I believe I have abandoment issues. I have no recollection of my parents ever speaking to each other or even looking at each other. My mother did not sit at the table and eat with us. The house was pretty silent. My brothers were 6 and 7 years older than me so they were out with their friends mostly. How was I supposed to grow emotionally with no emotions being shown in the house or towards me. I sometimes feel I am stuck in a childlike state with my emotions.

I can become very attached to people, am I seeking the emotional nurture I did not receive. Am I treating my counsellor as though he is a father figure and I need to get the emotion from him that I never received from my father. I am also attracted to older men, much older men, the man I am seeing currently is older than my father!! My counsellor is slightly younger than me.

I had a pretty bad year when I was 10/11 years old. One brother left home, he was only 16, I went to boarding school, my parents separated as soon as I went and I was told I would live with my father (my mother could not afford the fees) and my grandmother died. When I went home for the holidays all my friends had been posted away, (my father was in the Air Force).

I have also lost both my brothers, the younger one only 2 1/2 years ago. In the same year I attended 4 funerals.

Is this what I have to work through in counselling, my trust issues, my superficial attachment to anyone that shows any interest in me even though I will not open up to them.

Why do I find life so difficult now after all these years?