Hiya songbird. Nice to meet you!

These folks are pretty nice, I gotta tell ya. ...and I hit "post" before I was done.

Anyways, they're good folks, and it's nice to meet you. I'm interested in what your T said - what're transitions like?

Hope you're well.

quote:

came to this site a few days ago and was in tears for hours just reading. there is so much love and encouragement on these pages and i was just feeling can i have some please???

Welcome SongBird! There's plenty to go around!!! I want to tell you though that I don't think the love and support has anything to do with this forum. It has everything to do with this remarkable group of people who happen to be the most glorious individuals in the world! And Shrinklady was kind and loving enough herself to develop this forum for us to find each other. I wonder if she had any idea it would translate this deeply??

I am glad you jumped right in. There is one rule that SL neglected to mention in her welcome letters and rules of the house: And that is "nobody is an idiot here", and "everybody has something important and isightful to share." Ok that's two rules SL left out. You're slacking SL. ("just kidding of course" -she says bowing head and remembering rule number 1-"Shrinklady is always right.")

hello wynne, very nice to meet you too! and thanks, i'm ok today. it has snowed which is pretty magical.

well this transition thing. say you're sitting on the sofa listening to your favoured cd. next on the list is your tax return or something else not much fun. at some point from getting off the sofa and picking up the form you have to switch something inside yourself from listening to music and being relaxed to concentrating on tax stuff. only you don't really switch, you sort of glide over from one state to another, which is where the transition comes in. that seems to be different with people and in my case it takes AGES...

sorry i'm not very good explaining things. is this ok?

hello just me,

quote:

There's plenty to go around!!!

glad you're saying that. after reading through what i wrote it sounded just so greedy...

quote:

It has everything to do with this remarkable group of people who happen to be the most glorious individuals in the world!

that shines through so much !!!!!

quote:

And Shrinklady was kind and loving enough herself to develop this forum for us to find each other

and the rest of the site too! don't we live in an amazing time where so much seems to come together? i sometimes think i can't believe my luck! reading thru the anger posts earlier, i'm just getting to know mine a tiny bit. and what stumps me is that despite feeling so ... agrggghhh... with my mum, when i get down to it i'm just in a flood of tears it's so sad. i mean you should have met her dad and god knows what she went thru without the help of loving therapists to make her the way she is and he probably too and everybody all the way back to adam and eve ... i mean, she did what she did but WHERE DOES IT ALL END???? or maybe i'm just avoiding in a very clever way to yell at her where she can stick her mothering.... very confusing.

Hi Songbird and welcome to the forums. And please don't worry, everyone feels like an idiot the first time we post, but I have to tell you, it's never happened. Never read a post, and thought "what an idiot!" So no worries, that was a great intro.

And I do think the ending of a session can be strange. It's like all the other boundaries of the theraputic relationship, its not like any other relationship you have, so we keep trying to figure it out and place it in the right slot, and the only place it really fits is in its own slot.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you, I'm glad that you found so much to connect with when you were reading. I think JM said it all (well, except for Shrinklady slacking. Hi Shrinklady she says, sucking up! )this is an amazing group of people and we're glad to have you join us.

OK, on the clock thing, I have an embarrassing admission to make, I just noticed the clock in my Ts office 3 months ago and I've been going to the office for over four years. It's actually to my right and slightly behind me, so if I turn my head I can see it and its easily in my Ts line of sight. But I never worry about end of session because we have a ritual (never discussed, just evolved.) My T always takes off at his shoes when he sits down and tucks one leg under him. When time is running out, he takes his leg out and starts putting on his shoe, that's my signal to start getting up. We then both head towards his desk to make my next appt and we usually talk during that but it tends towards lighter stuff or even chit chat.

I think at this point after doing therapy so long I have an internal timer, I know about when to start pulling it in, which wasn't always true.

Oh and my therapist usually does 50 minutes but its not hard and fast. He lets it go over if he feels like you need it and we'll sometimes go 5 or 10 minutes over. I really think it depends on what's going on.

AG

Hi Songbird and welcome to the group. I'm looking forward to all of your wonderful comments and insight. I think JM, AG, and Wynne said it all. This is a great place to vent, get advice, feel compassion.......... I know this forum has helped me so much in the short time I have been posting here.

On ending the session, my T has two clocks. One that she can see and one that I can see. I've thought about asking her to turn around the one I can see because sometimes I'm too focused on how much time I DON'T have left. But I haven't asked her. I know she would be fine with it though. When time is up, she moves to the edge of her chair for a moment, and then begins to stand up. I know then that I'm "outa there." She walks me to the door and we still finish up what we were talking about. She always wishes me well and says "I'll see you on ..." I think it is always an awkward moment no matter how a T does it. They have to move on to another client, (Ahhhhhhh ya mean I'm not the only one???) and many times the client just wants to stay in the safety of the container. I've thought of begging her to let me stay, but realistically I know that would not happen.

She is pretty good at sticking to 50 minutes, but sometimes she starts a little earlier with me so I get a few extra. Is that because she thinks I'm a bigger basket case than all the rest of her clients? Maybe I am, but I'm just gonna think it is 'cause she likes me!

PL

quote:

She is pretty good at sticking to 50 minutes, but sometimes she starts a little earlier with me so I get a few extra.

PL, I was going to tell you she gives you extra time because obviously you're her favorite!

Welcome to the forum, Songbird.

OW

Awwwwwwwwwwww OW you are very sweet! That WOULD be my best fantasy! I guess I'll stick with - she does like me.

PL

quote:

Sometimes i read back what i have said when i am in a slightly different mood and it is like eek, what a self-righteous idiot.

HB

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HB, I agree with PL...you NEVER sound like a self righteous idiot. Stop that or I will get the HTML slapper. Shhh! AG doesn't know I still have it. LOL

Seriously HB, your posts are thoughtful and insightful and full of wisdom and genuine concern.

thank you all so much for your kind encouraging words! made me all weepy again...

pl: insightful, me??? that'll be the day! i think i might just rather shut up for a little while and go back to just reading until i feel a bit more sure of what i'm talking about... but then again maybe not, someone's got to be first idiot here

love
songbird

Hi SongBird...

I'm new here too...but have already found this to be the best forum I have participated in. So welcome to the group...say it like it is. Everyone will do whatever they can to help you.

And talk about idiots!!! LOL...
I jumped right in and told everyone that I was leaving my T after 18 years of therapy with her.
The feedback I've gotten has helped me a lot. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do...but I have a ton of good fodder for my next few sessions. I still have work to do with her.

SD

hey wynne, transitions, all much better explained in this article Nature's Self Regulation about on this site.

seems my nervous system is seriously warped!

Heh. hain't warped a'tall - just reacts like it had to react for a while, prolly, right?

Thanks for that link, SB.

right!