job.

My T understood that I had to travel for well over an hour from work to her office. She holds a 6pm spot for me each week to cater for this, but even so, to get there for 6pm I had to leave work early.

She would push it out to a 7pm start if I really wanted but I already feel I'm taking up enough of her family time in the evenings.

After feeling guilty about leaving work early each week to ensure I wasn't late for my appointment I managed to agree with my boss that I would take 1/2 a days leave from work every month which would let me leave an hour earlier om my therapy days without feeling too bad about it. It gives me time to detach from the work mindset and gather my thoughts for my session, and allows for any delays on the transport system.

So far, this has worked well, although a couple of times I've had to get a cab from the train station to ensure I wasn't late. I'd hate to be late for a session. I just hope I haven't spoken too soon by saying it has worked so far and I end up being late for T today!!

I would find having a session during a lunch hour very stressful. I'd need time to calm down from from the work stuff first.

Might it be worth seeing if you can arrange something similar at work so you can have sessions after work but in your T's normal hours?

Hope you can work something out, that suits you, your work and your T.

Hi Kashley,

Any chance you could switch to phone sessions for the time being? Maybe you could fit in just a half hour phone session here and there during a work break to keep you going?

IME, therapy via phone is not nearly as good as meeting in person, but it can be a whole lot better than nothing! It helps to have that support and keep the connection going if nothing else.

Av, thanks for your input. I'm just nervous about asking for too much from my boss, especially because I honestly have a lot to prove. I'm the youngest by at least 10 years and have a ton (x 1000) to learn. I'm going to ask to leave a little over an hour early next week for one session on Friday, but I don't know what I'm going to do after that. I'm hoping that I can work something out with my T. I'm just so nervous and scared that it won't happen.

HIC, yeah, I don't know if I'll do phone sessions, but I'm going to be a little more lax with myself about calling T if I need to. At this point, I've only ever managed to call my T once in a time of need..I should improve that record.

I'm probably going to end up calling my T soon, though. This job is stressing me out so much right now. It's an awesome position, especially right out of college, but I've cried everyday at night and sometimes when I'm out of the office during my lunch hour. I have so little confidence in myself, but I keep acting like I know I'll learn everything and that I know I can handle it just so that I keep my job and keep people feeling confident in my abilities. It's wearing me down really quickly.

I'm learning, I know that, and all of my coworkers and my boss have said they know I'll be great at the job. I just wish I could believe that, too.

Just hugs for you, sweetie.

((Kashley))

Looking back to the start of your thread, I've just realised this is your first week in the new job.

I can imagine how tough it must feel, but can I tell you this; it is totally normal to have some self doubts about our abilities at work. I know it's a hundered times harder for you because you've just started, but we ALL have them. Your co-workers have them, your boss has them, even your bosses boss has them. Honestly. I've done the same work for a long time and I still have doubts. If i'm asked to do something I'm not sure of I'll say "OK, but if I'm likely to screw this up I'll come and ask you for help"

Everyone has these doubts from time to time, but they try not to let them show too much.

The fact that you've been selected for this position and your co-workers are already saying that they know you'll be great at the job, must mean it's in there somewhere. You've just got to believe they're right!!

I've found over the years that almost no-one at work likes to see a colleague struggling and all are more than willing to give a helping hand when someone needs it.

We never stop learning new stuff at work, and anyone who says they know everything is just being big headed IMHO.

Try not to worry too much about all this and don't let it put your sessions under threat, no job is worth that. I'm sue your going to be just fine.

Best wishes.

Hi Kashley,

I am a little late to this thread, but still wanted to share a bit of my experience....

First, I hope the first week went well! I know it's ultra stressful starting a new job, but I know you'll be great!

I was in a similar position with my T, where I needed to get a regular appointment but my schedule just wasn't allowing it. It was very uncomfortable for me to do this, but I had to talk to my boss about making special arrangements for my students (I teach grade school) to be dismissed once a week, because I needed to leave work 15 minutes early for my appointment. It was so uncomfortable to do! However, it was a necessity, because in order for me to be successful in all areas of my job, I needed to take care of myself (a lesson I still struggle with daily.)

Turns out, though it felt impossible to ask, it was the BEST thing in the world. Even my boss noticed how much calmer and more focused and just overall BETTER I am doing in all areas of work - all attributed to my being in therapy. (My boss is aware that I'm in therapy, but she has no idea why.) It has made all the difference in the world - those 50 minutes with T are worth it. I know for me it was just a 15 minute early departure from work, and it sounds like you'll have to leave a lot earlier, but I encourage you to ask...

Maybe you could get Ts last appointment, and on the day you have T, you work through lunch (by that I mean you eat while you work, don't skip eating!) so you can more justifiably leave early? I have a friend who does that so she can get to her T, maybe it could work for you?

Whatever ends up happening, good luck with everything and keep us posted!

Thank you guys...your input is really helping me work this out.


Thanks for the hugs, Yaku. ((((Yaku))))

Av, thanks for reminding me that everyone has doubts. One thing about working here (as a student worker, which I did for two years) is that I've gotten better at feeling okay about asking for help. I had to get up and ask questions for just about every phone call and student I talked to yesterday, but seeing that everyone was okay with it helped a ton. And it also helped to know that everyone understands how overwhelming the position is at first. Everyday this week I had a different colleague ask me if my head was ready to explode yet! The fact that it hasn't is, in itself, a confidence booster.

I'm going to try and work out something with my sessions, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

R2G, thanks for your input. I spoke to my supervisor yesterday and asked to leave an hour and a half early next week, but it's just a one time thing. It's kind of hard to explain without being too specific (I'm still a bit paranoid about sharing too much on the OF), but me leaving early every week could be a big problem. And I would have to leave over an hour early.

What I've (painfully) realized is that I have to open up to my supervisor if I want to go to sessions during work. And I may have to go to bi-weekly sessions if my supervisor does approve me leaving early. I'm hoping that my T will try to give me a more regular session time/day. I've never had the same session time or day from week to week in the more than two years that I've been seeing her. That's part of what's making me nervous the most - because even if I were to get something worked out with my job, it still doesn't guarantee that I'd have weekly (or even bi-weekly) sessions.

I'm hoping I'll have a little more clarity when I see T next Friday. I had to call her yesterday to just confirm that I'd be able to come, and it helped so much to just hear her voice and know that she's still there and didn't decide that she hates me.

Thank you all for the great input. I'm also struggling with what to tell T about my work situation, because I don't want to seem like I'm trying to make her feel bad or manipulate her in any way. Realistically I know I'm probably not..but I still feel like I'm an evil, conniving manipulator. Yuck.