((((LK))))

I am so sorry that your T did that. It isn't your fault that she didn't keep her promise to you. I think people do hurt us but sometimes the hurts can be repaired by the person who caused them and sometimes they can't. I hope you can figure out what kind of hurt this is and either talk to your T about it or find another T to process it with.

thinking of you,

((((LOVINGKINDNESS)))))

Don't know what to say. Just wanted to send lots of

((((LK)))) That is just the *&^%$ pits! I am so sorry for how you must be feeling. I know exactly how hard it is to be with a T, trust them with all your heart and then be dumped. OMW it is heartbreaking! My heart goes out to you. I'm here if you ever need to "talk"



B2W

I'm sorry to hear about your feelings of abandonment regarding your T. That must be incredibly difficult to connect with someone or get used to a T and then be told to go elsewhere.

From the T's point of view....she more than likely has an ethical obligation to refer you to someone who specializes in trauma as to not to harm you with her lack of knowledge in that area. She also has an ethical obligation to not abandon her clients, but in this case a referral probably wouldn't be seen as abandoning. She probably consulted with her supervisor or colleagues on what she should do regarding a client with trauma history and her not having background in it. She probably shouldn't have taken you on in the first place or continued once she knew of the trauma.

Either way for you it hurts. I'm sorry for that.

((LK))

I'm so sorry - I understand your anger and hurt.

I agree with what Athenacus is saying above but it doesn't mean it feels anything less than awful.

Please keep sharing how you're doing. Thinking of you.

LK,

So sorry this happened. It makes me wonder why she took you on in the first place, as Athenacus mentioned.

I too, have a difficult time with people that break promises. It's always better to under promise and over deliver, and in this sense, she made an error.

Just a question.. it sounded like it was still OK to contact her?

Listening. Yes.

Thanks all for the support...I really appreciate it....
number9...I'm not sure. I left early and angry and I'm not sure I want to see her again at this point. Too raw and too painful...and why set myself up for more hurt? I need to protect myself, but I'm hurting like a little 6 year old kid...ugh...
Thanks again for reading...
LK

LK... I was so truly sorry to read this tonight. I am not sure if you know but two summers ago my oldT abandoned me after 3 years with him. He also was not a trauma T and we didn't know there even was an issue of trauma until a year into the relationship. He promised me over and over again that he would never abandon me and that I was welcome there and I would be the one who decides to leave when the time was right and that his door would always be open to me. I ended up knowing more about complex PTSD than he did and I tried to educate him but he would not read what I gave him and I even gave him a CD set of a seminar about trauma and he barely listened to it.

He abandoned me 4 days after I got out of the hospital after surgery and I dragged myself to his office to see him because he was then leaving on a 3 week vacation. He had become abusive for six weeks before the abandonment and made my pre-operation time a living hell.

While I know there are ethical concerns about treating someone with trauma or another issue that you are not an expert in, after a long-term therapy you just don't abandon the patient. That can be worse. I would often tell my oldT that his abandoning me would be a thousand times more damaging than anything he could do by making a mistake or a misstep in treating my trauma. It turns out I was correct as after he abandoned me.... basically slammed his door in my face and called the police on me then sending me a termination email.... I ended up with PTSD on TOP of my original child hood trauma.

I was in really bad shape for almost a year after that and the only reason I am sane today is that I found my wonderful, smart, experienced and totally adorable current T. This man truly saved my life. I still suffer from the after effects of the trauma of being abandoned by my oldT and we had to threaten him with dragging him in front of the licensing board for him to even meet with me ONE YEAR later for closure and for me to have my say to him. I had a very good case as he violated a number of ethics and even laws but I chose to let it go for my own well being and so I could try to move on and recover and heal with the help of my T.

It has been a long, painful, bleak road and there are times I still plunge back into the trauma as I did this week and I am still struggling with making sense over how cruel he was to me. He left me alone and he also abandoned my little boy who was in therapy with him and he never got a termnation session and to this day has no idea why his T of 3 years refused to ever see him again or say good bye to him. Ten days after he abandoned me I had to be hospitalized again for complication of my surgery and I was terrified. I emailed oldT to please help me through this as I felt so scared and alone and he never even responded to me. It was a truly nightmarish time.

Since then I have learned what red flags to look for in a T and in any real life relationship. I was convinced it was my fault and that I was doomed to always be abused and abandoned. My T has helped me with this.

LK, can I ask if you saw any issues or problems with your T over the past weeks? Has she behaved inconsistently or erratically?

I am sorry you are in pain and grief. No one should be abandoned by their T. She should have sought consultation of an ongoing nature and educated herself about trauma in order to avoid this abandonment. My best suggestion is to find another T (as impossible as it sounds right now) who is experienced in trauma and maybe even in disrupted and failed prior therapy relationships.

I am here if you need to talk.

Hugs
TN

Hey LK,

There are a few similarities with your story and mine. I saw my oldT for 9 months - we had a mutual friend. In the end, she should never have taken me as a client because of the friend - but she was doing it to keep me safe and connected with someone. Neither of us realised that I would get attached to her NOR of the depth of my trauma history or BPD. My T was too inexperienced in all this. She terminated me in a very traumatic way and like TN - is has taken nearly a year to begin to come to terms with it.

I understand why my T had to terminate me and yes, it really was for my benefit but at the time it only felt like abandonment, rejection and death. I went back to my T from years ago (who was a pseudo friend....) and she has been perfect and amazing and she is the key to my future. T is trained in all trauma therapies, bpd, DBT and has all the skills I need. OLDT thought that dependency and self disclosure were bad things - new T says that they are absolutely necessary and we have daily contact if I need it.

