I like this idea. Good to remember.

Affinity...I was just thinking of this exact topic today. I thought to myself...so...yea...I do love him; so what! What's so terrible about that. Nothing!!!! We do connect shame to this. But, you are so right. There is a real love taking place. There are so many different kinds of love and no one really ever talks about this.
I've said to people that I love my therapist in such a way that they get "really" concerned. They, like most, don't understand. But when you're in a room so often there begins to take on a very intimate exchange, if it's done correctly; of course, I am talking emotional exchange. The process is quite a process. I'm starting to feel like the little flower is finding a way to break through the cement sidewalk and begin to live; and it's all been done in the name of care, commitment and love for a fellow human being.

I want to tell you that before I came to the psyche cafe, I was really struggling with loving feelings toward my therapist. But after reading several posts, I now understand that it is a phenomena that can take place in the theraputic environment.

I remember struggling with telling my second T about how much a cared for my first T after his death. During our first session, he just came out and said, "You loved him." I remember that comment taking me aback. And I remember thinking...OMG he gets it!

I then developed strong feelings of love for my second T and after I lost him, the same feelings are developing for my third T...so there is definitely a pattern here.

Even though having them and losing them has been difficult for me, I would not have traded it for anything in the world. I don't think many people have experienced relationships like this in their lifetime. I feel blessed to have been able to benefit from three.

For what it's worth,

LJB

LJB, what you said is worth a lot! Experiencing these relationships, to me, is like finding treasure. I would dissolve if my T died. He feels more important to me than either parent ever did. I've told him that. I think he knows I would live in his pocket if I could and it's okay with him for me to feel like that. He said to me "what's so bad about missing someone, what's so bad about feeling love", etc.? I sat there and was speechless. I learned NEVER to express any feeling or emotion. It was just plain unexeptable....only anger. Then anger leaked out in several ways among the siblings(9) and parents. Quite a damaged bunch. Nice to know someone understands.

Very well said, everyone. I am so pleased to know that there are other T's out there that think and feel the way mine does. Recently we had a conversation about attachment. It's been really difficult for me to attach to him and to admit it to me (and him) that it's happening. This is because I was very attached to my oldT who abused and abandoned me abruptly, leaving me with PTSD. Developing ANY kind of relationship or feelings for a T feels VERY dangerous.

Aside from that, my T asked me what is another word for attachment? What does attachment signify? I evaded and avoided answering (which he knew I was doing LOL) and he said it's... love. He knows I'm not really comfortable with that concept but he is very comfortable with it and wants me to know that. He asks me "how can you sit with someone for hours and hours, for years and have intimate and soulful conversations and NOT love them?

As much as I struggle with loving him, I struggle more with the crazy idea that he could love me back. I'm so far from perfect and I can't imagine with my issues why he would feel that way about me. It really is puzzling to me. And if I even circle close to believing that I get so scared that I just block it out. Even though I know he does not want me to. He often tells me that the greatest gift for him is when this bond of attachment and love happens with someone.

I guess I'm still a work in progress.

Veryhopeful... I'd live in my T's pocket too if I could. I've asked him if I could live under his desk LOL. But he also tells me that it's okay to miss him and it's normal and it's okay to tell him that. It's nice for people to know you miss them. When he's on vacation he tells me that he knows I will miss him but he does not want me to suffer w/o him and there is a difference. Hence, he allows contact even during his vacations (mostly via email). And yes, I have emailed him on vacation just to check in and to know he's there.

LJB you have been very fortunate indeed to have three wonderful T's, although I'm so sorry you had such sad losses with two of them. I think you have a wonderful, healthy, attitude about your past T relationships and I wish you well with your current T.

Affinity, thanks for the quote. It's something good to remember.

TN

TN, your words have touched me deeply. I also find it hard to believe that my T would care about me as much as I care about him. I'm actually really missing him right now. I have a session coming up on Friday, but it feels like a month away. I'm not sure why the longing is so strong today. Maybe it's because I'm really tired and not feeling my best.

We had an intense session last week where I finally walked through the main episode of abuse in detail. As I was standing in the reception area afterwards, he told me he was proud of me. At that moment, I saw in his eyes that he wanted to hug me. He didn't, of course, because of the no-touch policy between us. But I was blown away to see that he wanted to be affectionate and physically comfort me. I'm still blown away, truth be told.

Affinity I'm glad I could help in some way. I think we do miss them more when we feel out of sorts, tired or stressed. Or even when we cannot hold onto that "sense" of them being with us. Last Thursday I had a really good session with T and I felt him with me most of the weekend. I didn't miss him because he was with me. But Monday was not so good and I have no sense of him. I'm very disconnected from him right now.

I do know what you mean about that feeling that they would really like to give a hug and you can see it or feel it but it does not happen. My T will touch (shake hands or touch my shoulder) but not hug. A few times after an intense session I have felt that he would have liked to give me a hug. Once it was almost as if he took a step towards me to do just that and pulled back at the last moment. He patted my arm instead. The moment was intense enough that it felt like a hug anyway.

Friday will come before you know it.

TN