Aww, Morgs. You are so sweet. I think that's a great idea!

I'll go first. (There could be some trigger warnings here with explanations of why I am in therapy).

My name is Ainsley. I have been in therapy for about 2.5 years. I have a good T(although I am mad at her right now). I had a bad situation with my first therapist and luckily after a search found the one I am with. I am in my 30's, have a little girl...am married. What sent me to therapy was depression. I couldn't get out of it, especially after my daughter was born. I struggle a sense of self, feelings of being abandoned, and really having relationships with women. It's very hard for me to trust because I had a very abusive, neglectful childhood. My mother rejected me. She never wanted me, told me that I was not beautiful, sabotaged my relationships, prevented me to having a social life and also tried to prevent me succeeding in the world of work and education. My father stood by and watched. He also participated in the physical abuse, I guess carrying it out for her.

My first therapist pretty much crossed every boundary you could imagine. It's very painful and difficult for me to talk about. It didn't end well and reopened some seriously old wounds, and left open new ones.

My therapist today is someone who I couldn't imagine healing from this pain without. (I'm STILL mad at her.) But, I can see that she's good and she's promised to be there, that she wont abandon me. I struggle with attachment. I have ups and downs--wanting to be close and then pushing away. (I am currently pushing away).

As for fun stuff. I love art. I love painting and drawing. I also love writing. I write poetry and short stories. Music heals my soul, so I listen to a lot of music.

I don't work right now, but I am planning on going back to school to become a teacher. I love kids.

Ask me questions. I am pretty open, and I look forward to learning more about the rest of you.

Congratulations Ainsley - you're the brave first poster! Thank you for sharing a little of your story. You are clearly doing quite well - being able to recognise how you and your T are a good fit in spite of a current hiccup is excellent!! I hope others share also!

This is not about me but a little history - have suffered from chronic depression all my life and have very few life memories - great protection mechanism!! Went back to therapy 3 years ago (after a break of of about 35 years) as a result of a toxic work situation and have recovered to the point I now only see my dear T each 6 weeks or so! I've just this week retired from work - woo hoo! live alone with my boydog although have 2 others here for a few weeks!! Have a group of friends for the first time in my life with whom I'm able to be me, so life is probably the best it's ever been!!

I guess I hope my small sharing can inspire others that we can all find a good place if we stick with therapy and work hard!

Better go!

Be gentle with yourself.
Morgs

(((((MORGS))))

I think this is a great idea.

(((((FA)))))

Thanks for going first!!! Very brave.

((Morgs))

Thanks for sharing where you are at. It's lovely to hear you are the happiest you've been. That's wonderful. I am wondering how you found the friends that you have around you right now? Did you join a group, reach out somehow to friends of the past? I am asking because I am trying to find my own group of friends. This has been tough for me, a struggle. You are an inspiration.

So sweet of you and (((Liese))) to call me brave. I try.

((((Morgs)))) great idea and I'm so happy for you that you have made such great strides. It seems that you are enjoying life more than ever and have a new social network. I hope to follow in your footsteps one day.

Ainsley....I'm so glad you took the step to share. It seems we have a lot in common which I never knew (I'm mad at T too LOL) but aside from that our past is somewhat similar. Knowing more of a person's history makes it easier to offer helpful support. Thanks for being brave enough to share.

TN

(((TN)))

Thanks. I have been reading the forums and going back getting to know people and stories and have noticed that we have shared some similarities in our past, especially with the hard abrupt terminations we both have experienced. I want you to know that you are inspiring, too. I find it very difficult to share my termination details because it's still a little raw at times. But, it really looks like we both have landed in a better place(even if we are MAD at our T's right now).

Those T's better shape up soon! Really looking forward to getting to know you better, as well. Everyone is so lovely here.

Well Ainsley, building a group can start with just one person!
Go gently, Morgs x

"Building a group can start with just one person...." I can't tell you how much I appreciate those words. I kept thinking "I need more." But, I realize that I need to start somewhere. Maybe just one will lead to something so much more for me.. I'll be patient and take risk to put myself out there, and I will think of your words as I do so. Thanks!

Morgs, just wanted to thank you for starting this post. I think it's a really lovely idea to get people sharing stories if they feel comfortable. I'm supposed to be working right now (see how well that's going!) but I would like to contribute later I think.

Hi (((Mallard)))(((HOLLOW)))

Looking forward to getting to know you both better!

Hi everyone,

Like Hollow, I'm not "new" here but only became a member this past June.

I originally went to addictions counselling from 2008 to Mar 2010 and was then referred to my current therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and sexual abuse, addiction, family of origin issues, etc.. She's trained in attachment theory and EMDR, among other modalities.

I decided to quit drinking (heavily) after 25 years of pure hell. I did it cold-turkey at 6:00 pm on December 18th, 2008...an early Christmas present to myself. I had stopped by the wine store on my way home from the addictions session and was fully prepared to drink the 1.5 litre bottle of wine all by myself. When I got home, I took one look at the bottle and simply said, "I can't do this anymore", unscrewed the cap and dumped it down the kitchen sink. I've been sober ever since.

My healing journey has been enlightening, horrifying, debilitating, dizzying...just about every "ing" under the sun! Knowing what I know now and as painfully hard as it's been, do I regret embarking on this journey? No. I've reaped the benefits and continue to reap the benefits in ways I never expected. The most precious one being I never would have gotten to know li'l one. I didn't even know she was there until a year and a half ago. She is the reason I MUST continue.

I just want to say to the newer newbies that this place and its members have helped me (us) in more ways than I ever anticipated. Even if you decide not to post, just keep coming and reading.

The Kid...okay...and li'l one, too