Logically I understand it all but the PTSD part of it is triggered all the time - my intelligent mind gets it, but my brain and body are still yet to catch up and be retrained!!! recently I saw old T and I had a major trauma response to seeing her for 10 seconds!!!

If you can get through this and find a specialist T with experience - I promise it will be better for you.
Somedays

Hi dear #lovingkindness#

I am so sorry to read your post, I wish to send you hug , I can understand how it must feel bad, plz be strong, I do get why you are angry I would to, I think people are angry with and for you , that some T can do this, after you tried to trust her ... Argh ..

Ditto to what TN wrote!

I have NEVER in my life been so hurt as when ex T abandoned me. Not even an explanation just one lousey e-mail that said...."I can no longer treat you. Please stop all contact with me" I FELL APART. Nearly ended my life. The trauma was more than I can explain and yes, LK it does feel like you are a child and you know why? Because your T left you as a child. I know for me I had maternal transference and was dealing with childhood traumas and she left me in that state. I felt worse when she left me than when any of the other things happened. I am still dying inside because of her and it's been 5 months.

All I can say is that I understand, and there are a lot of people including myself who are here to support you through this because it seriously is a nightmare, and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do.



B2W

LK... how are you doing today? I know you don't post here a lot but I think this is the time when you should try to write/post about what happened and allow us to support and help you. I know it may be hard for you rignt now but at least let us know how you are doing, okay?

What saved me when I was in agony over my harsh termination/abandonment was the support and care I received here on this Board. It was a lifeline, a place to talk about what happened. The other thing was to look for a new T. It took me 5 T's before I found the one I have now. Despite my desperation, I was really particular in chosing a new T and had a mental list of requirements they had to meet.

I am so sorry this happened to you. We are here to listen and support you.

Hugs
TN

LK,
I'm so sorry. The hurt and anger you feel...I would feel the same.


Hopeful

LK, first of all I am sorry this happened to you. Nearly the exact same thing happened to me and it was so incredibly hurtful and confusing.

On the upside of this, it sounds like she was trying to refer you, rather than just abruptly terminating you. You didn't stay to ask, but I imagine she was willing to see you a few more times to process the ending. I know it hurts anyway, but it does but you in a somewhat better situation. I am so grateful that my oldT at least had the decency to see me for a final session and keep communication open. Because of that, I had a much better recovery than people who were simply cut off.

What I did and what I might recommend to you, is to go ahead and find a new T (use a referral from your old one if it helps), and once you have gotten a little comfortable with your new one, you can have a last session with your old T to tell her how you feel about her actions. I didn't know if there was any point in doing a last session, but it turned out to be very valuable for me. And what is more, even though I was very attached to oldT, I'm actually glad that she referred me in the end. My newT has been ever so much better for me than my old one was (even though I adored my old one!) and if I hadn't been referred, I never would have met her.

I know it's so painful, but if you wind up finding a new T who is better for you, and you can end half decently with your old one, the cloud CAN have a silver lining.

(((lovingkindness)))

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this; the hurt and anger you're feeling are completely understandable. Sending you support and strength and all good thoughts.



landa

((((((hugs)))))) for you from me, too...

I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope that you can find a way to process through it with her before leaving...

asking would be most difficult, but a few closure sessions would be most helpful, it seems. *((

I'm so sorry for this. I can understand tosome extent, how much it hurts.

hugs,

Beebs

Lovingkindness... if you are out there please stop by and let us know how you are doing. I am concerned for you. I really understand how hard this is for you.

We are here for you.

Hugs
TN

Thanks for checking in with me, TN. I'm hanging in there...some moments are better than others. I'm actually running away, in a sense. My youngest and I are taking a spontaneous trip to Disney as my older kids are all at camp for the week. Waiting to board as I write. So, I've been distracted, which helps, but it still really hurts when I think about it. I did make an appointment with another therapist, but I'm really scared to put myself out there again, you know?? Again, I appreciate all the concern and support...you are an amazing group!
LK

LK... glad to hear you are doing something enjoyable. Have fun.

Thanks for checking in.

TN

*****Trigger Warning SU

Hi
I have issues with abandonment from early childhood through to adult life, 2 yrs ago this was triggered by my son leaving home and someone close to me dying suddenly, i was encourage to seek therapy by a good freind, i had never had therapy before and new very little of it. I work for the NHS and i was supported by occupational health who funded my therapy with a company thry use on a regular basis. Unfortunatley i had massive transference going on i did tell my T how i was feeling, i didnt know anything about this subject until she abandoned me for what i feel was counter transference that she did not know how to handle, this left me on the verge of suicide, literally trying to find suicde websites, it also lead to me drinking to excess. I eventually plucked up the courage to see anothe T i explained the situation, this T who is expereinced did not seem interested in helping me, i then went ti my 1st T boss and explained, i was literally screaming for help stating that i was seeking suicde websites, and these so called professionals ignored me, luckily i did not manage to find and info on killing myself, as i dont want to die i just wanted to be rid of thei abandoned pain, this has taken me more than a year to recover from, i dont have the feelings anymore, just the terrible memories that make me so angry. I have now found another T who knows all about the previous disaters and has promised to help me and never abandon me and to tackle and transference in a positive helpful way, i am trying my best to be up front and honest and so far im getting on ok, i hope this continues. All i can say is i thought i would never have therapy again, but you have got to be positive you are worth it and deserve to get better. thanks for listening xxxxxxx

Hey Mrs S, thanks for posting. There are a few of us who have had some nasty experiences with T's who have abandoned us. Finding a new T who is experienced and isn't afraid of attachment makes all the difference. There are great T's out there who embrace this type of therapy - when you find the right one - it feels wonderful.

I am really glad that youkept persisting to get the help you needed.
Welcome.
Somedays