Something triggered me.

My cousin is getting married in a few weeks. I just got off the phone with her, and am feeling a little triggered by our talk. She told me that her fiance has been a stereotypical guy, not very involved or supportive about the wedding planning, and that he’s been a little impatient and she’s been frustrated and they’ve had a couple fights. She said she was visiting at her future MIL’s the other day, and that the MIL could “just tell” they’d been arguing, and that she told my cousin that it was important to remember that a wedding “was not just a pretty party, but that it was about a *person*, about marrying a person.”

My cousin told me that she knew the woman was thinking, “although she wouldn’t put it that way, ‘you are marrying my son.’” Cue music of awe and overwhelm. My cousin went on to say that her MIL was right, that it wasn’t about having the prettiest party, that the color of the flowers didn’t matter, etc.

I didn’t interpret this as well meant words of wisdom, however. To me, it seemed like an all to familiar mother in law-ish tactic of trying to guilt a bride to be into acting suitably adoringly towards her son, a not so subtle reminder to get back into her role and be thankful, rather than thinking that she mattered or that her feelings about the wedding and his involvement mattered.

People are tough on brides. I have noticed this. There seems to be this idea that brides are spoiled and demanding, but really the pressures are intense and meanwhile everybody takes the opportunity to criticize and manipulate.

You know what? Flowers do matter! Things being pretty and to your liking for the most important ceremony of your life matters. Everything matters. The concrete world in all it’s details has value, and arranging things to be lovely and meaningful is an art. We do not exist in some abstract realm where “only” people matter. Or maybe that’s true in some sense, but-- people like to look at flowers. It’s not trite to put energy and caring into these things and to imply that it is is condescending and insulting.

Flowers matter.

The end.